


Nobody Cares

by SherryBaby14



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempt at Stockholm Syndrome, Beating, Dark, Dominance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Non-Linear Narrative, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rape, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Oral Sex, Sex, Zombie Apocalypse, non-cannon, very dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-08-27 00:23:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 122,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8380228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherryBaby14/pseuds/SherryBaby14
Summary: Jo has been with the group since Atlanta, but still feels like an outsider.  Given the opportunity to prove herself she takes it too far. After spending nine months as Negan's prisoner will she be able to pull herself back together?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY DARK. Trigger warning! Bad things happen to the OFC. This is not super faithful to the TV show, there are going to be some big differences (how they meet Negan, who he kills, etc.). This is also going to be non-linear, but hasn't started that way yet. We are going to flashback quite a bit in the chapters to come.

The group faced their share of strife. This was nothing new. That is what Jo kept telling herself. She poured a glass of water and looked out her kitchen window at the deceptively looking peaceful Alexandria street. The Saviors were coming. She was sure of it. Rick insisted they were no longer a threat, but Jo did not feel safe. 

Strong arms wrapped around Jo’s waist and a chin rested on her shoulder. She put her hands on top of Rick’s and continued to stare out the window. After Lori died Jo was there for Rick, helping out with Judith and Carl whenever possible. What started as a friendship slowly turned into a romance, with an emphasis on slowly. 

Jo’s long wavy hair was pinned up in a ballerina bun on the top of her head. Rick pressed his lips to her exposed neck and started kissing and nipping. Jo tilted her head to the side giving him better access. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation, letting fears of the Saviors slip from her mind. 

She focused on the way his lips felt against her skin, the way his tongue lingered on her neck. It sent chills down her spine. Jo needed to escape her reality and pretend the only thing that was happening in the entire world was Rick kissing her neck. 

The fantasy became too real when she felt Rick’s hand slide under the waistband of her jeans. He brought his other hand forward to undo the button. Jo tried to wiggle away.

“What are you doing?” She asked with a teasing tone in her voice.

Rick did not respond and instead began to suck on her neck. The last thing Jo wanted was a hicky. She grabbed Rick’s wrist and tried to keep his hand above her panty line, but he kept sliding his palm downward, pulling her closer to his chest in the process. 

“Come on, stop.” Jo clenched her legs together and started to turn around, putting her hands against Rick’s chest and pushing him away.

He was much stronger than her and at least half a foot taller. That didn’t mean Jo was weak, she had taken out her fair share of walkers and even a human or two along the way, but in hand-to-hand combat there was no way she could take on Rick. He let out a growl and grabbed her wrists. He dipped his head and forced his lips against hers in a raw kiss. 

“This isn’t funny Rick, knock it off.” Jo moved her head to the side and he continued to kiss her cheek. He squeezed her wrists tighter and Jo tried to pull them away. “You’re hurting me.”

“God damnit Jo!” Rick released her and put his hand on the counter. 

“God damn me?” Jo rubbed her wrist and looked at him with confusion. “What the fuck was that?”

“That was me trying to get some fucking intimacy.” Rick ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “We’ve been doing whatever this is for a month now. I know you said you wanted to take it slow, but I feel like I’m in fucking middle school here.”

“So your solution was to what? Take me by force?” Jo felt her blood start to boil. “You know why I want to take it slow. Did you think I would what? Give it up by the kitchen sink in the middle of the day?” 

“You are so selfish. We have spent almost every day of the past two years together. How much more do you need to get to know me?” Rick sighed. “You know what sort of person I am. Is that the kind of man you want to be with? Because I’m not going to wait forever.” 

“I’m not asking you to wait forever, I’m asking for…I don’t know.” Jo’s anger started to turn to confusion. She understood what Rick was saying, but she was not ready for a physical relationship and did not know when the time would come. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” Rick ran his hand over his face.

“You’re breaking up with me because I won’t have sex with you?” Jo’s voice shook. 

“Jesus Christ.” Rick shook his head. “Breaking up? We’re not eighteen. Grow up Jo. You’re almost thirty. I’ve seen you machete hundreds of walkers without a second thought, but the idea of anything sexual terrifies you. I might be older than you, but I’m not so old I want to spend the rest of my life celibate.” 

Rick hit the counter with his fists and stormed out of Jo’s house before she could respond. Her anger turned to sadness and she stifled back a sob. Rick was right. 

Jo slid down to the floor and hugged her legs to her chest. She loved Rick and wanted to chase him out of the house and scream that at him, tell him that she loved him since the day she met him, beg him to make love to her in the middle of the street. The problem was, he was right. Nothing scared Jo as much as sex. 

A knock on the door broke her from her pity party. She wiped her eyes and forced a smile on her face, sure it was Rick coming back to apologize. She practically ran to the door and pulled it open, the smile slid from her face when she saw who was on the other side.

“Don’t look too happy to see me.” Daryl stared down at her. 

“Sorry.” Jo cleared her throat. “You weren’t who I was expecting.”

“Do you want to come hunting with me?” Daryl kept his eyes glued to her.

They spent the last two years together, meeting up outside of Atlanta. Hell, Jo knew Daryl a few weeks longer than she had known Rick, but the two of them almost never spoke. She tried to think of the last time he invited her anywhere with him and was drawing a blank. He must have seen the shock on her face and let out a sigh.

“I saw Rick leave. Didn’t look too happy. Figured you might want to get out for a while.” His eyes were dancing all over her face. 

Jo studied him back. His hair was too long, she thought he would do better to tie it back. He also looked about three days overdue for a shower, but surprisingly didn’t smell awful. 

“I’m not allowed to leave Alexandria. Since Denise died I’m the last medic.” Jo shook her head. She wanted Denise back.

“Well I won’t tell if you won’t.” Daryl gave a small laugh and a little grin. 

Between worrying about the Saviors and Rick Jo was certain she would go stir crazy or cry herself to death. She needed a distraction. Besides, nobody was injured or sick at the moment. She nodded her head. Daryl turned and Jo followed, closing the door to her home behind her. 

~~~~~

Rick felt like punching something. He did not mean to sound so cruel, but he had been suffering from the world’s worst case of blue balls. This game him and Jo were playing was becoming exhausting. He tried everything in his wheel house to get her to open up. His latest attempt at being dominant failed miserably. He expected her to be more relaxed and open now that the Savior threat was gone. 

He pushed away the guilt at his words towards her. He had not lied. Rick wanted to give a relationship with Jo a shot, but he would not wait forever. Life was short in the new world and he wanted to spend it with someone he respected and could have fun with. That included sexual relations.

Rick walked into his house and slammed the door after him. Michonne was sitting at the table holding Judith. She didn’t even look up at him.

“I take it things didn’t go so well with Jo?” She asked.

“Nope.” If Rick had a beer he would chug it right now. “What am I doing wrong here?” 

“I have no clue. Out of the whole group she mainly talks to you. I think you’re the expert on Jo.” Michonne set Judith on the floor by her toys. “Maybe Maggie? I’ve seen them chat before.”

Rick doubted Maggie knew more about Jo than he did. At this point knowledge wouldn’t help him though. He understood why she was so frigid, what he needed was help breaking that wall down. He glanced at his friend. She was straight forward. If Michonne had a problem she would face it head on, not like Jo who wanted time and patience. Rick pinched the area between his eyes and shook his head. Maybe the little woman wasn’t worth it.

The front door flew open and Glenn came running into the house. A look of horror plastered on his face.

“There’s something wrong with Maggie. Is Jo here?” He looked frantically between Rick and Michonne.

“No, she’s at home.” Rick started to the front door. “I’ll go get her.”

“I went there first. The house is empty.” Glenn led the way outside.

“Did you check the clinic?” Rick jumped down the front steps and ran after Glenn.

“Not there either.” Glenn yelled back as he raced to the next house to look for Jo.

“I told her not to leave the Safe Zone. She’s here somewhere. I’ll check Rosita’s.” Rick knew Jo wouldn’t care about their fight as much as she cared about Maggie’s health. He hoped they found her before anything bad happened. 

~~~~

Jo had a bow strapped across her back and a machete in her hand as she followed Daryl into the forest. He lent her the weapons and while she wasn’t bad with either she found herself wishing she had taken her own before they left. 

“So what is it we’re hunting?” Jo asked, breaking the silence. 

“Food.” Daryl responded.

She let out a sigh, thinking this was a bad idea after all. If Daryl was going to remain as silent as ever there was no chance of her getting her mind off of Rick. 

“What was the fight about?” Daryl asked. 

Jo looked over at him in surprise. She was shocked he cared or wanted to talk about her personal life. 

“I’m not ready for a physical relationship.” Jo didn’t see a point in hiding the truth. 

“Why not?” Daryl was filled with questions today. 

“What did you do before the apocalypse?” Jo realized she had never asked that question.

“Nothing.” Daryl turned and looked at her. 

“Nothing?” Jo pictured him as a mechanic or carpenter. 

“I was a drifter. Doing pretty much the same as I would be doing now, except with less people around and more drugs and alcohol.” The leaves rustled and they stopped. 

A walker crawled out of the bushes, it was long dead. Jo walked over and with a quick stab put the thing out of its misery. 

“I was raised by nuns.” Jo kept walking. “I pretty much had wait until marriage tattooed across my face.” 

“Were you a nun?” Daryl squinted his face.

“No,” Jo replied. “It was an orphanage for girls. After I turned eighteen I joined the army, during basic training we were separated by gender. Then they trained me as a nurse, which you can guess is almost all female. The only men I had any interaction with were injured soldiers.”

“None of them hit on you?” Daryl sounded surprised. 

“Nope.” Jo shook her head.

“I find that hard to believe.” Daryl laughed. 

“Why?” Jo asked. “I served eight years, most of which were overseas. The soldiers had better things to worry about than picking up some nurse.”

“Because you’re beautiful.” When the words left Daryl’s mouth it was like the forest went silent. 

Jo looked over at him with her mouth open. He was looking up at the trees as if he hadn’t paid her a compliment. 

“What about when you got back?” Daryl asked.

“Most men aren’t interested in a twenty six year old Virgin. I went on a few dates, but that always seemed to come up. Then about three months later this happened and I met you outside Atlanta. You know the rest.” Jo kept walking. 

“I don’t know the rest,” Daryl said. “I don’t know you at all.” 

“What do you mean?” Sure they weren’t close, but Jo had a pretty good idea of who Daryl was.

“You don’t talk much. You’re reserved. You can and do fight, but that’s really all I know about you.” Daryl sounded disappointed. 

“I’m not very talkative.” Jo shrugged. 

Daryl looked annoyed. 

“What?” Jo asked.

“I heard Rick talking about how you didn’t want to get laid and I assumed it was for other reasons.” Daryl looked at the ground.

“Like I had been attacked?” Jo bit her lip. “Like I was damaged and needed saving?” 

“No,” Daryl shook his head. “Hell I don’t know…Maybe.”

“Bad things have happened to everyone. Look at all the loved ones we’ve lost since this started.” Jo felt awkward defending herself.

“You haven’t. I mean, sure you’ve gotten close with us along the way. I lost a brother, Rick lost a wife, Glenn and Maggie have lost their entire families.” Daryl bit his lip, trying to choose his next words. 

“I didn’t have a family to lose.” Jo finished his thought for him. “But I would die for anyone of you without a second thought. You, Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, Abraham, Tara, Carol, Rick. And the list goes on.” 

“Dying is easy.” Daryl kept walking. “Living with the memories of the dead is what’s hard.”

“What are you getting at?” Jo caught up to Daryl.

“I’m saying you should live while you have the chance. There’s no reason to avoid new experiences. Let people in, emotionally and physically.” Daryl swatted away a branch.

“Are you trying to play a game of whose life is worse?” Jo didn’t hide the hostility from her voice. “Because everyone has shit.”

“Being raised by nuns and been too intimidating for men to talk to is not traumatic.” Now Daryl sounded angry. 

Jo wasn’t sure what Daryl was trying to get at, she opened her mouth to ask when again the bushes moved. She expected to see a walker, but instead at least ten men popped up, all of them with assault rifles, all pointed directly at her and Daryl. They both dropped their weapons and held their hands in the air. 

One of the men walked with purpose towards them. He lifted his gun in the air and flipped it around, smashing it onto Jo’s head. She dropped to her knees and the last thing she heard was Daryl grunt as she passed out on the forest floor. 

~~~~~

When Jo came to she was lying in the back of a van. Daryl was sitting against the side, a gun pressed flesh with his temple. She started to sit up when someone grabbed her arm and pointed a firearm at her head.

“Make one fucking sound and I will blow his brains out.” Her captor referred to Daryl. 

All the stupid shit Jo had been worrying about with Rick was pointless now. Her lip trembled, but she bit back any tears. This afternoon in the kitchen she was focused on the right thing. Fearing the Saviors and their retribution. 

Soon the van came to a stop. The doors flung open and Jo winced at the headlights that were illuminating an area outside Alexandria. Someone pushed her and she fell flat on her face with a thud.

“Looks like we have some late arrivals to the party.” A man with a tight leather jacket and red scarf smiled at her.

Someone grabbed Jo by the collar of her shirt and dragged her to a group of people on their knees. Her stomach dropped when she saw it was her friends, her family. 

“I hate repeating myself, so let me catch you up real quick.” He stopped in front of Jo and Daryl. “Name is Negan. You killed some of my men, so now I’m going to kill one of yours.” 

Jo looked up and saw he was carrying a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Her stomach heaved at the thought of being on the receiving end. 

“I feel like it’s best if we get this over with, but who to chose? Which one of you deserves to die? Maybe one of the lovebirds?” He waved his bat in front of Daryl and Jo. 

She heard the sobs and sniffles of her comrades, but for some reason this was happening too quickly for Jo to feel their fear. 

“Maybe I’ll just take out your leader?” He waved his bat in front of Rick. “Or how about his son?” 

“NO!” Jo screamed. 

Negan whipped his head around and practically ran over to her. He gripped her chin in his hand and painfully pulled her face towards his.

“NO TALKING.” He screamed in her face. “I know you were late to the party, but that doesn’t mean you get to break the host’s rules.”

The anger on his face melted and a smile formed. Jo swore she saw a sparkle in his eye. 

“You are a pretty one.” He gave her a wink. “Tell me babydoll, which one of you should I kill? I’m tempted to kill this boyfriend of yours so I can have you all to myself.” 

Jo let the horror show on her face. There was no way this crazy man would kill Daryl. The smile he had dropped and the crazed look came back.

“I asked you a question. ANSWER IT! WHO. SHOULD. I. KILL?” Negan still had Jo’s chin in a painful grip and was starting to pull her up further, making it very difficult to support herself.

“Nobody. NOBODY!” Jo yelled back.

“Now how is that fair? You murdered twelve of my men, all I’m asking for is one of yours.” Negan spoke with too much calmness. 

“I didn’t murder any of your men,” Jo responded. 

“Semantics.” Negan shrugged. “I was mainly talking to your leader over here.”

Negan pushed Jo back and she fell onto her side. The man behind her grabbed her by the collar again and set her on her knees. She kept her eyes glued to Negan who now stood in front of Rick. She noticed everyone else was staring at the ground. 

“Twelve men. I should kill all of you, but you would still owe me three bodies.” Negan was in front of Rick again, but started walking. He stopped in front of Abraham. “You’re a big fella, maybe you will count for two.” 

Negan pulled his bat in the air.

“STOP!” Jo yelled. 

“I swear to God man, you better teach your woman to shut her mouth.” Negan pointed at Daryl.

Jo looked behind her and punched the man griping her collar in the throat and then jumped to her feet. 

“Kill me.” Jo held her arms up as Negan approached her.

“NO!” Rick screamed. 

“I am not taking volunteers.” Negan grabbed her by the hair and arched her head back.

“I’m a medic. I’m a nurse. I’m the last person in Alexandria who knows anything about medicine. If you take me they won’t have anyone to treat their injuries.” 

Negan held the bat against her throat. Jo closed her eyes and hoped the death came quick. She heard a rustling and Rick grunting.

“If one more person tries to stand up or volunteers to die I will kill all of you.” Negan yelled. 

Jo opened her eyes as he tightened the grip on her hair. 

“You’re not that one’s girl are you? You belong to Rick the prick.” Negan had a devlish smile on his face. 

Jo remained silent, unsure what response he wanted.

“I don’t like being lied to. If you’re their doctor why were they taking this thing to Hilltop?” Negan pointed at Maggie.

It was obvious she was in distress. Jo felt terrible. 

“I went hunting. I needed to clear my head.” Jo chocked out.

“Is this true?” Negan asked his men.

“They were hunting.” The man who had been griping Jo’s collar confirmed. 

“Hmmm, interesting.” Negan threw Jo on the ground by his feet. “Change of plans. I’ll take the girl and…”

The bottom of the bat smacked Jo right in the head and for the second time that day her world plunged into darkness. The last thing she heard were the screams coming from her friends. 

 

Nine Months Later

Jo continued rocking back and forth on her mattress. The tears dried up hours ago. She didn’t understand why he left her in here. She was going to say yes. A chill came through the air. She pulled her legs under the oversized T-shirt, but wasn’t sure it made the room feel any warmer. 

Four walls, a bucket, and a mattress. This was her home for the last year or so, at least she thought it had been a year. It was hard to tell. She had finally had enough. He won. She was broken. Leaving her in here like this felt like unnecessary torture. It was hard to tell how long he’d left her alone. There was nothing to mark the time except thirst. Water sounded like a luxury to Jo. 

Finally she noticed movement from the crack underneath her door. She pushed herself up and threw her body against the metal shield. 

“Please let me out!” Jo yelled. “I was going to say yes. Tell him! Tell him my answer is yes.”

Another sob escaped Jo’s mouth, but no tears came along with it. She continued to bang on the door, determined to keep the person on the other side’s attention. Her body slumped forward and she dropped to her knees. The sound of the lock turning brought desperate hope. When the door opened all the way she flung herself around her savior’s legs.

“Please, tell him I say yes. Yes. Yes.” She didn’t have a clue who she was holding on to, but at this point didn’t care who it was as long as they didn’t lock her in here again.

“Jo?” The voice was almost familiar and they sounded concerned. 

There were hands on her shoulders and the man kneeled as Jo looked up. Her eyes went crazy, blinking and staring, certain this was a dream. She brought her hands up and touched his face. 

“It’s over. You’re safe now.” Glenn slid his hands down her arms and pulled her into a standing position. “Let’s get you home.”

Jo let Glenn lead her through the sanctuary. She wore nothing but the T-shirt that barely touched her thighs, even her feet were bare. Part of her was sure she died or that this was an intense dream. The smell of gun powder was heavy in the air. When they climbed the basement stairs she couldn’t focus on what was happening around her. People she may or may not have recognized were going through the rooms. Glenn walked her towards the front door and her heart raced. Slivers of sunlight were coming in. It had been so long since she had seen the sun she didn’t know whether to run towards it or turn and hide away. 

“It’s alright. You’re safe. I promise.” Glenn kept his tone hushed. 

Jo turned to look at him and couldn’t think of the words to say. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her hand, putting her body in front of his. They walked outside and the sunlight was blinding to Jo. She winced and covered her eyes. 

“Jo?” Someone asked her name.

“I think she’s in shock.” Glenn spoke. “All she will say is the word yes.”

Jo wasn’t speaking. She tried to open her mouth to correct them, but no words would come out. 

“Shhhh,” a familiar voice said. “Everything will be fine.”

Suddenly it felt like Jo was floating. She wanted to pull her hands away from her eyes, but the sun was too bright. The floating sensation stopped and Jo realized someone had been carrying her. Wherever they set her down was shaded and she forced her hands down. Rick’s blue eyes stared back at hers. She didn’t know if she was dreaming or not and wanted to ask, but no words found their way to her lips.

Rick leaned over her and placed a kiss on her forehead. She wanted to push him away and scream at him to stop, but remained motionless. 

“I’m going to get you to a doctor.” Rick looked at her with water in his eyes. 

Jo wanted to grab ahold of his arm and beg him not to leave her, but still she did nothing as if she were not in control of her own body. He stood up and closed the door to the truck Jo hadn’t realized she was sitting in. She stayed in the fog as a stranger climbed in next to her and drove her away from the Sanctuary.

Rick

“I can’t believe she’s alive.” Glenn looked out at the pile of bodies. 

“Girl’s a fighter.” Darrel took a drag of his cigarette. “How did she look?”

“Bad.” Glenn shook his head. “She sounded a little crazy too.”

“Enough!” Rick snapped. “There is a lot of work to take care of around here before we can head back. So instead of talking about people who sacrificed themselves to save our asses lets hurry the hell up so we can get home and thank them.”

Rick walked away from his friends. The siege lasted an hour, two tops. They hadn’t lost many men but Hilltop wasn’t so lucky, and neither were the Saviors. They had control of Negan’s sanctuary for eighteen hours before they found Jo. Rick had been so sure she was dead he didn’t even order a search for her. 

Glenn was right. She did look terrible. Jo was always a small person, but she looked frail with black bags under her eyes, pale skin, dried lips, and a red nose. Her hair was longer now and it looked matted to her head. He never in a million years thought Negan would have let her live. It didn’t make any sense. If the Savior’s leader would have offered proof of life Rick and his group never would have attacked. 

“Why did Negan want us to think Jo was dead?” Rick whispered. 

“I was wonderin the same thing.” Daryl replied. “Would we have attacked if we thought she were here?”

Rick shook his head. 

“Glenn mentioned Jo kept saying yes. What do you think that’s about?” Daryl asked.

Again, Rick shook his head.

“You don’t have to stay here. Glenn and I got things under control. You can go to Hilltop and stay with her.” Daryl raised an eyebrow at Rick.

“Maggie’s up there and Carol drove her. “ Rick continued to shake his head. “She will be fine without me.”

Rick walked back into the building and picked a room at random, ready to take inventory of what they could use. He tried to stay focused, but the image of her smiling face kept dancing in front of his eyes, morphing into the hallowed out shell he saw moments ago. How was he going to face her? How was he going to explain that he had given up on her? He was certain Jo had a number of unseen injuries and in the back of his mind he was unsure she would survive the night. He pinched his eyes closed. He was too much of a coward to go and see her. She deserved better than him.


	2. Chapter 2

A bird chirped. The sound was strange to Jo. She fluttered her eyes open and looked around the unfamiliar room. There were two windows with the shades drawn tight, but the sun peaked through the blinds. She looked down, saw she was dressed in an outpatient gown and laying in a twin sized bed. The sensation of being on the bed was too much for her and she flung the covers off and jumped out as soon as possible, knocking a clock off the nightstand.

 

The sound of floorboards creaking came and she scanned the empty room for a weapon. Knowing using one would only result in a punishment she settled for dropping to the floor, hoping to hide from whoever was approaching.

 

“Where did you go?” A man’s voice carried into the room.

 

She kept her eyes glued to the floor as he walked around the bed. 

 

“My name is Dr. Mulaf, but you can call me Greg. Do you know where you are?” 

 

Jo did not answer.

 

“You’re at the Hilltop colony. You friend Carol brought you to me for an examination.”

 

Carol. Jo lifted her chin and looked at the Doctor with wide eyes. She stood up and looked around the room again. This wasn’t the Sanctuary and the room was too old to belong in Alexandria.

 

“Would you have a seat on the bed so I can take a look at you?” The man had dark skin and kind eyes. He made Jo think of Morgan.

 

She glanced at the bed and shook her head.

 

“Can I sit in the chair?” She choked out the words. 

 

“That will be fine.” Greg smiled and pulled the office chair over to her. 

 

She sat still while he examined her eyes and listened to her breathing. She recognized he was doing a general intake.

 

“I was in shock.” Jo was speaking to herself, the memory of Glenn leading her out of that place still felt like a dream.

 

“Yes. It was emotional and not linked to your circulatory system though.” Greg continued examining her.

 

“How long have I been here?” Jo asked.

 

“You came here yesterday afternoon. You’ve been asleep for almost twenty four hours.” Greg sat down on the bed across from her. “You were severely dehydrated. I gave you an IV but already took it out.”

 

“What else?” Jo asked.

 

“It’s hard to say, but with the medical equipment I have available I would assume you have a nutrient deficiency, particularly with vitamin D. Do your bones ache?”

 

Jo shook her head. In fact, she wasn’t in much pain at all.

 

“That’s good.” Greg replied. “The stitches in your back. How long have they been in for?”

 

“Not long.” Jo shook her head. 

 

“Whoever put them in did not do the best job. I am sure that’s going to scar.”

 

Jo nodded and bit back tears.

 

“I tried to fix what I could, but I think you’re going to need to leave them in for another two weeks at least. Try to sleep on your stomach.” Greg leaned back on the bed. “Do you want to tell me how that happened?”

 

“No.” Jo shook her head.

 

“I cannot begin to imagine what you have been through. Carol told me you were an army nurse before this?” Greg asked.

 

Before this. Jo hated that term. This was her life, this was everyone’s life. She looked away and nodded her head.

 

“Physically you are fine, but I am sure you are familiar with PTSD?”

 

Jo knew exactly what the man was getting at. 

 

“You should find someone you trust. Someone you can confide in. I don’t know you, but you’re more than welcome to join our community if you want to make a fresh start. I can try and be that person for you.” Greg sat up and rested his hands on his legs.

 

A fresh start. There was no such thing. Jo spent too much time away from the people she knew already. She was certain that the Sanctuary would be her home until she died. The dream of going back to Alexandria had long since expired. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what her house looked like. Jo needed to return. She needed to be with her friends.

 

“Did you tell anyone?” Jo asked.

 

“Tell anyone what?” Greg looked confused.

 

“About…about the stitches?” Jo tried to think of the right way to phrase her question.

 

Greg shook his head.

 

“The old ways still stick with. Patient confidentiality and all. Carol is still here, and Maggie is visiting with her baby. She said she knew you. All I’ve told them is that you are stable and were going to make it.” Greg smiled.

 

Maggie had a baby. Jo’s mouth fell open in disbelief and then a feeling of happiness flushed her body. She would be able to meet her friend’s next generation. She hadn’t died, but her memory felt off.

 

“Was that a concern?” Jo didn’t feel like someone who had a brush with death.

 

“Your emotional shock combined with the dehydration was extreme.” Greg stood up and walked to the window. “If a lesser trained doctor had attended to you I have a feeling you would have ended up intubated and filled with needle holes and antibiotics.”

 

Jo knew exactly what he meant. She was too familiar with doctors who ordered unnecessary tests and looked for bigger problems when there weren’t any. 

 

“So what is the final recommendation?” Jo asked.

 

“Get some sun, eat more, have those stitches removed in two weeks, and find someone you trust to talk to.” Greg slowly opened the shades.

 

Jo rose from the chair and walked slowly towards him. She blinked and refocused her eyes several times before she was able to tolerate the brightness. The community below was bustling. She saw a large community garden with people working away. 

 

“Did anyone else come and see me?” Jo thought about Rick, a name that once made her heart hurt.

 

“Nobody that talked to me. Maybe they spoke to Carol or Maggie.” Greg continued to stare out the window.

 

Jo felt numb again. She shut her eyes and she was back in that room again, waiting for anyone to show up. She stopped caring if it was to save her or kill her a long time ago. She popped her lids back open. Jo was never going back there again.

 

“When can I go….,” Jo trailed off. She was going to say home, but it didn’t feel like she had one at the moment. “When can I leave?” 

 

“As soon as you feel ready. Like I said, physically you are fine.” Greg sighed and turned to her. “But I mean it when I say find someone you trust to speak with. Holding in what happened to you will only lead to a disastrous result.”

 

Jo knew Greg was right, but she didn’t want to talk to anyone about the past. She wanted to focus on the future. She had seen soldiers struggle with PTSD, but Jo wasn’t one of them. Nobody would have to know what she had done.

~~~~  
They drove in silence. Carol kept her eyes on the road while Jo looked out the window. She had a feeling Carol was so quiet because she didn’t know what to say, but Jo appreciated it all the same. The Virginia forest was a beautiful sight, one she had missed. They slowed down and Jo looked in front, the gates of Alexandria would be showing up any minute. Jo started to fidget in her seat feeling equal parts nerves and excitement.

 

“I don’t know how to ask this so I am going to come out and say it.” Carol was shaking her head. “How are you handling all of this?”

 

“As best I can.” Jo shrugged, wanting Carol to not ask another question. 

 

“Jo,” Carol started. “People are going to have a lot of questions for you.”

 

“Like what?” Jo didn’t understand what value she could add.

 

“How are you still alive?” Carol looked at her in disbelief.

 

“The doctor said it was shock with dehydration. It looked a lot worse than it was.” Jo wanted to give a small smile, but her lips wouldn’t turn up. 

 

“Negan, he stopped showing Rick proof of life about five months ago.” Carol looked confused. “Seeing you, it’s like seeing a ghost.”

 

“I…I didn’t know he was every showing proof of life.” Jo needed this conversation to end. 

 

“We never would have attacked if we knew he still had you.” Carol slowed the car down more. “Why did he want us to think you were dead?” 

“Where did you go?” Jo changed the subject.

“What do you mean?” Carol asked.

“You had left, when Negan came for us, where did you go?” Jo didn’t care about the response, she wanted the topic changed.

“I was in a bad spot, I had to clear my head.” Carol sighed. “That was nine months ago, it feels like nine years.”

“Nine months?” Jo asked. 

Carol nodded. The gates appeared on the horizon and Jo slumped back in the seat. Nine months. That was how long the Saviors had her. It felt longer, she thought at least a year. Still hearing the number made her eyes well with tears. She lost nine months of her life. She closed her eyes and willed the tears away. 

The silence returned until they crossed the gates. Giant trucks were being unloaded by tens of people. Jo recognized some faces. Spencer, Eugene, and Tara were helping. She didn’t see any of her core group though. 

“Supplies they took from the Saviors.” Carol stated the obvious. “Or our supplies we took back.” 

Jo spotted her house and felt a little twinge of joy. To her surprise Carol stopped and turned into an earlier driveway. She was about to ask why when she realized who’s driveway it was. 

“Wait in the car.” Carol unbuckled the seat belt and left.

Rick was their leader. Jo didn’t think anyone would argue that point. She imagined Carol checking in with him, trying to figure out what to do with Jo. Was she a danger to the community? Did you need to be watched? Hell, maybe they were mad at her and saw that evening in the woods as her fault. But Jo didn’t care about any of those things. Her eyes were glued to her house and for the first time in a long time she felt close to home.

~~~~ 

Rick was annoyed as he climbed the stairs from his basement. Carol was calling his name, but he was in the middle of a hostile takeover, which took a lot more after planning than he originally thought.

“Rick?’ She called again.

He appeared at the top of the stairs.

“I’m here.” He walked into the kitchen and saw her standing there. “I thought I told you to wait at Hilltop with Jo.”

For a second his skin went pale. She didn’t make it. Carol must have read his face because she started to shake her head.

“She’s here, with me. Doctor said dehydration and shock. Other than that no physical damage,” Carol explained.

“No. I saw her. She needs a second opinion.” Rick pictured Jo with her matted hair and clothes that barely covered her thin frame.

“She looks a lot better, trust me.” Carol pointed to the front door. “Where do you want me to take her?” 

“What do you mean?” Rick asked. 

“Where will she be staying? Do you want to debrief her? She is less talkative now than she was before this mess if you catch my drift.” Carol turned and walked towards the front window. “I don’t think she should be alone.”

“Can she stay with you and Morgan?” Rick asked.

“Don’t you think she should stay with you?” Carol gave him a dirty look.

“I don’t think that would be good for her.” Rick shook his head. “After the things she been through, and the way she was before, the last thing she needs is me, or any man around her.”

“You do realize that Morgan is a man?” Carol laughed.

“A taken one.” Rick corrected himself. “That has no history with her.”

Carol raised an eyebrow. 

“Jo always appreciated patience and space. That is what I am going to give her right now.” Rick didn’t know if he was telling himself that, or justifying his actions to Carol.

“Alright.” Carol shrugged. “She can stay with me for a few weeks, but we don’t want a permanent roommate.”

“I’ll figure something out.” Rick nodded in appreciation. “Thank you.” 

Carol went to the front door and Rick went back to the basement. He continued his search when Carol interrupted him again.

“Rick,” she yelled. 

He walked back towards the stairs.

“What now?” Rick did not hide his annoyance. He mourned Jo a long time ago now and didn’t have the time to process what was happening now that she was still alive.

“Jo.” Carol spoke her name. “She’s gone.”

All the annoyance and hostility Rick was feeling vanished. Gone, like the day Glenn busted in looking for her. It felt like Rick’s heart was going to explode when he realized he was going to lose her all over again.  
~~~~  
Jo felt like she was being drawn from the car. She saw her old house. Three doors down on the other side of the street. It seemed almost unreal and the numbness was replaced with an ache in her chest. One that told her everything would be alright, everything would be okay if she just got inside that house and never left.

Feeling the anxiety come on she practically flung herself from the car and ran across the street. The jeans and shirt she was wearing were too big and she tripped on the hem, landing on the curb and scratching her palms, but she pushed herself up again right away and sprinted down the sidewalk. 

She took the front steps two at a time until she was on the huge front porch. With her hand on the knob she threw the door open and walked inside. Her breathing was heavy, and she panted as she walked inside.

It was mostly the same, the front room had the two couches and blank space where she had taken down the television. Her bookshelf was different though, more titles and arranged wrong. Before she could question why she walked back into the kitchen. There were dirty dishes in the sink and some food packages on the counter.

Not bothering with the rest of the first floor she turned her attention to the stairs and again took them two at a time. All of the doors were closed. She started with her bedroom and flung it open, almost expecting to see someone in her bed. But a gasp caught in her throat. It was the exact way she left it. With a trembling hand she walked in. The lotion she liked was sitting on her nightstand. She popped the lid and smelled the oranges and honey. 

She went over to the shelves and looked at the stacks of her favorite CDs she managed to find along the way. 

“What the fuck are….” 

Jo turned to the doorway to see a confused looking Daryl standing there.

“Jo…you’re back.” He rubbed his eyes as if he was looking at a ghost. “You look, better than expected.”

Daryl wore dark jeans and a dark t-shirt. His hair still looked too long, but it was wet. He looked freshly washed for a change. 

“I’ve been staying here while you were gone. Set up in one of the guest rooms.” He pointed over his shoulder. “I was napping, you scared me when you ran in here.” 

“It looks the exact same as when I left,” Jo whispered.

“I wanted it ready for you when you came back.” Daryl put his hands in his pockets.

“He told me, sometimes, when he raided the place. Went house to house searching.” Jo looked around in awe.

“I cleaned up after the Saviors left. Every time.” Daryl was staring at Jo.

“Why?” Jo stared back at him. “Carol said you thought I was dead.”

“Not me.” Daryl shook his head.

Jo turned around and stared at her room while her eyes watered over. The giant king size bed with the comforter that looked like a Jackson Pollok painting, the bay window with the seat that overlooked the main street. The plush white carpet that she knew would never stay that way. It felt like she had stepped back through time. 

“I don’t know how to thank you,” Jo said. “I thought I was dead too. You were the only one who didn’t.”

“You’re a survivor,” Daryl said. “Do you know why Negan wanted us to think you were dead?”

“No.” Tears started to roll down Jo’s cheek and her breath caught in her throat again. “Yes. I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

“Shhhh.” Daryl took a few steps closer to her, but didn’t touch her. “Why don’t we sit down by the window?”

Jo nodded without turning around. She walked and could feel Daryl a few steps behind her. She sat first and he sat next to her, they were turned towards each other. Jo felt the little termers going through her body but was powerless to stop them.

“So much of the last, of my time with him, is blurry and I don’t know if I want to remember.” Jo wiped one of the tears away. She was far from sobbing, but couldn’t stop the glassy drops from falling from her eyes. “What happened that night? After he hit me with the bat?”

She raised her eyes and Daryl looked at her with a blank face. She let out a sigh of relief that there wasn’t an ounce of pity on display.

“He killed Abraham.” His voice was flat. “Then demanded half of our supplies for pickup on a weekly basis.”

Abraham. Jo didn’t know him well, but he was strong and kind. More tears fell. 

“If I hadn’t left Alexandria that day. They wouldn’t have taken Maggie to the doctor. He wouldn’t have found us in the woods….”

“No,” Daryl said. “Nobody blames you for that. He would have showed up at our gates that night and broke them down. More people would be dead.” 

Jo closed her eyes again. 

“Will you answer the same question?” Daryl kept his face blank. 

“What happened that night? After he hit me with the bat?” Jo looked at him with surprise.

Daryl nodded. Jo didn’t want to tell him, but she didn’t want to lie either. She thought that would be the worst night of her life, but she was wrong.  
~~~~  
When Jo came to her head was throbbing. She went to put her hand on her forehead but couldn’t move it. Then she lifted her head and her surroundings became clearer. She was sitting in a chair, her hands were tied behind her back and her ankles were each tied to a leg. Her shirt had a large blood stain and her hair was falling out of the bun. 

The room was dark. There was a single lightbulb hanging from a string. It looked like she was in some sort of basement. 

“Look who decided to wake up,” a voice came from the darkness. “I was giving you another five minutes before I splashed you with cold water. It’s a shame really, that would have been fun for me.”

Footsteps sounded and Negan came out from the shadows. He had a chair with him. He set it in front of her and spun it around so he could straddle the back.

“Let’s me and you have a little chat.” He grinned at her.

“Go to hell.” Jo was surprised she stood up to him. 

He rolled his eyes and kept his comedic grin. 

“I told you to kill me.” Jo stared at him with anger. “I won’t help you with anything.” 

“Of course you will babydoll.” Negan ran his hand down her cheek. “Let me explain the situation to you. Your friends work for me now. You are my insurance policy. It goes both ways. You want me to treat them nicely you treat me nicely. They want me to treat you nicely they treat me nicely. After all, I am a nice guy. I think we can all be cordial with each other.”

“How do I even know they’re still alive?” Jo twisted her face away from him. 

“You don’t.” Negan continued to rub her cheek. “As far as you’re concerned they’re all dead. Don’t ask questions about them, don’t have me check up on them, erase the name Rick from your vocabulary.” 

She twinged at the name Rick. The image of him dead on the ground made her gasp and a sob broke lose. 

“So you are the fearless leader’s lady?” Negan grabbed her by the chin. “I would appreciate it if you looked at me while I’m talking. Lack of eye contact is considered rude to some people.” 

Jo stared at him with fire in her eyes. He released her chin and it ached where he grabbed it. 

“I will throw you a bone and let you know your husband is still breathing, but how much you cooperate will depend on how long that stays true.” He rested his chin on the top of his chair and gave her fake puppy dog eyes. “Answer me honestly and I will make things easy on your safe zone people.”

Jo didn’t understand why he didn’t kill her. She would be another mouth to feed. Alexandria couldn’t afford to lose half their supplies. People would starve. Rick would understand that and sacrifice her. She would expect him to. 

“What’s your name?”

“Go to hell.” Jo repeated.

The smile didn’t drop from Negan’s face as he lifted his hand and with a fast movement backhanded her. There was so much force the chair started to topple over, but he must have grabbed it and steadied her. There were black spots in front of her eyes, but he grabbed her chin again and the pain re-centered there.

“If you pass out on me I will get to use that cold water. It’s not bedtime yet.” Negan smiled. “I hate violence. I am not a violent person. I especially hate violence against women. You’re making me angry because you’re making me hurt you. Trust me, you do not want to make me angry. Let’s try this one more time. What is your name?”

“Jo.” Her face stung. 

She hand a feeling this man would amputate all her limbs and send them to Alexandria before he let her die. 

“Jo.” Negan repeated. “I imagine its short for something, but you can share that later. No what am I going to do with you Jo?” 

She shook her head. 

“I know you’re some sort of nurse, but how could I expect you to treat my men? Let’s be honest, there is zero trust between us.” Negan sat back up and started tapping his hands on his thighs. “You’re a smart girl. Take a guess?” 

A look of terror washed over her face. She knew what he was going to do and she wished there was some way, any way she could travel back in time and make love with Rick in the kitchen. Negan responded to her horror with laughter.

“I told you babydoll, not a big fan of violence against women. Besides, I already have five wives. Why would I resort to force?” He rose his eyebrows repeatedly. “Before I untie you and take you to your room I want to make sure you understand the rule. What are they?” 

“Be nice to you and you will be nice to Alexandria and answer questions when asked.” Jo swallowed back her tears. 

“How about behave like a proper guest too. That sums it up. If you break them not only will I be not so nice to you, I will have to take it out on your friends.” He stood up from his chair and walked behind her. “That includes trying to run away, I will shoot you dead and then have to grab another person you care about to take your place.” 

There was a quick release and her wrists were free. She rubbed them as her ankles were undone. She thought about picking up the chair and trying to bash him with it, but she was too woozy from the multiple head injuries. She felt his hand on the small of her back leading him out of a door. They went into a hall with florescent lighting. Metal doors lined both sides of the hall. She tried to guess what sort of building they were in, but it was too out there. Maybe a hospital? He stopped in front of one and opened it up, signaling for her to head inside.

She took a step in and saw nothing. No bed, no blanket. Only a bucket in the corner. She tried not to cringe at the knowledge of what that was for. 

“Someone will bring you some food and water in a little bit.” Negan started to close the door.

“Wait, can I have a blanket?” Jo asked.

“You want a blanket? A pillow? What do you think this is a Hilton?” Negan laughed. “You want those things you have to earn them.”

“How?” Jo was confused.

“You’re a smart girl. I said I wouldn’t take things without permission. I didn’t say I wouldn’t accept what was offered.” Negan laughed as he closed the door behind him. 

Jo wanted to scream and cry, life was not fair. But she was sure she had a concussion and even though all her medical training told her to stay awake she couldn’t keep her eyes open as she passed out on the cement floor under harsh fluorescent lighting. 

~~~ 

Jo found her initial meeting with Negan terrifying at the time, but now that she was talking about it out loud it felt almost PG compared with what was to come. The tears from her glassy eyes dried up. She looked at Daryl. He still didn’t have a face that screamed pity. Instead it looked guilty. She had a feeling he wouldn’t want to hear the next part, but she was scared if she stopped talking now she would never talk again.

“He left me alone for a week I guess.” Jo twiddled her fingers. “I didn’t even see him. Someone brought me water and oatmeal once a day, at least I think it was once a day. There was no window and they never turned off the light. It made time pretty difficult to judge.” 

She waited for Daryl to chime in, to stop her, to say he already knew. Instead he wore the look of a man who was trying to hide guilt. Jo did not blame him, not one bit. 

“Sometimes with the food there would be a book, always some bad romance novel from the seventies with submissive females. I knew it was meant as a cruel joke, but I was so bored I think I read each one five times that week.” Jo looked up at Daryl expecting him to laugh at her joke, but it wasn’t funny. Nothing about what was done to her was funny.

~~~ 

Jo’s back hurt from sitting against the concrete. She fiddled with the pages of the book, debating on ripping them out to make origami. If this treatment was supposed to break her it would last awhile. She was used to being silent. Besides, being in solitary with no blanket was a lot less scary than behaving like the women in the books she was reading. 

She had called out in boredom and if there were any other prisoners they didn’t respond. There was no round the clock guard either. Judging by the metal lock on the door it would be next to impossible to pick so there was no need.

The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall. Her food had already came today. Jo braced herself against the wall and stood up. She saw the lock click and wondered what made today different. Negan entered the room with the scarf wrapped around his neck and same tight leather jacket and gloves. He came straight to her cell wherever he was from.

“Jesus Christ you look like shit.” His eyes scanned you up and down.

“Well I haven’t had a shower or a change of clothes in a week.” Jo was not about to waste the little water they were giving her on hygiene…at this point. 

“Follow me.” He turned on his heel and left the door open.

Jo went into the hall. She debated on turning and running the other way, hiding until she could make her escape, but she had no idea where she was and the thought of Maggie or Rosita ending up in her place was too much. Negan led her to an illuminated exit sign and climbed the stairs. The first thing Jo noticed were the windows. There weren’t many, but it was night time outside. 

To their backs was a main room filled with tables and people eating. It didn’t look like it was meant to be a cafeteria. She noticed they were not eating oatmeal. 

“Keep up babydoll.” Negan’s voice broke distracted her from her rumbling stomach. 

They came to a stairwell. Jo noticed the people they passed on their way dropped to their knees. It was off putting. She tried to focus more on the architecture of the building. She could not figure out what it would have been before the apocalypse. It no longer looked like a hospital. They continued to climb and she noticed the floors were mainly filled with rooms. After about six staircases they came to the top. Negan pushed open the storm door to reveal a giant apartment. The living space was huge. There was a bar to the left with four stools, a massive bookcase, a fireplace, and three couches. On the far wall were three shut doors.

“Wait right here.” Negan did not turn around as he went to one of the closed doors.

Jo was afraid. This was his personal space. She didn’t understand what he could have brought her up here for. She followed all his rules. He reappeared with a towel in his hand. She noticed some soaps and a razor were on top.

“Now so far you have been a perfect guest. I thought I would reward that behavior.” Negan placed the toiletries in her hand. “The middle door is a bathroom.”

“Thank you.” Jo accepted the items and pulled away when Negan gripped her wrist.

“I am giving you a little bit of trust here. Don’t do anything stupid. Take a nice long hot shower and come out when you’re done.”

She kept her head down and practically ran to the bathroom. She noticed the door did not have a lock and felt a bit disappointed. Then Jo caught a look at herself in the mirror. She lost weight from her already small frame and her eyes were starting to look sunken in. There was a yellow mark from the healing bruise where Negan had smacked her. Her dark blonde hair was so greasy it looked another color. The only thing that didn’t seem effected were her eyes. They were as blue as ever. 

“I don’t hear the shower running,” Negan called from beyond the door.

Jo opened the shower door, flipped the water on and stripped, wanting to take as quick a shower as possible. Negan might have been showing her a little bit of trust, but she did not trust him. Unfortunately for Jo the second the warm water hit her skin her resolve to be speedy dried up. She swore the water looked brown as she shampooed her hair. Once she was satisfied her tresses were clean enough she started with the soap, scrubbing every inch of her body until it was red. The pink disposable razor looked like a gift from the heavens and she removed every bit of body hair, unsure if she would see one again. She hadn’t meant to take the toothbrush and paste into the shower with her, but they were there and so she eagerly brushed away a week’s worth of buildup.

Once everything was done and clean Jo debated on doing the entire ritual a second time, but she was aware Negan saw this as a gift. One she hoped to get a repeat of. With some remorse she shut off the shower and walked back towards the sink. She used the white towel to dry herself off and noticed some lotion on the back of the toilet. Jo spread some on her legs and arms noticing her skin was a little pink from too much scrubbing.

Her hair was filled with excess water and Jo squeezed it out over the sink. She ran a brush through it several times and repeated the process. It was starting to dry in long waves and already looked lighter than it had pre shower. Finally feeling as clean as possible Jo went to her clothes and noticed they were missing. A pit in her stomach grew. There was a light tap on the door and Jo went for the knob, squeezing it in place, hoping the person on the other side wouldn’t turn it.

“I can hear how tense you are in there.” Negan continued tapping on the door. “Those clothes were filthy. I didn’t want you getting all clean just to get dirty again. Open the door and I’ll hand you a new pair.”

Jo tried to think about what her options were. She didn’t believe him. This was too good, too much of a change from her cell in the basement. Something was about to happen.

“I’ve been good.” Jo yelled through the door. “I’ve done everything you asked. I..I…I was polite, I didn’t bother anyone. I was nice to you tonight.” 

“You’ve been a model prisoner.” Negan grabbed ahold of the handle and started twisting from the other side. “But remember the other part of our arrangement.”

Jo struggled to grip the handle, but the humidity from the shower made it slip easily. As soon as he loosened it enough he pushed his shoulder into the door, sending her flying backwards. 

“Alexandria is nice to me and I’ll be nice to you.” Negan grinned down at her with menace all over his face. “Well Alexandria wasn’t so nice today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger like this! Ran out of writing time. Hoping to post another chapter tomorrow with some more resolution.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how the last chapter was supposed to end....

Jo was crumbled in a ball on the floor. Her shoulder exploded with pain from being knocked by the door. She was torn between focusing on the pain, hitting Negan and running, or trying to make sure that the towel was wrapped tightly around her. Jo’s hesitation cost her. Negan reached down and grabbed her hair hoisting her up on her feet. He let go and wrapped his arms around her body, pinning her arms to her sides in the process. She started to kick and he squeezed tighter.

“Remember the rules, if you do anything stupid I will kill you and grab another one of your companions on my next visit.” He laughed. “Or maybe I’ll keep you alive and teach you some lessons and grab another anyway.”

Jo stopped struggling. Negan tightened his grip even more and picked her up. Her heart raced so fast she didn’t focus on the pain in her shoulder. When they went out to the main room another man was there. He had blond hair with a gruesome scar on half his face. 

“Dwight is going to join us this evening.” Negan walked to the couch and sat down, effectively keeping Jo in his lap. “Now darling, is that what a polite guest does? Say hello.”

A sob escaped Jo’s mouth. She could not remember a time in her life she had been more terrified, not during the standoff at the prison, not when they were stuck in a heard of walkers. In a world controlled by the dead what scared her most was another human.

“Snap a picture of this Dwight.” Negan ordered. 

He picked something up from the couch next to him and moved it to Jo’s lap. She looked down and saw a copy of the Mount of Monty Cristo, but the tattered pages were too memorable. It was her copy. 

“Smile for the camera dear.” Negan put his hand under her chin and lifted her tear streaked face. 

Dwight snapped a picture with an old polaroid camera. Once Negan released Jo’s chin she dropped her head again.

“Now have you calmed down enough for a conversation?” He asked. 

Jo nodded her head. Negan shoved her off his lap onto her side on the couch. He stood up and she sat herself properly, making the towel tighter around her. 

“Your boyfriend is demanding proof of life. Now this bothers me, because I am a man of my word, but apparently my word isn’t good enough for him. They gave me this book and this camera and said next time I better come with a photo of you, unharmed.” Negan chuckled. “I never agreed to the unharmed part though, in fact they got the same set of rules you did. Not only did they demand things from me, today they tried to hide medicine from me. Both are big no-nos. I need to send a message and that message is going to be you.”

Jo locked eyes with him and tried to appear strong.

“What about no violence against women? What about no raping?” She screamed through clenched teeth. “I took you as a man of his word.”

“I appreciate that babydoll, but these are times of war. You’re not a woman to me as much as a POW. What’s that saying Dwight?” Negan curled his lip. 

“Keep your friends close but you’re enemy’s closer?” Dwight shrugged.

Negan looked over his shoulder.

“No, you fucking idiot. All’s fair in love and war.” Negan looked back to Jo. “I guess Dwight’s contribution makes sense too, fucking moron.”

Instincts were taking over and Jo started scanning her vicinity for anything she could use as a weapon. Outside of the book there was nothing she could grab. If she went for the door she would make it five feet before one of them grabbed her. 

“You listening babydoll?” Negan grabbed her chin again. “I want you to understand this is not your fault. For a first offense we are going to start slow. All I want is that pretty little mouth of yours. I’ll even let you keep the towel on.”

Tears fell from her eyes again. Jo hated showing him weakness. He smiled and wiped one away.

“I’m sure you’ve sucked your fair share of cocks before. I’ll even let you chose, mine or Dwight’s?” Negan tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “We will snap a few pictures for your boyfriend’s proof of life demand and it will all be over. If you’re a good girl maybe one of us will even return the favor.”

Jo’s stomach lurched and she keeled over. He rested his hand on her back.

“Don’t touch me you monster!” Jo yelled with gritted teeth. 

“This is not my fault. This is Alexandria’s fault. They knew the rules, they broke them. It’s happening one way or the other. I’m trying to be easy on you and I don’t appreciate the name calling. Now pick, or it will be both with no towel. Me or Dwight?” Negan grabbed Jo’s shoulder and pushed her back up. 

She glanced back and forth between the two men, her mind screaming at her to run. 

“Five seconds darling.” Negan smiled. “Four, three, two.”

“Dwight!” Jo spit out the name. 

“Awww shucks.” Negan gripped Jo’s bruised shoulder and forced her off the couch on her knees. “If you bite him I will pull out every single one of your teeth with plyers. Best to be a good girl and get this over with.”

Jo kept her hands on the towel, as if it was the last piece of security in the world. She looked up at the scarred man. He had the largest grin in the world. He started to unbuckle his pants and Jo let out another sob. She could not believe this was happening. Her first sexual experience was with someone she didn’t know, by force. All the times she pushed Rick away, all the times she pushed any decent man away seemed insane now. 

“Please don’t make me do this.” Jo looked down at the carpet. 

“Babydoll I’m not making you do this. Your friends back in Alexandria are.” Negan dug his fingers into her shoulder. “Now go on, be a good girl.”

Jo looked up, Dwight pulled his cock out. Being a nurse Jo was familiar with the male anatomy. He was not anything special, but the idea of putting that in her mouth disgusted her to no end. Dwight approached her, his erection inches away from her face. Her adrenaline flared and she knew she could not do this. With a single motion she raised her fist and nailed Dwight directly in the balls.

Dwight groaned and fell backwards. Jo turned and took off running towards the door. She didn’t make it two feet until Negan’s arms were around her hoisting her in the air. She screamed and kicked, trying everything to get out of his hold. She heard him laugh and her rage continued to boil. 

“ENOUGH.” He yelled. 

“I’m going to fucking kill her!” Dwight said from the ball he formed on the ground.

Jo realized that was a real possibility and started thrashing to get away. Negan pinned her arms to her sides and her back to his chest. He tried to speak, but she wouldn’t listen as she thrashed to get away. He flipped her down on the couch and pressed the small of her back, pinning her face down. Jo clawed at the cushions and tried to get away. With a rough motion the towel was pulled away, but she no longer cared. All that mattered was escape.

WHACK. The sound cracked through the air and Jo’s ass stung. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. The sting turned into a burn. 

“STOP!” Jo yelled. 

WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. The burning got worse. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. Jo stopped struggling as tears rolled down her cheeks. WHACK. WAHCK. WHACK. Jo’s heartbeat calmed down.

“Are you willing to behave again?” Negan asked calmy. 

Jo nodded her head. 

“Get on your knees.” He started undoing his pants. 

Jo shook, she felt so exposed without her towel. She had made her last stand and lost. It was time to accept defeat. She pressed her hands to cover herself the best she could and kneeled in front of him. He pulled his cock out, it was much larger than Dwight’s. 

“If you do anything to cause me pain I will saw your arms off.” Negan pinched Jo’s nose. “Open wide.”

She closed her eyes and listened. Her jaw stretched as he put his head on her tongue. 

“Lick your lips.” Negan pulled out again. “Keep your mouth wet.”

She worked her tongue trying to draw more saliva. This time he jammed more of himself inside. 

“Flick your tongue and suck a little.” Negan ordered.

Jo did as instructed. A salty taste hit her tongue. He started petting her hair. Jo felt some relief, this could have been worse. As soon as the thought crossed her mind he gripped her hair with two fists and pulled her head forward as he jammed his cock back. 

She gagged and her throat burned. He moved his body and her head faster and she continued to gag, certain that the oatmeal was going to come up. 

“I felt some teeth there babydoll, keep that mouth open.” Negan continued his assault. 

Jo’s eyes welled. She had to move her hands to his thighs, trying to lessen the depth he was reaching. With her movement he pulled out completely and looked down at her.

“You have some very nice tits.” She moved to cover herself again.

He grabbed his rock hard cock and smacked her chin with it. Then pressed it against her lips.

“Come on, we’re not finished yet.” 

Jo’s eyes were already watering from the assault. She took another breath and opened wide for him. His hands went back in her hair and he continued thrusting deep into her throat. The sound of the camera went off and Jo opened her eyes. 

“God I love that innocent look you have.” Negan groaned. “Keep looking at me like that and I’m going to cum.” 

Another picture was snapped. In between him pumps Jo tried to swallow air, certain she was going to pass out. 

“Whatever you’re doing keep it up. That feels amazing.” Negan slowed his thrusts and then groaned. 

Hot seamen flew down Jo’s throat. He kept his dick in her mouth and forced it all down. 

“I thought you wanted a picture with jizz all over her face?” Dwight asked.

“That’s my fault. She was just too good.” Negan pulled out.

Jo fell forward and starting gasping for air. Her ass burned and her throat was on fire. 

“What you did to Dwight was not cool babydoll.” Negan reached down and tilted Jo’s chin up. “It was funny as hell, but not cool. Since you performed so well for me tonight I will give you a reprieve, but believe me when I say that tomorrow night you best give Dwight the same loving attention.”

Jo shook on the floor, trying the best to keep herself covered. She didn’t fight when Negan swooped down and through her over his shoulder. Her chest pressed against his back and her ass in the air. He gave it a playful swat and more pain spread through her bottom. 

“You earned a bed tonight little missy.” He walked to the back of the apartment and opened a door. 

He threw her down on a bed, shut off the light, and pulled the door closed again. Jo heard a lock. She sat up in bed. There was a small window in the top corner. Even though her shoulder ached and her rear flamed every time she moved she went up on her tiptoes. It was locked. She went to the light switch and flipped it on. The room was empty, but for the bed.

“If you aren’t ready for sleep I can think of some other things to occupy your time.” Negan’s voice carried through the door. 

Jo flipped off the light switch and went to the bed. She was completely humiliated, but if there was some silver lining at least she wasn’t sleeping on the concrete floor tonight. She knew how pathetic the thought made her, but she was too worn out to care.  
~~~ 

Daryl didn’t say a word. He let her speak. It took every ounce of self-restraint not to punch the wall, pull his hair out, or scream. The images of that man doing things to her was too much. He bit the inside of his mouth as a distraction he hoped she wouldn’t notice and was sure he tasted blood.

“The rest of the week, every night he brought someone different.” Jo looked out the window. “Some nights I fought back again, but I always lost. Some nights I didn’t try to stop it. I started telling myself it was just my mouth and I got a bed out of it. He kept saying I earned it. Did you see the pictures?”

It was quiet for a moment. Jo’s watery eyes focused on Daryl. He remembered the anger, the threats, the rage when he saw them. 

“Oh God.” Jo brought her hand to her mouth. “Who else did he show?”

“Glenn and Rick.” Daryl wouldn’t lie to her. 

“I never….I never wanted anyone to see me that way.” She hung her head forward. 

Daryl wanted to touch her, hold her against him. Tell her he would be her rock, that she could put any burden on him and he would do it in a heartbeat. He knew better than to touch an abuse victim without permission. He was shocked Jo told him about her experience at all. That was a break through on it’s own. Daryl was not good with words, he struggled to think of what she would want to hear. Nobody saw her that way, everyone felt bad for her, it was their fault, that should not have happened. None of them sounded right. Instead he stayed silent. 

“Jo?”

Both of their head turned to the bedroom doorway. Rick stood in the frame and then rushed over to them. He placed hands on each her shoulders and placed a kiss on her forehead. Daryl noticed the discomfort on Jo’s face when Rick pulled her in for a hug, her face on his shoulder.

“I thought you left.” Rick said. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Daryl stood up and Jo broke her and Rick’s hug. 

“I should have seen you at Hilltop, I should have taken you there myself.” Rick wiped away Jo’s tear. 

It was obvious Jo didn’t want to be touched, truthfully Daryl didn’t like Rick touching her either.

“I want you to stay with me.” Rick grabbed her hand. “I will give you as much time and space as you need.”

Jo started to shake her head. 

“I need to know you’re alright.” Rick looked a little crazy. “You will stay at my house. In the spare bedroom until you’re ready.”

Jo stopped shaking her head. Her eyes were looking all over Rick. Daryl wanted to pull his friend aside. Rick gave Jo an order, someone who hasn’t had free will in months. 

“Good. Let’s go home.” Rick grabbed Jo’s hand and started to stand. He turned to Daryl. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Daryl asked.

“Finding her, keeping her safe for me.” Rick started to lead Jo out of the house.

She turned around and gave Daryl a broken smile. He didn’t understand why Rick was treating her this way. He was a cop for god’s sake. He had to know about protocol with abused victims. As soon as the front door closed Daryl ran into his room and starting punching the pillow as hard as he could. He didn’t know if he was imagining it was Negan doing those horrible things to Jo or Rick taking her away from him again.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the evening was fuzzy. Jo sat at the kitchen table while dinner was passed around. Rick made small talk, Michonne didn’t say much but Jo could tell the other woman felt awkward around her. Carl wouldn’t look her way and Jo didn’t try and make eye contact with her. Judith had grown so much and now thought of Jo as a stranger. She cried when Jo tried to play with her. 

“Jo?” Rick asked.

“Huh?” She looked to Rick. 

“Do you want to check out the clinic tomorrow?” Rick asked. “We have a lot of medicine that needs to be sorted and put away. We’ve been using medical books, but it would be nice to have someone with some actual knowledge around.”

“Sure.” Jo felt like she had too much medication, almost as if she was watching this dinner scene play out instead of being a part of it. 

The new medicines were probably taken from the Sanctuary. She thought about Dr. Ross, one of the few people who had been kind to her there.

“Were there any survivors?” Jo asked.

“What do you mean?” Rick looked concerned.

“Of the Saviors,” Jo continued. “Did any of them live?”

It seemed like all the air was sucked out of the room.

“Some.” Rick continued. “They’re at Hilltop for now. We are trying to figure out which of them can assimilate into one of our societies. For now they’re being controlled.”

Jo would be able to help with that process. She did not volunteer her services, not yet at least. She was grateful Rick didn’t ask.

“Dr. Ross?” Jo asked.

“I don’t have any names at this point. Nobody claiming to be a doctor has spoken up as far as I know.” Rick took a bite of his food. “What do you think of the salad? It’s from the garden project Maggie started up.”

She winced, annoyed that Rick changed the subject. 

“I’m not feeling well. I would like to lay down.” Jo pushed her chair out.

“I’ll walk you.” Rick stood up. 

“I’m fine.” Jo started towards the stairs.

Rick ignored her protests and followed after her. When they got to the top he grabbed her hand. Every ounce of Jo wanted to pull away, but instead she turned to face him.

“I was hoping we would have some time to talk tonight.” Rick brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Again Jo wanted to scream at him to get off of her, but remained silent. “Did Daryl upset you earlier?”

“Daryl?” Jo was shocked. “No. Not at all, why?”

“When I saw the two of you together, you looked miserable.” Rick’s blue eyes glowed with concern.

“He was listening to me, about, about what happened.” Jo blew out a huge breath. “About the first proof of life photos.”

Rick’s face went hard.

“You don’t have to talk about that.” Rick shook his head. “You don’t have to worry about anything like that ever happening to you again. I swear.”

“You can’t promise that.” Jo said with a small laugh. 

“I can. I will let myself die before anything like that happens to you again.” Rick dropped her hand. “I want you to focus on the future now. Keep yourself busy. Tomorrow when you start at the clinic you will see.”

Jo nodded her head. Maybe Rick was right, but she thought about her conversation with Daryl, in a way it did make her feel better, as if a pebble chipped off the giant stone that was on her shoulders. Rick walked passed her and opened up the door to the spare bedroom. She did not want to sleep here. She wanted to be across the street, three houses down in her old room that was kept in pristine condition for her. She opened her mouth to tell Rick, but the words caught in her throat. Why was it so hard to say what she wanted?

“We will still be up for a while. Please let me know if you need anything.” Rick rubbed her arm. His touch used to melt her in the knees, but not it felt like her skin was burning off. “Goodnight.” 

Jo walked in the room and Rick shut the door behind him. She looked at the full sized bed and took a seat on the edge, resting her face in her hands, her heart raced. Maybe the Hilltop doctor had been right, maybe coming back to Alexandria was a huge mistake.  
~~~   
Negan let her keep The Count of Monte Cristo. On the third day, after the third cock down her throat, he even let her take another shower, gave her a t-shirt, and let her choose three books from his personal collection.

“You’re really taking this like a champ babydoll. I’ve been hearing rave reviews about your work. Even Dwight stop being pissed about you hitting him in the junk.” Negan’s eyes were on her as she picked up a copy of Catch 22. “I am sorry about this. Your punishment will be over in a few days, as long as your boyfriend doesn’t disappoint me again. After this, he might be disappointed in you though.”

He was baiting her, but Jo didn’t take it. She knew Rick well enough to know that he would never want to see his worst enemy in this position. Once all her books were in her hands he let her walk back to her bedroom.

“Do you have to use the facilities?” He winked at her.

Jo shook her head.

“Sleep well darling.” Negan shut the door and the lock bolted. 

Jo laid on the bed and shut her eyes. She woke in the morning when the door unlocked. The man who was assigned to her set down a tray of breakfast. Then he escorted her to the bathroom, where he watched as she relieved herself and brushed her teeth. She stopped begging them to shut the door. The only time that was allowed was in the evenings when Negan was her guard. They took her back to her room and locked her in, until the same thing would happen at lunch, and dinner. A few hours after that Negan would come and got her. 

He escorted her out to the couches where another different man stood with a huge grin on his face.

“Treat Matthew here as nice as you treated me. Remember no teeth or fighting back,” Negan whispered into her ear. 

Jo complied with his request. It ended with her eyes watering and throat sore. Days five and six went much the same. On the evening of day seven Jo when Negan led her out there was no additional person there. 

“Have a seat on the couch sweetheart.” He walked to the far side of the room where the bar sat. “You really don’t like to talk do you? I think the past week I haven’t heard you open your mouth at all, well except to get to work.”

She dropped her chin. Shame and humiliation went through her soul.

“Cheer up babydoll, the punishment is over.” Negan walked over to the couch with a glass and a paper cup in his hand. He passed her the paper one. 

Jo leaned in and smelled whiskey. She wanted to throw it in his face.

“Before you get any dumb ideas I just said punishment is over. If you want to waste that treat by throwing it on me I will restart the clock and it will be a lot worse than blow jobs.” Negan read her mind. “Your friends did well today.”

Jo wanted to cry, but there was no point. Instead she sat there with her mouth shut. 

“You are an odd nut to crack.” Negan leaned forward and looked at her. “Which week did you prefer?”

Jo looked at him with confusion.

“Remember the rules still apply. Answer me.” Negan was not smiling. “Would you rather sleep on cement, shit in a bucket, not shower, eat gruel once a day sometimes, have no idea what time it is with nothing but badly written books to pass the time or live up here but suck a dick each night?”

“Option one.” Jo didn’t need a second to think about it.

“That’s what I assumed you would say.” Negan took a sip. “Which is different from most people, I say people not women. Every other person I have kept in that hellhole hasn’t lasted a week. They’ve came out in a few days begging to suck my dick, but not you.” 

Jo remained silent. He didn’t ask a question.

“Did you know how bad we were fucking with you down there? Sometimes we would feed you three hours apart, watch until you fell asleep to wake you up with food? One time we went about thirty seven hours without feeding you. Never once did you ask to see me, ask for food, ask for anything. In fact, the only time you called out at all was in the beginning to see if other prisoners were there. I’ll be honest, it was one of the most bizarre things I’ve seen.”

He had asked a question, but talked so long after Jo didn’t give an answer. She was sure the look on her face told him all he wanted to know. She suspected as much.

“Then I thought you were going to be little miss submissive, ready to prove your love for Rick and keep your friends safe at all costs, but you nail Dwight in the balls and try to run away. It is almost impressive how odd you are.” Negan took another sip. “I don’t like drinking alone. I suggest you take a swig.”

Jo tilted the cup back. The brown alcohol burned her sensitive throat. She had a secret stash of booze back in Alexandria, she wondered if Negan’s men had found it.

“Now you’ve been such a team player this week I have an offer to make you.” Negan slammed more of his drink. “Give me one final, world class hummer and that room over there will become your room.”

Jo’s eyes went wide.

“Not to decorate or anything. Same rules will apply. You will stay locked in there. I’ll let you out at night when I am here. You can read whatever you want, know what time it is, shower on the regular, brush your teeth, three meals a day and a bathroom trip. I will even bring up some more clothes, but I do have to say you look pretty sexy in my old t-shirt.” He grinned at her.

Suddenly the piece of clothing that she was so grateful for felt perverse. She started to fidget with the bottom of the shirt.

“So how about it babydoll, return to the basement cell for the foreseeable future or spend a few more minutes on your knees and continue life up here?” His eyes twinkled at Jo. “You only have a few minutes to decide or else I’ll drop you in the basement and go visit one of my wives.”

“How long is foreseeable?” Jo couldn’t believe she was considering this. 

“Until either you or one of your friends in Alexandria break a rule.” Negan was starting to look bored. “Tick tock. Make up your mind.”

“Only one time?” 

“You have my word.” 

Jo felt like she was selling her soul, but she knew Rick would not screw up again and she had no intention of breaking the rules. She was good at putting up a front, but the idea of more time in the basement was too much. Besides, it was only one more. She threw back the rest of her drink, and dropped to her knees on the floor in front of Negan. He spread his legs and guided her in-between them.

“Good decision babydoll.” He pointed to his belt and a shudder went through Jo. He was going to make her do more work.

She quickly undid his belt and fly, not wanting to lose her nerve. He lifted himself off the couch and helped her slide his pants and underwear down. His dick sprung loose, Jo closed her eyes, forgetting it was larger than the other ones she handled this week. 

“Someone is eager tonight.” Negan took another sip of his drink. “Well go on, don’t wait on me.”

Jo was confused. Normally they stood and all she did was force her jaw open to let spit pool. The readied herself for the gagging and pain. 

“Start with a little kiss.” Negan said. 

This felt much dirtier than the other way, but Jo did as instructed. She kissed the tip and noticed the precum starting to form.

“Now use some tongue.” Negan directed. 

Jo wanted to get this over with. She licked her lips like he told her last time and wrapped her mouth around the top. Negan put a hand on her shoulder and she pulled back, letting him fall out of her mouth. 

“Take your hand and grab the base.” He put her hand into place for her. “Now start your tongue on the bottom, nice and wet and lick all the way to the top.”

Jo wanted this to be over with, she figured the best way was to follow instructions. The taste was different than before. She didn’t say think it was necessarily unpleasant, but stronger this way.

“Mmmm,” he let out a low groan. “Now pretend that this is the best tasting lollipop you’ve ever had in your entire life. Like you can’t get enough of it.”

Jo closed her eyes. Without the visual it was easy to pretend. She pressed her tongue against his shaft and licked her way up, sometimes with long pulls, other time with short greedy ones. She always made sure her mouth stayed wet. 

“Fuck.” Negan started to shift. “Now take it in your mouth. As much as you can.”

Jo went up the tip again and took him in her mouth.

“Breathe through your nose, relax your jaw and swallow.” Negan placed a hand on the back of her head but didn’t apply any pressure. 

Jo got about three quarters of the way down before she started to gag and had to slide back.

“Again.” There was a need in Negan’s voice.

Jo steadied her breathing and swallowed taking more of him down this time. Her gag reflex kicked in and her eyes started to water.

“That’s good darling, you can slide back now.” Negan rubbed a circle on the back of her head. “Don’t go all the way out. Here is where I want you to pick up some speed. Bring your other hand up.” 

Jo did as he asked. He wrapped it around himself, on top of her other hand.

“Now these hands are your mouth are all a unit. Work them as one, and remember to keep things slick.” Negan locked eyes with her. “God this might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Jo dropped her eyes, not realizing she had been staring at him with his dick in her mouth. She did as he instructed and started bobbing up and down. He moved his hand from her head. 

“Fuck, that’s good.” She felt him getting harder, fuller in her mouth. 

It happened so gradually Jo didn’t even realize it had occurred, but for the first time in weeks she felt like she had some form of power and she enjoyed it. She picked up the pace, using more of her mouth and less of her hands rubbing her tongue on the underside of his shaft as she moved. 

Negan responded to her actions with another groan. She felt his hand go back to her head. Jo was not about to give this us. She removed her bottom hand from his cock and smacked his fingers away. She did not lose pace and instead let him go further with her mouth. He did not try and touch her head again so Jo braced her palm on his knee and used it to propel herself faster. 

He let out another groan and Jo knew this was it. She relaxed her jaw as much as possible and swallowed repeatedly, feeling the tip of his cock in the back of her throat. She ignored the gag and let his seed spray straight down into her stomach. 

“Holy shit,” Negan said in-between heavy breaths. “If you had done that on night one your punishment would have ended then.” 

Jo pulled away. Her heart was racing. In some messed up way she was almost proud of her performance. For a few short minutes she had power, she was not the victim, the prisoner. Jo knew how fucked up that was and would regret the feeling later, but for now she was relishing in it. Before she could appreciate it for too long hands were under her armpits. Negan lifted her up and set her on the couch. She expected him to sit next to her, but instead he dropped to his knees in front of her. Jo was confused, but even more so when he started kissing her knee and spreading her legs.

“What are you doing?” Jo tried to close her legs, but his shoulders were already in the way.

“Returning the favor.” Negan wrapped his arms around her thighs forcing her legs apart. “Relax and enjoy this. You’ve earned it.”

“What?” Jo became aware of her lack of panties and again tried to close her legs. 

Negan ignored her and continued kissing. She put her hands on his shoulders and tried to push him away. He let out a growl and looked up at her.

“I am in a very good mood right now.” Negan let go of one of her legs and grabbed a wrist. “If you give me a little bit you will be in a very good mood too. You’re not behaving like a good guest. Do you want another punishment?”

Jo froze. Tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t know what to do. This was not part of the deal. Negan’s features seemed to soften. It was like his mind was trying to figure something out. Jo was under the impression he was not the type of man who would have a problem with a twenty nine year old virgin, odds are he would enjoy it. 

“I’m sorry.” She blinked and dried up the tears. The tension flew out of her legs and she forced herself to relax. 

Her faux calmness distracted him enough that he continued kissing her thigh. She tried her hardest to stare at the ceiling and not his head between her legs. She felt a finger drag between her folds and a noise hitched in her throat. She looked down to see Negan holding up a glistening finger.

“Someone enjoyed the head as much as I did.” He locked eyes with her and stuck the finger in his mouth. “You taste like honey and sunshine.”

Jo tried hard to hide the shake in the legs. This was the first time anyone had touched her sexually. She wanted to scream at him to stop, to tell him she wasn’t turned on, to take back the deal and go live in the dungeon, but instead she knew he would demand to know why. Deal or not that would mean kissing her virginity goodbye. He dove in and Jo threw her head back.

His mouth attached to her clit. She let out a gasp as he began sucking on her swollen bud. She was so ashamed that she was turned on. It wasn’t him, it was the feeling of power. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend it was Rick between her legs. Rick who’s tongue was attacking her most private area. She let out a gasp as a wave of pleasure rolled through her.

“You are a squirmy little thing.” Negan’s voice broke the fantasy. 

His face dove back in and then she felt a finger dance around her entrance. She started to squirm away, but the digit slid inside her with ease.

“Fuck you are tight.” Negan started to curl the single digit inside her. “Probably the tightest pussy I’ve ever felt.”

“Stop talking.” Jo closed her eyes again. 

Negan let out another growl. His tongue attacked her clit again and she moaned, arching her back. Again she imagined Rick. It was Rick’s hand inside her, Rick’s tongue making her nerves go crazy. An unfamiliar feeling started to brew inside Jo. She felt herself almost involuntarily pushing her body harder against Negan’s mouth.

“You are an eager girl.” Negan paused for a moment before he continued.

Jo was too far gone to care that he stopped the fantasy. It no longer mattered if it her Rick or Negan or anyone between her legs. She continued to move herself against his tongue while his finger danced inside of her. She was panting and moaning, almost completely unaware of her surroundings. Then the digit inside her stilled and the mouth on her clit vanished.

“Jo, you are right on the edge.” Negan looked at her and she let out a little cry. “I can keep you here all night of give you the release you so clearly need.”

“Please don’t stop.” She continued to squirm.

“That is the begging I like to hear.” Negan smiled. “If you say my name over and over and over again I will let you cum right now.”

“Negan..Negan…Negan.” Jo didn’t need to be asked twice. She never wanted anything in the entire world as bad as she wanted this release. He went back to work, licking and sucking her with his tongue and fucking her with his finger. “Negan. Negan. NEGAN!”

An explosion worked its way through Jo’s body. She saw black dots as felt a rush take over her body. She didn’t even notice when he stopped touching her and lifted himself up so he was eye level with her. She slumped over on the couch and her body felt like jell-o.

“Jo, sweetie pie?” Negan wiped the sweat away from her forehead. “Was that your first orgasm?”

“Mmm-hmmm.” Jo nodded her head. Her body was so filled with tingles she forgot where she was or who she was talking to. If she had been coherent enough to remember there was no way she would have let that piece of information slip.

~~~   
Jo stared at the bed. The memory of what she had done to earn the privilege of a warm soft place to sleep was too much. It all started that night. If she would have just went to live in the cells in the basement, remembered not to trust Negan, kept herself hidden maybe the last nine months would not have been so bad.

She didn’t bother to even try to get into bed. Instead she curled up on the floor next to it, feeling more alone than ever.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning again! This chapter is violent

She was going through the motions, nothing felt real. Jo stared out the window of the clinic. The sun still bothered her eyes, she winced and wished she had some glasses.

“Hey Jo what is this for?” Someone whose name escaped her came over and showed her a bottle of pills.

“These are antidepressants, but they have some other uses.” She handed them back.

“Maybe you should hold onto them?” 

Jo whipped her head towards the woman. She had a meek smile and the look of pity across her face. It was obvious the woman was trying to help, but it was another reminder that even strangers had some knowledge of what she went through, or at least thought they did. 

“I’m fine.” Jo pushed the pill bottle into the other woman’s hand.

“We missed you a lot while you were gone.” The woman walked the pills over to the cabinet. “I tried my best to keep things under control here, but they stole so much of our medicine and I have no medical training or background. It was awful. I would hate to lose you again.”

“Lose me?” Jo felt a bit of anger. “I don’t even know who you are.”

The smile fell from the woman’s face. Jo immediately felt guilty.

“My name is Lauren,” she said. “I’ve been in Alexandria since the beginning.” 

“I’m sorry, things are still a little fuzzy.” Jo suddenly felt suffocated. “Do you mind if I step outside for a little bit?”

Lauren looked nervous. 

“Rick told me to keep an eye on you.” She walked to a desk and grabbed a radio. “I can contact him if you want.”

Jo wasn’t sure if Rick was trying to treat her like a child or a prisoner, she didn’t appreciate either one. She wasn’t dangerous and she wasn’t depressed. All she wanted was….she didn’t know. A sigh broke from her lips and she shook her head. The sun continued to shine and Jo felt a headache coming on.

“I want sunglasses,” Jo blurted out. It seemed so simple, but stating an actual want felt right to Jo.

“I don’t think there are any here.” She shook her head. “One of the houses has the clothes shop. I would guess that would be a place to start.”

“Do you…I’m going to run to my house and grab a pair. I will be back quick.” Jo gave a smile. She tried to use her eyes to beg Lauren not to call Rick. “You won’t even notice I’m gone. It will make a big difference for me.”

“I am going to step out back and start sorting through the boxes.” Lauren nodded as she spoke. “It will take me at least thirty minutes.”

Jo bit back the tears of joy that wanted to flow. Her jailer for the day was giving her a break. The second Lauren left Jo went for the front door. The sun really was blinding. Jo kept her eyes to the ground and followed the sidewalk. Her house was two blocks away and it wasn’t as if she had to check the streets for cars. She focused on the thought of sunglasses. It was easy, one small task that she could accomplish for herself. Walk to her house, grab a pair, relieve her headache. The simplicity of it gave her ease. Jo continued staring down and walked headfirst into something.

“Shit.” She grabbed her head.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going!” 

Jo looked up and squinted. She blinked a few times and her face went soft.

“Oh,” Carl said. “I didn’t realize it was you. Sorry.”

“I’m not used to the sun.” Jo noticed he was blocking the rays and relaxed a little. “You got taller.”

Carl shrugged. The two of them always got along, neither was one for many words. It was true though, they were close in height but not Carl was a good five inches taller than her. 

“I won’t keep you any longer.” Jo nodded and started to walk around Carl when he spoke again.

“I never told anyone.” 

Jo froze. She smiled at him in appreciation.

“I..I..If I knew that was going to happen I wouldn’t have snuck on that truck. I didn’t think about Negan’s arrangement with you.” Carl swallowed. “I didn’t know.”

Jo nodded again.

“It’s not your fault. Everyone was doing what they had to.” Jo glanced at his fists. “It could have been worse.”

“Do you hate me?” For as much of a man as Carl was becoming he still had teenage insecurities. Jo shook her head.

“I could never hate you. You’re family to me.” Jo put a hand on his shoulder. It was the first human contact she had initiated in a long time, it felt strange but not bad. “We’re both here, alive. I don’t blame you at all and I hope you don’t blame yourself.”

“I should have said no.” Carl broke eye contact. “I could have refused.”

“He wasn’t a man with hollow threats.” Jo shivered. “If you had, we would both be dead.”

“I am sorry Jo, I’m so so sorry.” Carl’s lip quivered. 

“Stop that.” Jo squeezed Carl’s shoulder and then pulled him in for a hug, shocking herself. “If it makes you feel any better is was far from the worst thing I’ve been through.” 

Jo meant it as a joke, but it didn’t come out right. Carl wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her. 

“Forgive me,” he whispered.

“Nothing to forgive.” She patted him on the back and they broke apart. “I’m glad you’re safe. Now we talked about it, let’s listen to your dad and focus on the future. Can you do that?”

“Are you going to tell my dad?” Carl nodded. 

“You’re dad?” Jo bit her lip and shook her head. “Don’t worry about that.”

There was a bit of relief on his face. 

“I’ll see you at dinner tonight?” Carl asked. “Maybe after we can play a board game or something?” 

“Sure, maybe.” Jo laughed at the ease of youth. 

Carl probably suffered the most out of all of them, and at such a young age, but he still managed to surprise her with his resiliency. She waved goodbye to him and continued on the trek for her glasses. The horrid memory was going to come forward, this time Jo didn’t try and bury it.  
~~~  
The weeks went by and Negan stayed true to his word. At first Jo was scared Negan was going to talk with her, ask why she had never came before, but he was distant. Jo enjoyed distant Negan. Sometimes she didn’t even see him for days at a time, when it was him to walk her to the bathroom he barely said two words. She would pick the books for the next day and go back to her room. 

Jo made a little work out program she would do in the mornings. They weren’t giving her enough food to let her increase her strength, but she felt herself getting more toned. The lack of fresh air was getting annoying, but she wasn’t about to ask for anything. Jo reminded herself it could be worse whenever she dreamed about going outside. 

It was the seventh night of the week. Earlier in the day Negan would have raided Alexandria. It was how Jo kept track of the days. She never asked how her friends were and he never offered. If their routine continued on this night she assumed everything went fine. All parties were following the rules. 

Jo sat on the bed and stared at the door. She smoothed out the blue t-shirt and woven pants Negan brought her a few days ago. Her long hair was tied up in a pony tail that she kept fidgeting with. Hours ago she heard gunfire. The sound was unmistakable. In all her time here she never heard a shot. The possibilities raced in her mind. 

Was the sanctuary under attack? Did a walker get too close? Did Negan execute someone? Why were those shots fired? Not that she would ask any of her questions. Jo knew it wasn’t a coincidence that it was on Alexandria day. As the time continued to pass without Negan coming for her Jo started to relax. If a punishment was due he would have come straight for her. That was what happened last time. 

Finally Jo heard voices. She debated on waiting by the door patiently or sitting on the bed looking disinterested. Deciding Negan would see through the latter she continued to wait. She heard casual conversation and even a bit of laughter. He wasn’t alone. A pit began to form in Jo’s stomach. There was a knock on the door and the lock clicked open.

“Babydoll we have a special guest tonight.” Negan stuck his head in the room. “Why don’t you come out and say hello?”

Jo started to shake. Things had been going so well, everyone was leaving her alone. He hadn’t called her a pet name in weeks. 

“Please, I’ve been good.” Jo didn’t cry. She had managed to block away the memories of her first few weeks here. They were more like a nightmare than a reality, but that façade was slipping.

Negan walked into the room and put his hands on her shoulders. He crouched down next to her and gave her the wicked smile she did not miss.

“Cheer up darling. I think you might actually like this guest.” Negan grabbed her hand. 

Jo didn’t believe a word he said, but if she were going to fight back she needed to save her strength. Her heart skipped a beat when she walked in and saw Carl standing by the couches. She pulled her hand from Negan and ran over to the teenager. It was like seeing a piece of home. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he returned her hug.

“See, I knew you would like it.” Negan clapped in the background.

“If you get out of here,” Jo whispered. “Tell them I am fine. No matter what.”

Carl gave a little nod.

“No secrets you two.” Negan broke them apart. “Have a seat.”

Negan went to the bar. Jo kept her eyes on him and looked at Carl.

“How is everyone?” Jo tried to keep her voice low.

“Not good.” Carl shook his head. “Starving.”

“I said no secrets.” Negan walked back with three glasses of what Jo assumed was whiskey. He handed them out. “Talk loud enough for everyone to hear.”

“I was telling Jo how you keep taking all our food and we don’t have enough to live on.” Carl crossed his arms.

“Carl, I thought we were getting along?” Negan sat on the other couch. “I gave you a little tour, fed you, let you meet my wives, and now I’m even showing you miss Jo. What’s with the hostility?” 

Suddenly Jo had a realization. There was no reason for Carl to be here. Did Negan take him too? 

“Why is he here?” Jo’s voice was hard. “Did you need another prisoner?”

“Guest darling, guest.” Negan took a sip. “And no. Carl why don’t you explain your presence?”

“I hid in the back of a truck.” Carl kept a blank face. 

“And killed six of my men while trying to kill me.” Negan kept the smile. “That takes some balls. As I’m sure Jo will tell you, I am a reasonable man. I understand why you want to kill me. If I were you I would want to kill me to. Can you think of a reason why I didn’t string you up by your scrawny little neck the second I saw you?”

Jo covered her mouth, trying to hold back a scream. Carl remained silent.

“Negan please don’t kill him. He’s just a kid…,” Jo started.

“SHUT UP!” He yelled. “I did not ask you a question Jo. If you speak again I will stab a knife into the ‘kid’s’ guts. Carl, answer the question.”

“I don’t know. If I were you I would have.” Carl crossed his arms. 

“Alexandria has proved to be a wise investment. You are doing a great job working for me. Those men you killed, they were responsible for checking the goods. They did not do their job, they died.” Negan took another sip. “They were bad employees.”

Negan’s playful mood completely vanished. Jo was terrified about what was to come next.

 

“Neither of you say a fucking word.” Negan stood up from the couch. 

If Carl was afraid he hid it well. Six people dead by his hand, not walkers, real people. No teenager should have that high of a body count. Negan walked back in and held his bat, the one Jo hadn’t seen since the night in the forest. The sight of it made Jo sob.

“Refresh my memory Carl, you were there the night I laid out the rules right. What is Jo’s purpose here?” Negan examined his bat.

“Insurance.” Carl’s voice was steady. 

“Did you hear what happened to little miss Jo the first time you all misbehaved?” Negan raised his eyebrows.

Carl shook his head. 

“Well, she was forced to do some dirty dirty things that she really didn’t want to do.” Negan laughed. “At first, but by the end I think she started to enjoy it the little minx.” 

The shame washed over Jo. She stared at the ground.

“Since your dad opted not to share a learning opportunity with you it’s forced on me to take that burden.” Negan started spinning the bat. 

Jo’s heart was racing. Carl remained indifferent. The young boy had no clue what this man was capable of…yet.

“You consider yourself a man?” Negan asked. “Killing other men? Breaking into other men’s homes?” 

Carl nodded.

“Fuck her.” Negan leaned back. “I want you to fuck your dad’s girlfriend.”

Jo clenched her stomach and a sob escaped. 

“What the fuck?” Carl sounded alarmed. “No fucking way.” 

“If you don’t do it I will,” Negan said. “And when I’m done I will chop off one of her legs and send it back with you.” 

Jo racked with tears. She couldn’t understand how something this messed up could happen. She didn’t even notice when Negan walked over. There was a hand on her cheek, being gentle tilting her head up. 

“You really don’t want this do you?” He looked concerned. “Is it because it’s Carl? Me? The amputation? Or the sex in the first place?”

Jo wiped her eyes.

“Please. Please don’t make him do this. He’s just a kid.” Jo tried to keep the focus on Carl.

Negan raised a corner of his lip and placed a kiss on her forehead. 

“Alright.” Negan stood. “The lady has moved me. Instead you hit her.”

“I’m not hitting Jo.” Carl looked at Negan. “She didn’t do anything wrong. Why don’t you beat me?”

“You people and your thick skulls.” Negan walked back to the couch and grabbed his bat. “The set-up is Jo gets the punishment for your decisions. That’s the only way you will learn. Now I have to serve as the middle man, but this is a rare occasion where she gets to feel the punishment delivered by the person at fault. So hit her.”

“I won’t.” Carl sat on his hands.

“Alright.” Negan walked over to Jo. “You have ten seconds. If you don’t hit her I will bash Lucille over her skull and you will take her place as the insurance policy. Her dead body will get shipped back to Alexandria with a note that says ‘Carl’s fault’.” 

Jo looked up and Negan, he held the bat over the back of his head. 

“Do it.” Jo looked at Carl. The boy looked terrified.

“Five,” Negan started.

“DO IT!” Jo screamed. 

“FOUR, THREE, TWO.” Negan matched her volume.

From the couch Carl threw a fist. It connected with Jo’s jaw. Negan let out a laugh.

“Again,” Negan instructed. “Harder.”

Jo nodded. A second punch connected with her cheek. 

“AGAIN. HARDER.” Negan’s voice screamed.

This time Carl slapped her. Of the three hits that one hurt the worst, but was still far from what Negan expected. A hand grabbed her arm and hoisted her up. Carl rose with her.

“I’m done messing around.” Negan twirled the bat. “Give Jo the beating of her life or I will kill her.”

“It’s fine.” Jo nodded at Carl. “I can take it.”

Negan raised the bat above his head and Carl’s fist connected with Jo’s face. This time it hurt. She didn’t have time to recover before she took another punch in the gut. 

“HARDER! FASTER!” Negan yelled.

She felt a blow to the side of her temple and the force knocked her to her knees. 

“DID I SAY STOP?” Negan yelled.

Carl’s fists were flying like crazy now. Jo’s face started to swell. He kicked her in the stomach and she curled up in a ball. Time felt like it was moving slowly. She wanted Carl to knock her out. She uncurled herself and looked up at him. Tears were staining his once proud face. Jo could hear Negan laughing in the distance. Carl leaned down and grabbed her hair, then slammed her head into the floor. Giving Jo the blackout she desperately craved.


	6. Chapter 6

“We need to focus on sustainability now.” Rick pointed to the makeshift map of Alexandria. “I want to start expanding, moving the walls out. From now on all supply runs need to focus on building materials.”

“The people want a party.” Glenn pointed to the city center.

Rick sighed. He didn’t think a party was appropriate or worth their time. He looked at Daryl for support.

“When we first got here, that party Deanna through made some people more comfortable,” Daryl said. “There are still some of those same people living here. We did have a big victory.”

“Fine.” Rick pushed off the table. “We have enough booze now, it won’t even make a dent.”

Rick thought about the welcome party, it was the first night he noticed Jo as more than a friend. She was so beautiful. She kept him calm that night. Parties were distractions though. He wanted a solid plan moving forward.

“Can we get on with the wall expansion?” Rick looked at Tobin. “What would you need to get started?”

Glenn pushed off from the table and started towards the exit. 

“Where are you going?” Rick asked.

“I have to help Maggie get ready for the party tonight.” Glenn leaned against the doorframe. 

“It’s tonight?” Rick raised an eyebrow. 

“I plan on being hungover tomorrow.” Tobin rose from the table. “We can start on the expansion plans the next day.”

“What the hell guys? This isn’t over.” Rick pointed at the map.

Daryl stood up and joined the other two at the door.

“You’re leaving too?” Rick didn’t see that coming, Daryl hated anything with crowds or social.

“We won a war.” He shrugged. “Take a break.”

Rick rolled up the map and put it back in the file cabinet. The armory was overflowing with new additions. He guessed he could spend the rest of the day organizing the weapons. 

“Be there at seven,” Glenn said. “Maggie expects a speech from you.”

“How long has this party been planned?” Rick looked up.

Glenn laughed and left with Tobin. Daryl lingered behind.

“What the hell was up with manhandling Jo yesterday?” Daryl walked back to Rick.

“I don’t have a good response.” Rick let out a sigh and rubbed his temples. “Things are very confusing with her right now.”

“Did you talk with her last night?” Daryl leaned in. “She needs to talk about what happened to her or it will eat her up inside.”

“She went to bed early.” Rick shook his head. “I sent her to the clinic today, hopefully having something to do will distract her.” 

“You shouldn’t order her around like that.” Daryl locked eyes with Rick. “Or touch her.”

“Why do you have a problem with me touching Jo?” Rick lowered his brow. 

“She’s an abuse victim.” Daryl backed up. “Everyone know you have to give em space.”

“Why is it you’re always so conveniently available to her?” Rick asked. “Last year I get in a fight with her and you swoop in and take her to the woods? Then you move into her house and listen to her problems? I’ve never seen you two talk before that.”

“I’ve explained myself.” Daryl leaned against the wall. “I thought I was helping you with that walk in the woods. I moved in there because I felt responsible for what happened to her, I told her I’d move out but then you swept in and forced her stay at your place.”

Rick knew he sounded like a crazy jealous ex right now. 

“Jo is not stable.” Rick walked back to the table. “Until we know how bad she is she shouldn’t be alone. If she hurt herself or someone else I would never forgive myself. The spare room at my house was cleared of any and all possible weapons. How would you feel if she woke in the middle of the night and decided to cut herself or attack you in your sleep?”

“Are you planning on picking up where you left off?” Daryl leaned against the door frame. 

“I don’t know.” Rick shook his head. 

“What about Michonne?” Daryl raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve got enough actual troubles to worry about women problems.” Rick sighed. “Michonne understands. We all thought Jo was dead, if I knew she was alive I never would have…”

“Distracting Jo with work and acting like nothing is wrong is not a solution.” Daryl left the room. “She doesn’t need a babysitter, she needs a friend.”

Rick wanted to be that friend, but he didn’t have the time right now. He was due at Hilltop in two days to deal with living Saviors. Now he had to write a speech for the party, the armory was a mess. Everyone needed direction and they kept coming to him. At the moment Jo needed someone with more free time. He glance at Daryl.

“Can you do it?” Rick asked. 

“Do what?” Daryl looked puzzled.

Rick didn’t know what was going to happen with him and Jo. She needed time to recover and he needed time to literally sort Alexandria out. He wasn’t sure if Daryl was interested in Jo or if it was all in his head, but Rick knew Daryl was loyal. 

“Be her friend?” Rick asked. “For a week, two tops. Once things get settled here I can take over with the recovery.”

Daryl looked shocked and confused.

“I’m not asking you to move in with her or anything. She can stay at my place still, but make yourself available. She opened up to you yesterday. Make her your number one priority for the time being?” Rick knew if Daryl had real feelings for Jo he wouldn’t betray Rick, especially if it seemed like his being around Jo was Rick’s idea. “It would be a huge favor to me.”

“Yesterday was a fluke,” Daryl said. “The girl don’t even know me.”

“She’s at the clinic.” Rick started organizing the guns. “I told Lauren I’d scoop her up around five, but go now. Take her for a walk or something.” 

“Fine.” Daryl turned to leave.

“Thanks brother,” Rick added. “You’re really helping me out here.”

Daryl nodded and left. The Saviors might be finished, but that didn’t mean another threat wouldn’t replace them. Rick lifted up the assault rifle and held it eye level. If someone came for them again this time he would protect them all, especially Jo.

~~~   
Jo kept the sunglasses on the rest of the day. In a way the small act gave her a strange sense of worth. She was not broken. She realized what she needed and went and got it. Jo waved away the fact that she had to ask permission like a child and knew it was a tiny win, but a win none the less. The door to the clinic opened and Jo looked up to see Daryl walking inside. She dropped her chin and went to another box of medicine. Her confessional yesterday left her embarrassed. 

“You look like you could use some air.” Daryl walked over to her. “Want to take a walk?” 

“Rick said she’s not supposed to…” Laurent started.

“I wasn’t asking you,” Daryl interrupted. “Jo do you want to take a walk with me?”

Jo’s cheeks grew red. She looked up at Daryl expecting pity. Instead his face was blank. She didn’t understand him. Him being so nice to her didn’t make any sense. They were never close. 

“Rick left me in charge here.” Lauren’s voice had a bit of a quiver to it. “Jo if you leave I will call him and let him know. He won’t be happy.”

It felt like the air was being sucked out of the room. Jo brought her hand to her stomach and her breath hitched in her throat.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Daryl yelled at Lauren. “She’s an adult and you’re going to threaten her like that? Rick asked me to come check on you Jo. Nobody is going to be angry with you.”

Jo took a couple of huge deep breaths. She really didn’t want to upset anyone, especially Rick. Daryl was not a liar, and he was Rick’s best friend. Him stopping by on Rick’s orders would make sense. Jo couldn’t think of any other reason he would pay her a visit. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Daryl set his hands on a table. “Would you like to take a walk?”

She looked up at him. He lifted a hand out and held it in front of Lauren, silencing her. Jo’s eyes danced back and forth between the two. It was obvious Daryl wanted her to go and Laurent wanted her to stay. Jo didn’t want to upset either one.

“Don’t worry about her or me or Rick,” Daryl spoke plainly. “Think about what you want.”

Jo closed her eyes, not that it mattered since neither of them could see through the sunglasses. She tried her hardest to force the thoughts of others from her head. What did she want? Right now she wanted to get out of the clinic and away from Lauren. Jo nodded her head.

“If you say a god damn word you will regret it.” Daryl continued to hold his hand in front of Lauren’s face.

Jo left the box she was working on and with her head down walked passed both other parties and straight to the front door. When she was out on the porch a chill ran down her spine and she shook her hands out. The door opened and closed again while Daryl joined her on the porch. 

“She shouldn’t talk to you that way.” Daryl started down the steps. “Are you alright?”

Jo nodded and followed behind him. They went to the sidewalk, Jo expected them to turn, but Daryl walked straight across the street. He kept going and they disappeared between two houses. Jo realized they were heading for the gates. She stopped dead in her tracks. Daryl noticed and turned to look at her. She shook her head no.

“What’s wrong?” Daryl walked back. “Rick did ask me to check on you, but I don’t think you need a warden. If you want to disappear by yourself I won’t stop you.” 

Alone time was not what she wanted. It took her a moment to collect her thoughts and focus on what she needed to say. She was getting stronger, she could do this. Daryl did not say another words as she brought herself back together.

“Walkers,” Jo started. “It’s been a while.” 

“You don’t want to leave Alexandria?” Daryl kept the stone face, showing no pity of disappointment. 

“I’m sorry.” Jo felt a little woozy, on instinct she sat down and hugged her legs to her chest.

Within a second Daryl was sitting on the ground next to her. He was close enough to touch her but did not lift a hand. 

“I’m pathetic.” Jo let out a small laugh and shook her head.

“No,” Daryl replied.

All he gave was one word, but Jo felt a little better. She looked up at him, appreciating the way he looked at her. Like she was a normal human being. He wasn’t angry with her and didn’t feel sorry for her. Her eyes welled with tears at the thought, but she blinked them away, determined not to cry.

“I got sunglasses today.” Jo smiled. 

“I see that.” Daryl smiled back.

“I went to the house, got them from my bedroom.” Jo started to relax. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“It’s more your house than mine.” Daryl picked at a piece of grass. “I’ll get out as soon as you like.”

Jo thought about staying at Rick’s when all she wanted was her own room. It didn’t matter to her one bit if Daryl was down the hall.

“I’m not good at saying what I want.” Jo started picking at the grass. “I wasn’t before all of this and now it’s pretty bad.”

Daryl did not respond.

“He didn’t like it when I didn’t listen.” Jo twirled a piece of grass. “By the end I just wanted it to stop, make him happy so it would end.”

Jo pushed the sunglasses up to the top of her head. She thought Daryl’s mouth twitched but couldn’t be sure. They were in between two houses both with open windows. Feeling better, Jo pushed herself up off the ground. Daryl followed suit.

“Wanna walk around the wall?” Daryl asked.

Jo nodded. They continued their trek in silence. Neither spoke a word until they reached the wall. Jo looked up to see an empty guard tower.

“Where is everyone?” She pointed upwards.

“We built the towers at the front and back taller, so they could see more.” Daryl pointed in both directions. “The walker numbers were dipping low and the Saviors are no longer a threat so we reduced the number of man hours needed.”

Jo never really took a guarding shift. The medical background limited her availability. Now she wished she had done something else with her previous life. It may have helped her go unnoticed in the apocalypse. She looked at Daryl, before the dead rose he would have been considered a weirdo, but the skills he had saved more lives than her nurse training. 

Jo wondered why Rick sent Daryl and if Rick was that concerned he didn’t come himself. She thought about asking, but didn’t think it was worth it so instead she kept her mouth shut and walked along next to Daryl.

“How was bein back in the clinic?” Daryl looked uneasy, walking inside the walls did not suit him. 

“There is a lot of medicine to sort.” Jo appreciated the shade from some of the trees as they walked. “Lauren means well, Rick means well.” 

“Isn’t what I asked.” Daryl spit to his left. “How do you like it?”

“Trapped.” Jo bit her lip and shook her head. “Sometimes I’m fine, for a few minutes, but then I’m back at the Sanctuary and this is all a dream.” 

“It’s only been a day.” Daryl shrugged. 

“Three.” Jo was quick to respond. “I’ve been out of that place for three days.”

Three might not have sounded like a lot, but Jo appreciated every second she wasn’t in Negan’s possession. Possession. That’s what she was. Not a person or individual, but something he owned. She wrapped her arms around her waist and squeezed.

“It takes some time.” Daryl eyed the wall. “You will feel like yourself again.”

“How do you know?” Jo didn’t mean to sound so snotty. “I think that the old Jo is gone.”

“She is.” Daryl raised an eyebrow. “Bad situations change people. I didn’t say your old self. I said yourself.”

That was the problem. Jo didn’t know who she was anymore. She squeezed her eyes shut. Things that used to matter no longer seemed important. She didn’t even take joy in her work any longer. 

“There was a clinic at the Sanctuary.” Jo opened her eyes and stopped walking. “I remember the first time I saw it, maybe a month into my stay, maybe more. I woke up in a strange bed, my whole body hurt, but especially my face…”

“He hit you?” Daryl looked shocked.

Jo turned to look at him, surprised he interrupted her but also surprised he was shocked.

“I’m sorry, he always told stories or showed pictures.” Daryl cleared his throat. “I don’t remember hearing any about black eyes.”

Negan wouldn’t have shared that. He made it Carl’s burden to bare. If Negan told the story nobody would have blamed Carl and then the teenager wouldn’t have felt the guilt. Jo thought about coming clean, but thought Carl deserved some forewarning. 

“In a way.” Jo skirted the question. 

She didn’t look at Daryl. There was no way she would be able to get through her story while looking him in the eye. Jo wanted to tell her story, no matter how humiliating. She didn’t know if it mattered if another person heard, but saying the words out loud gave her some strange sense of peace.

“I woke up and could barely open my eyes they were so swollen…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little bit of a filler chapter, but I didn't want to go another day without a post. Tomorrow I will post the flashback that accompanies this section.


	7. Chapter 7

The taste of copper filled Jo’s mouth. She ran her tongue against the roof and couldn’t find any spots that were bleeding. 

“She’s awake,” an unfamiliar voice said. “Should I knock her out?”

Jo’s heart raced. She didn’t need another head injury.

“What do we have more of? Sedatives or pain killers?” Negan’s voice was too familiar.

“Sedatives,” the stranger replied. “I told you people are stealing the pain pills.”

“Knock her out.” Negan’s voice was filled with frustration. “How long do you think it will be?”

There was a painful prick in Jo’s arm. She barely stirred because it was hardly worse than how her face or chest felt. Her blood ran cold as the sedatives entered her system, a side effect she remembered from when her tonsils were taken out. The effects came on too fast. Her last thought was about how difficult anesthesia was to administer. The doctor had to think of the person’s height, weight, gender, and nutrition. If she were lucky she would never wake up.

It felt like she was asleep for less than thirty seconds. Her eyes flickered open. They were heavy and had a dull ache. She didn’t understand where she was, why her Jackson Pollock comforter was missing. She was on a hospital gurney, not a real bed but the type EMTs used. She looked around and saw it was a large room. There were about ten other empty gurneys and cabinets lined the walls. A few other pieces of medical equipment were scattered through-out. This was a lot more professional than the house clinic back in Alexandria. Then in an instant her life rewound. She saw herself in the forest, then pleasuring Negan’s men, then Carl kicking the crap out of her.

She sat up on the bed with a groan. The thing that hurt the most was her stomach. There was a sharp pain in her side and she grabbed her rip cage, feeling a bandage wrapped around her body. A man in his late fifties walked over to her, carrying a bowl. He had on scrubs and a lab coat. 

“Eat slowly or you will throw it all up.” He handed her the bowl of oatmeal. 

Jo didn’t complain and brought the dish to her lips. The tasteless gruel lacked more flavor than normal. The doctor came over to her with a pen light and examined her eyes. 

“How long was I asleep?” Jo stopped eating to let him take a look.

“Three days, give or take a few hours.” He put the pen light down and touched her face.

Jo winced. The man did not seem moved. She imagined herself purple, blue, and yellow. 

“What’s two plus two?” He asked.

“Four.” 

“Twelve times twelve?” He continued to prod her face.

“One hundred and forty four.” Jo didn’t pull away.

“Do you know your name?” He sat back in the chair.

“Yes.” She wasn’t about to share it.

“I don’t think you have brain damage.” The man gave a snicker. “If you were bleeding in your brain you wouldn’t have woken up. Most of the men here don’t know what twelve times twelve is, so you’ll be alright.”

Jo guessed the doctor’s test was as good as any. She doubted anyone had a CAT scan available. 

“He really did a number on you. What did you do to piss him off?” The man wheeled his chair back to a table and brought Jo a hand mirror.

Her reflection startled her. She had two black eyes, and they weren’t the normal kind. It was raccoon eyes, a phenomenon that happens when the brain slams into the front of the skull causing every capillary in the orbital socket to burst. She had seen pictures of it before, often in victims of extreme domestic abuse, but never in person. Both of her cheeks were sunken in and grey with healing bruises. Her lip was split in three places. The blond in her hair now looked red. She touched the top of her forehead and felt a few stitches at the hairline. 

“Your nose was the only thing avoided, nothing is broken.” The doctor got up from his chair. “Whatever you did I wouldn’t do it again.”

“With the raccoon eyes I wouldn’t rule out a brain injury.” Jo sighed. “The oatmeal is more tasteless than normal. Do you have litmus paper or even something with some more flavor so I can check?”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. He went over to his cabinets and came back with a stick of gum. Jo popped it into her mouth. She shook her head.

“I can’t taste a thing.” She spit the gum back into the wrapper. 

“Is there a place on your head that hurts worse than others?” The Doctor started touching her scalp.

“No.” Jo took another gulp of oatmeal. “This is my third head injury in two months. I am ninety percent sure the second one left me concussed. Are any of my ribs broken?”

Jo started to pat her side. She winced and flung off the sheet. Someone had changed her into a sports bra and shorts. Her stomach was bruised. She carefully moved her legs so they dangled over the side of the bed and started to unwrap her bandage. More blue and purple contusions covered her side, but she pushed through the pain and pressed her fingers against all the bones. Tears stung her eyes and she let out a few groans, but needed to check. When she was done she hung her head in relief and her side throbbed.

“I don’t know if you should walk.” The doctor looked at her with wide eyes. 

Jo ignored him and forced herself up on shaky legs. She needed to complete her own assessment. There wasn’t any bruising on her legs, she noticed a few on her arms though. She took a small step and the pain mainly came from her torso, but there was a throb in her head. 

“You have some medical background.” The doctor sounded intrigued.

There was a full length mirror in the corner. Jo wasn’t sure if it would be better to take small steps or giant ones, but she went with the first idea and moved slowly to the corner. It wasn’t the black and blue, or the bashed in face that struck her as the most frightening thing about her appearance. It was her weight loss. Jo was only about five three and five pounds made a difference on her small frame. 

“I need more to eat.” Jo spoke to herself.

“I would agree with the diagnosis.” The doctor appeared in the mirror behind her. “What is your background?”

Jo watched as his eyes looked over her body. Suddenly she felt very exposed and uncomfortable. She moved faster this time, back to the bed, ignoring the screaming pain in her torso. She grabbed the sheet and held it to herself. 

“There’s no need for modesty.” He went back to his rolling chair. “I changed you and besides, you’re not my type.”

Jo clutched the sheet tighter. 

“You are a frightened little thing.” The Doctor nonchalantly examined his nails. “Unless your breasts fall off and you grow a dick I will never be interested in you.”

The door to the room opened. Jo glanced behind her to see Negan walk in. He had a smile on his face. Jo turned away and dropped her chin.

“Good evening doc.” He walked around Jo and shook the doctor’s hand. “I see our patient is up and about.”

There was a hand on her chin and Jo let her face be lifted. Negan wasn’t smiling as he looked around her face.

“I hate to see you this way.” He cupped her cheek, it was meant to comfort, but any touching of the bruises hurt. Jo would not give him the satisfaction of showing pain. “Punishment is over, if both parties behave you have nothing else to worry about.”

Jo wanted to pull away when he moved his hand and turned back to the doctor. Jo was shaking, she wasn’t sure if it was from anger, fear, or pain. She bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from screaming. There was no way she would blame Carl or Alexandria for her punishments. The only one to blame was Negan.

“I want to keep her here for a few more days,” The doctor said. “She needs some more food than normal for at least a week. Preferably vegetables and iron rich foods.”

“There’s no need for that.” Negan placed his hand on Jo’s shoulders. “She looks fine to me. Some bruising, that will clear on it’s own.”

“She is underfed and weak.” The doctor pointed to her.

Jo felt weak. She wanted to throw Negan to the ground and break his shoulder for touching hers, but instead she sat still and tried not to shake.

“She also has no sense of taste, which could mean bleeding in the brain. If these injuries result in something life threatening I want her near medical equipment.” 

Jo felt Negan’s eyes on her, then back to the doc. He turned to her and dropped down to one knee, so she was looking down at him.

“Babydoll?” 

Nothing good came from that nickname. She made eye contact with him. He continued to look over her face. 

“I’m leaving you under the care of Dr. Ross.” He grabbed both of her arms. “Do you know what that means?”

Jo shook her head. He started to squeeze, to the point she was sure more bruises would form.

“All the same rules apply.” His pressure increased. “And if you fucking leave this room I will chop off both your hands and make sure you never walk straight again.”

With that he leaned in and placed a kiss on the top of her head then stood up. Jo kept her head down and let her eyes well with tears this time. Fear. That was now the main emotion she had. 

“I’ll send someone by with her food and change of clothes.” Negan went to the doctor. “How many days do you want to keep her?”

“At least three, preferably a week.” Dr. Ross spoke about her as if she were a dog and not a human.

“I’ll check back in three.” Negan started to walk out the door. “Oh and doc? Make sure she showers. Jo you smell like shit.”

The door closed and Jo let Negan’s last comment roll off her shoulders, she didn’t smell anything. Then it hit her, she couldn’t smell anything. Jo should be counting her lucky stars that these were the only after effects of the beating she received, but part of her wished it was worse. Part of her wished she had just died. 

~~~~  
The days in the doctor’s office were almost pleasant. Dr. Ross didn’t talk much. At first Jo stayed in bed and read medical text books, but by day three she was helping him clean and organize the cabinets. She was nervous all day, but Negan never showed. There was a private room in the back where the doctor slept. Jo never went back there. At night she was handcuffed to the gurney, because the door had to stay unlocked in case anyone had a medical emergency at midnight. 

Dr. Ross was not confined to the medical ward, as they called it, he would leave to take walks, eat, or socialize. Whenever he was gone the handcuff came on. All of Jo’s food was delivered, it was a larger portion than she previously received, but her sense of taste had yet to return and she found herself only picking at it. 

It was approaching day five and Negan had yet to check on her. Jo hoped he never came. Her face was healing and every day she looked more and more like herself. 

“Most people don’t read reference books for fun.”

Jo looked up from the text about treating burns to see Dr. Ross preparing a pill tray. Those on medications had to come to the med ward to pick up their dose daily. Whenever another person was in the room Jo kept her head down and tried to make herself small. The last thing she wanted was attention from these people.

“Excuse me?” Jo wasn’t sure she heard him right.

“I said, most people don’t read reference books for fun.” He continued to set up his tray. “They bring me those books in case I need them in an emergency. I can’t make myself read them though. They’re too boring, but you are plowing through them.”

“I like to read.” Jo set the book down.

Dr. Ross had been nothing but pleasant to her. He didn’t ask questions and rarely spoke at all. She was certain it was his doing she stayed in the medical ward and not wherever Negan wanted her, but he was still one of Negan’s men. Jo did not trust him.

“I like to read,” Dr. Ross replied. “You like to study. Negan told me you are a nurse. What’s your background?”

“Pediatrics,” Jo lied.

“What hospital?” Dr. Ross asked.

“I never worked at a hospital.” Jo shook her head. “Dr. McCallum’s office. I mainly vaccinated, took height and weight. General medicine for kids. A lot of scrapped knees and runny noses.”

She hoped Negan didn’t ask Alexandria the same question, but Rick was smart enough to know a combat nurse was more valuable than others. He would keep his mouth shut, unless he thought Negan was going to kill her. She gulped at the thought.

“I figured as much.” Dr. Ross continued to sort the medicine. “When the outbreak happened people ran their loved ones to hospitals. The hospitals were overrun so they called in their staffs. It was a perfect storm, essentially wiping the medical community out.”

Jo nodded her head. The other medical people she had met were a veterinarian and a drop out. That was par for the course these days. Jo appreciated letting them both take the lead though. In the army she was good at following orders, not giving them. There was a hierarchy she respected. Do what the doctor says without question. After Denise’s death Jo found herself running solo. She wasn’t sure she was capable. 

“I’m a psychiatrist,” Dr. Ross shared. “I hadn’t touched a scalpel or treated a physical wound since med school. That was back in the eighties. I never thought I would be doing this again. It’s strange how it comes back to you. I’m sure you experienced that, remember things you forgot from clinical?”

“I never had an ER rotation.” Jo shook her head. “My degree is two years from a community college.”

Dr. Ross gave her a strange look. Jo didn’t want to get caught in a lie. She didn’t even know the difference between the two year and four year programs, she hoped the two years did not have an ER rotation. She never stepped foot in a college and gave a soft smile, hoping the conversation ended.

“In my experiences nurses with two year degrees have more hands on experience than four year degrees.” Dr. Ross raised an eyebrow. “Here it’s mainly stitches, occasionally a gunshot wound, sometimes an amputation.”

Jo cringed and grabbed her wrists, thinking of Negan’s latest threat.

“They normally do the amputation out in the field, but it’s up to me to treat and close the wound.” Dr. Ross laughed and shook his head. “My success rate is about fifty percent, but without me the success rate would be zero, so I take it in stride.”

“I’m not of much use.” Jo dropped the book. “More of a bookworm than a practical.”

“Can you give stitches?” Dr. Ross brought the tray of medicine near the door. 

Jo nodded.

“I am terrible at stitches.” He set the pills down on the small table, turned to face Jo with his hands in the air. “My hands are too large and old age has left me slightly unsteady. Maybe next person who needs stitching you could take a go?”

Jo opened her mouth and shut it. The idea of helping these people disturbed her. If Negan or one of the men she had serviced were bleeding out she wouldn’t want to stop it. She would want to see them dead. Then she thought about sleeping in the dungeon, staying in the bedroom upstairs, or here under Dr. Ross. Given the choice she liked her current situation the best. Maybe it would be someone she never met before. Putting in some stitches was hardly lifesaving. Besides, if Negan ever did end up in med ward Jo could ensure he met his demise.

“Sure.” She nodded her head. “Assuming I’m around.”

Dr. Ross nodded his head, almost confirming her theory he was the reason she was still here. 

~~~ 

He lay there, watching his shaft disappear into her body. The sight never got old. Women were like magicians, how did they fit something so large into something so tight? Wife number four let out another exaggerated moan. He grabbed the top of her thighs and started pushing her back and forth as she continued moving up and down. This made her let out a real squeal and he grunted in appreciation. 

A knock at the door made him scowl. His wife knew better than to stop what she was doing.

“Boss, the doc is here to see you,” Dwight yelled. 

“Give me a minute,” Negan yelled back. “Sorry darling, this is going to get cut short. 

In one swoop Negan threw the woman off. She landed on the bed next to him on her hands and knees. He positioned himself behind her and slammed his cock into her wet pussy. He started with a quick pace and she gasped. He did not care if she came, but knew it would cause trouble amongst the others and wife number four would end up first at bat the next time he came to visit. With some frustration Negan slowed himself. She responded by arching her back and meeting his thrusts.

“You’re a greedy little slut.” He smiled down at her, she looked over her shoulder at him with hunger in her brown eyes.

Negan didn’t have the time for an all-night fuck session, especially with his least favorite. He brought one hand away from her hip and licked his finger. He pressed it against her puckered hole and her body went frigid. He sighed, this was why she was his least favorite.

“Baby I don’t like that.” The wife tried to keep her voice steady, but he sensed the fear.

He didn’t bother responding as he worked his finger into her. She started to crawl away and he tightened his grip on her waist, pulling her back to him and forcing her to impale her asshole on his finger. She let out a little cry. He let his other hand drop lower and started working on her clit. In a few seconds her uncomfortable cries turned to moans of pleasure.

Now he started plowing her again. She stopped meeting him and her arms dropped, forcing her ass higher in the air. He watched as her nails gripped the sheets. In a few seconds shudders started working their way through her and he rose a corner of his lip. Again a long exaggerated moan came from her. He kept going, moving harder and faster slamming against her eager pussy, forcing his finger into her ass. He regretted not licking two, she could use a little stretch.

It didn’t matter if she was faking the orgasm or not. Either way he won. If she said she faked it he would be mad and not use her for quite a while. If she had one it was her turn at the bottom of the rotation. Of course if he decided he wanted her out of turn the other wives would just deal. The rotation was their dumb idea after all.

A few more pumps and he exploded inside of her. She was panting away but he barely broke a sweat. He pushed her forward, off of his cock. Grabbing a towel from the floor he wiped himself off and then started dressing. 

“Thank you.” She was kicking her legs looking over her shoulder at him. “That was wonderful.”

“So wonderful how about next time you keep your fucking mouth shut and take what I am giving you with a smile?” He didn’t like anyone who didn’t understand their place. His wives places’ were only to give him pleasure. 

She dropped the smile and turned around. 

“Or else I can reassign you? Where did you come from again? Kitchen duty?” Negan pulled on his shirt and started lacing up his boots.

“Cleaning crew.” The woman’s eyes went wide. “I’ll be better next time. I promise.”

She was the newest to the batch. Old wife number four was here for a year, she grew boring. He realized a while ago he could only handle five wives at a time. It was easier to trade them out and assign a number rather than learn the name. Every woman in the compound wanted to be a wife. He had yet to get turned down when he made the offer. If number four didn’t step up about two hundred otherse were willing to take her place.

Negan offered her no encouragement as he walked out of her room. In the main room the other four wives were sitting on couches. All of them dropped to their knees when he stepped in. He glanced at wife number two and then at Dwight. Of course Negan grew sick of number two a while ago, but if he traded her in he would have no insurance over Dwight. The man was a fucking moron, but he was good at taking directions and knew too much to let wonder off. The two of them learned their lesson about sneaking around and Negan knew it wouldn’t happen again.

“Where is the doc?” Negan walked out of the room and into the stairwell. 

“You’re place.” Dwight followed behind as Negan climbed up a level.

It was hard to believe these were once the offices of the fat cats at whatever the fuck this factory had been. Negan sometimes wondered how much the man at the top was paid, he had his own floor. Of course now Negan was the man on top and enjoyed every second of it, even the parts he hated he enjoyed.

“Wait here.” Negan didn’t turn around as he walked into his living spaces. 

The good doctor was seated on a couch. 

“How is our little POW?” Negan went straight for the bar. He signaled for Dr. Ross to follow. “Learned anything new?”

“She prefers the quiet, not much of a talker.” Dr. Ross took a sip of the drink Negan put out. “Says she was a pediatric nurse, no trauma experience, dealt with boo-boos and runny noses.”

“You believe her?” Negan took a drink.

“Don’t have a reason not to.” The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. “She doesn’t give off a very tough vibe. I think she’s terrified and compliant.”

Negan did not like wasting medicine on one of Rick’s men. Sure, she was beautiful, but that wasn’t enough to justify anyone’s life. After sucking on her clit Negan thought she might have provided him some entertainment, but instead she was boring. It was interesting to watch Carl beat the shit out of her. He had never seen someone so willing to get destroyed. 

“A sexually repressed kid nurse doesn’t do me much good.” Negan slammed the drink. “If she’s all cleared up I’m going to have her sent back to the cells. Either wait until she breaks and I can pass her around to the fellas without her complaining or her boyfriend fucks up again and needs to be taught a lesson.”

Dr. Ross looked bothered by Negan’s assessment, but he didn’t care. Rick’s girlfriend was not a high priority. He poured another drink. It had been a long night. He hadn’t fucked her yet, but truthfully he didn’t enjoy raping women. It had its necessities in his new society, sometimes people needed to be taught a lesson, reminded of who was in control, who had the power, but without the requirement Negan would rather avoid it. 

“Did you find out if she was a virgin?” That had interested Negan for a bit. All the sexual partners he had over his life none were. He was too old now and had no interest in being with someone young enough to have kept their snatches closed. 

“I told you, there is no way to check. This isn’t the medieval times.” The doctor swirled his drink. “At her age her hymen would have ripped a long time ago, from normal wear and tear. The only way to know would be to fuck her. If she is you’ll know.”

Negan thought about it, he really did, but when he taunted Rick with owning Jo’s first orgasm the man didn’t believe him and made it clear he had shoved his cock inside the girl multiple times. It was a shame too, there was something so primal about being the only man a woman had been with. He felt a false sense of possessiveness and brushed it away. Maybe Alexandria would screw up again and Jo would need to be taught a lesson. Until then he had other ways to preoccupy his time. 

“She knows how to give stitches,” the doc kept on talking. “I could use the help with the gunshot wounds too. I’m not a trauma doctor, it’s been a long time since I did anything outside of the brain. She would be an asset to me.”

“The only problem with that is she hates all of us, you included.” Negan took another drink. “Don’t fool yourself for a second. We are her enemy and she would strike us dead in a heartbeat. I can’t trust her.”

“There lies my double interest in the girl.” The doc didn’t take a drink, he kept swirling the liquid, it was annoying Negan. “I want to try and induce Stockholm syndrome.”

Negan laughed. He roared. That was the dumbest shit he’s ever heard. Once he quieted down the doctor kept right on talking.

“It’s never been studied before. Human subject research protections forbid it, I am familiar with all the theories and I want to try.” The older man locked eyes with Negan. 

“You saw how bruised and beaten that girl was. Now you think you can make her love me?” Negan watched as the doc started shaking his head.

“Not you. Me.”

“I didn’t think you swung that way.” Negan raised an eyebrow. 

The doc rolled his eyes. Negan let it go. He was the only man in the world who could get away with that. There weren’t enough medical professionals who were willing to treat his men. It took a long time to find the doc and a replacement would take even longer. Negan kept meaning to find someone for the Doc to train, that would take years but probably sooner than finding a replacement out there.

“Stockholm Syndrome doesn’t have to be about romance. There are two prevailing theories. The first is exposure to trauma, which you have done, and then someone sweeps in and saves them. I want her to see me that way. It would be a platonic love. She would do whatever I wanted, because she believes I am the only one who has her interest in mind.” Now the doctor took a swig. “She already agreed to preform stitches on the next patient who needs them. This way, if you need to punish her for Alexandria, you can continue to be the trauma. She won’t know we are working together.”

Negan noticed he never said the girl’s name. He respected that. What the doc was proposing was pretty ice cold shit. Negan shook his head.

“What’s theory number two?” 

The doc sighed.

“Intense trauma, very intense trauma.” The doc slammed his drink. “The victim will want it to stop so badly they will agree to anything from anyone who promises to end the trauma.”

“How long will this little science experiment of yours take?” Negan raised an eyebrow.

“I have no idea.” The doc set his glass down. “Researchers have theorized option one would take anywhere from two to ten years to completely set in, but there are results along the way. Option two would take less time, but it would involve damaging the person.”

“You don’t want the girl damaged?” 

“She’s a nurse. A trained nurse. I can use that. I can’t use some shell of a person who wants the pain to go away.” The doc started to spin his empty cup. 

“Fine.” Negan finished his second drink. “She’s your responsibility though. If she steps foot outside of med ward without you I’m throwing her back in that cell. She is still a prisoner. And if I need to punish her she will be made available to me.”

“I humbly ask that I am conveniently absent when you come to collect her for punishment.” The doc looked giddy. "And if I need you to inflict additional trauma so I can continue to look like her rescuer will you oblige?" 

Negan nodded, having no problem with that. 

“One other thing.” Negan smiled. “If she harms a single one of my people, she will die in the most painful way possible and you will lose all privileges.”

The doc’s face went pale at that threat. The man knew Negan wouldn’t kill him, but that wouldn’t mean he couldn’t make his life hell. 

“Smile doc, you just made a deal with the devil.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to give a POV to Negan to set up the story and an excuse for a little smut, remember now you know more than Jo does though. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos/comments! They motivate me to keep this going :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! Bad things happen to OFC this chapter

A few more days passed. Jo was again falling into a routine, but she knew better than to feel comfortable. In the morning she helped Dr. Ross set out the pills. He had a detailed chart, some people were on pain medicines, others antibiotics. Jo didn’t understand when he saw them to make the diagnosis. Besides the line of people picking up the pills not a soul had stepped foot into the med ward.

“It would be easier to give them bottles and let them feed themselves, but people get greedy and steal the medication.” Dr. Ross offered an answer to a question Jo hadn’t asked. “We have several satellite campuses too. On Mondays I send out the big bulk orders.”

“You know what day of the week it is?” That caught Jo’s attention. 

“I don’t know if it’s really Monday, but to me it is.” Dr. Ross kept sorting. “Makes it easier to count the time.” 

“Today is day three to me.” Jo gave a small smile. “There are no longer any concept of weekend or hump day. Instead I think in terms of sevens, it still does the job. If I ever lose count I start back at one.”

“Does that mean you’ve been here for ten days now?” Dr. Ross smiled. 

Jo nodded her head and looked away. She had no reason not to trust the man and kept telling herself that, but everything felt a little forced with him. He also hadn’t shared why he still kept her around. She hated asking questions, but that one was eating away at her.

“Dr. Ross?” Jo stopped sorting. “Why am I still here?”

Jo looked in the mirror to her left. Her face walk almost completely healed. She was no longer a patient.

“Are you eager to leave?” Dr. Ross did not stop.

“No.” Jo went back to sorting. 

She thought about sorting the pills wrong, causing a deadly reaction in whoever took them, but she was not a murderer. The doctor’s code also made it impossible to tell who was getting what pill. Right now the only ones on her list were Negan and the men who had been in her mouth. She cringed at the memory. 

“I asked to keep you here,” Dr. Ross said.

“Why?” Jo figured as much. “I am not your friend. You’re a Savior. I’m a…whatever the hell you guys call us.”

“Alexandria. Every one of you is referred to as that.” The Doctor walked his pills to the door. “I need help, nobody else here has any sort of training.”

“I don’t know much more than they do.” Jo shook her head. “I won’t be that much of a help. Plus how could you trust me to do my job? I am here against my will.”

“I’m not a fan of seeing beaten women on my tables.” Dr. Ross interrupted. “Maybe I saw a way to help and took it.”

Jo felt sheepish. She didn’t find Dr. Ross particularly sympathetic when she awoke and assumed he felt the beating was her fault. Maybe he was as scared of Negan as she was. Maybe he was genuinely trying to help her. Jo was conflicted, a large part of her screamed don’t trust a savior. Rather than focus on it she let it go, deciding it was best to stay quiet and in the dark. Trust nobody and stay out of the way. That was how she would survive this. 

~~~   
Jo stopped talking. It was getting later in the afternoon. The sun wasn’t quite ready to set, but moving into position. She looked back through the tree line at the houses.

“It sounds like you had some support there.” Daryl looked right at her.

She nodded her head. They stood in silence. The next part of the story was too much. Jo didn’t know if she was capable of sharing. Again there was no look of pity on Daryl’s face, but would he be able to keep the façade if he knew? If he heard what happened to her. Jo looked at the ground.

“Do you need to get back?” She kicked a rock.

“No.” Daryl’s foot came into view. 

“Do I need to get back?” Jo looked up, Daryl was inches away from her.

He shook his head. She sighed, wishing there was an excuse not to keep talking.

“Jo, you’re safe. If you want to keep sharing I will listen, if you want to walk in silence I’ll stand by your side. If you want to be alone I’ll…”

“No,” Jo interrupted. “I don’t want you to leave.” 

She closed her eyes and a small victory smile came to her face. She said what she wanted again. This time it was immediate. There was no internal struggle. When she lifted her lids Daryl was giving her his version of a smile. There was no crazy grin, or casual teeth. He smiled with his eyes more than his lips. Jo liked the way he was looking at her. This realization brought stress and she spun around.

“What’s wrong?” Daryl was right behind her. 

He was close enough to touch her and part of Jo wanted him to wrap his arms around her waist. She wanted to lean against his chest and have him pet her hair telling her everything would be okay. It wouldn’t though. Once he found out who she was, what she had done he would never look at her with smiling eyes again.

“I want….I am going to keep talking,” Jo said. “I don’t want to look at you. I know you’re hiding whatever judgment or pity you have, and I appreciate it, but for the next part I don’t think you will be able to keep a straight face.”

Daryl did not respond. Jo took a breath and kept going, wishing she didn’t remember what was about to come next.  
~~~   
Jo sat in the chair reading the same textbook about burn victims. This time she was taking notes. Dr. Ross randomly glanced at her, but he was doing his own thing and Jo didn’t bother to ask what that was. The door to the med ward burst open and Jo’s heart jumped into her throat. This was the first time she had seen someone come into the clinic. 

A burly man she did not recognize held his arm up.

“Doc, I cut myself.” He lifted his arm higher and Jo saw the beads of blood flowing down. 

Dr. Ross stood up and went to the man.

“Take a seat on the gurney.” He examined the cut. “Jo come here and take a look at this.”

“I don’t want some Alexandria whore touching me.” The burly man pulled his arm back.

Jo rose and froze. Dr. Ross grabbed the man’s arm.

“I doubt she wants to touch you either.” Dr. Ross waved Jo closer and she approached. “What do you think?”

It was a clean cut, deep. Far from gushing but unlikely to close on its own.

“He needs stitches.” Jo didn’t dare touch the man. “It’s from a blade.”

“No shit,” the man said. “We were cutting down stalks in the field and Randall pegged me. I taught him a lesson, he might be in here later.”

“The field?” Jo asked. 

“Go get the stitch kit.” Dr. Ross pointed to the cabinet.

Jo knew where everything was. She spent hours a day organizing and reorganizing on Dr. Ross’ orders. She tried to think of what type of field there could be. It had been so long since she had been outside and hadn’t realized how much she missed it. Images of wheat, corn, and sunshine made her heart ache. She returned to the doctor and his patient with the kit.

“He has to wash it first.” Jo handed the man a bottle of soap. 

He grabbed it from her hand and stood off the gurney. He had at least a foot on her and more than one hundred pounds. Jo wasn’t afraid. Only one person in this place scared her. She had a feeling everyone else knew she was off limits. The man huffed around her and went to the sink.

“Jo is going to stitch you up.” Dr. Ross smiled.

“No. I said I don’t want no…”

“Alexandria whore touching you,” Dr. Ross finished. “Well lucky for you none are here. Jo is an accomplished nurse and will do a far better job than I.”

“I’d rather fucking bleed to death.” The burly man shouted over the water.

“Jo how did you deal with children who didn’t want there shots?” Dr. Ross asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Gave them lollipops.” Jo lied, but was surprised such a good one came to mind. 

Dr. Ross rolled his eyes.

“Bleed to death then.” Dr. Ross leaned against the gurney. “I’ll explain to Negan your decision to refuse our services. I’m sure he will help speed things along.”

The water turned off. The man turned to face them again. He wore a face of defiance, but walked back to the gurney and sat down. Jo wheeled over the small table and he set his arm on the blue towel. 

Nobody spoke as she applied the disinfectant and started stitching. She worked quickly, making tight seams. If the man was in pain he hid it well. Jo knew from experience the faster she sewed the less it hurt. When she was done the doctor handed her gauze. She looked at him with confusion.

“Wrap it.” Dr. Ross pressed the material into her hand. 

She pressed her lips and turned to the burly man.

“You have to let it breathe. Keep it clean, don’t cover it, don’t get it wet. If you find yourself in a situation when you can’t then you wrap it.” Jo handed the man the gauze.

“But he risks infection.” Dr. Ross raised an eyebrow.

Jo shook her head.

“That was the old way of thinking. Now we know wounds heal faster with less of a scar if they get air. I closed it tight enough odds of an infection are slim.” Jo looked back to the patient. “Come back in a week to have the stitches removed. Don’t do it yourself, don’t pick at them, and do not scratch yourself when they itch.”

The burly man stood up. Jo began picking up the supplies. It had been so long since she had done something productive, she almost wanted to smile. Dr. Ross walked the man to the door. She heard it shut but focused on cleaning. 

“You did well.” Dr. Ross leaned next to the sink. “I never knew that, about wounds.. God I miss psychiatry. Poking around in peoples’ heads is much more interesting to me.”

Dr. Ross went to the back of the room. He opened the door to his personal space. Jo glanced over and saw the bed, making her back ache. Sleeping on the half inch pad meant for ambulances was taking its toll.

“That was the first visitor we’ve had since you.” He yelled from the room. 

“People don’t seem to get sick around here.” Jo turned off the sink and went to the little stove. The instruments would need to be sanitized.

“People get sick everywhere.” Dr. Ross appeared. “I just don’t like them coming here if I can help it. I’d rather make house calls.”

“Is that where you go when you disappear?” Jo laughed. “Here I thought you had a second job.”

“The med ward is where people who need immediate care come. Since my room is attached I’d rather not have sick people nearby all the time.” He placed a hand on Jo’s shoulder. She stopped what she was doing and turned to face him. “You did well.”

“I heard you the first time.” Jo raised a corner of her mouth and went back to watching the water boil.

“I have one of those house calls to make.” Dr. Ross dropped his arm and walked away. “Good behavior deserves an award. I am trusting you no to leave this room.”

A trip outside. That was what Jo wanted more than anything. She turned to tell Dr. Ross but he stepped out, shutting the door behind him. At first Jo was confused. Then she looked down at her wrist. He didn’t handcuff her to the bed. She was free and alone. 

On impulse she ran to the door and started to turn the handle. Before she could pull it open she brought her other hand up and pressed it against the wood. This was her reward. If she left the med ward and managed to make it outside where would she go? She had no clue how to navigate the sanctuary and no idea where it was in relation to Alexandria. Negan would find her before she made it to the gate and punish her and her friends. If a miracle happened and she made it to the woods he would replace her with another captive. Jo’s heart sank. She would never be free.

Sadness turned to anger and Jo pushed off the door. She wanted to scream in frustration. She just stitched up her enemy. Jo wished she had refused. It would have gotten her kicked out of the med ward, but at least she would have some pride. At the word Jo softened. Pride no longer mattered in this world. There was no escape, even if Alexandria attacked Negan would kill her before the rescue party came. This was her life now. Jo needed to enjoy the reward of not being handcuffed. She shook her head in disappointment.

Dr. Ross had left the door to his bedroom open. She saw the soft mattress, the pillows and blankets. She ran over and threw her body on the bed, hugging the pillow and yanking the blanket over her head. For a second, on the bed, Jo felt like her own person. She shut her eyes, not intending to fall asleep but to pretend she was back home, snuggled under her comforter worrying about Rick and not the hell that her life had become. She didn’t think Dr. Ross would like her laying in his bed, Jo told herself just a few more minutes. She would get out before he returned. That was her last thought before she drifted off to sleep.  
~~~   
A door slammed and Jo opened her eyes. She pulled the comforter down and sat up.

“I told you this was a bad fucking idea,” Negan said. “If we don’t find that fucking girl I am going to cut your balls off. I don’t give a fuck if you’re the doctor.”

“Someone must have taken her.” Dr. Ross sounded frantic. “There’s no other explanation. It is working.”

Jo leaned forward and saw the two men fighting.

“Really? You think one of my men would kidnap my prisoner?” Negan pushed Dr. Ross on the shoulder. “She’s a cunning little snake and pulled a fast one of you. I never should have approved of your experiment.”

“There’s only one way out of the compound. She couldn’t have gotten far.” Dr. Ross moved back towards the exit. “There are dozens of people looking for her.”

“It took you two hours to notice she was missing.” Negan grabbed Dr. Ross and held him by the collar. “She’s got a five hour head start. I’d say the odds are in her favor.” 

Negan raised his fist to punch Dr. Ross. Jo let out a little gasp and Negan looked passed Dr. Ross and stared right at her. She saw the rage in his eyes. Dr. Ross turned his neck and a look of relief crossed his face. Jo stood up from the bed.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She held her hands in front of her. “I never left the ward. I swear.”

Negan released Dr. Ross. The man stumbled and then ran towards Jo. He gripped her by the shoulders.

“Oh you stupid girl. You have no idea what you’ve done.” He shook her. “Don’t make it worse on yourself.”

Negan grabbed Dr. Ross and tossed him to the side. He reached out and grabbed Jo’s ponytail, wrapping it around his fist he pulled, leading her to the exit. Jo reached up and tried to grab his fist or lessen the tension on her head. She went up on her tippy toes as tried to keep up with his pace.

“Doc let the team now I found my babydoll.” Negan didn’t look behind him as he opened the door to the hall.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Jo spit out as he half dragged her. “Please stop. I’ll come willingly. You’re hurting me.”

“Ha ha ha,” Negan said the words instead of laugh. “If you think I’m hurting you now you have no clue what’s coming.”

His grip tightened and Jo struggled to keep up with him. He lowered his arm, forcing Jo to bend in half. She had no clue where they were or if other people saw them. She felt like her scalp was being ripped off. 

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Jo tried not to struggle. 

They came to a set of stairs and Negan dropped her hair. Before she could stand up he hoisted her over his shoulder and started running up the stairs. She hung down over his back and tried to still her body.

“Please. I didn’t do anything wrong.” Jo’s heart raced. 

Her plea was met with a sharp slap to her ass. It barely caused a reaction. Jo’s stomach began to churn, having no idea what Negan was about to do to her. Images of amputation came to mind and Jo let out a sob.

“Please,” she said between tears. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

SMACK! The sound of him spanking her echoed across the halls. This blow was felt a little more than the last and she let out a gasp. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Each one grew more powerful as they continued their climb up the steps.

“Please. I’m sorry, I didn’t do anything wrong.” Jo couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

“SHUT”, SMACK, “THE”, SMACK, “FUCK”, SMACK, “UP.” SMACK.

Jo bit back a sob. She couldn’t remember the last time she was so afraid. Tears rolled down her face and hit the ground beneath her. They came to the top and Negan didn’t stop as he threw the door open. He walked to the center of the room and dropped Jo on the floor. She landed on her side with a thud. 

“You better be on your FUCKING KNEES when I get back.”

Jo moved quick. She kept her head down and tried to focus on breathing, forcing the wild idea about what he might to do her away. She didn’t think she would survive another head wound. The door to one of the bedrooms closed and she heard shuffling. Jo did not think about moving her head to look. Time moved slowly. She was sure it had only been a minute or two but it felt like hours before he came back. She stared at the ground and when his feet came into view she saw the baseball bat dragging behind him.

“So which is it?” Negan’s voice was calm again. 

Jo didn’t answer. He moved the baseball bat between them. Her eyes went wide. There was no chance of surviving a hit with that.

“I asked you a question. Do you want to continue breaking rules?” Negan brought the bat up slowly until it touched Jo’s chin.

She let the bat guide her head up, until her neck was tilted back. Negan looked more annoyed than angry. Jo wanted to get this over with.

“Are you sorry?” He paused. “Or did you do nothing wrong?”

Jo froze. She wanted to give him whatever answer would make this stop. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice sounded far away.

“What are you sorry for?” Negan asked.

“Falling asleep in the bed.” Jo’s eyes continued to water. 

“I don’t want to play games.” Negan shook his head. “You were hiding in there. Doc was looking for you, calling your name, there is no way you didn’t wake up.”

“I swear.” Jo gulped again. “It had been so long since I slept. I was exhausted. I didn’t hear anything or anyone looking for me.”

“I called out the troops.” Negan dropped the bat. “There are search parties out there right now. Wasted manpower on you. I should feed you to the walkers and grab one of your friends to take your place. I bet the one with the curly hair would be a nicer guest.”

“Please. No.” Jo sniffled. “I will be good. I promise.”

“Fix your hair and follow me.” Negan threw the bat over his shoulders and walked away. “I want it off your face.”

With shaky hands Jo pulled out her ponytail holder and gathered her hair in a new one. She stood and followed him to the back wall. To her surprise his personal bedroom door was open. He stood by the side and held out his hand for her to enter. 

It was a lot larger than the little one she previous occupied. There was a massive bed with an insane amount of black and red pillows and a plush blanket. Famous pieces of art hung on the walls. There was a dresser that had a stack of random objects on it. She didn’t want to focus on the bed, having a rough idea what was about to happen.

“Are you going to be a good babydoll?” He came up behind her and put his mouth right new to her ear.

Jo jumped and nodded furiously. 

“Strip.” He walked passed her to the corner of the room. “If I turn around and your clothes are still on I’m going to be disappointed.”

Jo wanted to run. There was nothing between her and the door. She thought about Dr. Ross’ warning and Negan’s threats. There was no going back. Jo told herself she could do this. With a quick motion she took her shirt off. Next she stepped out of her jeans and slid her socks off. 

“All of it.” Negan was setting his baseball bat on a stand, not even looking at her.

Tears welled in her eyes again, but she grabbed the bottom of her sports bra and pulled it over her head. The panties that were a little too large slid off her legs. Jo pressed one arm against her chest and kept her legs together, attempting to shield herself. 

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before darling.” Negan turned to face her.

Jo looked at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact. He walked over and pulled both of her arms to her sides. 

“Doc was right, you’re getting too skinny.” Negan ran his hands over her hips and up her sides. He brought them forward and cupped her breasts, squeezing and kneading. “You still have fantastic tits. It’s like they were made for my hands.”

Jo whimpered.

“You’re right.” Negan slid his hands up her shoulders. “Now is not the time for pleasure. Get on the bed.” 

He placed his hand at the back of her neck and guided her forward. The bed was tall and Jo had to climb up. He guided her forward until she was in the middle, starring at the headboard. He let go and Jo stayed on all fours. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine she was anywhere else. 

“Quit the escapism bullshit.” The sound of Negan undoing his belt was unmistakable.

Jo let out a sob and almost fell forward, her arms wanting to give out. This was it. She wanted to beg for a beating, volunteer to suck as many dicks as he wanted, but instead she stayed still and kept her mouth shut. 

“I think twenty should be appropriate.” Negan moved out of eyesight. “I want to hear you count each one. If you don’t say the number it won’t count for the total.”

Jo didn’t know what she was talking about. The sound of his belt cracking was followed with intense pain on Jo’s butt. She let out a scream as she fell forward. A second crack came and Jo let out another shrill scream as fire exploded on her rear. She started to crawl away. Negan grabbed her hips and she let out a sob.

“Babydoll, those two don’t count because you didn’t say the number.” He repositioned her so her ass was in the air. “I don’t care if you cry, scream, swear. Do what you have to to get through this, but try and keep your ass up, I’d hate to miss my target. Remember it could be a lot worse.” 

Negan gave her a kiss on her forehead and ran his hand down her back as he returned to his stance. This time when the crack sounded Jo was prepared for the sting.

“ONE!” She screamed in between sobs. Another crack came. “TWO.”

She tried her best not to move. By the time she got to five Jo was a blubbering mess. Her ass hurt in a way she didn’t think possible. It felt like the skin was raw. Still the sound of the belt slicing through the air came.

“SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.” Jo just wanted it to stop. Negan was relentless and did not let up. “NINE, TEN, ELEVEN.”

“Please.” Jo sobbed. “Please stop.” 

“If I did that what sort of leader would I be?” Negan moved to her face and wiped the tears away. “You need to learn a lesson.”

Jo buried her head in the blanket and readied herself.

CRACK, CRACK, CRACK!

“TWELVE, THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN.” Jo let out a huge breath. She was sobbing so hard it was no longer audible. 

The blows did not stop. She wished her body was numb, but she felt the sting and fire of each one.

“FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN, SEVENTEEN.” Jo was sure her counting wasn’t even audible at this point. 

CRACK, CRACK, CRACK!

“EIGHTEEN, NINETEEN, TWENTY.” As soon as the twenty left her lips Jo began to hyperventilate. 

Her brow was covered in sweat. The pain was making her head swim. Negan came over and smoothed her hair away. 

“That’s a good girl.” He kissed her cheek and Jo shut her eyes. 

She tried to focus on her breathing. She was alive and Negan was right it could have been much worse. Something cool touched her behind and she tensed. 

“Shhh,” Negan said. “I’m just putting some balm on. You did so well I thought you deserved some.”

Jo knew not to trust him, but she was so exhausted. Her legs were curled under her and her chest was pressed to the bed. She kept her head turned to the right and the blanket felt nice on her cheek. Negan continued to rub her ass, whatever he was putting on the welts wasn’t working well, but the cooling sensation did not make it worse. She felt the bed dip behind her and lifted her head to look, when she felt his hand between her shoulder blades pinning her down.

“Do you know how certain animals prove dominance?” Negan asked. “Especially if there is a willful one? One who doesn’t understand their place?”

An adrenaline surge kicked in and Jo tried to get out from under him. His legs were on both sides of her, making it impossible to kick them out. He kept his hand firm on her shoulders. She moved her hands above her head and gripped the blanket trying to drag herself away. 

“They bend them over,” Negan said. “And force them to submit.” 

Jo felt something poking at her ass and clenched down. 

“Stop.” Jo clawed at the bed. It did no good and soon something slender slid into her ass. “Ow ow ow ow ow.” 

“This is going to happen babydoll. If you relax it won’t hurt as bad.” Negan applied more force and Jo felt what she assumed was a finger slide all the way insider her. “I even used lube since you were such a sport with the belt.”

Jo forgot about the burning on her ass. She was too focused on what was about to happen inside. He started sawing the finger in and out and Jo started thrashing. Negan chuckled and Jo felt him trying to force a second finger inside. She tried to kick her legs out again, do anything to get away, but soon a gasp escaped her lips and she felt the second finger joining the first. Tears of frustration started forming. Jo felt like a caged animal. Negan was spreading his fingers inside of her. She could feel more cold jell being added, coating he insides. 

“Are you going to submit?” Negan asked.

Jo’s heart raced. She didn’t know what answer would stop this. She didn’t know if any answer would stop this. Suddenly his fingers were gone and she felt something larger pressing against her tiny hole. On instinct she clenched, the made Negan chuckle. 

“Resisting will only make it hurt more.” 

She felt more pressure and then heard a pop as his head slid inside her ass. Jo let out a scream.

“I’ll submit! I’ll submit!” Jo sobbed.

The hand pining her down was gone. Jo immediately went up on her arms and started to crawl away. Negan laughed again and started moving with her. 

“Babydoll you have a weird idea of submission.” 

Jo felt his legs next to hers, shuffling with her movements. She made it to the wall and he was still right behind her with the tip of his dick in her ass. Jo placed her hand on the wall in a vain attempt at escaping. Negan continued moving and more of his dick slid inside her. Jo let out another gasp. She was on her knees, flush with the headboard, hands on the wall. Negan was on his knees with his legs outside of hers. She felt his hands dig into her hip as he continued sliding himself inside her. It was a burning sensation Jo wasn’t familiar with. 

Negan hips finally pressed against her butt and Jo felt his chest on her back. Her breath hitched. She couldn’t believe he was inside her this way. 

“Breath babydoll.” Negan kissed her shoulder. “The worst is over.”

Jo expected him to start moving, to cause more pain, but he stilled. She shut her eyes, unsure of what he was going to do next. She was shocked when he started kissing her neck, running his tongue from her ear to her clavicle. He slid his hands up her stomach and again cupped her breasts mimicking what he had done earlier. She gasped when he ran his fingers over her nipples, making the little buds harder, he gave a small pinch to each, sending nerves down to her core. 

He continued kissing her neck and rolling her nipples in his fingers. Jo didn’t understand. His right hand slid down her breast and back to her stomach. He brought his hand between her legs and started stroking her folds.

“Someone is enjoying her punishment,” he said in between nipping her neck. 

His fingers trailed up until they stopped at Jo’s clit. He circled the little bump lightly and another gasp broke from Jo’s mouth. He raised his hand until it was in front of her face. To her horror it was wet. Jo didn’t understand. Negan grabbed her right breast again and started playing with the neglected nipple while his left hand slid down between her legs. He went for her clit immediately and applied pressure stroking the bundle of nerves. 

Jo didn’t want to enjoy this, she didn’t want to enjoy anything from him, but her body had other ideas. He moved his finger away and a moan escaped her mouth. She moved her hips forward wanting his fingers back. The movement made some of Negan’s cock slide out of her. She momentarily forgot about it, as if her body had become used to the invasion. Before she could comprehend the action his fingers were back on her, pressing eagerly against her clit and his cock slid all the way back in her rectum. He stayed still inside her and continued to rub her, he pinched her nipple at the same time he bit her neck and a moan involuntarily escaped her mouth.

Negan removed his fingers again and Jo lurched forward after them. This time more of his cock moved out. He was slowly moving them away from the headboard. Before Jo could question why his hand came back and again she slid down his cock. His fingertips dances on her, teasing her lightly. She wanted more pressure and thrust her hips forward to try and achieve her goal. 

“Watching you fuck your own ass on my cock is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” Negan pushed his hand back, rubbing circles on her clit and his rod slid back inside her. 

Jo had to stop. But he moved his hand away again and her needy button automatically lurched forward for it. She was aware that the only part that remained inside her was the head of his cock, but when he brought his hand back this time and he disappeared into her body again it didn’t hurt. Instead it was a strange full feeling. 

Negan moved both hands around her waist and lifted her up, leaving himself buried inside her. He turned them around and pressed her forward onto the elbows. He brought one hand underneath them and immediately found her clit, he rubbed in a circle applying immense pressure. Jo let out a moan. With his other hand he gripped her hip and started sliding his cock in and out of her. There was still a hint of burning, but it almost felt good. He started picking up the pace and Jo let out a moan as she focused on his fingers rubbing her. 

The buildup was so sudden Jo didn’t notice it. Her heart felt like it exploded as tingles worked their way through her body. 

“Fuck.” Negan yelled. “It’s like you’re milking my cock.”

Jo couldn’t help it that her muscles tensed and relaxed as the orgasm left her shaky. Suddenly he stilled and Jo felt him blow inside her. Jo collapsed on the bed and he slid out of her. Her body betrayed her again. The pleasure was gone and replaced with a feeling of exhaustion and shame. Negan got off the bed and walked around to her face. He grabbed her by the chin.

“I just fucked you up the ass and you thanked me for it.” He gave her the devilish grin. “I hope you don’t forget who is in charge here again. 

He let go of her chin and through her clothes on the bed. Jo was too tired to cry as she dressed, hoping wherever he sent her was far from him.


	9. Chapter 9

Daryl didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t good with words and he didn’t know what Jo needed. She seemed to confusion pity with compassion. He didn’t think less of her, in fact he thought more of her. She did what she needed to in order to survive. More than anything Daryl wanted to hold her, let her know she was not alone in this world. He started to raise his hands to touch her, but thought better of it. Deciding it was best to ask permission first he opened his mouth.

“It was not your fault.” Rick’s voice carried over his shoulder.

Both Daryl and Jo turned around to see Rick a few feet behind them. He walked closer to them, his eyes glued on Jo.

“None of it.” Rick approaches Jo and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “If you have to blame someone blame me.”

“You had nothing to do with it.” Jo shook her head. “If I wouldn’t have fallen asleep in that bed…”

“Negan lied,” Rick interrupted. “Every time he came here he would goad me into talking about you.” 

~~~ 

Sometimes when the Saviors came they raided the houses, sometimes they accepted the delivery, sometimes Negan would accompany them other times it was some other guy. The arrangement was going on for about six weeks and Alexandria was suffering. Rick struggled to keep it together, but he needed to stay strong for his people. Some of them wanted to fight, but Rick knew that meant death for Jo. They had already lost too many people. He hoped eventually the Saviors wouldn’t demand so much and life could go on. If they were complacent enough maybe Negan would let her go.

They opened the gate for this week’s pickup. The truck rolled in and Negan followed behind on foot with two of his supporters flanking either side. Rick wanted nothing more than to shoot the man dead. He thought he could get a round off before he was taken down. If it was only his life on the line he would have done it in a heartbeat, but even if their leader was dead the rest of the Saviors would slaughter all of Alexandria in retribution. Rick could not have that.

“Rick, my good friend.” Nick raised his arms in the air with a giant grin. “We are going to take a peek around today if you don’t mind.”

Rick bit the inside of his cheeks as saviors jumped out of the truck. 

“Let’s me and you have a chat.” Negan pointed to the porch of the first house on the street. 

It didn’t matter who lived there, everyone hid when Negan was around. Negan took a seat on some patio furniture and signaled for Rick to sit in the chair next to him. He hated the way the man treated this all like a game. It made him impossible to read. 

“Carl around today?” Negan asked.

“He’s busy.” Sometimes Carl, Daryl, or Glenn was with him with Negan arrived. Today Rick wanted to go solo.

“His knuckles heal?” Negan almost looked sincere.

“Is your guy’s face cleared up?” Rick raised an eyebrow.

Negan smiled and shook his head, then rolled his eyes. 

“My guy, yeah. Healing up nicely.” Negan reached into his pocket and pulled out a small electronic device. “Hard to believe how advanced we were getting before things went to shit. Maybe the most brilliant minds should have been working on something else besides battery operated handheld camcorders.”

Whatever was on that camera Rick did not want to see.

“Remember last week?” Negan asked. “I didn’t pay you a visit, let Bud lead the initiative?”

Rick nodded. Praying he would put the camera away.

“Bud tells me that one of your people threatened him and called me a monster. He said it was some mouthy gal with short hair. I know a lot of your women like that look so it’s impossible to tell which one it was.” Negan flipped the camera open to show a palm sized screen. “I believe her exact words were ‘just you wait, eventually we will take you and your monster leader down’, not very articulate, but a threat none the less.”

Negan tilted the camera so Rick could see the screen.

“I don’t believe in empty threats. I also don’t treat any threat as minor.” Negan pressed play. 

Rick looked away as a nude Jo was being led onto a bed by Negan. She was crying and shaking.

“If you don’t watch every second of this I will assume you don’t like my directorial abilities and I’ll just have to go and make another movie.” Negan smiled. “A couple weeks ago when I was bragging about how hard my babydoll came for me, you didn’t believe me. I could tell. So I came back with proof.”

Rick watched as Negan whipped Jo with a belt. Her screams increased and he tightened his grip on the chair. It was taking every ounce of self-control not to beat the man to death. 

“I know you made it clear you had fucked my favorite toy multiple times, but tell me, were any of those up the ass? Or did I take her anal cherry?” Negan started to laugh. “Let me say that little fox wasn’t sure at first, but as you will be able to see soon she ended up loving every second.”

Rick lied about his relationship with Jo, he didn’t want to give Negan any more satisfaction. When Negan inquired about her virginity that meant Jo wasn’t talking. Rick thought he was protecting her by saying those things. It was too much. Rick grabbed the other man by the shoulders and threw him to the porch. He leaned over him ready to strike when five men with their weapons drawn approached. 

“Whatever you do to me I’ll just do to her tenfold.” Negan held his hands up. 

Rick was trapped. He dropped his fist and stood up. Negan pushed himself up. Then without warning he decked Rick, square in the jaw. 

“Like I said, I don’t take lightly to threats.” Negan shook his hand out.

Rick applied pressure to the throbbing in his face. More than anything Rick wanted to spew hatred at the man, but he had no idea what that would mean for Jo. Rick had never been in a more challenging spot.

“What do we need to do to get Jo back?” Rick asked, swallowing his pride.

“Really?” Negan raised an eyebrow. “Demonstrate a history of cooperation. I’m thinking a few years at the minimum. Then who knows if she will want to come home by then? If you finish the video you will see how much she is enjoying herself.”

The camera had fallen to the porch. Rick couldn’t see the video any long but he did hear Jo moan. There was no doubt in his mind she was doing what she had to live. He knew his Jo. She was sweet, reserved, intelligent, and prudish. Whatever Negan was doing to her she fundamentally would not change. Rick had to believe that.

“Consider that your proof of life.” Negan flipped the camera closed. “Unless you want to give me another dumb book to put in the video, to make sure it’s fresh and all? I wouldn’t mind a reshoot.”

Negan walked off the porch. He turned around to look at Rick.

“Keep your people in line or else I’ll have to keep breaking my little babydoll in.” Negan winked. 

He signaled to his men to wrap it up. In a matter of minutes the truck was gone. Rick cracked his jaw. He had never felt so helpless in the life. Daryl and Glenn walked up. 

“We have to start planning an attack,” Glenn started. “This can’t keep happening.”

“Talk to your wife.” Rick walked down the porch. “Tell her to keep her mouth shut around the Saviors.”

“Maggie is right to stand up to them.” Glenn crossed his arms. “Someone has to.”

“Do you know what Maggie’s speech resulted in? A beating for Jo…and worse.” Rick got in Glenn’s face. “Does her life matter so little to you now?”

Glenn did not react. It was obvious he was already thinking of Jo as good as dead. Rick looked at Daryl for his opinion. 

“What if Negan had taken Maggie?” Daryl asked. “Would you be so eager to attack then?” 

Glenn softened. 

“If Negan took Maggie I would be trying everything in my power to rescue her.” Glenn backed away from Rick. “I wouldn’t wait for him to decide to give her back.”

Rick shook his head. He thought about a rescue mission, but if they failed everyone would be punished. Carl was the only person who knew where the sanctuary was. Since his trip there he had been more than reserved. Rick didn’t know if he could ask him for directions or to make a day trip. Glenn was right though. Rick nodded. 

“I won’t attack, but maybe…maybe if we can get her out of there we can try something.” Rick wiped his face.

Glenn looked elated, Daryl shocked. Rick started walking home. 

“You would risk her life like this?” Daryl was close behind. 

“You didn’t see what I just saw.” Rick felt like he was going to be sick. 

“She ain’t dead yet.” Daryl threw his arms up.

“The Jo I know would rather be dead than live through the hell she is in.” Rick stopped and faced Daryl. “She won’t be able to handle this much longer.”

“She’s stronger than you give her credit.” Daryl stepped closer to Rick. “We need to wait. He will get bored and give her back.”

“Right now we need a plan.” Rick turned back around and started walking. 

“If he kills her it will be your…”

“HE IS KILLING HER!” Rick screamed at Daryl. 

His friend stood speechless in the middle of the street. Some people appeared on their porches. Rick ran his hand through his hair.

“He is killing her.” Rick took a breath. “We can either stop it now or wait a few years until he feels like dropping off her beaten, broken body. Now you can either help or stay out of the way.”

Rick was unsure of himself, to the point he may have just signed Jo’s death warrant. But he had to try something and he had to start somewhere.  
~~~ 

“I should have listened to Daryl.” Rick locked eyes with Jo. “Everything that happened to you, it was my fault.”

“You saw?” Jo did not think her humiliation could get any worse. “I had no idea…oh God! Is that still out there?”

Rick looked at the ground. Jo felt so dirty, she brought her arms up and covered herself, feeling more exposed than necessary.

“What are you doing here man?” Daryl asked. 

“Maggie’s party is starting soon. I was looking for you two. Then I heard Jo talking and I listened.” Rick looked up at Jo. “I should have made myself known, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy like that.”

“What other things did he video tape?” Jo stepped forward. Her voice cracked. “What else do you know about my time with him?”

“Nothing.” Rick shook his head. “A few more pictures later on. Then he told us you were dead. I thought he found out about our surveillance missions and that was the punishment.”

Jo wanted to scream, it was like she was being violated all over again.

“No wonder you can’t look me in the eye.” Jo mumbled. 

“Jo,it’s not like that.” Rick sighed. “A lot has happened. I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t know how to help you. If you blame yourself for one second you need to stop. It was all my fault.”

“I don’t blame myself.” Jo’s voice shook. “I don’t blame you either. I blame him.”

She looked up. Rick looked on the verge of tears and Daryl looked angry. She took a breath and tried to calm herself.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Jo swallowed. “He’s dead. He can’t hurt us anymore. We have to find a way to move forward. All of us.”

Daryl opened his mouth, but did not speak.

“Yes.” Rick nodded his head. “We will get through this.”

Jo couldn’t figure either of them out at this point. She had a millions questions running through her mind. Did they try to save her? Why did it take so long to fight back if they thought she was dead? Why didn’t Daryl want to come for her? Was Glenn willing to sacrifice her? Jo’s head swam. This was too much.

“Jo, are you alright?” Daryl asked.

“I want to go home.” Jo squeezed her sides. “I’m not in the mood for a party.”

She walked passed Rick and Daryl towards the houses. She heard them moving behind her and turned around.

“Please, I want to be alone for a while.” 

Both men looked incredibly hurt. Jo bit her lip and spun back around, speed walking to the houses, not wanting to lose her nerve or hear either of them object to her decision. Normally after sharing a memory Jo felt some relief, but this time all she felt was shame.

~~~   
Daryl grabbed Rick’s arm. They stayed in the trees until she was out of view.

“She shouldn’t be alone.” Rick rolled Daryl’s hand away. 

“She’s not a child.” Daryl let go. “Funny, I don’t have the same memory of that night as you do.”

“What do you mean?” Rick looked at the ground.

“We all wanted to rescue Jo. You wanted to leave that night without a plan, go in guns blazing.” Daryl walked ahead. “All I did was talk you into going in with a clear head. You made it out like I didn’t want to rescue her at all.”

“I’m sorry.” Rick caught up. “Next time I will make sure my random confession portrays you in a more positive light. I was really hoping to avoid telling her about the tape, but she thought it was her fault. That bastard was going to do those things to her no matter what.”

“Exactly,” Daryl said. “All he did was fuck with her head. What is it you’re doing?”

“Excuse me?” Rick asked. 

“How is she going to feel when she finds out you’re a liar?” They appeared on the street. 

Daryl looked ahead and saw Jo disappear into Rick’s house. He let out a sigh, hoping she meant home as in her home. 

“Maybe she never finds out.” Rick watched the same image. 

“Are you going to kill him?” Daryl spit. 

“He’s at Hilltop right now.” Rick started walking. “I’m headed that way day after tomorrow. Maybe when I leave he’ll have a bullet between his eyes.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game with Jo.” Daryl walked next to Rick. “Decide what you want before jerking her around.”

Daryl split off from Rick. He ran up the steps to Jo’s house and threw the door open. He felt like a double failure. Jo was supposed to confide in him, find solace. After she shared her story he did nothing to make her feel better. Then he let Rick sweep in and make things worse. Daryl made a promise to himself. He was going to do everything in his power to help the girl. It wasn’t going to be because Rick asked. Daryl didn’t care about her opinion of him either. She needed a true friend and that is who he would be.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I had a very busy week.

The house was empty. Jo went straight for her room. She saw the plain walls and the unslept in bed and sighed. She felt like a fourteen year old girl who had caused a scene and needed a dramatic exit. That was not her at all. She was so frustrated with everything and the truth was she didn’t know how to feel or how to behave. It was like learning human emotions all over again. 

“Okay Jo.” She paced across the carpet. “What do you want?”

She knew that question was too large to answer, but she needed to start somewhere. Jo stopped pacing. She wanted to be back in her room, out from under Rick’s roof. Rick was kind, meant well, and Jo believed had her best interests at heart, but it still felt like she traded one prison for another. 

Her room did not face the street. She went into the hall and walked towards the master suit, hoping to get a coast is clear from the window. Jo pushed open the door and was shocked to see Michonne, folding clothes into a bag.

“Sorry.” Jo bumbled by the door. “I didn’t think anyone was home.”

“You’re fine.” Michonne dropped the article of clothing she was packing. “I also didn’t think anyone was home.”

Jo watched as MIchonne picked up the shirt. She noticed it was a woman’s top. Then her eyes went to the closet and the bag on the bed. Her heart jumped at what she was watching. Michonne shoved the item in and zipped up the bag. Jo took a step forward.

“You were living here.” Jo more spoke to herself than Michonne. 

This was obviously still Rick’s room. The other woman nodded her head. To the average person Michonne would look indifferent, but Jo knew the woman well enough to sense a bit of sadness in her expression.

“With all that’s happened, I think its best I stayed somewhere else for a while.” Michonne lifted the bag over her shoulder. “We didn’t want you to find out like this.”

Jo’s mouth hung open. With all that happened she stopped thinking about a relationship with Rick a long time ago. It never occurred to her that he had also moved on. 

“You’re moving out because of me?” Jo was shocked.

“No.”Michonne shook her head. “Things are confusing in general right now…”

“Because I’m back?” Jo pointed a finger to her chest.

“You had him first.” Michonne crossed her arms. “I don’t want to be the other woman.”

Jo burst out laughing. Michonne looked hurt and Jo covered her mouth. Jo couldn’t remember the last time she heard the sound of her own laughter. It caused a chain reaction and soon she could not stop. Eventually Michonne’s shoulders started to rise and she started to laugh with Jo. The two woman stood for several minutes, both laughing hysterically. Eventually Jo needed to catch her breath and fell to the ground. Michonne slid down and joined her. Soon the giggles died down, but Jo’s smile remained.

“I’m sorry, but what are we laughing at?” Michonne kept a grin that made her features look more like a model and less like a deadly hunter.

“Life.” Jo shook her head. “I have no interest in Rick, or in any man. If you two are happy I am happy for you.”

“It’s a lot more complicated than that.” Michonne’s smile faded. 

“How?” Jo tilted her head to the side.

Since her return she hadn’t even addressed her feeling for Rick to herself. It was another relief to say them out loud. It was as if each admission continued to break away the giant boulder on her shoulders. 

“You two were together. Then you sacrificed yourself for all of us. Then we left you for dead essentially, went on with our lives. Everyone here owes you something…”

“No one owes me shit.” Jo’s face soured. “I made a choice, nobody sacrificed me.”

“But don’t you see.” Michonne leaned forward. “That choice saved everyone and you paid dearly for it. Everyone here wants to help you.”

“You all look at me and I see guilt and pity.” Jo started to stand up. “You want to help me so badly that you’re ending relationships that have nothing to do with me, that I don’t want ended.”

Michonne’s face went flat. She looked at the ground. Jo immediately felt guilty.

“What do you want then?” Michonne asked the million dollar question.

Both woman stood all the way up. Jo looked towards the window and opened the curtain. As she had assumed the party was outside in the center of Alexandria under the mini park and gazebo, a few hundred yards away. 

“I keep myself that and I am not sure.” Jo turned back around. “Right now all I want is to move back into my home, sleep in my room. After that I have no idea.”

“That’s why Rick and I can’t continue. What happens when you figure out what you want and it’s him?” Michonne looked serious. “He would pick you over me, he has to. I would rather end things now rather than get more invested.”

Jo knew Michonne was right. Everyone, especially Rick, felt like they owed her a debt. If she told him to leave Michonne he would. It might be because he wanted Jo too, or it might break his heart to leave the dark skinned beauty. Maybe both. Either way he would do it. That was the type of man Rick was. 

“Michonne.” Jo walked over to her. “I can’t promise I will never want Rick back, but I can promise that there is no way I would break apart a relationship. If you two are happy together, continue to be happy. If you’re that concerned about me then stay together on my behalf. I can’t handle another thing to feel guilty about right now.”

Jo felt a tear swell. She blinked rapidly, forcing them away. 

“What Ne,” Michonne paused. “What he did to you. How bad was it?”

The question made Jo’s breath hitch. She let a tear fall and turned to look at Michonne. 

“If I told you not all of it was bad would you believe me?” Jo forced a smile.

“I heard how rough you were when they found you.” Michonne shook her head. “What was done to you was terrible. Even if you justified it in your mind, it was a coping mechanism.”

“Maybe.” Jo closed her eyes, knowing another part of her past was about to come forward. “Maybe not. After I had been there a few months I guess, he gave me a pretty bad punishment. I was not prepared for what came next. I don’t care what you say. This part was all my fault.”  
~~~ 

Jo wished she was numb, but instead her rear, inside and out ached with every step. Negan kept his hand firmly on the back of her neck and paraded her through the sanctuary. If they passed anyone Jo did not notice. The shame over what had just happened was too much. She didn’t understand how she could have let herself go like that. She had reservations about the act itself enough, tie that together with her partner being a monster and it was too much. 

They stopped walking. Jo let his hand pull her neck straight. They were back at the cells where she started her stay here. Negan reached around her and opened the door. There was the florescent light and the bucket. This one came with a very thin mattress however. 

“Remember babydoll, we are always watching.” He shoved her into the cell. “I think I made a mistake moving you out of here. You weren’t ready.”

Jo did not turn around to look at him, instead she plopped down on the mattress with her back to him, and silently begging him to close the door and leave her be. 

“You did such a good job with that pretty little mouth and that tight ass of yours I thought you deserved a bed.” Negan’s smirk carried through his words. “When you’ve had enough down here all you need to do is ask for me. Then we can make a deal.” 

Jo still didn’t turn around. She didn’t want to know what sort of deal he wanted. She didn’t even care if she went back to Dr. Ross’ lab. She knew that was what he was referring to, there was no way he would arrange her return to Alexandria. 

“Be mad at me all you want babydoll, but I didn’t break the rules. You did.” He took a step back. “Besides, it felt like you enjoyed your punishment to me.”

He snickered as he shut the door. Jo forced her eyes shut, hoping to bite back the tears. Her body was ravaged and her spirit was cracked. She wasn’t sure if the drops fell before she went to sleep or not. 

Similar as before it was impossible to tell time. To make matters worse there were no trashy romance novels delivered with her gruel. Boredom is a good way to break a person, but Jo was never much of a talker anyway. The light bulbs were what really bothered her. She wished she was in pitch black over the constant hum and harsh glow they caused. One time she tried to prop her mattress up to smash them in, but they were too high.

She passed the time sleeping or fantasizing. She thought about her friends back home. Imagining Maggie’s baby growing, Glenn’s overprotectiveness shining through, Daryl returning with a huge buck after a hunt, and Rick…being Rick. 

The only reason Negan took her and didn’t kill the rest of them was because of the former officer’s attachment to her. Jo wasn’t even sure how strong it was though. She played out pushing his hands away, being so cold to him over and over in her head. There were lots of things she would do differently now. 

One particular time she was awake and heard the echo of footsteps coming. She knew it was the gruel being dropped off and still wouldn’t even think of calling out for Negan. To her surprise the door opened this time. She looked up and saw Dwight. He set down her tray of oatmeal and grabbed her bucket, then replaced it with a new one. The man didn’t speak a word to her and she didn’t say anything either.

This was a new development, one that didn’t happen the last time she sat in this hole. That time it had been seven days. So she knew at least a week had passed. Jo sighed and picked up the bowl, bringing it to her lips and downing the soupy meal. 

Her sense of smell and taste still hadn’t returned, so the bucket and quality of meal didn’t affect her. Really if isolation was meant to break her they should feed her more. The little slop didn’t give her enough energy to get bored. Once the soup disappeared she drank half the water. 

She gave a small smile and wondered how bad she smelled, telling herself next time Dwight showed up she would try and see if his face gave away how much it reeked in here. Jo turned around and curled up on her little mattress, trying her hardest to cover her eyes from the light and drifted off to sleep again. Feeling confident that if the smell and taste never returned she could survive down here for years. By then Negan would kill her or Rick would revolt and rescue her. She was fine either way.

Every time Jo was awake when the food was dropped off she waited to see if Dwight would change out her bucket. They stopped collecting the soup bowls too and Jo started to stack them like blocks, it helped to pass the time. She was in the middle of making a small tower when the muffled sound of gunshots came through the wall.

Knowing it wouldn’t help Jo still pushed her ear against the wall. Her heart skipped a beat as the unmistakable sound came through. The last time she heard gunfire at the Sanctuary is was Carl. It was not a common occurrence. A large part of her begged it was Alexandria attacking. Maybe they joined forces with Hilltop, or some other colony. She didn’t care as long as whatever it was got her out of this cell.

The thought made her bring her hand to her mouth. She wanted out. Had Negan broken her? Then she shook her head. He told her she would have to ask, to trade, to deal for her release. Jo was far from ready to grovel. She took some relief in that. Having hope and dreaming were different from begging. She was not broken after all. 

A few minutes later and the sound of boot steps came down the hall. Jo knew they were linked. Jo didn’t think Carl would attack again alone, but if he did it did not matter. No matter why they were coming for her, to punish or to kill, she was getting out of the cell without having ever broken.

When the door to the room started to open Jo rose to her feet. She was not surprised to see Negan standing there, but he looked shocked to see her. His eyes glanced over her frame. He looked a bit disgusted.

“On a scale of one to ten how crazy are you?” He locked eyes with her.

“Maybe a three?” Jo’s voice was hoarse from lack of use. 

He shrugged his shoulders and reached out and grabbed her arm, dragging her out of the cell. Jo didn’t resist him and tried her hardest to keep up. She was weak and her muscles weren’t used to free movement. He started to pull her up the steps and Jo took them two at a time. She had no clue where he was taking her, but a false sense of calmness came with removal from the room. One that she promised herself there and then she would never reveal to anyone. Negan could do whatever he wanted to her and she would be grateful for the momentary reprieve that was all sweeter because she did not request it. Her lips curled up into a tiny smile and she enjoyed the strange sense of freedom. She would accept either the pain or death Negan was leading her to with open arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm traveling next week too, so may not have another chapter until next Friday. Thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

The smile stayed plastered on Jo’s face as Negan led her through the halls. They stopped in front of the doors to the medical ward and he spun to face her. That was when her smile started to falter. She was used to seeing anger, smugness, and annoyance on his face. Now he looked stressed, even a little worried. He didn’t say a word as he flung the door open.

The small space was filled with people. They looked normal, not scary like most of the ones she encountered at the Sanctuary. Jo noticed most of them were crying. There was a mix of ages and a general degree of disarray in the room. Nobody paid her any attention as Negan grabbed her arm and led her to the back corner. Jo saw Dr. Ross leaning over a stretcher surrounded by four other individuals.

“I brought her.” Negan let go of Jo’s arm.

Dr. Ross looked up. There was sweat on his forehead. 

“Jo wash your hands, put on gloves, and throw your hair up.” Dr. Ross looked back down.

Over the noise of the room, Jo could barely hear him. People were wailing and talking over each other. Jo did as directed, knowing very well where everything in the room was. Nobody paid her any attention as she walked back over towards Dr. Ross. Even Negan looked distracted.

“What happened?” Jo was certain it had something to do with the gun shots. 

She always pictured the Saviors as the men who came to Alexandria, who Negan brought up to his room to use her the second week here. Some burly men were in the overcrowded room, but most people looked….average.

“I could use your expertise.” Dr. Ross let out a groan and brought a blood soaked hand to his forehead.

“Please, please my son needs help.” A woman gripped on to Jo’s arm.

She was thrown off by the human contact, but saw the desperation in the woman’s eyes and froze. Jo leaned over the stretcher Dr. Ross was working on and gasped. There was a boy, no older than fourteen who looked pale as a ghost. The woman continued to squeeze Jo’s arm. 

“DR. ROSS,” Jo yelled. “WHAT HAPPENED?”

“What happened is I am a psychiatrist, not a surgeon.” The words spit out of his mouth. “I need all the help I can get.”

Jo shook the woman off and went over to Doctor Ross.

“That did not answer my question.” Jo kept her eyes on the man and not the boy dying on the table. “How many injured?”

“Four.” The Dr. went back to the bullet hole. “Ages eight to fourteen. I hoped your specialty in pediatrics will pay off. Andy here is in the best shape. I want to get started on him and then move on to the other three.”

“Have you stabilized the other boys?” Jo asked. 

“Stabilized?” Dr. Ross looked annoyed. “Will one of you gentlemen move out of the way and let a qualified assistant step in.”

Jo didn’t listen to Dr. Ross. Instead she navigate to the other gurneys. Groups surrounded all the boys, some were trying to apply pressure to the wounds, others were trying to hug their dying family members. The roar of the room brought Jo back to her army days. She was so tired, dirty, and confused from her time in the cell, but suddenly none of that mattered. The only thing she was concerned with was saving these children. 

A flip switched inside her and Jo ran to the medicine cabinet. She grabbed the bottle of Aderal and popped a pill. Knowing it’s exact location she opened a drawer and pulled out a rubber band, pulling her hair back. Next she grabbed some basic first aid supplies. In a manner of seconds she was ready to begin. First she dragged a chair to the center of the room and stood on it, using a skill she learned from the nuns she brought her fingers to her mouth and let out a loud whistle. The noise in the room died down and everyone stared at her.

‘I KNOW YOU’RE ALL CONCERNED, BUT IF YOU WANT THESE BOYS TO LIVE YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME. IF YOU’RE APPLYING PRESSURE TO A WOUND STAY WHERE YOU ARE. EVERYONE ELSE OUT.” People looked at her, but nobody moved. “NOW. THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOUR TEARS MORE IF THEY SURVIVE THE NIGHT.”

A man grabbed a crying woman and started dragging her to the door. Everyone seemed to follow and soon Jo saw space around each of the other three stretchers. Maybe two to three people remained by the patients’ sides. Jo noticed Dr. Ross and his grouping paid her no attention. She jumped off the chair and started towards the first bed. Someone reached out and grabbed her arm. 

Jo turned to see an angry looked Negan. 

“I need a pot of coffee, a cigarette, and four men who have no emotional attachment to these boys. They need to follow orders. I don’t need them to be smart, or inquisitive, or strong. They can be as stupid as they come, but they need to follow orders.” Jo pulled her arm away and continued her walk.

She didn’t have the time to worry about her place here, or Negan’s thoughts on her. Right now all that mattered were the patients. She got to the first bed, no longer was she in the sanctuary. She was back on the battle field. Jo had one purpose. Stabilize the injuries until the doctor could treat. The first boy was young, Jo didn’t care about his age or his name. She needed to see him as a soldier in order to get through this and give him a fighting chance.

A quick scan showed a man applying pressure to his shoulder and one to his hip. The boy was unconscious. She imagined it was from pain. Jo grabbed the wrist of the man holding the hip.

“You may leave the room now.” She didn’t look over her shoulder, but knew he didn’t listen to her. 

First Jo checked for an exit wound, there wasn’t one. The bleeding slowed, but the patient’s breathing was regular and pulse was fine. She applied pressure along the pelvis bone. And let out a sigh in relief, at least the bone was not shattered. She pulled out some antiseptic and started to clean the wound. It was too tight to see the bullet, that meant a doctor was needed, but she could clean and prep the area. It didn’t take long. She laid a piece of gauze over the hole and moved around for the shoulder. The man returned and started applying pressure to the hip.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jo asked.

“Helping.” The man looked confused.

“Pressure stops the bleeding. Does it look like he is fucking bleeding?” Jo locked eyes with the big man. 

As if on cue Negan walked in with three men in tow. He slammed a pot of coffee down on the center table and held up a single cigarette.

“Put the cigarette by the sink please. Where I can see it.” She pointed. “Gentlemen please wash your hands and put on gloves. Then each of you stand by a gurney.”

Jo moved the hands of the man applying pressure to the shoulder wound. She leaned the boy up and he let out a groan. That was a good sign normally, but Jo didn’t want him waking up until everything was in working order. The first of Negan’s cronies came over.

“You’re name is number one.” Jo looked at him. “Do you understand?”

“Yes.” The guy did not look familiar. 

“You will follow me around, stay two feet behind me at all times. Do whatever I say and make sure nobody tries to fucking talk to me.” Jo felt her adrenaline surge. “First task, go to the medicine cabinet and find a bottle labeled Ketamine. There will be a dropper. Fill it up and drop two droplets into the patient’s mouth.”

The man did not hesitate and ran to the cabinets. 

“The other three of you. Pick a soldier.” Jo pointed to the other two gurneys. “You will watch them and call me in the event I am needed immediately.”

The three men followed orders and split off. Jo continued examining the shoulder. The bullet was through and through. This would be a relatively quick fix. 

“Number two.” Jo looked at the new arrival. “Please escort these two gentlemen out.”

Whoever Negan brought in was enough to command respect since both men lifted their arms and walked out.

“There are some scissors and thread.” Jo was already starting to clean the wound. “Hand them to me. Number one, go and find me a magnifying head set. Third drawer from the left.”

In a few seconds the man was placing the goggle on Jo’s head. She continued to clean the wound and with a few internal stitches the internal shoulder bleeding was stopped. 

“Number two. Use the thread and stitch up the front of the shoulder and the back.” Jo handed them to the man and started to move.

“I’ve never given stitches before.” He looked dumbfounded.

“Yes you have.” Jo didn’t need to give pep talks. “Maybe not to a person, but you’ve stitched something at some point. Trust me, nobody cares about a scar or how you do, just close it. Both sides. Monitor the gauze on his hip. If his condition changes call for me.”

Jo moved on to the next patient. He was older and had a shot to the gut. There was one man heavily applying pressure to the wound. Jo prayed there was an exit wound. Gut shots were bleeders, but had a strong survival rate as long as the bullet wasn’t lodged in the intestines.

“Ma’am!” Someone from bed number three called. 

Jo left the patient with the gut wound and crossed to the third victim. He was struggling to breathe. Jo saw the bullet wound was to the rib cage. 

“It must have nicked his lung.” Jo ran to the supply cabinet. 

She found a large syringe and walked back to the boy. Without hesitating she stabbed it down into his lungs. There was a slight uproar from her helpers, but everyone backed off as Jo pulled out puss and blood. A bit of relief flashed in her face. She had seen much worse. 

“Number one three drops of Ketamine.” Jo yanked the needle out and arched the boys’ head back as the droplets were applied.

It had been years since she’d intubated anyone, but in twenty seconds Jo had a tube down the young man’s throat and the manual air pump attached. 

“Number three. I need you to squeeze this down every ten seconds.” Jo demonstrated. “If he has another episode call for me again.”

Jo returned back to the gut shot. It took about four hours, but it felt like four minutes, finally the three patients were stabilized. There was nothing more Jo could do without a doctor. She didn’t dare pause to take a break. Instead Jo walked back to Dr. Ross who was still at work on the same young man.

“Dr. Ross the other patients are ready for you now.” Jo leaned over to see what looked like messy surgery. 

“Does it look like I’m ready for them?” The Doctor did not look up.

“If you want I can watch after this one for a bit.” Jo noticed that her three each only had one attendant, while five still crowded the sole one who had the Doctor’s attention.

He threw his hands up and walked away, towards Jo.

“I am doing the best I can. I brought you up from that dungeon because I thought you would be an actual nurse and assist. You didn’t listen to a single thing I told you and NOW think you can boss me around?” He looked over Jo. “I told you I was not a surgeon. Let me work at my own pace and down breathe down my neck.”

With that a flustered Dr. Ross returned to the boy. Jo turned around to see Negan behind her. Jo supposed he had been here the entire time, but she had not paid attention. Not that it mattered, Jo was in total army mode. She saw Dr. Ross as her commanding officer and that meant Negan was several steps above her. It didn’t feel right talking with him, but there was no other choice.

“I have them stabilized.” Jo started. “Number one needs that bullet removed in the next twelve hours before the wound tries to close around it. Number three needs to have their wound more secured in the next four or the bleeding may continue. Number two needs to have a stint put in his lung to drain the fluid within an hour.” 

Negan placed his hands on her shoulders. Under normal circumstances Jo would have be repulsed, but it was like she was having an out of body experience. The only thing that mattered was saving the soldiers. 

“You have to do it.” Negan guided her towards number two.

“I’m not a doctor.” Jo watched as her helper continued to manually breathe for the patient. “It’s against protocol.” 

“I’m ordering you to do it.” 

That was the only thing Jo needed to hear. She nodded her head. She glanced towards the sink and reminded herself that the end was in sight.

 

“Number one,” Jo called. “Get me some morphine, and the medical equipment in the pouch in drawer seven.”

Jo turned to face Negan.

“Find out what type of blood number two has.” Jo pointed to the bed. “Then find me a match, if you can’t then find me someone who is blood type O negative. He will be up next and will need a transfusion.” 

Negan started towards the door. Jo took a breath as number one appeared behind her. This was going to be a long night. 

Fifteen hours later number one had the bullet out of his hip. Dr. Ross long finished with his sole patient and it looked like all four were going to survive. With shaky caffeine hands Jo finished the last stitch. She scooted her chair away and looked around the room.

Each of the boys had their assigned helped to them. Number one had been transferred to watching Dr. Ross’ case. All four lay sleeping, knocked out on animal tranquilizer. Jo noticed the amount of bandages and blood on the floor and felt numb. She heard cheers, crying, and clapping from outside the room. No doubt from Negan delivering the prognosis.

Jo stood up from her chair and went to the sink. She grabbed the cigarette and started towards the exit.

“How do I get outside?” She asked.

“Turn left, then right.” All four of her helpers replied in unison. 

Jo left the med ward and didn’t look or pat attention to a single person who was listening to Negan’s speech. If he cared about her leaving he didn’t show it. Then she saw the exit. Two swinging doors. It was dusk. Jo hadn’t been outside in several months, but she was still in go mode and couldn’t focus on that fact. Nobody stopped her as she felt the cool evening air on her cheeks. She spotted a bucket filled with sand and walked towards it. Sure enough there was a lighter on the ledge. In a quick motion she lit up her prize and took a drag.

 

Her neck hurt, her entire body hurt. The smoke started to make her feel dizzy, but each pull taste delicious. It felt like she was back in Iraq, not anywhere near the Saviors or even the zombie apocalypse, and she had just done well. The feeling was shattered when she felt someone come up behind her.

“I had to get outside.” Jo took another drag.

“I’m not going to yell at you.” Negan walked to her front. “I never pegged you for a smoker.”

“I’m not.” Jo inhaled again. “My mentor was. He said always have something in your eyesight you want when this is done. It makes it easier to focus, and to remember this is just a task that will end soon. I tried it with candy, but I would always end up eating it too early.”

“You mentor in the pediatrician’s office?” Negan raised an eyebrow.

“These little bad boys serve two purposes for me.” Jo held up the cigarette. “Doing this sort of thing, it can weigh on your nerves, make you nauseous. Especially once the adrenaline wears off.”

“You were in there for about twenty hours.” Negan gave a genuine smile. “Who knows how long you’ve been awake or how much real sleep you’ve gotten.”

“Not only do they remind me the end is in sight.” Jo took another drag, ignoring his observation. “They speed up the nausea.” 

With the final sentence Jo keeled over and threw out the entire contents of her stomach, which was solely coffee mixed with some bile all over Negan’s shoes. Her stomach continued to heave as she thought about losing one of those young boys, remembering the pressure and the fear. Jo landed on her hands and knees and continued dry heaving, as if her body were trying to throw up the memories of the last several months as well as the coffee. 

She wished she would lose conscious, but there was no head injury to black out to. A sob escaped her lips as she was scooped up. Her head was pressed against Negan’s chest and she was too tired and weak to struggle away.

“Shhhhh.” He rubbed her back as he held her like a child. 

They started moving. Jo wanted to beg to remain outside, but knew there was no point. If she didn’t get some sleep her level of crazy was going to jump to an eleven.

~~~   
“Wow,” Michonne said. “You should be proud of yourself.”

“I got lucky.” Jo shrugged. “Everything was working against me. I was so starved for something to occupy my time with, and then they were children. If it were grown men I would have watched them die.” 

“Did he treat you well after that?” Michonne’s eyes squinted.

“Well?” Jo laughed. “I piqued his interest more than I cared to.”

The sound of the front door echoed through the house. 

“Jo?” Rick’s voice carried up the stairs. 

Both women looked into the hall as he came into view. A nervous look crossed his face as he glanced back and forth between them. 

“I know you wanted some alone time.” Rick’s eyes locked on to the suitcase. 

“I am happy for you two.” Jo walked up to Rick and smiled at him. “I mean it.”

“Jo, I…”

“Shhh.” Jo brought her finger to her lips. “Don’t say something you will regret.” 

Rick looked dumbfounded. Jo glanced back at Michonne and smiled. The other woman didn’t look so cheery. 

“I think the two of you have some things to talk about.” Jo walked into the hall. “I’m going to head home. Maybe I can come by for dinner some night this week.”

Rick’s confusion melted into a hint of anger. Jo did the best to muster her serious face.

“It’s what I want.” Jo wouldn’t back down. “Have a good night at the party. Please take a night off from worrying about me.”

Jo twisted on her heal and sped out of the house. If Rick tried to chase after her Michonne stopped him. She thought about the story she had told Michonne. Saving those boys marked one of the turning points for her at the Sanctuary. Maybe today could mark a turning point for her return to Alexandria. Jo gave a small smile at that thought, not sure if it was worth holding on to.


	12. Chapter 12

It felt like there was an extra bounce in Jo’s step as she walked across the street to her home. She paid no attention to the party that was centered in the other direction. While Jo was gaining her confidence back she knew she couldn’t handle being around too many people. She imagined the conversations she would have.

“How was your nine months in captivity?”

“Did you enjoy your torture?”

“Make any new friends?”

The fake questions made her laugh. She walked up the steps to her home and suddenly felt self-conscious about seeing Daryl. When they last parted ways she had shared a humiliating story with him. There was a doubt that he would be able to look her in the eye again. Jo assumed he was at the party and decided not to deal with it as she opened the door. 

The house appeared empty. Jo let out a sigh of relief. She ran up the stairs and noticed Daryl’s door was open and he was nowhere to be seen. She smirked a little at thinking of it as Daryl’s room. It seemed like people were constantly moving in and out of houses with the change in Alexandria’s population. Nobody ever wanted to stay with Jo though, even though there were multiple bedrooms available. She sort of liked the idea of having a roommate. 

Jo wandered into her room and went to the closet. She pulled out a pair of comfy pants and a soft long sleeved t-shirt. Then she went into the bathroom and started the shower. She waited patiently as the water heated up, knowing it was wasteful but not caring at the moment. Once there was sufficient steam she stepped into the too hot shower and took her time shampooing her hair and lathering up her body. She felt dirty all the time and didn’t think a shower could wash away the feeling, but was going to try anyway.

She scrubbed every inch of herself twice, making her skin red and pink in the process, but when she turned the water off she did not feel the least bit clean. Jo wiped away the steam from the mirror and looked at her reflection. She was thinner and paler than normal, but still looked like Jo. The dirty feeling would never go away, it was something she would just get used to. 

After dressing Jo headed downstairs and went to her bookshelf. She grabbed a title at random and sat down, excited to escape her reality and enter a new one for a little bit.   
~~~ 

Daryl sat on a bench and took another gulp of the punch. He missed beer. Now all that was left on the shelves was long expired and as far as he knew nobody had taken up the mantle of brew master since the apocalypse. With the Saviors wiped out there was no new big bad threat at the moment. Daryl realized he could relax, maybe take up a hobby. He shook his head knowing better than to believe for more than a second that another threat wasn’t about to show up.

Rick stepped up on the table that was under the gazebo. He started to make a speech per Maggie’s instructions. Daryl had heard enough of Rick’s speeches for the day and zoned out. The man kept it short and soon there were little golf claps coming from the crowd. People knew better than to make too much noise outside these days. The little conversations started up again and Daryl finished the rest of his punch. When he stood to go get another Rick approached him.

“Have you seen Jo?” Rick’s eyes scanned the crowd.

“She said she wanted space.” Daryl walked towards the table of food. “Besides, she wasn’t much of a party girl before and I imagine she is less of one now.”

“She moved out.” Rick followed Daryl. “Said she wanted to stay at her place.”

Daryl let himself smile for a second, but turned it off before Rick would notice. 

“If she tries to kick you out make up an excuse why you have to stay.” Rick picked up a cup and poured himself a drink. “I don’t want her living alone. Hell, I don’t like the idea of her being alone at all.”

“She is not your responsibility.” Daryl grabbed a plate and started filling it with food. 

“Yes.” Rick slammed his drink. “She is.” 

Daryl understood why Rick felt that way. It didn’t feel right to him discussing Jo like this. He didn’t think she would appreciate it. 

“She also found out about Michonne.” Rick grabbed a bottle of water. 

“How did she take it?” Daryl raised an eyebrow at him.

“Shockingly well.” Rick took a drink. “Then she demanded we stay together and walked out of the house. So I’m not convinced.”

“Are you and Michonne going full on couple now?” Everyone knew they were together anyway. Daryl thought it was pointless to hide it now.

Rick looked shocked by Daryl’s question. His brow furrowed and he drank some more water. 

“Just continue keeping an eye on Jo for me, okay?” Rick walked away before Daryl could answer.

Daryl grabbed another glass and balanced the two drinks with the massive plate of food as he walked towards home. He knew without a doubt that he wasn’t keeping an eye on Jo for Rick, Daryl wanted to be there for her. 

He managed not to drop anything as he walked up the front steps. Luck was on his side as he opened the front door with nothing falling either. Jo was sitting on the couch with her feet up. She set down a book and looked at him with wide eyes.

“I decided to stay here.” She put her feet down. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind?” Daryl was confused. “It’s your house.”

“I think you’ve technically lived here longer than I have.” She looked at the floor. “If you’re not comfortable with having a roommate I could stay somewhere else though. I mean, if my being here makes you in any way uncomfortable I’m sure someone else can take me in.”

“What are you talking about?” Daryl set the plate of food and cups down on the coffee table. “This is your home Jo. I can move out.”

“I don’t want to be alone.” Jo started to play with her fingers. Daryl noticed she was not making eye contact with him.

“I’ll stay here until you kick me out.” Daryl tried to keep it light. “I brought you some food.”

“Thanks.” Jo glanced at him, but looked down right away. “I’m not really hungry.”

“When was the last time you ate?” Daryl didn’t keep much food in the house since he didn’t cook and doubted Jo went to pick some up.

Jo didn’t respond. 

“Since I walked all this way without spilling that plate all over myself I think you should at least pick at the food.” Daryl hoped he was coming off playful and not demanding.

Jo grabbed the plastic fork and took a bite of some sort of salad. 

“Thank you,” Jo whispered. 

Daryl could hear tears in her voice. 

“What’s wrong?” He took a seat on the couch next to her. 

Jo shook her head. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” She still stared at the ground, but brought a hand up to wipe her eye. “I shouldn’t have unloaded that story on you earlier.”

“You have to tell someone.” Daryl wanted to hug her, pull her against his chest and tell her everything would be alright. “I’m glad you trust me enough to share.”

“I feel so dirty and weak.” Jo pulled her hair to the side and looked at him. “I can’t even remember to feed myself.”

“Stop that.” Daryl leaned closer. “You’ve been to hell and back. It hasn’t even been a week. You’re the bravest, strongest person I know. If I have to tell you that every day for the rest of my life to make you believe it I will.”

“Did you know about the video?” Jo asked. 

“I knew Negan showed Rick, but he never told us what he saw.” Daryl shook his head. 

“Earlier, Rick said you tried to talk him out of rescuing me?” Jo’s eyes dropped. “That doesn’t sound like you.” 

“The only one who knew the location of the compound was Carl. It wasn’t like he had a map. It took us a long time to find the place.” Daryl didn’t respond to Jo’s statement. “We saw how many people he had and realized we needed help.”

“Let me guess, at some point in there he told you I was dead?” Jo ran her hands over her face. 

“Why did he do that?” Daryl was curious. “I knew you weren’t.”

“How did you know that?” Jo leaned back on the couch. 

“I’ll tell you if you eat some more.” Daryl pointed to the plate.

Jo nodded and sat back up, taking another spoonful. 

“Negan is a sociopath, but everything he did had logic behind it. There was no way he would kill a trained nurse, someone he was using as collateral or a beautiful woman. You are all three.” Daryl watched as Jo took another bite, not noting any response to his comments. “You were worthless to him dead. What I can’t figure out is why he wanted us to think that.”

“It’s a very long story.” Jo took a sip of the punch. “I miss beer.”

“Whenever you feel like telling it I’ll be here to listen.” Daryl grabbed the cup out of her hands and took a chug. “I also miss beer.”

“You don’t think less of me, do you?” Jo turned her head. 

Daryl became aware of the fact their faces were inches away. He shook his head. 

“I believe you.” She leaned back again, increasing their distance. “What happened around here while I was gone?”

Daryl shook his head.

“Maggie had her baby?” Jo glanced at the door. “Rick and Michonne got together.”

“Are you okay with that?” Daryl asked.

“Of course, I love babies.” Jo chuckled. 

Daryl didn’t know what he expected Jo to say. 

“I’m fine with it.” She pulled her leg up to her chest. “In the beginning, I thought about Rick a lot. It was more about regretting certain decisions I made. Not really missing him. Around the third month I was there I stopped thinking about him romantically at all. My thoughts towards him were towards all of you. Rick was synonymous with Alexandria.”

“You thought about us?” Daryl smiled.

“Every day.” Jo brought her second leg up. “If I tell you things you have to promise you won’t share them with anyone.”

“I won’t.” Daryl didn’t want to sound too eager to hear Jo’s story, but truthfully he wanted to know everything. 

“I’ve been reliving some of the events in my head, and I shared some with Michonne. It has helped a little.” Jo wrapped her arms around her legs. “I think it would be best if one person knew everything, instead of several people knowing little things.”

Daryl remained quiet. He wanted to wrap his arms around Jo’s legs. 

“I’m going to start from the beginning.” Jo rested her chin on her knee. “I won’t finish tonight, but I’m going to share as much as I can.”

“I will listen to as much as you let me.” Daryl leaned back on the couch. 

Jo started talking. She repeated several things he already knew but didn’t interrupt her. When she told him about the beating from Carl Daryl bit the inside of his cheeks to keep from reacting. He remembered when Negan dropped the teen off, he saw his bruised hands. Carl said they were from fighting Negan’s men. Daryl had patted him on the back. 

“Then I threw up on his shoes and he picked me up. Carried me like I was a child. I wanted to pass out. Not admit that I was finding a level of comfort in him holding me. I’d been alone in that cell for a long time. The exhaustion, stress, and human contact was too much.” Jo’s voice broke. 

She looked at Daryl with pleading eyes. He wanted to comfort her, make her feel better, tell her everything would be alright, but he was not the comforting type. He didn’t know where to start. 

“I think that’s enough sharing for tonight.” Jo stood up from the couch. “Thank you for listening.”

Jo started walking out of the room. Daryl stood up from the couch. 

“I’m sorry.” The words slipped out of his mouth. 

He wanted to tell her to stay, to let him hold her, and to make her feel safe. For one reason or another the words could not come forward. Jo gave him a soft smile and nodded. She turned around and continued walking towards the stairs. Daryl pinched the bridge of his nose. It was dark out, but still early. Instead of going to bed he headed towards the front door. Frustration coursed through his veins. He needed to find a release or else he would snap. He hoped whoever was on guard duty wanted a break and that something approached the wall he could kill tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was sort of a filler chapter. I wanted Daryl on the same page as Jo. As always thank you for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

Jo sprang forward. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. She wiped the sweat away from her forehead.

“It was just a dream,” she muttered to herself. “Just a dream.”

She glanced towards the window and saw the sky was growing lighter, she figured an hour at most before sunrise. Waking up to nightmares was par for the course the past few nights. At least this one had the decency to end at an appropriate time to wake up. She pushed her hands against the carpeting and hoisted herself up, glancing at the bed.

Even her Jackson Pollock blanket wasn’t enough to make her comfortable. Jo belonged on the floor. She left her room and went straight down the stairs. She wasn’t tired or hungry, but knew she needed more sleep and food. She decided to start small and make some coffee. It wouldn’t help with the lack of sleep, but at least it might hide it from the glaring public.

The cupboards were pretty much bare. Jo wasn’t sure how the community was rationing food these days. She had a hard time envisioning Daryl cooking up a storm. Still, she had expected some coffee. Jo briefly thought about taking a walk to find some, but had no clue where to look and didn’t expect too many people to be awake right now. 

Feeling slightly defeated Jo walked into the living room, ready to pick up her book and read until Daryl woke up. She jumped a little when she noticed a figure on the couch. It was getting light enough out that there was no doubt it was Daryl. He was on his side and his steady breathing told Jo he was in a pretty deep sleep. By the looks of it he didn’t mean to fall asleep on the couch. The plate of food was finished and he was still in his clothing from the day before.

Jo didn’t want to wake him, but assumed he would rather move upstairs and sleep in his bed. She touched his shoulder and gave him a little shake.

“Daryl.” She shook him again. “You fell asleep on the couch.”

He let out a groan and rolled his shoulder, trying to push her hand off. She took a seat on the couch and gave him another shake.

“Daryl, why don’t you move upstairs?” Jo’s voice was almost a whisper. 

“It’s too early,” Daryl mumbled.

It was hard to tell if he was talking in his sleep or not since his eyes never opened. She gave him another shake.

“Dammit.” He swung his arm out and wrapped in around Jo’s waist.

Jo didn’t have time to respond before he was pulling her down to the couch. She swung her legs up as her head hit the cushion, effectively landing in a spooning position. Daryl tightened his grip before Jo could respond.

“Sleep,” Daryl whispered.

Jo felt his nose on the back of her head. His breathing steadied and he loosened his hold on her. She lay there with him, frozen. She was unsure if Daryl was aware he was cuddling with her and didn’t know how much he would like it when he woke up. Having his arm around her and feeling his breath on her neck made her feel almost safe. She realized that was a new sensation for her, one she was too greedy to give up.

Rather than break away from Daryl Jo willed herself to relax. She started breathing in unison with him, telling herself she was only going to stay here for a little bit, but soon the sleep that avoided her and that she desperately needed took hold and she drifted off.

~~~   
The girl was too light. He was sure if she stripped all her bones would be sticking out. She also stank. But none of that mattered right now. She did him a favor, and he owed her. That was not something Negan was accustom to. 

She let out a huge yawn and leaned into his chest. Negan carried her inside and right up the stairs. He had a feeling she was trying to push away from him, but was too exhausted to put forth a hard enough effort. The result made it feel like she was trying to cuddle with him, get closer and rest against his chest. Of course the fact that he was gripping her so tight didn’t make it any easier on her. 

He stopped at the floor right before his and went into his wives’ rooms. Number three and five were sitting on the couch.

“Good evening ladies.” He set Jo down on another couch. She immediately turned into a ball. “I’ve got an assignment for you.”

He blasted off his list of commands. Before turning to leave he took one last look at Jo. She was a wreck, but Negan knew she wasn’t a danger to his wives. Hell, she just saved three of his people. He chuckled a little. Number five was wearing on his nerves lately, he hoped if Jo wanted to hurt someone she picked her. 

He let out a yawn as he took the stairs two at a time. It was a long day for him too, but he had a few things to take care of before he opted for sleep. 

Negan went straight for the med ward. The four boys were all unconscious. All of them had guests sitting with them who bowed their heads when Negan walked in. Jo’s four helpers were cleaning. They stopped and dropped to a knee.

“You did a good job tonight gentlemen.” Negan didn’t look at them as he pushed open the door to Dr. Ross’ private room.

The light was out, but Negan fixed that and then poked the sleeping Doctor in the side. The man moaned and then sat up. 

“We need to have a little chat.” Negan grabbed the chair and spun it around, closing the door as he sat.

“You know I’m not a surgeon. I never pretended to be.” The Doctor shook his head. “I did the best I could.”

“I’m not here to talk about you Doc.” As far as Negan was concerned Ross did his job. 

“Jo?” The Doctor grabbed his glasses and slid them on.

“Where the hell did that come from?” Negan smacked the back of the chair. “She isn’t some kiddie nurse.”

“Army, or navy, or air force. Maybe marines.” The Doctor scratched his head. “Probably explains why she isn’t begging to get out of the basement cells too.”

“We’ve got a Veteran with us.” Negan nodded his head. 

He heard her refer to the boys as soldiers and the way she barked out orders and then had no problem taking them herself made sense. 

“Now see I am in a bind here Doc.” Negan stood up from the chair. 

He walked over to the small bookshelf and started to look at the titles.

“God forbid, but if something ever happens to me, like say, a gunshot wound. I want that working on me.” He pointed to the wall. “Not you’re sorry psychiatrist ass. But given what I’ve done to the girl it’s not likely she’ll want to play doctor with me.”

“I’m not sure how I can be of service.” Dr. Ross sounded nervous.

“Remember when you wanted to Stockholm Syndrome the girl?” Negan picked up a book and flipped through the pages. 

“I was in a position of trust for her. I started off that way.” Dr. Ross’ voice shook. 

Negan glanced up at him with a grin. He slapped the book closed.

“I’ve broken my fair share of people.” He turned to face the doctor. “I throw them in the cells, leave them in darkness, leave them in constant light. Starve them, dangle harm in front of them. They always break. I could throw Jo back down there, but you mentioned that keeping her brain intact. See I would like to accomplish that.”

“What does this have to do with me?” Dr. Ross asked.

Negan threw the book on the bed and approached the doctor. He wrapped his arm around the man’s neck and pinned him to the wall. Negan gave a light squeeze and started to slide the man up. Dr. Ross knew better than to fight back.

“You’re going to use that bullshit psycho analytical brain of yours and make a plan.” Negan dropped his hand and dusted off the man’s shoulders, always grinning. “I thought you head shrinkers were good at reading people. How the fuck did that little scrawny thing lie to you about something so major?”

Dr. Ross looked afraid, but Negan continued to smile. He walked back to the bed and picked up the book, then he turned his attention back to Dr. Ross.

“I want her loyal to me. I want her willing to die for me. I want her devoted. To. Me.” Negan walked up to him and pushed the book against his chest. “I expect you to have the start of my plan by morning.”

Negan gave the man a playful slap before exiting the room. Again everyone knelt or bowed when he walked by. As soon as the kids were healed they were in for a strong punishment, something Negan was not looking forward to, but not only did they endanger his people but they wasted ammo. He took the stairs three at a time now, eager to have a glass of scotch and get some sleep before handling his duties. People didn’t understand what a pain in the ass it was to lead.

~~~ 

A knocking sound jarred Daryl from his sleep. He smelled oranges and realized a warm body was pressed against his. A small moan escaped Jo’s mouth. Daryl realized they were on the couch. He didn’t remember her coming down, but he bit back the smile over the fact she cuddled up with him. His arm still draped over her waist and while it wasn’t skin to skin contact it was something. The knock sounded again. This time Jo’s moan turned to a groan. She started to sit up just as the front door flung open.

Daryl was not surprised to see Rick. Even in his daze from sleep he could see the worry on his friend’s face. The man let out a huge sigh and his look turned to relief.

“It’s almost ten.” Rick walked into the room. “You didn’t show up to the clinic and Lauren got worried.”

Rick’s eyes went from Jo to Daryl to the couch. The man looked surprised and Daryl thought a little upset. He sat up next to Jo.

“I didn’t mean to oversleep.” Jo yawned. “I didn’t set an alarm.”

“It looks like the two of you had a late night.” Rick pointed to the empty plate. 

Daryl was about to explain his decision to take a shift at the guard tower, but realized he didn’t have to. It wasn’t any business of Rick’s. 

“When should I tell Lauren to expect you?” Rick offered Jo a hand.

Jo grabbed his hand and Daryl felt a surge of jealousy. He bolted up from the couch. He set his hand on Jo’s shoulder. She turned around and looked at him, but he kept his eyes pinned to Rick.

“Jo is going to spend the day with me.” Daryl answered for her. 

“I think it’s best if Jo started a routine.” Rick let go of her hand. “It will help her transition.”

Jo looked back to Rick. Daryl knew they were both behaving childish, but in the moment was too amped up to care.

“I think Jo needs to take some time to relax and worry about herself for a change.” Daryl squeezed her shoulder. 

“Daryl maybe it’s best we talk about this in the other room.” Rick turned and started for the door.

Daryl dropped his hand from her shoulder. He stepped in front of her. There was confusion spinning all over her face. He leaned down, putting his mouth right next to her ear.

“Do you want to spend the day with me?” He whispered.

When he pulled back, Jo sort of stared at him with an open mouth, but then started nodding her head. It felt like the perfect moment to pull her into a hug and place a kiss on her forehead, but Daryl felt like he got lucky with the couch cuddling and the shoulder grab. 

“I’ll be right back.” He headed after Rick.

The two men went outside on the front porch. 

“Are you going to fuck her now?” Rick asked. 

Daryl could see how upset his friend was. Part of him wanted to punch the man, but the look on his face made Daryl want to back off. 

“What the hell is going on with you?” Daryl replied.

The mix of anger and sadness wavered and Rick turned to look at the street. He started shaking his head.

“I’m sorry man.” Rick let out a huge breath. “Seeing you two on the couch like that, it wasn’t expected. I ran over here thinking Jo did something stupid last night. I’ve never known the woman to sleep past seven.”

“I don’t think Jo is the same woman anymore.” Daryl shoved his hands in his pockets. “Let me worry about her for a while. You have enough on your plate.”

“I know that’s what I asked you to do and I still can’t back off.” Rick turned back to face Daryl. “Are you…romantically involved?”

“Wow.” Now it was Daryl’s turn to shake his head. “She just got done being held hostage for months. You think I’m trying to get into her pants?”

“I know it’s crazy. I’m being crazy. Hell I have no claim over her. I have another relationship.” Rick wiped his chin. “I don’t know what’s going on. I think about her and I want to protect her, be the one that’s there for her, but I get around her and I can’t handle the guilt.”

Daryl knew what Rick wanted to hear, that he had no feelings for Jo. But that wasn’t true. So they stood there in silence, until Daryl thought of the right thing to say that didn’t involve a lie.

“Worrying about her and then running away isn’t going to solve anything. Tomorrow night come over alone for dinner. I’ll leave. Then you can have some time one on one with Jo. Either get your closure and move on with Michonne or figure out a way you can be there for her.” Daryl couldn’t bring himself to suggest they resume their relationship. “Don’t order her around, just talk to her.” 

“Yeah.” Rick started to nod his head. “That’s probably a good idea.”

“And give her a break, let her find her bearings.” Daryl kicked his foot. “She’s not going to start working right away. I’ll take care of her today.”

“You’re a good guy Daryl.” Rick leaned in and the two men hugged.

Daryl hugged his friend back, but he didn’t feel like a good guy. He loved waking up with Jo in his arms, and if that hurt Rick it wasn’t motivation enough to stop it. Daryl knew right then and there that once Jo was ready he wanted to be more than a friend.

~~~ 

Jo paced back and forth in the kitchen. The shower turned off five minutes ago and she expected Daryl to come down the stairs any second. She didn’t know what they were planning on doing today. She had on her favorite pair of jeans, which were now about two sizes too big, and a long sleeved black t-shirt. 

Finally the sound of Daryl coming down the stairs came and she stopped pacing. He was dressed the same as always with his wet hair framing his face. Jo gave a small smile and he smiled back.

“Anything particular you wanted to do?” He asked.

Jo opened her mouth. Then shut it and shook her head. 

“Well I thought I’d take you to the food pantry. I’m not much of a cook and normally eat at other people’s houses. You might want to pick up some stuff.” 

“Food pantry huh?” Jo asked. “Do we get rations?”

Daryl chuckled and shook his head.

“Honor system.” Daryl went to the front door. “When we were supplying the Saviors there was barely enough to go around, but people here are honest. Only take what you need.”

“Nobody cheated the system?” Jo raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s in Carol and Morgan’s house.” Daryl shook his head. “It helps that most of the time Carol is guarding it with a gun.”

Jo smiled at the image of Carol protecting the food. Daryl started towards the door. Jo pulled the sunglasses out of her back pocket and slid them on. She wondered when the brightness would stop hurting her eyes.   
The two of them passed several people who were on the street. It looked like all of them were doing some sort of job. Jo started to feel a little guilty, maybe she should be at the clinic. 

“Was there a lot to sort after you guys won?” Jo asked.

“We split it with the other settlements that helped.” Daryl shrugged. “I think everyone is still taking inventory.”

“It wasn’t just you and Hilltop?” That was the only other society Jo heard of.

“A place called The Kingdom helped out too,” Daryl said. “I spent a week tracking the Saviors. We approached every other colony they were stealing from. It took five of us to take them on. The other two were smaller, but they still sent fighters.”

“There are that many settlements?” Jo asked.

“We found seven the Saviors were robbing.” Daryl started to cross the street. “Two of them were too scared to assist.”

“What happened to them?” Jo asked.

“Nothing.” Daryl shook his head. “They did not get to split the goods from the raid.” 

“That’s not really fair.” Jo bit her lip.

“Why not?” Daryl shrugged. “We took out the Saviors for them, they can keep whatever they have going forward. It was impossible to tell what belonged to who.” 

The world was at constant war. If it wasn’t the living vs. the dead it was colony vs. colony. Jo supposed any concept of fairness went out the window when the walkers arrived. The garage door was open and Jo counted about five people inside. Some looked like they were taking inventory, others doing some shopping. As Daryl suggested there was Carol, shot gun slung across her back with some makeshift holder. 

“Jo.” The woman came out to greet her. “I missed you at the party last night.”

Jo gave a head nod, hoping Carol wouldn’t go in for a hug. Daryl must have sensed her discomfort and stepped between the two women, intercepting Carol. 

“Jo is living back at home again.” Daryl pointed down the street. “I didn’t exactly keep the cabinets stocked for her.”

“Why would you when you were always over here chowing down?” Carol laughed. “Come on inside and I’ll tell you the rules.”

Jo wasn’t close with any of the other people in the garage. She noticed a lot of canned goods and a table of fresh produce. 

“We don’t handle the meat.” Carol handed her a basket. “Dustin has become our makeshift butcher. Daryl is probably the top hunter though, so I’m sure he can handle that for you.”

Dustin was another name that didn’t sound familiar. Of course Jo didn’t know many of the Alexandria residents who arrived before her group. She nodded.

“Some people come once a day, some once a week.” Carol leaned back. “Fill your basket with what you want and then I will write it down in the log.” 

Jo was a little overwhelmed. She didn’t know where to start. 

“How about I pick you and Daryl some basic essentials?” Carol took the basket back. “Then you can look around and see if there’s anything special you want.”

She had a feeling that Carol’s logs were more than receipts. Still, it was better than a point system. Daryl was two steps behind her as she looked at all the food choices. Her appetite still hadn’t returned, but she wanted coffee. Carol organized it fairly well and soon the beverage section appeared. She scanned the cartons of instant tea and koolaid.

“Would you like a private reserve?” Carol walked behind the table and pulled out a box. “Every house can pick one.”

She lifted the lid and Jo’s heart jumped in her throat. She recognized every bottle in the box. She glanced down at the different lids and then back up at Carol, who was beaming. The sound of Negan’s voice filled her head.

“Have a drink with me.” 

She went to touch the bottles and stopped herself. Instead she shook her head and turned out of the garage. 

“What’s wrong?” Carol called.

Jo kept her head down and sped walked right back to the sidewalk. In a few seconds Daryl was right in front of her. Jo wanted to walk around him, but he opened his arms and pulled her against his chest. She let out a sob and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling herself as close to him as possible. 

“It’s okay.” He didn’t rub her back, but instead swayed them back and forth. 

Jo buried her head against him and let the tears come. After a few minutes of this she became all too aware they were in the middle of the street for anyone to see. She pulled back and wiped her cheeks under her sunglasses.

“I’m sorry.” She started to walk again. “Can we go somewhere more private?”

“Of course.” Daryl walked right beside her. 

She was grateful for the glasses, maybe not everyone realized she was crying…again. Neither of them said anything as he led the way. Jo was sure they would go near the wall, away from the people. 

“I’m guessing you had seen those bottles before?” Daryl asked.

“More times than I would like to admit.” Jo nodded. 

“I saw them in his room.” Daryl guided Jo towards a large tree. “Carol didn’t know.”

“At least they were actually his and I’m not going to break down every time I see a bottle of booze.” Jo sniffled, as she tried to make the situation lighter. 

Daryl led her over to the grass. He took a seat first, leaning against the tree. Jo sat across from him, but he lifted his hand and waved her closer. She turned around and he spread his legs. She settled between them, her back pressed against his chest. His arms rested over Jo’s shoulders and she set her hands on her legs. 

“I know it might not feel like it, but you’re safe here.” Daryl’s voice was calm. “As safe as you can be in this world.”

Jo didn’t respond. She knew he was trying to help, but that wasn’t the first time she heard those words. Rather than point it out she decided to continue with her story. Hopefully that would be enough to make Daryl understand.   
~~~


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-Canon with Negan's wives. Forget about the comic/TV show versions.

The warmth felt amazing. Jo started stirring, the sheets she slept on were fuzzy and the comforter over her was down. Opening her eyes meant acknowledging that her sleep would be over soon and she was not ready for that. She rolled over and kept her eyes shut, pulling the blanket tighter around her. Someone sighed and then the sound of footsteps followed with a door shutting were the last things Jo heard before she drifted back to sleep.

It felt like only a few minutes had passed, but Jo had a feeling it was more like a few hours. She didn’t want to open her eyes because that meant facing her reality. The one where she was going to return to the cells with the lights that never went off. The one where Negan figured out Jo lied about her profession. The one where Jo was his prisoner.

“Are you awake?” A feminine voice asked.

Jo couldn’t help herself and opened her eye. A woman about her age sat in a chair next to the bed. She was attractive with straight hair, slightly darker than Jo’s. She sat up in bed. Suddenly the memories of the night before came flooding in. Two women gave Jo a bath an put her to bed. She looked down and saw she was in a pajama set. Jo didn’t wear pajamas before the apocalypse and certainly hadn’t worn any since.

“Thank you,” the woman said. “I heard how you saved those children.”

“Where am I?” Jo brought her over the edge of the bed. 

She felt dizzy and the woman stood up and put a hand on Jo’s shoulder. With her other hand she brought a bottle of water and some crackers into Jo’s lap. She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was and chugged the water first, feeling immediately better.

“My name is Sherry.” The woman sat back down.

Jo looked around the room. It was far from huge, but not tiny. She was on a full size bed. The sheets were pink and the comforter matched. She noticed the walls were a light pink. There was a white dresser and vanity. She saw makeup and jewelry sitting out. A closet was open and Jo noticed a lot of unpractical dresses. Sherry was wearing one too, It was pink with blue flowers. 

“He likes us to dress feminine.” Sherry ran her hands over her dress. “I know it looks strange to you, but we aren’t in any real danger. There is no need for us to wear work clothes or protective gear.”

Jo felt like she stepped into an alternate reality. 

“Do you want me to do your hair and makeup?” Sherry gave a smile. “It’s a hobby of mine, so you would be doing me a favor.”

Jo’s long hair was down. Since she fell asleep with it wet it was more wavy than normal. All she wanted was a hair tie. Jo shook her head. If this was Negan’s new idea of torturing her he was on the right path. 

“Who are you?” Jo asked again.

“I’m Sherry.” She smiled. “Wife number one.”

Jo forgot all about Negan’s harem. He made reference to them once, she thought he was joking.

“Don’t judge me.” Sherry’s smile faded. “It’s an honor to be a wife. I’m protected, safe. I don’t have to worry about working for points, starving, being eaten by the dead. Negan cares about us too.”

Sherry stood up and went to the window. Jo didn’t notice it before, but the sky was dark. It was nighttime. She was very confused. Sherry turned back around and her smile returned.

“Sorry, but your husband is not what I would consider a good person.” Jo glanced around the room, hoping to spot something to pull her hair up with.

“Well you were an enemy.” Sherry kept her cherry personality. “Now you’re not.”

Jo didn’t like where this was going. Her feelings for the Saviors and their leader had not changed. Whatever sort of brainwashing Sherry was under it seemed to work. Jo didn’t think she would win an argument with the girl on this topic.

“I’ll be right back.” Sherry sped for the door.

Jo got up to follow her, but she was too quick. The door shut and the sound of a lock popped. Jo looked down at the door and saw the handle had been flipped. The room was lockable from the outside. This gave her some confirmation Negan was not the nice husband Sherry tried to make him out to be. Being locked up was being locked up. It did not matter that the cell was nicer. 

Banging on the door didn’t seem worth the effort. Jo focused her attention on the window. There was a crank to open them outwards and Jo did not hesitate. The evening was cool, but she appreciated the fresh breeze. She looked down and saw she was four stories up. It was hard to tell what sort of place this was before, but she was starting to think it was an office building. The carpeting on the floor looked commercial. The drop down was straight, and would either kill Jo or shatter her legs, neither option sounded appealing. Besides, escaping the room did not mean escaping the compound. The rules hadn’t changed either. If she tried to escape she would put Alexandria, put Rick, in danger. Jo had made it this far and didn’t see that happening.

The door opened again. Jo turned around to see Sherry with another girl. She was the same age range as them, with midnight black hair and a slender frame. She was shorter too, much closer to Jo’s height. 

“This is Melanie, wife number three.” Sherry signaled to the new arrival.

Melanie approached Jo and grabbed her hands.

“Thank you so much for saving the children.” Melanie gave her hands a quick squeeze and started dragging Jo towards the door.

Jo was too stunned to react and let the woman lead her into the hall. There was an obvious social space with several couches and a table. She imagined at some point maybe four cubicles or a receptionist desk sat there. 

“I’m the closest to your size. You can pick whichever outfit you like.” Melanie pulled her into another room. 

This one was smaller than Sherry’s, but if Sherry was number one that probably meant she had the largest. This room was decorated in deep blues. It still had a full size bed with plush linens. 

“We can decorate however we want. I’m not as into pink as Sherry.” Melanie opened the small closet. 

Jo was surprised how organized it was, and again filled with dresses.

“It was my favorite color before the walkers and it’s my favorite color after.” She plopped down on Melanie’s bed. “Jo you will look great in blue.”

She didn’t think there was a single item of clothing in this bizaro sorority she wanted to wear. 

“Do you have any jeans?” Jo would keep her pajamas on before wearing dress.

“I told you, he wants to keep his wives feminine.” Sherry propped her head up.

“I’m not a wife.” Jo shook her head.

“True.” Sherry sat up. “But he told us to dress you.”

“Can I just get my scrubs back?” Jo didn’t understand the point in the charade.

“I’ve got some yoga pants.” Melanie reached to the top of her closet and handed Jo a pair of flared black pants. 

“Mel, he said to dress her!” Sherry seemed to think the word dress had a double meaning.

Jo snatched the yoga pants before Sherry could object. 

“What about a t-shirt?” Jo had on some form of sports bra or bralette and didn’t see a need to give that up for a push up.

Melanie handed her a white cotton tee. It was tighter and thinner than Jo would have like, but it did the job. She didn’t want to change in front of the other women, but they already saw everything last night. She decided to start with the pants.

“You’re really skinny.” Sherry sat up on the bed. “Like really skinny.”

“Starvation will do that to a person.” Jo noticed the pants were big. 

“You were fed.” Sherry stood up. “I know it’s hard to believe, but he was trying to help you.”

Jo rolled her eyes. And switched into the top. Melanie opened the closet the rest of the way to show a full length mirror. 

“Do you have a hair tie? And maybe some shoes?” Jo knew that would be asking for too much.

Melanie handed her the band and she pulled her hair into the standard pony tail. 

“We all only have one pair of sneakers, for working out.” Melanie pointed to the bottom of the closet. Jo was not surprised to see heals.

“Let’s check the supply room.” Sherry went into the hallway.

Melanie waited for Jo to go and then took up the rear. They stopped in front of a closed door. Sherry brought out a key and undid the lock before walking inside. The room was floor to ceiling with clothes, shoes, make up, accessories, and hair things. It was probably the most girly thing Jo had seen in her life, and she was raised in a female only orphanage. 

“He brings us the prettiest things from his runs.” Sherry walked in. “We cycle out our clothes to the people and get new ones. What size shoe are you?”

“Nine.” Jo looked around and could not understand the practicality behind any of this.

“Big feet for someone so short.” Sherry was looking at boxes. “Without going to the main storage this is the best I can do.”

She handed Jo a pair of flip flops. The heel hand a slight lift, but it was far from a stiletto. She hadn’t worn shoes since her arrival and appreciated any support. It was then she noticed her toenails were clipped and polished. She glanced at a smiling Sherry.

“We also gave you a facial and a deep conditioning treatment.” Sherry looked almost proud.

“How long was I asleep for?” Jo didn’t understand. 

“Two days.” Sherry nodded. “You would randomly wake up, we would take you to the bathroom and give you water and crackers, but would always pass right back out.”

“The five of us took turns watching you.” Melanie chimed in. “We started taking bets on when you would wake up.”

“I won.” Sherry grinned. 

There was a knock. Sherry went in the hallway.

“Come in,” she called.

Jo stepped out followed again by Melanie.

“She ready?” Dwight walked in the room.

“All yours.” Sherry crossed her arms and popped her hip.

Dwight shook his head. He looked at Jo and stepped forward. Jo took a step back. Her last encounter with him did not go well.

“Don’t be scared of Dwight.” Sherry kept her eyes glued to the man. “He’s nothing but a big pussy cat.”

“Knock it off Sherry.” Dwight stepped forward. “All I’m doing to walking you to Negan.”

“It’s true.” Sherry never broke away from Dwight. “He doesn’t have any real power here. Nothing but an errand boy.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Dwight would not return Sherry’s look. “Come on. You can follow me, or I can drag you up there. Makes no difference to me.”

“I’m telling Negan you swore at me.” Sherry sounded like a fourteen year old.

Jo stepped forward now. She didn’t know if a punishment awaited her and didn’t want to be alone with Dwight, but she could not take another second with these women. 

“Bye Dwight. It’s been a pleasure.” Sherry taunted. “Maybe he’ll burn off the other side of that ugly mug for this.”

Dwight led the way and did not turn around as he lifted a middle finger straight into the air. Jo didn’t say anything either as they walked out of the space the wives occupied. She expected it to lead straight into stairs, but instead there was a long hallway with other doors. Jo guessed each office space housed some arrangement of people.

“Stupid bitch.” Dwight turned and pushed open the door leading into the stairwell. “Not you, my ex.”

It took a lot for Jo to ask a question. She was a little curious about that back story, but not enough to justify a conversation with a man like him. They walked up the stairs and Dwight held open the door at the top. This room Jo was too familiar with, it opened right onto Negan’s floor. 

She spotted the two bedrooms, the bathroom, the mini bar and the plush sofas. Her eyes landed on the man himself, seated at a table near the back of the room. He stood up from the table and sauntered over to her. He had on dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt. If he was offended by her outfit he did not say anything. 

“You picked a fine time to wake up.” Negan wrapped his arm around Jo’s shoulder.

She wanted to push him away, but knew by now that would only make it worse, and he could do so much worse. He walked, half leading half dragging her to the table. She saw a spread set out, there was pork, salad, applesauce, and chocolate cake. 

“I had my chef make something special for our little chat.” Negan dropped his arm and pulled out a chair for her.

Jo took a seat, cautiously.

“Of course I hoped you would have woken up for breakfast yesterday, dinner last night, or breakfast today. I had Doc check on you, said you were just exhausted.” Negan took a seat across from her.

He grabbed the plate with the pork and dished one out to himself, and place one on her plate. He used tongs and dropped some salad down for each of them, and finally spooned some applesauce out. 

“It’s not like there’s any food network people running around here.” Negan picked up his knife and fork. “Jean knows her stuff though, nothing fancy, just classics done right. Dig in.”

Jo looked down at the food, then she looked up at Negan. 

“Can we speed this up?” Jo asked.

“Speed what up?” Negan took another bite. “You did me a favor, now I’m thanking you with a delicious meal. One you obviously need.”

“I did not do you a favor.” Jo crossed her arms. “And you’re not the thank you type.”

If he was trying to scare her he was doing a good job. Jo wasn’t normally this chatty. 

“It smells delicious, don’t you want to even try a bite?” He smiled as he chewed.

“I still don’t have my sense of smell or taste.” Jo picked up a fork, because he was right about one thing. She did need the calories. 

“Fuck.” Negan dropped his fork. “That explains some of it.”

Jo took a bite of the salad first. Still tasteless. 

“Want to explain the rest to me?” Negan took a drink from his wine glass.

Jo shook her head.

“I think you and me got off on the wrong foot.” Negan set his cup down. “Now I’m a reasonable man, and I would like to start over.”

“You’ve tortured and raped me…”

“Un-un.” Negan waved his finger. “We still haven’t had sex.”

“What about the last time I was here?” The memory of him forcing his was inside her made her eyes water.

“That was a lesson in power, one I hope you learned from.” Negan continued eating. “If you want to get technical about it, it was the wrong hole…”

“Shut up!” It was Jo’s turn to interrupt. 

She wanted that memory wiped from her mind. Jo looked up at Negan with wide eyes, realizing she probably should not have spoken to him that way. He looked annoyed, but picked up his fork and took another bite.

“As I was saying, let’s start over.” He took a bite. “Tell me about yourself Jo. What does that stand for by the way? Josephine?”

“Just Jo.” She shook her head.

“Alright.” Negan rolled his eyes. “What branch of the military did you serve in?”

“Army.” There was no point in lying now. “Eight years, most of it in the Middle East.”

“Why did you keep that fun fact from me?” Negan kept eating.

“I wanted to stay under the radar.” Jo picked at the food. 

“That was a dumb decision.” Negan chewed. “See I like to keep things civil, even with my prisoners. Here I thought you had little to no value. Had I known you true capabilities your stay may have gone different.”

“Or maybe you would expect to put me to work?” Jo sneered. “Then killed me when I wouldn’t do it.”

“You say that, but even after everything you went through you saved those patients.” Negan took more wine.

“Those patients were children.” Jo shook her head. “They were the exception, not the rule.”

“If I put a gun to your head and told you to operate on my men?” Negan chewed on his food again.

“I’d have a bullet in my brain.” Jo didn’t want to play this game. He was up to something and she wished he would get to the point.

“Wrong answer sweetheart.” He grinned.

“If you tried to force me to do my job under duress I would fail. The stress I put on myself is hard enough. Then if one of your men died you would blame me, even if it wasn’t my fault. The idea in itself is a paradox. How could ever know if he died because of me or not?” Jo picked up her fork. If this was her final meal she was going to try and enjoy it.

“You’re interesting.” Negan raised his eyebrows. 

“How long was I in the cell for?” That was the one question Jo wanted the answer to.

“Long enough.” 

She took a huge breathe, while it wasn’t an answer it was good enough for now. She was far from broken but didn’t think she would be able to go back there. Then another thought occurred to her. She looked at Negan with horror.

“Don’t worry sweetheart. We are all going to die someday, but it ain’t in the cards for either of us anytime soon.” 

Jo immediately relaxed, but then the confusion set in.

“I know you’re the quiet type, but ask whatever question is making you crinkle your nose like that.” Negan finished his wine and poured some more.

“I won’t work for you, you don’t want to throw me back in the cells, and you aren’t going to kill me.” Jo felt like she was speaking to herself. “What are you planning for me?”

“Tonight I thought I’d let you relax. Then tomorrow I’ll give you the tour and we will start from there.” Negan filled her wine glass, even though Jo hadn’t taken a single sip. “I don’t care if you can’t taste it. I hate drinking alone.”

Jo didn’t want to anger him and she picked up her glass. He was up to something, that much Jo was sure. But what that something was, she had no idea.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning! Please remember this is a dark fic....

Negan remained true to his word, so far. Jo had a difficult time sleeping in the spare bedroom, again she was locked in. She was already awake when a light tap came to the door with the sound of the lock being popped. She pulled the covers down and went to the door.

“Take a shower and then we will start the day.” Negan did not open the door before making his announcement.

Jo waited until the footsteps walked away before leaving her room and running into the bathroom. She showered as quickly as possible, the memory of what happened the last time she took her time was enough motivation. She flipped off the stream of water and wrapped the towel tight around herself. Her dirty clothes were gone. To her surprise they were replaced with a fresh set. 

The underwear and bra were a lacy, matching set. She wasn’t about to complain as she pulled them on. It was another pair of yoga pants and a black t-shirt. Once Jo was dressed she brushed her teeth and braided her wet hair. 

She grabbed the handle and paused, part of her was screaming to stay in the bathroom, hide until Negan forced her out. The realist in her won over though, whatever he was going to do to her was inevitable. Jo decided she was better facing it and getting it over with. She exited the small room and Negan rose from a couch. 

“There’s a pair of shoes and some socks on the table.” He pointed to where they ate last night. 

Jo kept her head down and went to his gift. She shook her head at the thought, shoes were now a present to her instead of a basic need. She bent down and put on the first tennis shoe. 

“You’re quiet this morning.” Negan was right behind her.

He was inches away from her. Jo felt compromised in this position and squatted down to put on the other shoe.

“It’s going to be a lonely day for me if you don’t start talking sweetheart.” He tapped his foot while he spoke.

“It’s sweetheart now. No more babydoll.” Jo finished putting on her shoes and turned to face him.

Negan looked annoyed. 

“Come on. The sanctuary is a big place.” He did not respond to her comment as he started towards the door.

Again Jo battled with herself. She didn’t understand what was going on and part of her wanted to cower in fear. Instead she kept her head down and followed the madman into the stairwell, unsure what the point in his game was.

Jo’s guess that the Sanctuary was an office building was almost right. It was a factory connected to an office building, some sort of industrial plant. The section Negan lived in was the offices. His warriors and wives lived on the floor below him, while the next three floors housed the everyday people. 

The first floor led into the factory part. Jo passed by the medical ward on her way to the open floor. 

“This is where the people work, play, spend their time when they’re not sleeping.” Negan pointed around. “There’s the cafeteria.”

The walked towards the kitchen. Jo noticed every person they passed dropped to their knees. Most looked up at him with awe instead of hatred. She tried to put herself in their shoes and could understand why. Even though he was a monster what he had built here was pretty amazing. The Saviors probably outnumbered Alexandria five to one. 

There was a line for food that Negan cut. The others waiting dropped to their knees and did not mind at all. Jo waited while he grabbed a tray and then followed him to a table. 

“Breakfast is served.” He handed Jo a fork.

The food was some sort of egg dish, but it didn’t matter. Jo still couldn’t taste anything. She didn’t put up a fight as she ate. It became obvious everyone was staring at her and she started to feel self-conscious.

“Don’t worry sweetheart.” Negan took a bite of toast. “It’s not you they’re looking at. It’s me. I’ve probably ate down here three times since this operation started.”

Jo knew he wanted to strike up a conversation, but she only had one thing on her mind. His goal with this tour. It wasn’t something he would answer directly nor something she was sure she wanted to hear.

“These people worship me. And they should. I saved their asses.” He slammed a cup of coffee. “Finish up and I’ll show you outside.”

Jo shoved the rest of the food in her mouth and set her hands down. She was eager to feel the sun and fresh air. Negan grinned at her as he stood, leaving their tray for someone else to clean up.

“Sweetheart if you wanted outside so bad all you had to do was ask.” He walked out of the cafeteria. “I would have made a deal.”

Jo shivered at the thought. She was all too familiar with the basement of this place and hoped the tour did not end there. They passed a group of women sewing.

“We operate on a point system. Everyone here does a certain job, gets a certain amount of points. You want new clothes, you want medicine, you want a shower you need points.” They neared the exit. “Some jobs are worth more than others, much like some lives are worth more than others.”

Jo looked hard at the people they passed. There was a caste system in place here. At first it was hard to notice, but once she was aware it was obvious. Capitalism lives. Negan pushed open the door and Jo almost ran into the fresh air. The sun felt amazing on her skin. It had been a few months since she felt it. She did not care about taking in her surroundings at all and never realized how much she missed the outdoors.

“It’s another beautiful day.” Negan smiled at her.

Jo ignored him and soaked it all in. It didn’t even bother her eyes. The natural light was much better than the constant fluorescent she was used to. 

“There’s a twelve foot high fence that circles this place.” Negan started to walk. “It’s about one hundred yards out in all directions.”

Jo followed him and noticed the picnic tables and smoker spot she ran to the other night.

“On the back side is the gardens and the livestock.” Negan did not turn around. “Mainly chickens and a few cows. Don’t keep pigs, the risk of disease is too great. I outsource my bacon.”

Jo was too familiar with swine flu. They neared the fence and Jo saw the walkers. She froze in her tracks.

“They’re chained up, circle the entire place.” Negan kept walking. “They’re working double time. They keep my people inside the fence and are our first line of defense in an attack.”

The walkers were doing what walkers do. It broke Jo’s heart. They were people once, they should be put out of their misery. Before focusing on that she thought of the people inside who were still living.

“Your people are prisoners?” It was the first thing Jo said all morning.

“She speaks!” Negan stopped and turned. “They know the deal when they arrive. It’s a lifetime commitment. If someone defects they become the enemy. What if one of these little shits wanders over to Alexandria and shares the secrets of the Sanctuary? I can’t have that.” 

Jo had a feeling that was meant as a threat. She was never going home. Instead she found some comfort in it. Everyone here was a prisoner. She was nothing special. Negan turned around.

“We can hang out here later. Let’s finish the tour.” 

She was sad when they went back indoors and a little fearful she would never see the outdoors again. Jo didn’t say another word as he showed her the rest of the place. It took a few hours while he took her through the catwalks and commissary. She guessed it was close to noon when they ended at the med ward.

“Gentlemen, here is the lady who saved your lives.” Negan announced as he pushed open the door.

The four boys were all still in their gurneys. Jo noticed the four men who had helped her were still in there too, each attending to their patient. 

“I told the guys to hang out here, assist the doc and watch their assignment.” Negan looked proud, as if he came up with the idea and not Jo. “Where the hell is the Doc?”

Jo looked at each of the children. The older two were disinterested in her, while the younger two stared at her with awe. She smiled and waved at them and they broke out in a huge grin. She had a feeling their recovery would take some time, but they had already made huge strides.

“Where are their parents?” Jo whispered. 

The apocalypse left a lot of orphans and that was something she could relate to.

“Working.” Negan sneered. “A hospital stay like this requires a lot of points.”

The response sickened Jo. She could not imagine leaving her child in a bed like this so soon after they almost died. Doctor Ross stepped out from the back. Jo saw he had two sandwiches on the counter.

“This is where our tour ends.” Negan lifted his arms. “You will spend the afternoon with the doc. I’ll come and get you before dinner.”

Jo felt a little disappointed. Negan said he would take her back outside. 

“Now don’t get sad. It will only be for a few hours. I have some work to do sweetheart.” Negan brushed her cheek and Jo flinched. “We can eat al fresco this evening.”

Jo tried to casually step away from the man. 

“I’m not all whips and chains sweetheart.” Negan sighed. “You’ll see soon enough.”

He reached out and grabbed her shoulders, then placed a kiss on her forehead. Jo reeled in disgust. She tried to stop herself from shaking in fear, whatever he was planning the buildup was getting to her. Negan turned and left before Jo raised her eyes. She fought back tears as she turned to face Dr. Ross. The man rolled his eyes at her.

“He’s not going to hurt you.” The doctor went to the back by the sandwiches. 

Jo followed him. There were two chairs, far enough away for the people to hear.

“He already has.” Jo grabbed the food.

“This life sucks.” Dr. Ross took a bite. “It sucks that you lied to me and made me look incompetent, but you don’t hear me complaining when Negan says you will be working with me for a little bit every day from here on out.”

“Every day?” Jo was shocked.

“That’s the part you focus on.” The doctor shook his head. “You’re a selfish bitch, you know that?”

“I’m just trying to survive.” Surely the man could understand why Jo lied.

“Well it’s obvious you want to do that on your own. Don’t worry, you won’t get any help from me.” Dr. Ross took another bite.

Jo opened her mouth to defend herself, but decided against it. The doctor was right. The last thing she wanted or needed was a friend in this place. She was better off alone.

The afternoon went by quickly. Jo changed the dressing on all the patients. Dr. Ross only spoke when he was barking orders at her. She found it hard to believe this was the same man who was almost her friend a few weeks ago. She was cleaning the cabinets when the door opened. Jo turned to see Negan walk in and her stomach dropped.

“I give you a world class nurse and you’re treating her like a maid?” Negan glared at the doctor. There was no sarcasm in his voice.

“I…She…” Dr. Ross looked scared now.

Jo jumped down from the counter and put herself in between the men. 

“I spent all day tending to the patients. I wanted to keep busy.” Jo wondered what Negan had done to the doctor to make him so fearful. 

Negan relaxed and Jo realized how close she was to him. How close she had placed herself. Negan responded by wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“Same time tomorrow Doc.” Negan led the way out of the med ward, dragging Jo under his arm.

She hated the way his arm felt, she hated any contact from him. Jo wanted to push him off of her and run away, but the threat of what upsetting him would bring was too much. She felt helpless under his arm, wanting to know what torture awaited her and wanting to do whatever was in her power to avoid it at the same time. 

He stayed true to his word as they exited the building. The sun was starting to set, but Jo appreciated the warmth it brought. Negan dropped his arm and walked towards a picnic table. There was a candle in the middle and two plates of lasagna on each side. Jo always enjoyed Italian. She sighed and frowned, knowing it was wasted on her. Negan might as well have kept feeding her the gruel. 

“Doc says your taste will come back eventually. Might as well try and stimulate it.” Negan waited until Jo took a seat. “How was your afternoon?”

“Fine.” Jo didn’t look up as she took the fork.

“Throw me a bone here Jolene.” 

Jo looked up at a grinning Negan.

“Did I get it right? It’s Jolene isn’t it?” He raised his eyebrows.

The corner of Jo’s lips rose as she shook her head.

“Is that a smile I see?” Negan laughed. “I’m counting that as a win then.”

Jo looked back to her food.

“If you won’t talk I’ll tell you about my afternoon. We got a shipment in from a supplier and I had to oversee the distribution. Then one of my men decided to mouth off to one of my wives and I had to take care of that situation. Now you were there for that, what punishment do you think Dwight deserved?” 

Jo didn’t respond, but she could feel Negan staring at her. She look up and shook her head.

“Words sweetheart, use them.” He took another bite and encouraged her to do the same.

“None.” Jo took a drink from her wine glass.

“Did he not tell her to fuck off?” Negan bit off a piece of bread.

“She sort of deserved it.” Jo felt awkward having this conversation, but at least it wasn’t about her.

“Didn’t Sherry take care of you? You’re going to side with Dwight?” Negan looked shocked.

Jo felt conflicted. Negan did have a point. Sherry helped her. Dwight was almost her first sexual contact ever. There was no reason to side with the man, but over this particular exchange it didn’t feel right.

“She was goading him. He called her his ex under his breath.” Jo took another bite.

“I had a feeling.” Negan shook his head. “When they arrived at the Sanctuary they were married. She left him for me, or at least what I could offer her. She’s smoking hot so I wasn’t about to turn it down. I think sometimes she misses him and getting him in trouble is her bizarre way of flirting.”

“You took his wife?” Jo thought Dwight acted like a loyal solider to Negan.

“Strange days we live in.” Negan took another sip. “I know you’re wondering why Dwight doesn’t kill me. Truthfully I think he’s grateful I took her off his hands. It was her idea. She became a wife and Dwight became a soldier. Neither of them liked working for points.”

“Your soldiers don’t work for points?” It seemed like Dwight was always working.

“They work, for me. They get whatever they want in exchange, but a few small rules. Number one they can’t have families. I guess that’s the only rule. Dwight wanted in, he had to ditch Sherry. Sherry didn’t want to work she has to become a wife.” Negan refilled their wine glasses.

There was no point in asking why. It was obvious to Jo that Negan didn’t want to risk his soldiers caring more about someone else than him. Hence the no family rule. 

“Do you know how to play rummy?” Negan plopped a deck of cards on the table.

Jo nodded her head. In fact, she loved cards. She was pretty sure every person who ever served in the Army did. 

“Once you lick that plate clean and start putting some meat on your bones we can play a few hands.” He held his fork in front of her mouth.

Instead of eating the piece he offered Jo took another huge bite of her own food. She wasn’t falling for this act for a second. Negan was planning something. Jo did not appreciate the long con. All his other punishments were direct. If there was one quality Jo possessed it was patience. She was trapped and there was nothing she could do but wait out whatever he had in store for her.

~~~ 

“It went on like that for a while.” Jo had placed her hands on top of Daryl’s, not even aware she had. “At least a week, probably more. In the morning I would follow him with some mundane task. Overseeing things, visiting people, any chance to show me that his people thought he was a God. Then afternoons with Dr. Ross, who still hadn’t warmed up to me. Followed by dinner outside and cards.”

Jo could feel the tension in Daryl’s body. The average person would hear this story and think Negan was giving her a break, but Daryl worked like Jo. They both knew he had an agenda, both knew this was some sort of distraction. The calm before the storm. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Jo was trying to think of the words to convey the next part. She assumed Daryl did not know what to say.

“It’s almost noon. Do you want to get some lunch?” 

Jo tried her best to hide her disappointment that those were the first words he spoke. She was not the least bit hungry, but had a feeling he was. She dropped her hands to the ground and he let go of her. The second his arms were off her she missed them. There was a feeling there, one she hadn’t had in a long time. Jo wanted to beg him to hold her again, but instead she stood up and he followed her lead. She wrapped her arms around herself, but it was far from the same sensation. 

“Come on.” Daryl led the way back to the main road. “I told Carol to drop off the box at your house. I’m sure we can find something there.”

Jo didn’t say anything as she followed him. Sure enough the box was on the front porch. Daryl scooped it up as they walked inside. 

“There’s some eggs. I can scramble them.” He went straight into the kitchen.

“You haven’t looked at me,” Jo said.

Daryl stopped moving and slowly rose his chin until they made eye contact. 

“I hate what he did to you.” The words echoed across the kitchen. 

“You don’t have to know.” Jo tired her best to hide the disappointment from her voice.

“I want to.” Whatever emotion Daryl was feeling he hid it well. “I want to know everything that happened to you. I want to hear it in as much detail as you’re willing to give.”

“Why?” Jo furrowed her brow. 

“Because I want to be the one who helps you get through it.” Daryl walked around the counter.

There was no space between them. He reached down and tucked a loose strand of Jo’s hair behind her ear. She grabbed his wrist and pressed her cheek against his palm, closing her eyes. 

“Jo..I….”

She looked up at Daryl and released his wrist. He smiled and dropped his hand.

“I’m a terrible cook.” He laughed and went back to the box.

Jo rounded the counter with him and started to go through the supplies, sure she could figure something out. 

Eventually Jo decided on an omelet. Daryl helped her the best he could. She thought about their exchange, the light touches and cuddling the past twenty four hours. She surprised herself noticing how much she liked it. After Negan she didn’t think she would ever want anyone to touch her again. 

A pit started to form in her stomach as she sat down to eat with Daryl. She hoped that these touches were platonic on his side, she could deal with the light touches, but if Daryl wanted to move further than that it would never happen. Jo knew her initial response was right. She would never be with a man again, and once Daryl found out what Negan had done to her there was no way he would want her either. 

“Like I said,” Jo started. “It went on like that for about a week. Maybe a little longer. Then one day it was raining.”

~~~ 

The little table was set with dinner. 

“Sorry about the weather sweetheart.” Negan took a bite. “We’ll eat outside tomorrow if the weather clears.”

Jo picked at her food, more annoyed than she should be that the rain ruined her outside time. 

“Are you able to taste again?” Negan asked.

Jo shook her head.

“Words sweetheart, words.” He reached over and poured some more wine. 

“No. The food looks good though.” It really did. Jo was having a hard time remembering what flavor was like. 

“Drink up.” Negan picked his glass up. “I feel like getting a little buzz tonight and you know my thoughts on drinking alone.”

Jo reached out and took her glass. She was not drinking because he told her too, she was drinking because she was sad about not having any fresh air today. The little window in her room didn’t even open. It wasn’t fair.

“That’s the spirit.” Negan topped her off again. “We’ll play our game on the couches tonight. I might even fire up the old record player. Any requests?”

“You have a record player?” Jo knew the wine was going to make her lips a little loose. 

“Oh yeah.” Negan tapped his fork on her plate. “Once this dish is clean I’ll show you my collection. The lady can have first pick.”

It had been so long since Jo heard music. She needed to remember that it was Negan’s fault. He wasn’t giving her a treat by letting her listen. If it weren’t for him she could dance to songs every night. It was getting harder to look at it that way, when now more than anything that is all that Jo wanted. She gobbled down the tasteless food.

“Woah sweetheart.” Negan handed her the wine glass. “We got all night. Don’t forget to drink.”

Jo’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment. She didn’t mean to show him how eager she was. She took a sip and then returned to her food. Trying to eat at a slower, more normal pace. 

“Joclyn?” Negan grinned.

“Just Jo.” Jo rolled her eyes. 

“Josephine?” His smile grew.

“You’ve guessed that one several times now.” Jo smiled a little. “It was no the first time you asked and it will be no the last time you ask.”

“Little Jo says no.” Negan turned his head to the side. “I’ll guess right one of these days and you will tell me.”

“No you won’t, because it is just Jo.” She wondered if he actually guessed it if she would give him the satisfaction.

Since the apocalypse he was the only person who asked. Everyone else heard Jo and went with it. Rick never even asked. Of course it’s because it wasn’t his business. He was not a man to pry, unlike Negan who thought everything was of concern to him.

“Do you like Sinatra?” Negan asked.

Jo gave him a weird look.

“What?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Everyone likes Sinatra. That’s like asking someone if they like cheese.” Jo started to scrape up the last of her food.

“I suppose you’re right.” Negan gave a laugh. “What’s your favorite band?”

“Alkaline Trio.” Jo took another gulp of her wine.

“Never heard of em.” Negan was quick to refill her glass.

Jo shrugged. Not wanting to explain who they were.

“I love the Ramones.” Negan stood up from the table. “I know most people look at me and think heavy metal, with the leather and all, but really I love rock.”

Jo stood up to follow him.

“Don’t forget your wine doll.” Negan didn’t turn around to check if she actually had forgotten it.

Jo hesitated, but grabbed the glass and went to the couches. In a minute Negan came out of his room with a record player and a box.

“Here’s a small sample of the collection.” He set the box in front of Jo. “Pick something from there first.”

“How many more do you have?”

“Lots doll, lots.” He walked over to the bar and poured himself some scotch.

Jo flipped through the selection. Most of these were slow songs, more for a relaxing night in than a party. She settled on a Beatles album and handed it to Negan as he returned.

“Classic choice.” He started to set it up.

“I’m more of a Stones’ fan, but this will do.” Jo leaned back.

“Look at you.” Negan smiled. “Turning into a chatty Cathy this evening. Even making some good quips.”

Jo blushed and took another drink.

“Let’s play a little poker tonight.” Negan pulled a card deck from his back pocket. 

“Two person poker isn’t that fun.” Jo set the cup down. “Where are the chips?”

“I thought we would bet with something else.” Negan grinned.

Panic spread through Jo. She went to stand up, when his hands were on her shoulders, pushing her down. He sat next to her on the couch and leaned closer, pining her against the side. 

“Now that was not the reaction I anticipated.” Negan was right next to her ear. 

Jo remained still, compliant, hopeful he would let her go and back off. He began moving his hands, massaging her shoulders.

“You’re so tense sweetheart, relax a little.” He continued rubbing.

Jo did not want to take any pleasure in his touch, she was sickened by the thought. As if she couldn’t help it she felt herself start to relax. She even closed her eyes, tried to picture Rick. His face in her mind looked off, like she couldn’t remember it right. There was some detail she was missing.

“That’s much better isn’t it.” Negan slid his hands down her arms, twisting her back to him. “Let’s get this pesky shirt out of the way.”

Jo’s body felt like jello as he pulled the garment off. This wasn’t right. Why wasn’t she fighting him off? How much wine did she drink?

“What did you give me?” Jo’s voice sounded a little warped. 

“Something to help you relax.” Negan pulled her hair to one side and started kissing her neck. “Don’t worry, it won’t make you any less sensitive.”

“Why?” Jo choked out.

“Have you enjoyed yourself this week Jo?” Negan asked between kisses. 

His hands found the clasp of her bra. She let out a little gasp as he unfastened the lacy thing and let it fall down her shoulders. She brought her arms up to cover herself, but felt like she was moving in slow motion. Negan ran his hand ups her stomach and under her arms, cupping each breast in a hand. 

“Answer the question Jo.” Negan sucked on her neck as he squeezed, kneading her. “Did you have a nice week?”

Jo shook her head.

“Words sweetheart.” Negan ran his tongue up to her ear and bit down lightly on the lobe. 

“No.” Jo was distracted by his movements. She didn’t want to admit how good it felt.

“I think we both know that’s a lie.” Negan pinched down on both of her nipples.

Jo arched her back and opened her mouth in response. He let go and started rolling his fingers, drawing the buds into hard pebbles, sending a tingle down Jo’s spine to her core. 

“I want to go home.” Jo turned her neck to the side and Negan took it as an invitation to return to kissing that spot.

“You are home sweetheart.” He traced his tongue from her ear to shoulder blade. “Your life can be very nice here. I can make your life wonderful.”

He stopped rolling her nipples, and let his left hand covering her breast while sliding his right one down her stomach. Jo let out a whimper as his fingers dipped below her waist band. She wanted to stand up and run away, but her legs wouldn’t listen to her. His mouth continued to lick and suck her shoulder, his left hand continued fondling, and his right hand reached lower. His fingers slid under her panties and then his tips lightly brushed her clit, making her gasp again. The man gave a chuckle, but continued moving lower.

“Are you aware of how wet you are right now?” Negan brought his left arm down around her waist and lifted her up, using the right one to slide down her pants and underwear in one swoop. He set her down as her clothes dropped to the floor. “A big part of you must love this, or you wouldn’t be so turned on right now.”

Jo would have felt shame, but between the drugs and his caresses she couldn’t disagree with him. He tucked one arm under her knees and the other behind her back and lifted her nude frame into the air. Jo struggled to support her neck and wrapped her arms around him to try and help support. 

“You’re being a very good girl right now.” He walked into her bedroom and set her down on the bed. 

He leaned over her, still fully clothed, and pressed his lips to hers. Jo tried her hardest not to kiss him back, suddenly fingertips squeezed her nipple and she let out another moan. He used the movement as an opportunity and let his tongue slide into her mouth. Jo’s head started swimming. Without breaking their kiss he laid on top of her, spreading her thighs with his leg. Negan pulled his head away and Jo found herself moving back towards him. She screamed internally. Her body was behaving like it wanted this attention. 

“I know you’re not very experienced sweetheart.” Negan moved his other leg between hers, effectively spreading her around him. “Tell me the truth. Are you a virgin?” 

“Yes.” Jo locked eyes with him.

She was defenseless, there was no use in lying to him. Whatever he was going to do to her was going to happen. In response he pressed his lips back to hers. This time she parted her lips for him. She tried to tell her mouth not to kiss back, but it felt like her tongue had a mind of its own as it danced with him. 

Negan’s hands found hers and he interlocked their fingers on either side of Jo’s head. Then he pressed his hips into hers, the friction of his pants against her only increased her desire. Jo didn’t understand how this was happening.

“Do you know how good I can make you feel?” Negan started kissing her cheek and neck as he rocked his body against hers. 

Jo nodded furiously and found herself trying to move in rhythm with him. 

“If we keep this up I might ruin my pants babydoll.” Negan gave a little laugh as he pushed off of Jo.

She let out a moan as the pressure on her clit was gone. Jo looked up at him, worried that he was going to strip, but he had barely moved off of her. Negan wrapped one hand around a breast and brought his mouth down on her nipple. His tongue lightly flicked back and forth, making her pussy grow wetter. Then he lightly bit and nipped making electricity flow through her. 

His spare hand came up between her legs and he slid a single finger inside her, making her body shudder with a strange relief.

“Am I the first man to slide a finger inside you like this?” Negan asked.

Jo nodded furiously.

“Am I the first cock you’ve ever sucked?” Negan’s voice was hard.

Jo continued to nod.

“Fuck, you’re quite the treasure baby doll.” Negan curled his finger and Jo let out a little scream. “I will give you nothing but pleasure, but first you have to ask.”

Jo tried wiggling her hips, needing some sort of pressure to build. Negan brought his other hand down and held it against her stomach. 

“Ask me to fuck you.” 

“No.” Jo shook her head. 

“That’s not how this is going to work babydoll.” Negan slid his hand down further, still pinning her in place, but giving him access to her bundle of nerves. He applied pressure and Jo gasped. She needed him to keep going. “All you need to do is ask and I will be happy to comply.”

He starting moving the finger inside her again and rubbing swirls on her clit at the same time. Jo started to pant. She was getting ready to fall over the edge. Right when the bliss approached he pulled his hands away. Jo let out a cry. His mouth was on hers again. She didn’t even try not kissing him back this time and tried to arch her hips against him, against anything that would give her the relief she needed.

“Just say the words baby and I will make you feel like you’re flying to the fucking moon.” Negan pressed his forehead against hers. 

Jo wanted the orgasm, but she wasn’t thinking straight. Drugs or not she would never give up her virginity to this man. She shook her head no.

“No.” She tried to force her body to relax.

Her heartbeat started to lower, but Negan again slid down her body. This time he did not stop at her breast and let his mouth land on her clit. He started licking and sucking, making her legs shake with almost painful lust. A finger slid back inside her and Jo felt the coil get tighter again. She started bucking her hips against his mouth. It felt like she was on the edge of a cliff and falling off was the only way to survive. Again he pulled away and Jo let out a sob.

“I can do this all night if I have to.” Negan stood up and walked to Jo’s head.

She tried to bring her hands between her legs, but he grabbed her wrists with one hand. He used the other to wipe the sweat from her forehead. 

“End this right now.” Negan gave her a kiss. “Ask me.”

“No.” Jo closed her eyes.

“Fine.” Negan took off his belt. 

Part of Jo wished he would rape her at this point and felt a little bit of relief he was taking it into his own hands. To her surprise instead he gripped her wrists again and wrapped the belt around them, then lifted it to the headboard and bound her down. 

Everything went a little blurry after that. Jo lost count of how many times she came close to orgasm and how many times she said no. It felt like all the blood in her body was concentrated in her hips. It got to the point where when Negan stopped the pain that came was incredible. She was a blubbering mess. 

Jo’s hair was plastered to the side of her head and Negan tucked it behind her ear. She could barely see him through her tear clouded eyes. 

“Babydoll this isn’t much fun for me anymore either.” Negan cradled her cheek. “Now I am begging you, say the words so we can end this.”

“No.” Jo did not hesitate. 

“FUCK.” Negan stood up.

This time he didn’t go back down. He punched the wall and left the room, slamming the door. Jo should have taken pride in her victory, but she was exhausted and in so much pain. She closed her eyes and willed her heart rate to steady, not caring that her arms were still bound and she was naked as she gave into the exhaustion.  
~~~   
They sat at the table staring at each other. Daryl wanted Jo to speak first, unsure how to address the latest part of the story. It looked like she was on the verge of tears, wrapping her arms around her petite frame. He stood up and went to her, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her to her fit at the same time. She rested her head on his chest in almost the same position they were after the incident at Carol’s this morning.

“You’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever met.” Daryl wasn’t lying. 

“I hate it that I…my body, responded to what he was doing to me.” Jo pulled away from Daryl. 

“You can’t help biology.” Daryl didn’t think Jo did anything wrong.

“Was he right? What sort of person gets turned on by that?” Jo grabbed the plate and walked it to the sink.

“Jo there is nothing wrong with sex.” Daryl regretted saying it as soon as it left his mouth. “Your body had a natural reaction to external forces. It has nothing to do with him or the situation.”

“I know.” Jo sighed and turned around. “Can we change the topic for a little bit?”

She forced a smile that Daryl saw right through. He wanted to show her that she didn’t get so turned on because of Negan or his treatment of her. Daryl wanted to wrap her legs around his waist and make love to her, not fuck her. But after what she had been through he had a feeling that day was in the distant future. So instead he nodded his head. 

“How about you walk me through town and point out what everything is now, who lives where?” Jo already started walking towards the door before Daryl answered.

He didn’t like the way this conversation ended, but if Jo wasn’t ready to discuss it further he would not be the one to push it. Daryl followed after her into the afternoon sun, ready to tell her information she already knew. At least he was spending time with her, that was good enough for him for now.


	16. Chapter 16

It was after 3 am when Negan gave up on his mission. Anger and desire ripped through him as he punched every wall he passed. It was a quick jog down the set of stairs to his wives’ rooms. He did not care how much noise he made as he neared their location. 

Images of Jo’s wiggling were still fresh in Negan’s mind. The way her body ached for him, the scent of her arousal, the taste of her delicious juices made his cock pulse. But what was sending him over the edge was her defiance. He was certain by the end of the night she would have been his, not entirely, but at least a solid start. 

He did not want to rape her, he wanted her to beg him to fuck her. Once that happened she would likely feel some sort of guilt mixed with a strong sense of loyalty. After all, she was older for a virgin. If he took her by force then she would hate him forever. It needed to be her decision, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t persuade her. She did not even falter, the last no was said with the same determination as the first. Anyone else in her position, including himself, would have folded.

Negan flung open Sherry’s door. She shot up in bed as he flipped on the light. There was no doubt Sherry was hot as fuck, but after spending the night with his head between Jo’s thighs Sherry looked more like a five than her normal nine. Recognition washed over her and in a quick second she pulled her nightgown off. She reached into her bedside table and pulled out a small bottle. 

Not wanting to have this hard on any longer than necessary, Negan undid his pants and let his purple cock spring forward as Sherry applied lotion between her thighs. 

“Get on your hands and knees.” Negan was not going to bother taking off any additional clothes.

Sherry was quick to comply with his request. Her pert little ass was in the air towards him. He grabbed her hips and moved her to the end of the bed. The lotion made her slick and Negan could tell she already had some natural lubrication building. It was why he stopped in front of her door. Sherry was the easiest of his wives to please and the most eager to please him. 

He lined up at her entrance and slid himself inside. She was wetter than expected and he wondered what sort of dreams she was having. It did not matter though, this was about him. In his mind Jo had more of a presence in this bedroom than Sherry did. 

Her hair hung over her shoulder. Negan reached over and wrapped his fist in it, yanking it backward, causing her to arch her back. He kept his other hand on the small of her back, making it bend almost painfully. Sherry responded by letting out a little whimper.

“Beg me,” Negan said through bared teeth.

“Please fuck me.” Sherry did not hesitate. “Please, I’ve been such a good girl. I deserve it.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Negan sighed.

He began sliding in and out. Sherry did not make a sound. He started thrusting harder thinking about Jo, wondering what it would be like to pop her cherry. Would she squeal with delight or impatience? Would she cry out in pleasure or would there be tears from pain? 

Negan wanted to picture Sherry as Jo, but it wouldn’t work. Sherry was right, she had been a good girl and deserved attention from his cock. Jo on the other hand, was a very naughty girl. She was a liar and a tease. 

He grabbed Sherry’s hips and started slamming into her as fast and deep as possible. All the while tightening the grip on her hair. She did not make a single noise, the only sound was their skin smacking against each other. 

Suddenly Sherry started to shake. Then her arms gave out and she rested her head on the bed. Her breath was uneven and deep. Negan smirked, gave the girl an O without even really trying. Jo did not know what she was missing. Sherry’s pussy gave little pulses around his cock and he took that as an invitation to go harder. Finally a little gasp escaped her mouth and Negan continued to pound away, 

He knew some people thought he was crazy, but there was a method to his madness. A lost battle does not mean a lost war. Negan did not become king by luck, he did not have hundreds of followers by chance. He was good at getting what he wanted and right now that something was Jo. Negan smirked as his wife wiggled beneath him. The little medic would be his, he was certain. With the thought he expelled the contents of his balls deep into Sherry’s womb. 

There was no hug or kiss or even moment to collect himself. Negan pushed off of her and tucked his cock away. She let her hips sag to the side, curling up in a ball. 

“Thanks love.” Negan winked as he shut off the light and left Sherry’s room.

It might have been late, but he continued down the stairs instead of up. If this was a war he needed all the help he could get and decided to revisit with his number one strategist.   
~~~ 

“I find it hard to believe this is the first meal you’ve ever made.” Jo swirled the spaghetti around her fork. 

“I wouldn’t call dumping a can of sauce onto some noodles cooking.” Daryl raised his eyebrows. “And I’ve cooked before, mainly for myself. I don’t think you would find my choice in food appetizing.” 

“Enlighten me. What are some of your gourmet creations?” Jo smiled.

Daryl loved the way her smile looked. She had been faking so many lately, but here or there he caught a genuine one. This afternoon had gone better than he expected. They didn’t do much, just walked around and talked about books mainly. He gave her a little bit of information on hunting, but she didn’t seem interested. It was nice to have a light conversation for once. It was easy to sense what made her uncomfortable, and as far as he could tell his name was not on that list.

“Rabbit stew, squirrel stew.” Daryl looked over at her.

“Cute and cuddly animal stew?” Jo stuck out her tongue.

“Tastes just like chicken.” Daryl gulped down the last of the spaghetti. 

It wasn’t fair to say he made it. In fact he mainly stood there and watched Jo, but he did help and even pre-apocalypse he preferred cooking over an open fire to a stove top. Jo set her fork down, it looked like she barely ate half of the plate. He couldn’t help but frown, she needed to eat more to get her strength back.

“I’m not used to eating much.” It was like she read his mind. “If I eat too much my stomach hurts and then I risk throwing it up, which would expel more calories than I would have taken.”

Daryl tried to move back to a blank face. He didn’t want Jo to feel any pressure around him. She stood up and grabbed his empty plate, then walked them into the kitchen. Instead of throwing her excess in the trash she carefully placed it a container for the fridge. 

“Lunch, and probably breakfast for tomorrow.” She turned her attention to the sink.

Daryl grabbed dish soap and a sponge. 

“Mr. Dixon, when did you get so domestic?” Jo tapped the top of his hand.

Daryl lifted his hand up, causing some of the water from the tap to spray on to Jo. She blocked it and let out a giggle. 

“Someone had to make sure this place stayed spick and span.” Daryl smiled at her. 

Jo dropped her head back to the dishes. Daryl regretted his comment, the last thing he meant to do was remind her of her time lapse. He wanted to apologize, but she spoke, changing the subject.

“Does anyone use their dishwashers?” Jo nodded towards the appliance that was nothing more than a decoration here.

“I doubt it.” Daryl shook his head. “It’d be a waste of electricity.”

Alexandria operated on solar power, but if the sun didn’t come out or people overused there was a noticeable dip. 

“That’s one thing I like about it here.” Jo turned the water off and grabbed a dish towel.

“Hand washing dishes?” Daryl started to help her dry them.

“There aren’t unnecessary rules. People don’t use their dishwashers because then it might slow hot water heaters or dim the lights, things that are more valuable. People here do what they do for the greater good without being told to behave that way.” Jo spread the drying dishes on the counter. “I hope the people who are part of this community realize how lucky they are.”

Her tone and choice of wording gave Daryl pause. 

“Jo you are as much a part of this community as anyone else.” Daryl turned to look at her.

Jo had her head down, Daryl wanted to look in her eyes and debated on touching her chin to get her to pop her head up. But she let out a little laugh and slowly looked at him. There was another genuine smile on her face and her big blue eyes almost glassed over.

“Sometimes I like the reminder.” Her lips parted. “It’s nice to hear.”

She looked up at him with a grateful look, one that Daryl wasn’t sure he deserved but would accept none the less. Jo did not look away and Daryl continued to study her face. The first time he ever saw Jo the first thing he thought was beautiful. Now there were many more adjectives to add to the list. He saw strength, power, respect, intelligence, humility, and above all love. 

It was like another force took over him. The need to hold her and have her flared up. Without thinking Daryl placed one hand on each side of her face and pressed his lips to hers. At first it seemed like she was taken aback, not struggling to get out of his touch, but not responding. He kept his lips planted against hers. Then the tension seemed to vanish and Jo’s lips softened. Daryl recognized the invitation and let his tongue slide into her mouth. He kept the kiss soft, lightly dancing his tongue around hers. 

He wanted to pull her against him, deepen the kiss and never let her go, but she was so delicate and fragile. At least Daryl remembered that. To his surprise he felt her tongue meet his. They began moving their mouths in unison. Daryl let his hands slip to her shoulders. He started sliding them to her back, wanting to pull her closer, when she abruptly pulled away. 

The excitement and happiness Daryl was feeling started to fade as he saw the look on Jo’s face. Her lips were still parted and her breathing was rapid. She did not blink as her eyes swirled with confusion. 

“Jo I’m..” Daryl took a step towards her and she lifted her arms taking a step back.

His heart dropped at her defensive stance. Jo dropped eye contact and looked at the ground.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” Daryl didn’t want to hold this one in. “I’m sorry.”

Jo kept her eyes on the floor and walked around him, moving out of her way to make sure there was extra distance between them. Even with her eyes glued to the floor Daryl knew the way she felt. The sense of terror was radiating from her.

He tried to think of something to say, how to make her feel safe again. Daryl never wanted to see that look on her face and he certainly never wanted to be the cause of it. She walked backwards, not wanting to turn her back towards him. Daryl recognized that as a defensive move. He stayed in place, knowing following her would do more harm. 

Jo did not say a word as she made it to the stairs. As she disappeared from sight the sound of her running echoed through the house. Her bedroom door slammed and Daryl swore he heard the lock click into place. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. The fleeting moments of happiness were not worth the shame he now felt. 

Daryl did not think he’d ever felt this stupid in his entire life. A lump of fear rose in his throat. Fear that with his stupid mistake he may have lost Jo forever and taken away the one person she decided to confide in with her recovery. Daryl felt like a selfish asshole, one not worthy of Jo.

~~~ 

Negan sat in the chair. After his dalliance with Sherry some clarity returned. It seemed some of the blood had returned to his brain. He was determined not to fall asleep without having the next battle scheduled. That meant calling in reinforcements. Negan reached over and flipped the light switch. Harsh flight flooded the room. Dr. Ross shot up in bed, looking much more disorientated than and not nearly as delightful as Sherry had.

“Rise and shine Doc, I am in need of your expertise.” Negan sat back in the chair and examined his nails.

“What time is it?” Dr. Ross grabbed for a pair of glasses. “Was there another accident?”

“I followed your advice. It didn’t work. Little Jo still ignored my advances.” Negan leaned forward. “My end game still hasn’t changed. I want that piece of ass by my side ready to die for me.”

“It’s going to take longer than a week.” Dr. Ross rubbed his eyes. “You need to stay the course and have patience.”

“Are you sure I couldn’t torture obedience out of her?” 

Torture had worked well on everyone else, of course he was pressing it pretty hard with her before he knew of her med skills and that barely made a dent. Of course he could kick it up a notch and give her the male torture instead of the female variety. 

“That might work,” Dr. Ross replied. “But might scramble her brains too. Wouldn’t want that preforming surgery. Now tell me what you did that makes you think you screwed up so badly?”

“Took your advice, was nice to her all week, catered to what she wanted, isolated her from other people. You weren’t secretly talking to her while she was with you?” Negan pointed a finger.

“Of course not. I’ve been cold as possible.” The doctor swung his legs over the bed. “Why would I sabotage my own plan?”

“Fair enough.” Negan relaxed. “Then tonight, gave her a little something to relax, then teased her to the point of ecstasy over and over. She would not crack. Did confirm she is a virgin.”

“Let me get this straight.” Dr. Ross held up his fingers. “You kidnapped a sexually repressed woman, forced her to orally pleasure strangers, force yourself on her anally, locked her in a cell on two separate occasions, then you’re nice to her for a week and think you can coerce her into having sex with you by denying her pleasure?”

“Well when you put it like that…” Negan shrugged. “It seemed like this week was working. She started talking more at dinners, I wanted to ramp it up.”

“It sounds like you’re mixing schools of psychological thought.” Dr. Ross dropped his hand. “You need to address them separately.”

“Plain English doc.” Negan yawned. 

“First is her hatred of you. In order to fix that you need her to see you differently.” Dr. Ross stood up and went to a small bookshelf. “Be nice to her, buy her gifts, provide for her, show her others find you kind and strong. Isolate her so that you’re her only outlet without making her feel like a prisoner.”

“I did that all week, seemed like she was responding well.” Negan didn’t get the point. “It still didn’t work.”

“Because you mixed in thought two.” Dr. Ross walked back with a book. “She is sexually inexperienced and doesn’t seem to mind. Pretend she didn’t hate you, how would you get her to be more sexually active.”

“Tell her how good it feels.” Negan never had to chase a woman before.

“Or maybe show her?” Dr. Ross flipped through the books. “Not do the opposite.”

Negan shook his head. Instead of denying her orgasms he should have been supplying them like crazy. 

“I get your drift Doc.” Negan rose.

“If you want this to work it’s going to take time. You can’t expect results in a week.” Dr. Ross showed Negan a page.

“How long are we talking?” Negan pushed the book away. He had the doctor to explain it to him. 

“I don’t know.” Dr. Ross shook his head. “This has never been studied before, it went against all human subjects research protocols. The reported cases where it occurred sometimes happened in a matter of hours, others a matter of years.”

Negan wouldn’t wait years. He knew that much. He liked the idea of hours.

“Of course you have three months of abusing the girl under your belt, so that’s going to naturally slow things down.” Dr. Ross did not hide the accusatory tone from his voice.

Negan shot him a warning look as he stood up from the chair. Three months. He could handle that. 

“Remember, don’t let the schools of thought work against each other.” Dr. Ross walked back. “You can’t tie her down and make her cum over and over. She’ll only hate you more.”

“Don’t worry Doc.” Negan started towards the door. “Keep being a dick to her alright, make sure every in here does the same.” 

“Aye, aye.” Dr. Ross went back to his bed as Negan left.

Negan left the med ward and went straight for his bedroom. He wasn’t going to bed with his job accomplished, but at least he was going to bed with a better understanding of how to accomplish his goals. He would consider that a win for the night.

~~~ 

There was already too much on Jo’s mind to add something else to the pile. She kept replaying the kiss over and over in her head. Why did Daryl have to go and do that? Jo didn’t want anyone. That was never going to change. After tonight she was certain of that. It was her plan to live the rest of her life in peace, surrounded by people she cared about, but never having a relationship.

It took her off guard. She didn’t understand why he kissed her. Part of Jo thought he was being nice listening to her stories, that the cuddling on the couch this morning meant nothing. Did he kiss her out of some strange sense of obligation? Did he think they had some shot together?

No. That was insane. Jo was broken, she needed to put herself back together. Daryl could help by being there to listen, but that was where it had to end. 

The circle of thoughts continued non-stop. Jo shifted on the floor, trying to find any position that would let her fall asleep. The minutes turned into hours and sleep never came. The cycle of endless questions kept moving. She alternated between hating Daryl for doing something so stupid and feeling flattered at his attention. Hate was a strong word. She would never hate him. That didn’t mean she wanted anything romantic with him.

Jo guessed it was long after midnight. She wanted sleep. This morning had been the best sleep she could remember, cramped on that little couch with Daryl. The minutes ticked away and finally Jo couldn’t take it. She knew she was being selfish.

She made it through the dark into the hall and went straight to Daryl’s door. It felt wrong not knocking, but she knew she would lose her nerve if she didn’t act fast. The door creaked as she pushed it open. 

In the darkness she saw Daryl move on the bed. She could tell his eyes were open and fixed on her. She swallowed before speaking.

“You should not have done that.” Jo’s voice didn’t sound as strong outloud as it did in her head.

“I know.” Daryl spoke the two words with confidence. 

“I will never be your girlfriend.” This time Jo’s voice was shaky. “I don’t want to lead you on.”

“I know.” 

Those two words never sounded so accurate before. Neither of them spoke. Jo knew she should go back to her room, but the idea of sleeping in the bed alone was too much and the floor was starting to hurt her back. She never changed into pajamas and didn’t think that would make a difference in her level of comfort. Taking a breath Jo asked the question, the real reason she burst into Daryl’s room this late at night.

“Can I sleep next to you?” This time there was no doubting the crack in her voice.

Daryl did not respond with words. Instead he lifted his arm and the comforter in the air. Jo practically dove into the bed and under his arm. He brought the comforter down and wrapped his powerful arms around her, forcing her back against his chest. She felt him nuzzle her hair and the familiar feeling from this morning returned. Safety.

Jo’s body relaxed instantly. She knew this was wrong, spooning was the definition of sending the wrong message, but Jo did not care. No thoughts plagued her when she was next to him. It didn’t even take a minute before she fell fast asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Jo woke up in the morning groggy. The memory of the night before was hazy. She had flashes of Negan kissing her, biting at her neck. This made her shoot up in the bed. She looked down and saw pajamas. An image of a belt being tied around her hands made her rub her wrists. Him begging her to have sex and Jo staying strong with her conviction. She looked at the closed door and didn’t know what to do.

Seeing Negan would be brutal. Jo never felt so trapped. She pulled her legs up and hugged them to her chest. A knock came to the door making her jerk her head.

“You decent sweetheart?” Negan’s voice carried through the wood. “I’ll give you thirty seconds.”

Jo closed her eyes and pressed her face into her knees. Thirty seconds later the door cracked open. She did not look up.

“Now what’s with the pouting?” Negan walked over and sat next to her on the bed. “I let you sleep in. It’s almost noon. Why don’t you get in the shower and we can get some lunch.”

“Stay away from me.” Jo brought her arms down and popped up from the bed. “You drugged me, did terrible things. Now you want me to have lunch with you?”

“Woah woah woah.” Negan raised his arms above his head.

Jo forced herself to look at him. His signature smirk was gone, instead he looked almost concerned. It made Jo pause, which he took as an opportunity.

“We both had too much to drink. I tried my hardest to put the moves on you. You said no. I left you alone.” Negan stood up and took a step towards her. “I will admit that you were not into it at first, but then you stopped minding. You just didn’t want to go all the way and I respected that.”

“Respected?” Jo screamed. “You tied me down and brought me to the edge over and over and…”

“Never let you fall?” Negan raised an eyebrow. “Is that why you’re mad? Because I never made you cum?”

Jo struggled to think of the right words. 

“You drugged me.” She glared at him. “I said no from the beginning.”

“I did not drug you.” Negan shook his head. “You drank too much wine. If I drugged you would you remember any of this? Would you have kept the ability to say no over and over again?” 

Jo brought her hand to her head. She knew he was lying. This was so wrong. She tried to think of a pill that would relax someone but not lead to memory loss. 

“Sweetheart if you’re upset about the not cumming thing, lie on the bed and I’ll take care of that for you right now. Or hell, I’ll give you an extra ten minutes in the shower and you can take care of it yourself.” Negan still did not smirk.

Jo looked at him with disgust. Normally he would stare at her with the grin or like she was a piece of trash. This genuine look was off putting. 

“Trust me honey, I’m a dick. I know I’m a dick, but right now you’re flipping out over nothing.” Negan went to the door. “Would you rather jump in the shower and go get something to eat? Then I’ll drop you at the Doc’s office. Or do you want to sit in here and sulk all day because you didn’t get an O last night?”

Jo went back and forth between frustrated and confused. Then she stomped towards the door and walked right into the bathroom slamming it behind her. Negan did not follow her or say anything else. She flipped the water on and let out a sob. 

There was no way he was telling the truth. She wasn’t upset because he didn’t let her cum, she was upset because he put her in that situation at all. Then one memory kept coming forward. At one point Jo wanted him to rape her, to take the choice away. She brought her hand to her mouth and let out another sob. What sort of person was she?   
~~~   
People glared at them as they ate lunch. Jo felt like she was going through the motions, no really present as she bit her sandwich. 

“Are you going to be all girly about this?” Negan looked annoyed. “I already have to deal with five wives. If you’re going to sit and mope over nothing it’s going to piss me off.”

“So you would what? Throw me back into a cell?” Jo glared at him. 

Negan chuckled and leaned back.

“I am trying to give you some sort of life here. This is your home now, like it or not. Do you want to make the best of it or do you want to sit and pout until your brain goes to mush? These are strange days we’re living in baby doll. Best to embrace the situation.” Negan finished his coffee and slammed the cup down. 

There were so many conflicting feeling working through Jo. Some of what he was saying made sense, but still part of her was screaming that this was all wrong. Truthfully she did not want to go back to the cells, but at what cost?

“Don’t ever try anything physical with me again.” Jo didn’t know if making demands was worth it. “And I’ll forget last night and try to move forward.”

“Done.” Negan raised his hand.

On instinct Jo reached out and shook his. Her fingers were dwarfed and he held them tight. No deal with him ever worked out well, Jo knew that by now. But she buried that fact down and decided against logic to hope.   
~~~   
Daryl’s arm was wrapped around her waist. Jo kept her back pressed to him as she finished her story. When they woke this morning neither of them moved. Daryl asked what happened the morning after and Jo didn’t see a reason not to tell him.

“I knew he was lying, I knew not to trust him,” Jo said. “I should have asked he throw me back in the dungeon.” 

“No, it wouldn’t have mattered.” Daryl’s voice was raspy. “He had a plan for you. It didn’t matter how you responded. You did the right thing, made it easy on yourself. Made it so you could keep living.” 

“I thought about you all every day.” Jo sniffled. “I didn’t believe him when he said the Sanctuary was my home. I knew I wouldn’t live there forever. I knew I would make it back to Alexandria.”

“And you did.” Daryl gave her a little squeeze. “Nothing else matters, what he did to you, what you did to survive, it brought you back here.”

Jo wished it were that simple, but nothing was the same. She pulled down Daryl’s arm and sat up on the bed. She glanced over at him and in the morning light realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He muscles looked more defined than she had noticed before, realizing she was staring she turned her attention to the door.

“I have to go hunting today.” Daryl climbed out the other side. “Do you want to come with me?”

“No.” Jo shook her head.

“Are you sure? It will be fun. You won’t have to kill anything, I’ll handle that, but getting out in the fresh air will be good for you.” He pulled on a T-shirt as he walked to her line of sight. “The walker population has really dropped. The old ones are starting to decay and you can spot them a mile away.” 

“It’s not that.” Jo looked at him. “Negan wasn’t the only bad person there. What if we run into another one?” 

“I’ll protect you.” Daryl sat down on the bed.

“No one can promise that.” Jo shook her head. “Soon, but for now I’m not ready to leave Alexandria.” 

“Alright.” Daryl looked defeated. “I can go another day then or they can make do without me.”

“Daryl you were the best hunter when I left by a long shot and I’m willing to bet that hasn’t changed.” Jo stood up. “This place needs you out there.” 

A corner of his mouth raised and he nodded his head.

“I think I should go to the clinic.” Jo started walking towards the door. Daryl turned towards the bathroom. “I would like to take inventory or what we have. I don’t think Lauren really knows what she’s doing.”

“Let me brush my teeth.” Daryl walked into the bathroom. “Then we can at least eat breakfast together and I’ll walk you.”

Jo nodded and went into her bedroom to change and do the same. It felt so good having someone to talk to and Jo actually slept through the night in a bed. She knew she was being selfish, but didn’t care. The memory of Daryl’s kiss was already buried in the back of her mind. She was slightly worried about spending the day without him. After all, he was the one who kept her calm during her panic attacks. Jo took a deep breath and shook her head. It was only a few hours. She would be fine. Just because she wanted to take a break did not mean life would comply. 

~~~  
When Rick arrived at Hilltop he noticed the people were cheery. They worked in groups raising the walls back up and Rick couldn’t help but feel a little grateful that the standoff did not happen at Alexandria. He parked his truck and walked up to the mansion, Paul waited on the front steps, leaning against the pillar and waiting for his arrival. 

“Things are looking good around here.” Rick pointed to the group of workers. “People seem happy.”

“Hard to believe, with everyone they lost, but its true.” Paul turned and waved Rick inside. “Let’s get started. I don’t want this to take any longer than it should.”

They walked into the living room that Paul was currently using as his office. Rick noticed a cot next to the desk.

“Did you finally accept your role as the Hilltop leader?” Rick understood Paul’s hesitation, hell he didn’t want to take the reins until it was almost forced on him.

“Only temporary my brother.” Paul set down a stack of papers. “I’m meant for out there. Not sitting around like some bureaucrat. Once this mess is squared away with the Saviors I’m out of here.”

Rick didn’t believe that for a second. The people of Hilltop loved Paul so much they called him Jesus. There was no way the man would turn his back on them. Besides, Paul led the resistance and proved to be much more capable than Gregory. 

“From what I can tell The Saviors had almost four hundred adults. About three hundred of them were average people living in constant fear by a monster.” Paul flipped open the page. “This has all been triple verified.”

“Three hundred?” Rick was shocked it was that large. 

“Most of them were exhausted, starving, terrified.” Paul leaned back. “I spoke with them, gave them several options.”

“Well? What happened?” Rick leaned back. 

“Most of them want to return to the Sanctuary and rebuild. A community based on skills, not ruthlessness. I told them the place was scavaged pretty badly, they didn’t care. I gave them our blessing, told them to pick a different name. In a few months if they wanted to trade you, us, and the kingdom would oblige.” Paul sounded confident.

“And if in a few months they’re pounding on our doors because they’re starving?” Rick didn’t think this was such a good idea.

“Have faith. These were good people.” Paul leaned back.

“Even if we split them and each took on one hundred it wouldn’t work.” Rick shook his head. “We don’t have those resources.”

“But maybe in a few months we will.” Paul shrugged. “No use in trying to place fortune teller.”

“What do they want to be called?” It seemed like the names came organically, but if this group didn’t pick one the stigma of the Saviors would stick around.

“The free souls.” Paul smiled.

“Alright, a little strange, but I’ll take it.” Rick flipped the papers. “Now I’m guessing the other one hundred is where it gets interesting. Tell me about them.”

“Negan’s inner circle. The Saviors we are used to. Most of them are dead.” Paul turned the paper to a stack of photographs. “Some of the free souls helped us out before they left. More than eager to let us know who each one was and what their job entailed.”

“How many are we looking at?” Rick raised an eyebrow.

“Twelve men, five women.” Paul spread out the polaroids. “The women are the tricky ones. They were Negan’s wives.”

“Plural?” Rick didn’t know why he was shocked.

“They essentially lived like a harem. Some of the Free Souls said they were just attractive women who lived in luxury, they weren’t mean or bad, but didn’t care that everyone else was suffering. Some said they were just as ruthless as Negan. Some said they wanted to help but Negan wouldn’t let them.” Paul shook his head. “Either way, the Free Souls made it clear they were not welcome to the new colony.” 

Rick looked at the pictures of the five different women. It was hard to tell if they looked scared or relieved. 

“Maybe you could have your girl take a look?” Paul asked. “She might have more knowledge of Negan’s workings than anyone else.”

“The men?” Rick raised an eyebrow. He made it clear Jo would not be involved. 

“I’ll brief you on each one. We will meet them one at a time once Ezekiel arrives. Then there are two options. Either they join one of our colonies or we blindfold them and drop them in the middle of nowhere a hundred miles apart with no weapons or food. Let the universe decide if they live.” Paul crossed his arms. 

Rick nodded his head. He knew nobody wanted an execution, except for maybe one. 

“What about Negan?” Rick asked.

“What about him?” Paul raised an eyebrow.

“You can’t consider letting him go.” Rick shook his head. “He needs to be put down.”

“He surrendered. Turned himself in as a prisoner of war.” Paul looked stunned. “I will make myself very clear. Hilltop won’t take him. I doubt you or the Kingdom will. That leaves exile.”

“We can’t let him back out in the world.” Rick’s voice grew. “He will raise another army. He is a threat to our safety.”

“I won’t kill him.” Paul kept his calm and collected self. “And I won’t let him stay here either.”

“I second Jesus’ statement.” 

Rick turned around to see Ezekiel leaning on the door frame. 

“Drop him nowhere with nothing. He won’t be able to gain followers again. Not without the supplies we took from him.” The dreaded man came in and took a seat next to Rick. “He certainly is not welcome in the Kingdom.”

“I’ll take him. Drive him out to the middle of nowhere and put a bullet in his head myself.” Rick said. 

“Fine by me,” Paul said.

“As soon as you claim his for Alexandria what you do with him is no concern to me.” Ezekiel picked up the file. “Some pretty women.”

“Want to start with the ladies?” Paul pointed to the first picture. “Negan’s wife Sherry. According to my sources I’ve heard she’s sweet and kind, but also hopelessly devoted to the man. He did break up her marriage and maim her first husband.”

“That guys still alive?” Rick asked. “He would probably give us the best answer.”

“Negative.” Paul shook his head. “He was one of the one hundred bad ones. Died the night of the war. Shall I bring up our first prisoner for a chat?”

Rick sighed. He wanted this over with and did not plan on offering anyone sanctuary at Alexandria. 

~~~ 

“Gin.” Jo slapped the card down and smiled.

“You beat me five times in a row sweetheart.” Negan ran a hand through his hair. “If I didn’t know better I would say you’ve been cheating.”

She scooped up their cards and started to shuffle. 

“It’s getting late. We should probably go to bed.” Negan smacked a mosquito that landed on his arm.

The past week they resumed their activities. Jo spent afternoons with Dr. Ross, who essentially hated her and mornings and evenings with Negan. Today the Doctor had been particularly tough. Jo really did not want to go in yet.

“Alright sweetheart, one more game, but no matter what questions I ask you while playing you have to answer.” Negan grabbed the deck and cut the cards.

“Fine.” Jo wished she would have waited to answer, but figured oh well. Questions could not hurt her.

“Why are you so uncomfortable about sex?” Negan started dealing the cards.

Jo cringed at the word. 

“See right there. All I said was the word sex and you act like I threw up on your shoes.”

Even Jo gave a small laugh, remembering the night with the cigarette. It was the first time he brought it up. She relaxed at his comment.

“I was raised by nuns.” Jo went on to tell the story she shared with Daryl the day she was kidnapped. “I think I’m a little old to start experimenting.”

“No such thing baby doll.” Negan drew a card from the deck. “How long were you dating Rick?”

“Known the guy since right after the apocalypse. We were a new couple.” Jo was more interested in the cards in her hand and less in Negan’s questions. It was like she was answering without thinking.

“How come you don’t click your own button?” Negan moved things around in his hand.

Again Jo cringed.

“You said you would answer anything.” Negan gave her puppy dog eyes over his cards.

“I always had lots of roommates growing up, then in the army. By the time I was alone I had never learned how.” Jo didn’t think it was an innate skill. 

“There are two types of orgasm.” Negan drew another card. “One you can give yourself pretty easily. Don’t even need a toy. The other is better, more intense, so I hear. For that you need a cock.” 

“I assume you’re speaking of clitoral vs. penetration?” Jo shook her head. “Some scientists think there are as many as five variations. Don’t forget I am a nurse.”

“Well why haven’t you ever tried?” Negan drew a card. “Experimented with yourself? You don’t have a roommate now.”

Jo laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” Negan raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not exactly in an extremely sexy spot.” Jo picked another card. “Besides, it’s not for me.”

“How would you know if you don’t try?” Negan asked. “I think it might help you relax and drop the uptight chick vibe.”

“Because I know.” Jo ignored his last comment. 

“Gin.” Negan slammed the card facedown. “Now come on, let’s hit the hay.”

“One more game?” Jo couldn’t believe she was begging this man. 

It meant spending more time together. She should want to read a book, or just go to sleep, but she didn’t want to go out a loser. Negan shook his head. 

“Sometimes I swear it’s me who is the prisoner in this situation.” Negan gathered the cards and started to shuffle.

Jo couldn’t help but feel pleased with herself. As if she won some small victory. 

“You ever kill a man?” Negan asked. 

“Nope.” Jo shook her head. “Well not intentionally, I’ve been working on a soldier who died, but it’s never been my fault.”

“You don’t blame yourself?” Negan dealt.

“It’s not like the movies.” Jo started grabbing her cards. “It’s not my fault. It’s the person who shot them. I wouldn’t be able to treat anyone if I constantly blamed myself.”

“Tell me about your time in the army.” 

“I served for eight years…my mentor was this great lady. Heavy smoker.” Jo started babbling away about her past, something very out of character for her. 

She tried not to worry about who she was talking to or what she was saying, knowing the only reason she was opening up was sheer loneliness.


	18. Chapter 18

Rick was exhausted. They spent the last eight hours interviewing people. If nobody would take them there was a car waiting to drop them off in a very specific spot. Of the seventeen they interviewed none were invited to Alexandria, Ezekiel welcomed all the women into the Kingdom and one male, and two men who Paul had a previous relationship with were given the option to stay at Hilltop. That meant nine cars took off to scatter nine men on their own. Rick didn’t get the leadership vibe from any of them and even if they managed to find each other could not see a new regime growing under them. Most of them probably wouldn’t survive the week. 

“The sun is going to set soon. I’d like to get home.” Rick stood up from the table. “I hope next time we meet it is under more pleasant circumstances.”

Rick shook hands with both of his allies. 

“I had your acquisition moved to your vehicle.” Paul gripped Rick’s hand and locked eyes with him.

A pit started to form in Rick’s stomach. One he did not want to deal with after today.

“Can you keep him for another week?” Rick dropped the handshake. “I will take care of it. I promise, but after today I am not in the mood.”

“No.” Paul shook his head. “If you leave him here I am going to have a driver take him three hundred miles, drop him, and return.” 

“We can’t have him out there.” Rick ran his hands over his face. “He will find some way to form another group and attack. He’s a danger to the Free Souls too.” 

Rick spent enough time speaking with Negan to understand no matter how sadistic the man was he had charisma and the ability to recruit. He was also the sort to take revenge. He wished Paul or Ezekiel would see that too.

“Then he is yours.” Ezekiel chimed in. “Execute him, burn the body, lock him up, feed him to walkers. Whatever you like, with no objections from either of us.” 

Rick wasn’t stupid. Neither man wanted to deal with Negan, but it was Rick that brought them together and on some level Rick felt that is was him who suffered the most, or at least his person who had. 

He reached into his holster and pulled out his pistol, double checking the thing was loaded. Rick turned the safety off before nodding to both men and exiting the main house. 

Three men, younger than him, guarded the truck Rick drove in. Sure enough there was a figure seated in the back seat. Almost euphoric rage bubbled up in him at the sight of the man’s profile.

“Sir, he is restrained.” One of the men walked to meet Rick. “His arms and legs are tied and then reinforced to your vehicle.”

Rick knew what they were getting at. Negan would not be able to head-but him, steal the gun, or any other risk while he drove. The man handed Rick a fair amount of keys. They used metal to chain him. 

“You didn’t by chance cover his mouth did you?” Rick wasn’t surprised as they shook their heads. 

He took a deep breath and pulled out the keys to the vehicle, deciding it was best to get this over with he opened the door, slid inside, and started the engine in almost the same movement. To his surprise the prisoner stayed quite. Rick glanced in the rearview mirror as they left Hilltop. Negan stared out the window, almost looking relaxed. The drive continued for five minutes until Negan finally spoke.

“Kill me by smashing my head in please.” Negan continued to look out the window. “I think it would only be fitting after what I did to your man the first night we met.”

Rick did not respond. He gave the man quick glances in the mirror, but Negan focused his attention out the window.

“It’s what? Forty five minute drive to Alexandria? Hour tops. I know I don’t have much time left. You’re going to make my last conversation with a mute?” 

“You deserve to die.” Rick tried to keep his eyes on the road. 

Negan turned and made eye contact with Rick, watching him through the mirror.

“Don’t we all?” Negan smirked. “When you leave this world how much blood will be on your hands? How many poor decisions that cost the lives of those you promised to protect?”

Rick would not be baited. He continued to stare out the window. 

“That’s what a thought.” Negan scoffed and went back to looking out the window. 

Rick knew he should pull over soon and get this over with, he fantasized about killing his captive so many times over the past year. In his mind it was always a bloody show down, a fight to the death. Seeing the man stare out the window when tied with metal chains did not fit that image. 

“Speaking of protecting, how is my little Jolene doing?” Negan was back to staring at Rick. 

Jolene? It took Rick a second to make the connection.

“If you speak of her again I will pull over and cut your fucking tongue out.” Rick seethed.

“Did you know her name was Jolene?” Negan smiled. “I bet you didn’t. For your girlfriend you knew very little about her.” 

“Shut up.” Rick knew she should not engage.

“I on the other hand know her very, very well. Intimately you would say. In ways that you, or any other man, knew her. Let me tell you Rick, you’re missing out. I’m ready to die, because I’ve been to heaven. Sliding in and out of your girlfriend, spraying my cum deep inside her. It really was an out of this world experience.” Negan continued to smirk at Rick in the mirror. 

Rick’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel and pushed the acceleration down further, as if speeding would put some distance between him and Negan. 

“I’ve had my fair share of girls over the years, but believe it or not Jolene’s pussy was the first virgin. Let me tell you, totally worth it. She was the right amount of soft and tight, so warm and welcoming. I would do this thing where I would sit her on my lap and guide her hips, of she loved it, and when she came around my cock it made me blow so fast and hard.” Negan winked. “You should try it someday, if she’ll ever let you, and of course you can manage to not think of me shoving every inch of my cock into her.”

“SHUT UP.” Rick hit the mirror out of place so the man could not look at him. 

“Towards the end she talked about you a ton, really opened up to me in more ways than one if you catch my drift.” Negan chuckled. “Said her virginity was a turn off to you. Seriously dropped the ball on that one. I knew how special she was, how to give her what she needed. Really I did you a favor taking Jolene off your hands.”

Rick couldn’t take it. He slammed on the breaks and through the car into park on the side of the road. Negan started laughed. Rick didn’t bother shutting the door as he walked around to the back. He pulled open Negan’s door, unbuckled the safety belt the hilltop people had used to restrain him to the car and threw the man on the ground. Negan continued to chuckle. 

He was wrapped from shoulder to knees in heavy metal chains. Rick noticed at least three padlocks. His hands and ankles each had their own set too. It didn’t matter that it would hurt his foot, Rick kicked at Negan repeatedly. Soon the man’s laughter turned to grunts. 

Rick stopped and pulled the gun out of his holster, aiming straight between Negan’s eyes. The man on the ground looked up at him and a soft smile formed on his face right as Rick pulled the trigger.   
~~~   
Jo stood over the stove. She noticed that the basket Carol had dropped off came with some recipe cards based on what was inside. Jo was never much of a cook, but thought she would give it a go. 

Adjusting to Alexandria was getting easier. Today she spent the entire time at the clinic, not even leaving for lunch. In some ways being spread out like this was much more efficient, she enjoyed the alone time, but there were some aspects of the Sanctuary that worked better. 

For one, communal meals. They would have been more effective if Negan allowed everyone to eat, and not relied on points for such a basic human needs, but having all the food prepared in one place seemed like less risk of waste. She continued to stir as her mind wandered back to her time at the Sanctuary.  
~~~   
“You’re all set.” Jo put the bandage on. “Don’t forget to come back if you’re in any pain or the stitches rip. Avoid lifting anything for another four weeks.”

“Yeah,” the boy sat up. “Whatever.”

He didn’t look at Jo or thank her as he walked over to the woman waiting for him. Jo smiled at her and was met with a scowl. At first people seemed appreciative of her life saving efforts, but that goodwill faded and she was back to being the Alexandrian whore. 

“Just us again Doc.” Jo turned to where Dr. Ross sat.

He looked up and glared at her, shaking his head.

“Why are you so angry with me?” It was a month since Jo’s release from the cells, at least that was how long she figured. 

“I’m not angry with you. I’m indifferent.” The Doctor went back to his book. 

“Negan doesn’t have any plans to move me. If it’s just us here every afternoon maybe we can try and get along again.” Jo was being sincere. “It would be nice to have someone to talk to again.”

“Talk to Negan.” Dr. Ross did not life his eyes. 

Jo shook her head. She did talk to Negan, in fact he was the only one she talked to. It was hard to judge how long Jo had been here. The seasons were not a good factor for the area of the country they were in and her time locked up messed with her perception too much. 

Either way, she was a different person from when she arrived. Silence was once her friend, one who’s company she enjoyed, but now she wanted some human contact. Jo was far from stupid. She figured her cold treatment was Negan’s way of brainwashing her without making himself to be the bad guy. 

She questioned him about it once and he laughed at her, called her paranoid and said nobody here trusted her. After all it was her friends that killed twelve of their people. Negan told her they would warm up eventually.

Focusing on her idea would only make her hate Negan more. Hating Negan meant nobody to talk to, nobody to play cards with, nobody to take her outside. Jo would rather bury the truth and converse with the man, especially since she knew the alternative. 

“How’s my favorite medic doing today?” Negan burst into the ward. 

Jo noticed Dr. Ross roll his eyes as he stood up and moved into his back room. 

“What’s wrong with the Doc?” Negan raised an eyebrow. “Hey, he’s not still being a dick to you is he? I can have another chat with him.”

“No.” Jo shook her head. “He’s fine.”

It was statements like those that sometimes made Jo second guess her perceptiveness. Negan walked up and put his arm around her shoulder. It sickened Jo that the act no longer sickened her. It felt like he was always finding an excuse to touch her. 

“I got dinner set up for us outside again sweetheart.” Negan led her out of the medical ward. 

Everyone they passed drop to one knee, all of them looking at him with fear and awe. Jo felt like it was getting a little over the top, but the act never stopped pleasing the man himself. They walked out to their picnic table and Jo saw the familiar set up, only this time there was a bottle of wine. She raised her eyebrow at him.

Outside of some questionable conversation and the constant touching Negan seemed to stick to his word. He did not attempt to kiss, fondle, or rape her since the night with the drugs. A night that he still adamantly denied and Jo gave up fighting him on. The more distance between that night and the present the easier it was to forget about. 

“What’s the special occasion?” Jo asked as she went to her side. 

“We’ve had wine before.” Negan pointed out. 

“Normally it’s on day seven. Today is day five.” Jo looked at the chicken dish. “Chicken too? Is it a special day?” 

“You are your numbered days.” Negan shook his head. “You’re impossible to surprise. You know that?”

“What sort of surprise?” Jo fidgeted in her seat. 

The last few weeks were unreal. Jo refused to allow herself to forget that she was a prisoner. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and situations like this made that thought come to the forefront of her mind.

“Relax sweetheart.” Negan reached down to the ground and brought up a gift bag. 

Jo still looked at him with pause. 

“Had a successful today. I found something and I thought you might like it.” Negan moved the bag in front of her.

Jo hesitated.

“Haven’t I been good to you?” Negan glared over the bag. “You’re starting to hurt my feelings.”

With the veiled threat Jo grabbed the bag. There was no tissue paper to pull open, but she saw what it was and looked up at him with shock. Then she looked down as she pulled the record from the bag. 

“How did you? I didn’t even know.” Jo held a vinyl copy of one of her favorite albums. “Alkaline Trio made records?”

“Shockingly you can find almost anything on vinyl. It’s not like they stopped making them, but they were mainly novelty.” Negan looked pleased. “Trust me when I say this took some heavy time to locate.” 

“Why?” Jo looked confused. 

“Why what?” Negan asked. “Can’t I be a nice guy?”

“Do I owe you something?” Jo felt her anxiety spike.

“You could loosen up, it would make for a more pleasant dinner guest.” Negan poured them each some wine. “I wouldn’t mind getting a little buzzed this evening.”

“No way.” Jo put the record back in the bag. 

Negan picked up Jo’s glass and took a sip, then he picked up his own and took a sip. Showing her they were not drugged.

“Scouts honor, I promise nothing will happen tonight.” Negan held up his hand like he was making a pledge. 

“I don’t trust you.” Jo handed the bag back.

“Someone is getting braver.” Negan rolled his eyes. “I like it, but it’s really unnecessary at the moment. How many times have I told you, I won’t touch you sexually again until you ask me to.”

“I will never ask you.” Jo shook her head. 

“Then what’s the big fucking deal? Have a couple of glasses of wine with me and then we can listen to your record.” Negan sighed. “If it makes you feel better I’ll make a deal. You know I always honor a deal.”

“I’m listening.” Jo knew he had a way out of deals all the time, technicalities he called them, but depending on what he offered she might take it up. All she had to do was drink slowly and she would get to listen to her favorite band, one she never thought she would hear again. 

“If I touch you, sexually, without your express consent, I will give you a weapon from now on. One you can keep on you to protect yourself, even from me.” 

“Deal.” Jo didn’t need to think on that one. 

She frequently thought about stealing some form of weapon from the medical ward, but the fear of punishment for being caught was too great. If she had one free of restrictions there would be nothing to worry about. 

“Cheers.” Negan lifted his glass.

Jo clinked hers against his and took a sip. Then she focused on her chicken, eager to get done with dinner and listen to her record. 

~~~   
A knock at the door broke Jo from her memory. She was glad for the distraction and set the spoon to the side while she went to see who the guest was. 

“Rick.” Jo opened the door, surprised to see the man standing on the steps.

He shaved and his hair was slicked back with product. She noticed he wore jeans and a tucked in plaid shirt. Instead of boots he had on tennis shoes, they almost looked unnatural on him. 

“You’re dressed up.” Jo more said it to herself than to the man on the porch. 

“Daryl invited me over for dinner.” Rick held up a bottle of wine. “He didn’t tell you?”

“No. Of course, come in.” Jo moved to the side and Rick walked into the house. “I haven’t seen him much today. He got back from hunting and jumped in the shower.”

Jo walked back to the kitchen and signaled for Rick to follow.

“Whatever you’re making it smells great.” Rick went to the cabinet with the glasses. 

“Thanks.” Jo thought the rice dish was almost done. “Carol gave me some recipes, all I did was follow them.”

“Do you remember back at the prison when you tried to make that pepper salad?” Rick poured two glasses and set one in front of Jo before going to have a seat at the counter. 

“Oh man.” Jo gave a forced laugh. “I’m probably the only person who made raw vegetables taste worse than eating them plain.” 

“I don’t know how you did it.” Rick took a sip of his wine. “I love a good green pepper, chop it up and eat it straight. But yours were a whole new game. What did you put on top of them? You never told.”

“A spice pack.” Jo smiled, she looked over her shoulder at Rick. “For chicken fajitas. Apparently I was supposed to add water and actually cook the things.”

“Oh man.” Rick grinned at her. “No wonder they were inedible. How come you wouldn’t tell me before?”

“It wasn’t a secret.” Jo tilted her head. “You never asked. I would have shared the error of my ways.” 

“I bet you would’ve.” Rick smiled and nodded his head.

Jo couldn’t help but notice that his blue eyes looked different. Almost as if a cloud had lifted. She realized she was staring and looked down at the food. 

“It smells good in here. Make sure you save me some for later.” Daryl walked into the kitchen and went to the sink to fill his water bottle. 

“You’re leaving?” Jo was surprised. They didn’t see each other all day and now Rick was here. 

“Yeah, the baby is sick, so I told Glenn I would take his shift on guard duty tonight.” Daryl turned around.

Jo watched the smile fall from his face.

“Rick I totally forgot about dinner tonight.” Daryl looked at his best friend.

“It’s alright. These things happen.” Rick stood up from the chair. “We can reschedule.”

“I’m an asshole. Jo you made enough right? And you already opened a bottle of wine. Why don’t you stay and the two of you eat? You won’t even have to save me anything.” Daryl reached into the food basket and pulled out a small apple. “Ick, these things tasted so much better pre apocalypse.”

Jo felt blindsided. Daryl might have been a lot of things, but a good Actor was not one of them. This was too convenient. 

“Jo I don’t want to put you out, but if you have no other plans I would love a hot meal and some time to talk.” Rick beamed at her. 

Jo glanced to Daryl who would not make eye contact. 

“Don’t wait up.” He swung his bow around his shoulder and started out of the kitchen.

Jo glanced at the floor, feeling dejected and rejected. This morning Daryl seemed fine. Now he wouldn’t look at her and blatantly tried to shove her off on someone else.

“Jo?” Rick stood up from his chair. “Is everything alright?” 

Jo bit back a tear and nodded her head. 

“I guess I am feeling a little like this is a set up.” Jo looked up at him. “Is it?”

“No.” Rick shook his head. “I admit, I wanted some time alone with you. I planned on asking you tonight. If you want me to leave I understand.”

Jo felt like she was being silly. It was her who told Daryl that friendship was the only option. His life did not revolve around her and he did not owe her anything. Rick was harmless and here in a platonic way. Jo let out a big sigh.

“Sorry, I’m being paranoid.” She went back to the stove. “Do you mind helping dish this out?” 

Rick jumped up from his seat and walked over to the cabinet with the plates. It was nice to have him familiar with the house. Jo turned off the stove and scooped some of the rice dish onto each plate that Rick held behind her. He carried both plates over to the table, stopping to grab forks on his way.

“Remember that time when I killed a pheasant?” Rick asked. 

“Of course I do.” Jo picked up both wine glasses and walked to the table. “You were making a huge deal, like it was a turkey or something. It turned out none of us were fancy enough to have ever had pheasant.”

“I was never much of a hunter. I suppose I still get excited whenever I hit anything.” Rick took a seat. “As long as it’s going towards food that is, not sense in killing for sport.” 

Jo felt herself relax as she walked over to the table. Rick was almost acting like his old self. He wasn’t looking at her with sorrow or pity, he wasn’t urging her to talk about her problems. Jo could get used to this, having dinner with an old friend. 

The food wasn’t half bad and they both finished quickly. The conversation stayed light, with more of the positive remember when stories. At one point Jo even thought she was going to give a genuine laugh. 

“I’ll help you wash up.” Rick wiped his face with a napkin and picked up his plate. “I hope you don’t mind if I hang out a while longer. At least until the wine is done.”

Jo noticed they were each still on their first glass. Daryl told her not to wait up so it was read a book or hang with Rick. If the rest of the night went like dinner had she wouldn’t mind at all. Rick went to the sink and started humming. Jo did not recognize the tune. 

“What are you singing?” Jo asked.

“Your beauty is beyond compare, With flaming locks of auburn hair, With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green.” Rick smiled as he sang the tune.

Jo shrugged and shook her head. The song meant nothing to her. Rick looked back to the dishes and started washing.

“Your smile is like a breath of spring, Your voice is soft like summer rain, And I cannot compete with you.” Rick kept singing.

“I’ve never heard you sing before.” Jo leaned against the counter. “You’re not half bad.”

“He talks about you in his sleep, There's nothing I can do to keep, From crying when he calls your name.” Rick turned off the water. 

He went to Jo and offered his hand. She rolled her eyes, but placed it in his palm. He span her around in a circle and continued singing. 

“And I can easily understand, How you could easily take my man, But you don't know what he means to me.” Rick let go of Jo’s hand and did a bow.

Jo clapped her hands a little, unsure why this strange tune was in his head. He gave her a funny stare.

“You’ve never heard this song?” Rick smiled. “Dolly Parton? Probably one of her most famous.”

“You know I never liked country music.” Jo shook her head. “Is there some reason I would know this song?”

It seemed like relief washed over Rick as Jo’s answer. He started laughing and shook his head. 

“No.” Rick smiled. “No reason at all.”

Jo looked at his glass and noticed it was down lower than hers. She felt comfortable and took a bigger gulp from her own wine. 

“I think I need to catch up if this is the plan for the rest of the night.” Jo gave a giggle.

Rick kept the smile on his face and went back to cleaning up. Jo started moving the leftovers into the storage bowls. This was the most comfortable she felt around Rick in a long time, even before she was taken. They were always meant to be friends, that was becoming more and more clear to her.

The image of Daryl flashed in her mind. The two of them had never been close, had no prior relationship. She pushed away the sting she had felt in her chest when he left earlier. Friendship was all she had to offer, no matter who the other person was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will be explained later, but if you know the song Rick was singing you will understand the fact Jo not knowing it made him happy. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos!! I have a basic outline of the story, but I'm entering some territory where I have a little bit of wiggle room so I would love to hear how everyone wants to see it go!


	19. Chapter 19

“She’s starting to talk a lot more.” Rick took another sip of his wine. “I worry about teaching her how to read. I don’t have a clue how to start that. Carl at least had the basics down with his teachers, he’ll probably never do calculus or anything, but with Judith…I don’t know where to start.”

“I don’t think I would be much help there either.” Jo put down her empty glass. “I never wanted to be a teacher. I don’t think I have the patience for it.”

“You were always amazing with the kids.” Rick finished his drink and set it down. “They loved you.”

“Exactly.” Jo let out a yawn. “I was the fun one. I made them laugh and played peek-a-boo. That’s a lot different than teaching someone how to read. Michonne seems close with them. I am sure she will help you out.”

“Michonne is a fighter, not a lover.” Rick smiled. “She would gladly teach Judith how to wield a sword, but taking on a big job like academics would require her to stop venturing out beyond the wall. The whole town knows she doesn’t want to do that.”

“Why didn’t she join us for dinner?” 

“Went on a supply run. Should be back sometime tomorrow.” Rick didn’t want to talk about Michonne tonight. “Carl is playing big brother baby sitter tonight.”

“Carl is a good big brother.” Jo gave a half smile. 

“You seem like you’re doing a lot better.” Rick finally wanted to bring up what he thought hung between them all evening.. “You know I will always worry about you. I really am sorry for everything that happened, from before you left too.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jo looked down. “I really don’t feel talking about this.”

“I was wrong, to push you the way I did.” Rick paused. “I was wrong about a lot of things.”

“Nothing to beat yourself up over.” Jo did not lift her head.

She was beautiful. There was no denying that. The last few days she seemed to have picked herself up a little. Rick started to see the strong woman shining through. He moved closer to her on the couch and put his hand on her back. She rose her chin and locked eyes with him.

“You are so tough.” He meant it too. 

Negan’s earlier words played through his head, taunting him. Tell him things about Jo he did not want to hear. Rick realized he never once asked what Jo stood for. He couldn’t believe that Negan knew. As soon as Rick sang the first few lines and Jo did not recognize the tune he knew Negan was full of shit. If her name really were Jolene there is no way she wouldn’t have known that song. 

In Rick’s mind that meant everything else Negan had said was a lie as well. There was no way his distant Jo would give herself up to that monster. The thought brought pride to Rick’s mind and before he knew it he was reacting.

He pressed his lips to Jo’s, bringing his other hand up behind her head. He started off slow, but then pushed his tongue between her lips, parting them, urging her to kiss back. Rick felt her hands on his chest, steady for a second, but then applying pressure. She ripped her head to the side, Rick dropped his hands and Jo sprung up from the couch with fury in her eyes.

“No!” Jo shook her finger at him. “You don’t get to kiss me. You don’t get to touch me. You don’t get to come in here and act like we are friends and you care about me and then pull that crap.”

Rick sat with an open mouth. A wave of regret and terror fell down on him. 

“Jo, I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.” Rick popped up from the couch. “I got caught up in the moment.”

“What moment?” Jo sneered. “The one where you pretend that you were the white knight who rescued the damsel in distress?” 

Rick was breathing heavy. He really did not mean to cross this line. 

“What?” Rick shook his head. “I got caught up in the memories is all. You look so lovely and I wasn’t thinking.”

“Well I have news for you.” Jo pointed towards herself. “You didn’t save this damsel. She was already dead by the time you got your shit together. Now she is trying to pull herself together and not act like a roamer, but all you people do is make it harder and harder.”

Her words stung. Rick was having a nice night too. He did not mean to upset her like this. 

“Now get out of my house. I don’t want any apologies. I don’t want you to speak to me. I don’t want you to look at me Rick Grimes. I’ll come to you when I am ready. GET OUT!” Jo pointed towards the door.

Rick held his hands up and nodded. He turned away from her and went to the front door, not turning around as he let himself out on the steps. He heard the deadbolt click and gave the railing of the porch a light click.

“How could you be such a fucking idiot?” Rick asked himself. “Fuck.”

He debated on knocking on the door and demanding Jo let him apologize. But then he remembered the anger in her eyes. That wasn’t normal. She needed to cool off and he was the one who caused the fire. Rick felt truly awful about kissing her, so for once he decided to do what she asked. 

~~~   
What once felt natural and right now felt so dirty and wrong. Jo ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. She grabbed her toothbrush and started scrubbing away at her mouth. It didn’t make sense to her, why these men thought they could grab her and treat her this way. She was not a plaything, she was a person. Her chest started heaving and Jo realized she was having a panic attack. 

She spit out the toothbrush and walked over to her bed. Closing her eyes she tried to focus on her breathing. A wash of shame came over her and the tears started to form in the corner of her eyes. Jo was not a person, she was in fact a plaything. As much as she tried to fight away the thought it kept ringing in her ears. 

Maybe Negan was right. Maybe she deserved the treatment he had given her. Nobody would ever see her as whole again. She would always be that broken thing. Rick and Daryl were more interested in doing what was best for her than treating her as an equal, as someone who could make that determination herself. 

Jo wanted to curl into a ball and pass out. The bed didn’t feel right. She couldn’t sleep in one without Daryl and that thought made her feel like even less of a person. Rolling off she landed on the carpet and brought her legs to her chest. She didn’t bother with a blanket or a pillow as she closed her eyes and cried herself to sleep. 

~~~ 

Jo woke up to the sound of snoring. She rolled over and saw him in bed next to her. She immediately sat up and looked down. She was fully clothed, so was he. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and memories of the night before flashed. 

“I think you have some crappy taste in music babydoll.” Negan gave her a huge grin. 

“I think you have some crappy taste in leadership.” Jo smiled back and took another chug of her drink.

Negan started laughing. 

“That doesn’t even make sense sweetheart.” He pulled himself up from the floor. 

Jo overdid it. She couldn’t remember falling asleep. Negan stirred next to her. They were in her small room with the door cracked. 

“What time is it?” Negan stretched, but didn’t sit up.

“What did you do to me last night?” Jo’s heart raced.

“Nothing.” Negan sat up. “We drank a little, listened to some music, and passed out. Are you hungover? Cause I actually feel great.”

He rolled off the other side. Jo glared daggers at him.

“Why are you giving me that look sweetheart?” Negan stretched. “I’m going to take a shower. Care to join?”

Jo scowled and looked at the floor. 

“I can’t win with you, can I?” Negan shook his head. “I was a perfect gentlemen last night and we had a good time. What’s wrong with having a little fun now and then? I’m not all monster.”

Jo did not look up as Negan left the room. She played the night before in her head. He was telling the truth. She was having fun. That thought sickened her more than him forcing himself on her. She was a prisoner, not a guest. Jo should not be happy here. She sat on the bed, deep in thought for the next few minutes. Her door creaked open and she looked up. Negan stood in the frame with a towel wrapped around his waist. Droplets of water were on his chest and his fit figure was on full display.

“Your turn.” He nodded towards the bathroom. “Take a shower and you’ll feel better. I’ll get you some coffee.”

She couldn’t help but stare at his body. She’d never given it much thought before. He was slim but very trimmed. Beads of water rolled down his abs.

“If you want to see more I can drop the towel babydoll.” Negan winked.

Jo turned bright red. She looked away and waited until he left the door to run to the bathroom. What was happening to her? She was hanging out with a monster, thinking about how good he looked? Jo turned on the shower. This did not make any sense. Her head ached and she slapped her cheek. 

“Snap out of it.” Jo turned on the shower. “You’re a prisoner. You’re only goal is to get home.” 

She kept repeating that to herself as she stepped under the warm stream. Negan was setting a trap and she would not fall for it. No matter what. 

~~~   
The rest of the day was uneventful. Again, Dr. Ross barely spoke to her and there were no patients to see. She spent her time in the clinic reading about amputations, but she could not focus. The threat of getting comfortable at the Sanctuary was too much. Jo kept thinking about the horrible things Negan had done to her. They seemed like a far off dream compared to the man who brought her records of her favorite band and teased her like a friend. 

He is not your friend. Jo kept saying that over and over in her mind. He raped you, had you beaten, and locked you away. She needed to remember those facts. When the door to the clinic opened and Negan walked in Jo’s stomach dropped.

“Good evening babydoll. Ready to eat some dinner?” Negan walked over to her. 

Jo dropped her head and stood up. She repeated in her mind again and again that he was a monster.

“Why the sour face?” Negan looked concerned.

He is not concerned. He is faking it. The man is a sociopath. He is incapable of caring about anyone but himself. Jo locked eyes and repeated that in her head.

“I’m fine.” She walked towards the door.

“Later doc.” Negan called and was a few steps behind her. “Slow day at the med ward?” 

“Yeah.” Jo stayed a few feet in front of him and walked outside.

She stopped when he grabbed her arm and spun her around.

“Talk.” Negan didn’t grip her tight, but she rolled her shoulder and pulled out of his grasp.

“You’re not my friend.” Jo’s voice shook. “You’ve done horrible things to me. Being nice for a few weeks will not make that go away.”

The look of shock on his face softened. 

“I’m trying here.” He walked over to their picnic table and took a seat. 

Jo reluctantly followed him. She wasn’t about to go on a hunger strike. 

“I know you’re up to something.” She sat down. 

“I want you to think of the Sanctuary as your home. I want you to be happy here. I want you to be happy with me.” Negan brought his elbows up on the table. “I may have went about it in the wrong way in the beginning. You’re valuable. I did not see that right away.”

“Why?” Jo’s eyes went wide. “Why now?”

“Two reasons mainly. Your skills as a nurse and the fact that you’re a challenge. I like a challenge.” Negan started picking at his food. “Besides being beautiful you’re not bad company either. You’re quick and I like talking to you.”

Jo didn’t know how to respond. She was not expecting him to be so honest. 

“So now that I put all my cards out, do the same.” Negan took another bite. “What will it take to make you happy here?”

“I will never have sex with you.” Jo folded her arms. 

“I didn’t bring up sex.” Negan dropped his fork. “This is your home. I want you to see it that way.”

“I never will.” Jo shook her head.

“Why the fuck not?” Negan looked annoyed.

“Alexandria is my home. It always will be.” Jo looked at her dinner, her appetite was fading. “Or at least the people who are there are my home.”

“You’re never going back there.” Negan scoffed. “You realize that right?”

“As long as I’m alive there is hope.” Jo stared him in the eye. “Hope that they will find a way to stop you and rescue me.”

“Stop me?” Negan laughed. “Stop me from what?” 

“Abusing them, stealing from them.” Jo smiled. “I will never give up hope.”

“What if they gave up on you?” Negan looked dead serious.

“Rick would never.” Jo’s heart stung at saying his name. 

“I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you’re still my insurance policy.” Negan took a bite. “If they attack, you die. Therefore they are never coming for you.” 

“If I’m an insurance policy than that is all I will ever be.” Jo put her hands on the table. “I can’t be both a member of your creepy society and a failsafe for you to torture my people with.”

A look of major annoyance crossed his face. He opened his mouth and shut it several times before going back to his food. 

“Eat your dinner.” Negan took a bite. 

Jo knew talking to him like this could end with her tossed back in the cells, but she would rather be down there then starting to think of him as a person. She could not live with herself if she did.   
~~~   
Daryl was eager to get home. He didn’t like lying to Jo, and he certainly did not like leaving her with Rick. He thought about their kiss from the night before. There was no way that should have happened, but he couldn’t take it back now. She was not leading him on, she was upfront with what she wanted, but he would gladly take holding her while she slept. Even if that was as far as it ever got he would rather cuddle her than make love to someone else.

It was about midnight, the porch light was off. He pushed open the door and frowned. Part of him expected to see Jo on the couch waiting for him. The light was still on, but she was nowhere to be seen. 

“Jo?” He walked into the kitchen.

There was no response. He noticed the empty bottle of wine on the counter. There were no dishes in the sink. The upstairs hall light was on. Daryl climbed up the steps. The door to his room was open. He poked his head in, Jo was not waiting for him in his bed either. 

He walked around the landing and went to her room. The door was wide open. He didn’t turn on the light since the one in the hall lit up the space. He noticed her bed was still made and empty. His heart fell. 

Daryl felt like a roamer as he walked into his room and sat on the bed. One night alone with Rick and she went back to him. Images of them kissing, of Rick holding her, of Rick rubbing her back and sleeping next to her came to Daryl’s mind. He couldn’t help it as his jealousy flared.

He was the one who was there for Jo. He was the one who listened to her stories, who held her while she slept, who kept the nightmares away. Due to some false sense of loyalty he let Rick, the one who screwed up, waltz right in and take his girl. 

Before Daryl lost his nerve he decided to do something about it. He was running on pure adrenaline when he shot up from his bed and ran down the steps two at a time and straight out the front door. He zoned in on Rick’s house and walked as fast as he could without running. He reached for the doorknob and stopped himself.

What the hell was he going to do? Yell at Rick? Yell at Jo? If she would rather be with Rick then so be it. Daryl couldn’t force Jo into a relationship. If that was what Rick was doing it was wrong. Jo was too vulnerable and Rick was over bearing. That did not make for a good combination. Barging into a house at night was no way to solve it though, especially not one that housed a sleeping toddler. 

Daryl spun around and started to walk home when the porch light clicked on and the door opened. 

“Daryl?” Rick stuck his head out. “What are you doing here this late? Was there a problem at the watch?”

He slowly turned around and lifted his eyes to meet Rick’s. The anger that was fading started to return. Daryl balled his fists at his side.

“You’re not the only one that cares about Jo.” Daryl didn’t know what else to say, so he spewed what was on the top of his head out. “You had a chance with her and blew it. You have a girlfriend, a family. There is no need to take her from me.”

“Take her from you?” Rick stepped outside and closed the door. “You have a thing for Jo?”

“Don’t play stupid.” Daryl tried to force his shoulders to relax. “You’ve known I have for a long time.”

Rick looked guilty and raised his hands.

“I didn’t mean to kiss her.” He shook his head. “She made it very clear it was not Okay. I just, I was looking at her and got caught up in old memories. I did not know the two of you were an item.” 

“You kissed her?” Daryl’s jealousy flared again. 

“And she kicked me out right away.” Rick took a step back. “I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Wait.” The jealousy was erased by panic. “Jo isn’t here?”

“No.” Rick shook his head. “She’s not at home?”

“No.” Daryl turned and started down the street. 

“Check the wall. I’ll round up some volunteers to help search.” Rick was right behind him. “I left her house about three hours ago. If she took off she couldn’t have gone far.” 

“I never should have left her alone with you.” Daryl practically barked at Rick. “If anything happens to her this time it is your fault.”

Rick did not reply as he veered off to knock on Carol and Morgan’s door. Jo made it clear she didn’t feel safe beyond the walls, but Daryl was scared that between him trying to kiss her and then Rick making a move they forced her out. He knew what he said to Rick was a lie. If she was gone then both of them were equally to blame. Daryl could not live with that.


	20. Chapter 20

The light flipped on in Jo’s room. She was barely sleeping and sat up, expecting to see Daryl at the door.

“Oh my God Jo!” Carol ran over to her, dropped to her knees and grabbed her. “You’re alright. Where did you go? Everyone is out there searching for you. Rick and Daryl are both a mess. I need to find them and tell them you’re alright.”

“What are you talking about?” Jo rubbed her eyes. “I’ve been here all night.”

“Daryl came home and said you were gone.” Carol looked confused. 

Jo started to stand and Carol dug her fingers into Jo’s arms. 

“You can’t run off like that. People here care about you too much.” Carol squeezed tighter.

“You’re hurting me.” Jo looked at Carol’s hands. 

The short haired woman dropped her arms and let out a breath. Then she started shaking her head.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” Jo stood up from the floor.

She walked to the window and saw people walking up and down the streets with flashlights. Carol appeared behind her. 

“I need to tell them to stop the search.” Carol started towards the door. 

“Everyone is searching for me?” Jo looked from where Carol was standing in the doorframe to where she had been on the floor. “Daryl looked in the room, he couldn’t see me on the floor.”

Jo glanced up at Carol who was shaking her head. She stopped and walked closer to Jo.

“Why were you sleeping on the floor?” Carol tilted her head.

“I can’t sleep in a bed.” Jo sort of told the truth, she left out the part about being to do so if she were with Daryl.

“Stop being so selfish.” Carol crossed her arms. There was no denying the anger on her face. “It’s obvious to everyone that our number one and two are both obsessed with you and your recovery they forget that there is a town to feed and other people to protect.”

“I never asked…”

“We all feel bad enough about what happened to you,” Carol interrupted. “Rubbing it in our faces, creating this drama, it’s a little childish.”

“Creating drama?” Jo was even more confused.

“It’s like Rick and Daryl are going to rip each other’s heads off. Do you want them fighting over you? Do you want to mope around town and not talk to anyone? Everyone here feels somewhat responsible for what happened to you. Haven’t we suffered enough? When is the guilt trip going to end?”

Jo hadn’t realized people felt that way. She dropped her chin and brought her arms up around herself. 

“I’m going to tell them I found you. Don’t leave this room.” Carol left and shut the door behind her.

Jo took a seat on the bed and let a sob come out. The people of Alexandria thought they failed her. Seeing Jo was a reminder to them. She never meant to make anyone feel guilty, she didn’t mean to monopolize Daryl’s time, and she certainly didn’t mean to cause a search party in the middle of the night. 

She wondered if Carol were the one to have disappeared in the middle of the night if they would call a search party for her. Probably not, because they saw Carol as a functional adult who could make her own choices. People saw Jo as a child, one that needed constant supervision and protection. She realized that she had to get out of here if she ever wanted a chance at a normal life. 

A few minutes later the door to the bedroom burst open. Jo looked up to see a relieved looking Rick and Daryl. Both of them froze in the doorway. Jo was not about to be the first one to speak.

“I thought you left.” Daryl spoke first. 

“Nope.” Jo brought her hands up and wiped her face. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to sleep in a bed.”

“Carol said you were on the floor this entire time.” Rick walked into the room and stood in front of Jo. “We were scared.”

“What if I had left?” Jo looked up at him. “Am I a prisoner here too?” 

“What? No, of course not.” Rick squatted down so he was eye level with her. “This is your home.”

“So if I wanted to go you wouldn’t stop me?” Jo kept her eyes on Rick, sure she would break if she looked at Daryl. 

“I will drive you to Hilltop myself.” Rick looked back at her. 

“What if I didn’t want to go to Hilltop? What if I wanted to cross the country, go to Wyoming?” Jo always thought she would move there one day, before the walkers of course. It was the first state that popped in her mind.

Rick looked taken aback by her request.

“I’ll go with you.” Daryl stepped forward. “We can leave tomorrow if you like.”

Jo shook her head. Neither of them were getting it. 

“What if I wanted to go alone?” Jo asked. “Would I need your permission?”

“Jo, you’ve been through something very traumatic. You need time to recover.” Rick reached out to touch her knee, but pulled his hand back instead. “It hasn’t even been a week.”

“So I am a prisoner then?” Jo held her chin up. 

“No.” Rick shook his head. “If you leave here nobody will stop you, but I am asking you to stay. As a friend, as someone who cares about your wellbeing.” 

“It’s late. You both should get some sleep.” Jo nodded. 

Rick stood back up. Jo dropped her gaze and did not look towards the door. 

“You both asked me why Negan wanted you to think I was dead.” She did not look at them as she spoke. “I remember why.”  
~~~

The last few days were awkward to say the least. Dinners and cards with Negan were relatively silent, he talked about movies mainly while Jo kept reminding herself he was not her friend and was in fact, a monster. Dr. Ross was still silent towards her, which was starting to get under her skin. If it weren’t for him than she wouldn’t have such a difficult time staying silent around Negan. 

As if on cue the door to the medical ward opened and the man himself walked in. He had a huge grin on his face, bigger than normal. 

“Hold your horses little lady.” Negan held his hand out. “I have to have a few words with the good doctor.”

Dr. Ross did not seem surprised. The two of them headed into his personal room and shut the door. Jo couldn’t help herself and tried to get closer to hear.

“It’s working great,” Dr. Ross said. “It will take time. Further along than I expected.”

Jo tried to get closer, but the voices were muffled she caught some words.

“Practically lights up.” Dr. Ross’ voice was easier to hear than Negan.

“Not fast enough.” Negan’s lower pitch carried through. “This ought to bump it up.”

“Don’t over react if it doesn’t. Could ruin all the progress.” The sound of footsteps started.

Jo took a few giant leaps away from the door. She made it back to her book just as the door opened. 

“Ready for dinner baby doll?” Negan never lost his smile. “We gotta eat upstairs, raining out.” 

Negan moved swiftly through the compound, faster than normal. Jo had to speed walk to keep up with him. When they made it to the stairs she took two at a time. Negan had barely broken a sweat when they made it to the top, but Jo was panting. The lack of exercise was starting to have an effect on her. 

They walked into the apartment Jo was starting to feel like she shared. She shook her head at the thought. Negan was her warden, not her roommate. She noticed dinner was out, it looked like tuna salad. Jo crinkled her nose and wished her sense of taste was still gone. She knew better than to request an alternative and took a seat. 

“How was your day today dear?” Negan took a bite of his food. 

“Fine.” Jo thought dear was a new one. She stopped letting his pet names get under her skin.

“Are you going to ask me how mine was?” Negan took another huge bite. Jo thought he might gobble down the entire sandwich. 

“How was your day?” She didn’t care, or at least she told herself she didn’t. This was the only conversation she would have though. It sucked it was with him, but there were no other options. 

“I went to Alexandria.” He finished the sandwich in a third bite. 

The word Alexandria made Jo’s heart flare. Her body started to shake.

“Calm down sweetheart, they were good. I’m done dolling out punishments for them. I told you that.” Negan grabbed a bag of potato chips and opened them up, dumping some on his plate and some on hers.

Jo picked up a chip, eager to have them instead of the sandwich and needing something to distract her from Negan’s words. 

“I did show them a little something.” Negan reached into his pocket and dropped some polaroid’s on the table. “Go ahead, take a look.”

She did not want to see the pictures, knowing Negan’s penchant for taking photos in unpleasant situations. He rolled his eyes and urged her to take a look. With a shaky hand she reached forward and picked them up, holding her breath that it wasn’t a picture of her dead friends. When she looked at the shot it took a moment to comprehend. 

It was a picture of a body. She glanced at the photo then up and Negan who grinned at her, then back down. 

“I don’t understand.” Jo shook her head. 

The photo showed a bloody and bruised girl, laying on the ground on her back, her eyes were closed, but the pale skin next to the bruises and the blood forming underneath left little to the imagination. The problem was that Jo was the girl in the photo. 

“You’re dead.” Negan smiled. “Took that bad boy after the future serial killer did you over. Thought it might come in handy later.”

“I’m dead?” Jo put the photo down. “What did you do?”

“You said as long as they thought you were alive there was hope.” Negan looked so proud of himself as he popped another chip in his mouth. “Now they think you’re dead. You don’t have an excuse not to try to fit in here.”

“Are you insane?” Jo blinked, as if this wasn’t happening.

Negan’s smile faltered and he looked at Jo with a warning glare. 

“You’re no longer my insurance policy.” Negan stared right into her eyes. “You should be pleased. I didn’t take another one either. Told Alexandria instead of half I only want a third from now on.”

“If they think I am dead they will attack you.” Jo stood up from the table. 

“And they will fail, I outnumber them and live in a compound.” Negan looked so smug. “Then essentially they’re signing their own death warrant. Either way it shouldn’t affect your life here.”

“In what world does this make sense to you?” Jo’s breathing started to increase. “You told them I was dead?”

“I do not appreciate your tone.” Negan stood up and leaned over the table. “I only did what you asked.”

“What I asked?” Jo could not think straight. “What I asked was to go home.”

“And you are home.” Negan walked over towards her. “Now you can focus on that and forget your past.”

“You’re a sick bastard.” In a fit of fury it dawned on Jo that the insurance policy worked both ways. 

She lunged at Negan, with little to no plan of attack. She went for his face, hoping to scratch his eyes out. She didn’t even make eye contact with him before he had her pinned again the wall, one hand around her throat.

“Not the response I expected babydoll.” He started to slide her up the wall. 

Jo had no choice but to grab at his hand and try to free herself as he continued to tighten his grip. 

“I do you a favor and this is how you repay me?” Negan glared. “I should just take what I want from you.”

He reached out with his free hand and went for her waistband. Even though Jo was losing air she remembered her legs and started trying to kick wildly. He responded by moving forward, placing his body tight on top of hers. She brought her hands to his shoulders and tried to push herself up as if it would give her some relief from his grasp. 

Negan used this opportunity to put his mouth next to her ear. He tightened his grip and Jo was sure he was going to kill her. 

“I am starting to realize the error of my ways.” The anger in Negan’s voice carried through his gritted teeth. “I’ve been way too lax with you babydoll. I think it’s time I trusted my gut.”

Jo began gasping, his voice sounding further and further away. She couldn’t breathe at all and soon black spots clouded her vision. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll change that attitude of yours in no time.” Negan’s words faded away just as Jo lost consciousness. 

~~~  
The three of them sat in silence. Jo slid off the bed and landed on the floor. She didn’t make eye contact with Rick or Daryl.

“He wanted you, in his sick mind he thought your hope would be destroyed if we thought you were dead.” Rick spoke first. “I saw those pictures. You were beaten bloody.”

“Happened one of the first weeks I was there.” Jo sounded monotone. 

Daryl stayed quiet, not wanting to share with Rick who was responsible for the beating or point out that he already knew about it. She looked up at Daryl and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. 

“I still had some of myself then.” Jo looked only at him. “If I was thinking clearly I should have acted grateful, then tried to make an escape.” 

“You still have yourself now.” Rick crouched down on the floor to her level.

Jo looked away from Daryl and back at Rick. She shook her head. 

“I think I’m done talking tonight.” She fiddled with her fingers. “I think I might be done talking for a while.”

Daryl knew what she was referring to. There would be no late night sharing. He felt like such an idiot for raising the alarm bell without even checking Jo’s room all the way. If he would have flipped on a light, or walked around the bed tonight would not have happened at all. Jo made no move to get up from the floor. 

Rick stood back up. The other man looked defeated. 

“Remember Jo, we are always here for you.” Rick stopped in the doorway. 

“Please shut it on your way out.” Jo did not look at them as she turned to her side on the floor, keeping her legs close to her chest. 

Rick nodded towards Daryl to leave. He wanted to stay and apologize, to pick Jo up and carry her to his bedroom and hold her all night, but he knew that was not in the cards. Reluctantly he followed Rick out of the room. They started down the stairs. Once they reached the bottom Rick turned towards Daryl.

“Some things were said tonight.” Rick stopped walking. “I honestly did not know you cared for her life that. I don’t know that I would have backed off, but I would have handled things differently.”

“I know.” Daryl shrugged. 

“She’s in worse shape than I thought.” Rick sighed. “Maybe she should go stay and Hilltop, with the doctor.”

“She’s getting better.” Daryl interrupted. 

“She can’t bring herself to sleep in a bed.” Rick shook his head. “Whatever he did to her, was worse than beating her black and blue. We’re not trained professionals, we are not doing her any favors.”

“I won’t ship her off like she’s some problem.” Daryl tried to keep his voice low. “We were doing fine before you got involved.”

“Were you?” Rick raised an eyebrow.

Daryl paused. She was talking to him, but was that really helping? The last two nights did she want to be next to him in bed or did she need a warm body? He did not have the answers. 

“Did you mean what you said?” Rick started walking again. “Would you leave with her?”

“Without a second thought.” Daryl didn’t need time to process that answer. 

“I’m going to back off.” Rick walked out the front door. “I still care about her, but obviously not the same way you do. Now you won’t want to hear this, but you should probably back off too.”

Daryl looked at the porch. Rick was right. Daryl already felt bad enough about that stupid kiss. Now freaking out tonight when she was perfectly safe would not help matters. He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave a nod. 

“Alright brother.” Rick walked down the steps. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Daryl didn’t have any doubts that Rick was telling the truth. He felt the responsibilities of the leader and a father. He could not offer Jo the same devotion that Daryl could, the other man would back off. Of course that didn’t mean that Daryl would ever have a chance. He walked back into the house and upstairs. 

Pausing in front of Jo’s door he debated on knocking, but remembered last night and her story this evening. If Jo wanted to talk or needed help with something she would seek him out. Knowing he was making the right choice Daryl walked into his room and collapsed on the bed, unsure if sleep would find its way.  
~~~  
Jo woke with a thud as she landed on the concrete floor. She winced and grabbed her side, but realizing where she was a smile came to her face and she propped herself up on one arm.

“Really?” She looked around the empty cell. “This again?”

Negan looked pissed. It was Jo’s turn to smile. 

“This brings me no pleasure.” Negan shook his head. “I wanted to avoid this method.”

“This method?” Jo stood up. “You’ve tried it twice, didn’t work before, won’t work now.”

“Unfortunately, baby doll, this first two times you were here you got the woman treatment.” Negan looked down at her. “Now we’ll try the one I reserve for the men.”

“Makes no difference to me.” Jo smiled. “I’m already dead, remember?”

“I like to be upfront about expectations down here.” Negan looked serious. “After all, you need to know what you need to do to get out of here.”

“What’s that?” Jo rolled her eyes.

“When you’re ready to chat, call for me.” Negan started towards the door. “That’s all we will start with.”

“You will be waiting a long time.” Jo popped a hip, unsure why she wanted to act superior. It had been too long since her last stay down here, she had forgotten how miserable it was. 

“With this, I am a patient man.” Negan turned around. “I didn’t want this for you. You forced my hand. Remember that.”

Jo glared at him and folded the arms across her chest. The sound of the door locking came. She let out a breath and took in the room. Before she could scan the whole things the harsh fluorescent lighting cut out sending her into complete blackness. After her last stay she thought the darkness was an improvement because they lights were driving her more crazy than anything else. 

It was nighttime, so Jo stumbled to a corner and slid down to the floor. She rolled onto her side and shut her eyes, determined to keep up her strength. As soon as her lids closed music blaring full volume flooded the room. Jo sat up with a shock as some oldie pop song played on full volume. 

Negan could not have been gone for thirty seconds, but that was all it took for Jo to start regretting her earlier behavior. She swallowed the fear and told herself to remain strong. There was no way she would break, but then and there for the first time since she arrived at the Sanctuary Jo was sure she was lying to herself.  
~~~  
Carol’s words kept playing through Jo’s head. She was being selfish, and she was aware of it. Now was the time to put an end to it. Jo was not strong enough to leave yet. Rick was right about that. She needed time to recuperate physically. If her eyes were still sensitive to the sun and she stayed fifteen pounds under weight there was no chance of taking on a walker out there, let alone another ruthless colony. 

Once she was better Jo would leave though. She didn’t want to remain a guilt trip for her friends and no longer wanted to distract Daryl or Rick from their duties around here. Alexandria remained functional while she was gone and now her presence was disrupting that functionality. 

Jo never really fell asleep the night before. She got up off the floor about an hour ago and headed into the kitchen. After making some coffee and an egg she sat at the counter and waited for Daryl to rise. About an hour later she heard him walking around. She didn’t know why her nerves were getting the better of her, but she needed to have this conversation. 

Thankfully the shower didn’t klick on and ten minutes later Daryl appeared at the bottom of the stairs. He spotted her and slowed his step. 

“I made coffee.” Jo pointed to the stove.

Daryl nodded and went to pour himself a cup. 

“I’m sorry about last night.” Daryl did not look at her as he spoke. “I shouldn’t have jumped to the conclusion you left. There’s about a hundred things I wish I handled differently.”

“No, that is a logical conclusion.” Jo pulled out the chair next to her. “I am planning on leaving. Maybe in a month, maybe in two. As soon as I put on some weight and my eyes stop bothering me.”

Daryl looked shocked and sat next to her. 

“I can start saving up supplies.” He stared at her.

“You belong here.” Jo gave a soft smile and shook her head.

“So do you…” 

“Not anymore,” Jo wouldn’t let him finish. “I’m a constant reminder of people’s failures. And you are all a constant reminder of mine.” 

“Jo,” Daryl started.

“Please let me finish.” Jo held her chin high.

Daryl closed his mouth and nodded.

“Truthfully, I don’t care much for people anymore. I want to be alone. I think that is what would make me happy. Being a wanderer.” Jo looked at his blank face. “I know you have feelings for me. Part of me thinks it’s only because I am so broken. I know you Daryl, you want to fix things, but the problem is I’m not fixable. Even if you were successful than you wouldn’t want me. It’s a paradox. But none of it matters because I don’t want you like that. I will never want anyone like that.”

The words left Jo’s mouth and she felt a bit of ownership. She was done talking, hoping that she managed to sound strong without hurting the man’s feelings too bad.

“Well I guess I have a month to change your mind.” Daryl took a sip of his coffee. 

“Not really.” Jo tapped the counter. “I want you to move out. It’s too difficult with you being here, I want to be alone.”

Really Jo felt guilty for occupying the man’s time. The time that should be donated to Alexandria. 

“You need someone to talk to.” Daryl protested. “If not me than someone else needs to be your confidant.”

“I’ve said all there is to say.” Jo lied. “He threw me in that cell until Glenn found me. I have no clue how long it was.” 

“This isn’t right.” Daryl shook his head. “A few days ago you were begging me to stay. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“Every day my thoughts are less and less cloudy,” Jo said. “I’m hoping you can find a new place to stay by tonight. Then as soon as I’m gone the house will be yours.”

“Please listen to me,” Daryl started.

“No.” Jo stood up. “I don’t want to have a conversation about this. I’m telling you how it is, not asking your opinion. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me Daryl. I’m going to tell Rick the same thing, then go help out at the clinic. I should be home about six and I would appreciate your being gone by then.”

Jo was about to lose her nerve. She didn’t turn around as she grabbed her sun glasses and crossed the street. She moved with giant steps and refused to turn around out of fear that Daryl was chasing after her or he was standing at the door. Jo wasn’t sure if her decision was what was best for her, but she was certain it was what was best for Alexandria. 

When she made it up to Rick’s porch she knocked on the door, determined to get awkward conversation number two over with. The door opened and Jo was shocked to see Michonne there. 

“Jo,” the woman said. “Come on inside.”

The door was flung open and Michonne headed into the main room. Jo noticed bags with an array of items spilling out. The other woman started sorting through them.

“I’m sorry, I just got back literally five minutes ago.” Michonne was making a pile of canned goods. “Had a decent supply run.”

“Rick mentioned you were gone.” Jo didn’t know if MIchonne being present would help or hurt her cause. “Is he around? I’ve got to talk to him.”

“I’m not sure.” Michonne went to the stairs. “RICK.”

The sound of footsteps in the hall carried down and Jo decided it was best to say her peace in front of both of them. Part of her thought Michonne would be thrilled to have Jo out of the way, but the sane part of her knew better. Michonne likely wouldn’t care one way or the other. 

“Anything exciting happen while I was away?” Michonne went back to her loot, focusing on some books she had found. 

“Not really.” Jo didn’t think Michonne would want to hear about the kiss from her boyfriend or the unnecessary late night search party. 

The noise of footsteps on the stairs came. Jo spun around to see Carl and not Rick appear. 

“Morning Jo.” He walked into the kitchen. “Michonne you’re back. Get anything good for me?”

“Where’s your dad?” Michonne started digging through the bags, obviously looking for something for Carl.

“He got up early. Last I saw he was in the basement.” Carl pointed to the back door.

“We made some conversions while you were gone.” Michonne walked towards the patio. “The basement serves as the police station now. It’s not accessible from the house. There is a set of stairs on the outside and a set from the garage.”

Michonne walked out the back and pointed to the door. 

“If it’s unlocked he’s in there. If it’s locked I’ve got no clue where he is.” 

“Thanks.” Jo stepped outside. 

Michonne vanished in an instant and Carl didn’t follow her either. It seemed Carol was right. All she did was make people uncomfortable. It made Jo feel better about her decision.

She walked to the door and sure enough the handle turned. Jo knew Rick would try and talk her out of it, just like Daryl had. Jo thought Rick would be the easier conversation though and really wanted it over with. 

Lights were on in the stairwell and at the bottom of the steps. Jo kept quiet as she walked down, not wanting to scare Rick. The basement was huge, spanning the length of the entire house. Two desks sat at the bottom of the stairs. It was unfinished, surprising for the houses in Alexandria, but it worked for giving the makeshift police station a more intimidating look. 

From the back corner Jo heard voices. It looked like there was plans to finish off the basement since there were some built walls with drywall hung. Jo couldn’t see around the corner but followed the noise. She walked passed the set of stairs that would lead to the garage and continued towards the voices. 

“You don’t deserve death.” It was unmistakably Rick. “You deserve to rot away in this cell, knowing you lost everything for the rest of your life.”

Jo’s stomach started to turn. Her mind trying to fight who he was obviously speaking to. Jo pressed herself against the wall.

“Stop trying to goad me into killing you. It won’t work.” Rick sounded angry. “You want out. There’s a bed sheet. I won’t stop you from hanging yourself.” 

Jo slid along the wall, closer to the edge. She knew when she peaked over who she would see. 

“Me? Want to die? Come on Rick relax, I’m just having some fun with you.” The voice sounded ice cold. “Alexandria is beautiful and this cell. It’s club fucking med. The eggs this morning? Farm fucking tastic.”

Jo brought her hand to her mouth and covered it, holding in whatever scream or noise was trying to burst forward. She knew she should run, but instead she glanced around the corner. She couldn’t see Rick, but sure enough she could see the cells he had built. One was empty, but the other held the man with the slicked back hair. Before Jo could look away he smiled at her. She immediately pulled back and pressed herself against the wall.

“What the hell are you smiling for?” Rick asked.

“It’s a little spooky down here,” Negan replied. “I swear I just saw a ghost.”

Pure terror ran through Jo. She needed to get out of here ASAP. Keeping herself pressed against the wall she sped away from the corner and back towards the stairs. She was unsure how much noise she was making, it felt like her peripheral vision was going crazy. 

She took the steps two at a time and burst open the door to the outside. Her breathing was ragged but adrenaline poured through her veins. As if she was going on autopilot Jo ran along the backyards of the homes, needing to put distance between herself and her captor. A few minutes later and Jo reached the wall. She punched it in frustration, not enough space. That’s when she spotted it, as if it was a gift from God. 

A large ladder was propped up a few yards away. Jo didn’t see another soul around and was unsure why it was there, but without wasting two seconds she climbed to the top and jumped over, taking off into the forest and only caring about increasing the distance between herself and Negan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who were enjoying "fluffy" Negan, sorry to say but he's gone! The little reprieve is over and you can expect to return to "sadistic" Negan. For those who are okay with that, buckle your seatbelts, it's going to get dark again...


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! Read the warnings! I hope you didn't forget this is a dark fic.....

Rick wiped his face as he stepped foot outside, he slid the key into the lock and dead bolted the reinforced door. He hated the fact that the jail was so close to where his children slept, but felt some reassurance that he knew how strong the system was. Even if a prisoner managed to escape their cell it would be impossible to get out of the basement. It was a separate space from the armory too so there was no need to worry about a prisoner finding a weapon. They didn’t even keep a pair of scissors down there.

Negan managed to get under his skin still. As much as Rick wanted the man dead he couldn’t pull the trigger. He was so close the other day, but something about killing a non-threat did not sit right with him. The new world order changed a lot of how he thought about himself, but he wasn’t about to be an executioner. Especially when he was the one giving the kill order. 

The back door slid open and Rick smiled as Michonne was going through bags in the front room. He walked over to her and plopped down on the couch, next to some of her supplies. 

“Successful run?” Rick picked up a botany book and flipped through the pages.

“I’d say so.” She smiled at him. “Did I miss anything while I was gone?”

“Yeah.” Rick put the book down. “Several things, but first we have a new prisoner.”

“Give me a gun and I’ll shoot him myself.” Michonne did not bat an eyelash as she continued to sort. 

“Maybe.” Rick exhaled. “I starting to think death is too good for him.”

“Jo agree with that?” Michonne grabbed the next back.

“About Jo.” Rick sat up straight. “I had dinner with her last night, may have had too much wine, and got caught up in the moment. I kissed her. I’m telling you this because I don’t want to lie to you.”

This news made Michonne stop. She looked at Rick.

“I don’t know what this is.” She pointed between the two of them. “We’ve never formally discussed it.” 

“I’m telling you about Jo because I care about you.” Rick took her hand. “I don’t really know what’s happening, but I don’t want to leave you in the dark.”

“So what? You’re going to date us both now?” Michonne raised an eyebrow.

“Absolutely not.” Rick squeezed her hand. “I shouldn’t have kissed Jo, not only because of you, but she flipped out. Threw me out of the house. Ended up scaring the crap out of Daryl. He thought she ran away, we called a search party. Turned out she was in her room the entire time. I think her scars run a lot deeper than any of us realized.”

“I don’t want to be a cancelation prize.” Michonne pulled her hand away.

“You’re not.” Rick took her hand back. “I promise you. There are some unresolved feelings there, but what we have is stronger.”

Michonne looked like she relaxed and nodded her head.

“Did you know Daryl has a thing for her?” Rick asked.

“I had a feeling, since she’s went missing at least.” Michonne laughed. “He sort of turned her house into a shrine.”

“I had no idea.” Rick shook his head. “I suppose I avoided her house after she left.”

“She didn’t leave.” Michonne stood up. “Negan took her. Is that what she wanted to talk to you about?”

“I wanted to talk to her.” Rick stood as well and started going through the bags. “Clear the air and get some closure, she was almost happy last night. I got carried away.”

“So you told her to come over so you could apologize?” Now Michonne shook her head. “That’s going to send a mix message.”

“She never came here.” Rick moved a can good to the food pile. “I went there.”

“I’m talking about ten minutes ago.” Michonne looked confused. “She was just here. We sent her down to the basement.”

“What?” Rick dropped what was in his hands. “Why would you do that?”

“Carl said you were down there.” Michonne’s mouth hung open. “Did you not tell her you have her torturer imprisoned in the basement?”

“Jo didn’t even know he was alive. You’re the only person I’ve told.” Rick started for the door. “Eugene knows too, he was at the gate yesterday afternoon. I wanted to wait to tell everyone. Are you sure she went downstairs?”

Rick could have sworn he locked the door after him.

“I watched her walk down.” Michonne’s eyes went wide. “This is not good.”

Rick did not respond as he pulled open the door and ran across the street to her house. He told himself maybe she didn’t see them and left, but he knew it was a false. Suddenly Negan’s strange smile and ghost comment made more sense. He ran up the steps and pushed open the door. 

“Jo?” Rick yelled as he walked in the house. “Jo?”

He scanned the downstairs and then headed up to her room. He was surprised to see Daryl is his room, packing a bag.

“Is Jo here?” Rick went straight for him.

“She took off about fifteen minutes ago.” Daryl kept throwing items in a bag. “Said she was going to talk to you and then heading the clinic for the day.”

Rick pushed off against the doorframe and ran back down the stairs. He did not slow down or care who looked at him as he raced to the clinic. He jogged up the steps and threw the door open.

“Jo?” He called as he ran inside. “JO.”

There was no answer. Lauren appeared from upstairs. 

“Just me.” She rubbed her eyes. “I over slept. What do you need?”

Rick backed up and walked outside. Suddenly the fear from last night felt petty and unnecessary. In the light of day the new feeling Jo taken off was much more real. Daryl was on the street outside the clinic. 

“Talk to Michonne.” Rick started jogging towards the gate. “She’ll fill you in.”

Daryl nodded and took off towards Rick’s house. The guards knew Jo was a special case, they wouldn’t have just let her wander out. Someone would have radioed Rick. He went for his belt loop and realized that he forgot the transmitter back at his house. He doubled down his speed, praying that the guards didn’t tell him Jo went over the wall.

~~~   
Jo ran. She ran hard and fast not paying attention to her surroundings in the slightest. She ran over sticks and leaves. She ran, ignoring the limp and pain that was exploding in her left foot. She ran through bushes that scrapped her arms. She ran even though her lungs felt like they were going to burst. She ran away from him, from them, from everything. She ran until she collapsed, and then she pushed herself up and started running again. 

On the fourth collapse she tried dragging herself, needing to increase the distance, needing to stay as far away as possible, but her lungs couldn’t take it and she let herself flop onto the forest floor. 

She ignored her panting, ignored the physical pain she was in, ignored the danger of a walker approaching. Jo let out a monstrous sob being unable to see anything but Negan’s face as she passed out.  
~~~   
Daryl laid down on the grass outside Rick’s basement door. He figured she might have had a twenty minute start on them. Luck was on their side, nobody else had been in this area and the grass she trampled on had yet to return to its peak. He was surprised, given how little she weighed, but the speed she was running at made a heavy dent in the blades.

He stood up and followed the trail to the wall. He didn’t need to lie on the ground to figure where she went next. A huge extension ladder was a few yards away. Daryl debated on going back for a weapon, but right now time was the only advantage he had. 

“Here.” 

Daryl’s head snapped. Michonne was a few inches from him, handing over a back pack and a machete. 

“I’ll get Rick. We will be a few minutes behind you.” She turned to go after her boyfriend.

Daryl could get angry later. Right now he needed to focus on tracking. Jo was not a human, she was a wild animal. One he needed to hunt. He kept that mindset, knowing it was the only way he would find her. 

When he got to the top of the ladder he noticed the drop was at least fifteen feet. He hung from the side of the wall before letting go, making almost no impact on his joints. He doubted Jo did the same in her current state. She was lucky the jump didn’t shatter her pelvis. 

He looked around the trees for a sign of which direction she went. There was too much flora and fauna out here. It would not be as easy to track her, but Daryl stayed patient and looked in every direction until he noticed a partial footprint about her size three meters in. He had his basic direction and took off slowly, knowing if he ran he would be chasing a ghost.

~~~   
A branch snapping woke Jo. She went from asleep to fully alert and popped up on the ground. Sure enough a walker was approaching. This one looked pretty decayed as it moved at a snail’s pace towards her with both arms missing. She grabbed the rock on the ground next to her and moved backwards until she was against a tree.

She used the trunk so hoist herself up and as soon as the former male got close enough she bashed his skull with a rock. It was over fast. Jo didn’t want to move, but she didn’t want to die either. She always feared the walkers, even the double dead ones, as if some other form of magic or science or whatever would re-reanimate them. 

Everything hurt. Her legs especially, she looked down at her ankle to see it was swollen. Given her insane jump from the wall she wasn’t surprised. It could have been a lot worse. She thanked her lucky stars she did not shatter her pelvis. 

Her mind raced as she limped further into the forest. She ran out here like an idiot, with no weapons, no food, and no water. Her odds of surviving the night were limited. She was not a scavenger or much of a fighter. Jo had no clue where she was or what to do next. Suddenly she felt very vulnerable. 

The hurt and betrayal she felt were the furthest thing from her mind at the moment. Right now she would have killed for a water, her lungs raw from the running. She couldn’t see or hear a stream and the sunny skies did not look like rain. A headache came on sudden and Jo stopped moving collapsing against the tree. 

In her run she lost her sunglasses. The trees blocked the light enough, but now that she was aware of it she pressed her eyes closed and hoped for a cloud to pass. Once the sharp migraine dulled to an ache Jo pulled her hands away. She had on jeans and a t-shirt. Both were ripped and stained with blood. She had so many cuts that every walker in a ten mile radius would be heading her way if they went off of smell. 

Suddenly her burst for freedom did not seem like such a good idea. Even if she had the strength to make it back to Alexandria she had absolutely no clue which direction to head. There really was only one option. She scanned the area until she saw a tree with low enough branches she could climb. 

Jo took the first jump and fell right on her back, knocking the wind out of her. She shut her eyes and pulled herself together. The second attempt went better and she managed to get herself up. She shimmied up the trunk, scrapping her arms along the bark, until she got to the next branch. The steps were repeated until she was about twenty feet up and on a thick enough branch. She set her back against the tree and closed her eyes. 

She would not let herself fall asleep though, one flight movement would mean tumbling from the branches. Instead Jo sat there, waiting for someone to come and save her, with nothing but her thoughts.

~~~ 

Underwhelmed or overwhelmed? Jo couldn’t decide which one it was. It was so dark in the room, and it seemed like randomly the light would flash. Jo couldn’t tell if she were imagining it or not it was so quick. She felt like it happened whenever she fell asleep, but there was no way to be sure it was the light waking her up.

The music almost never turned off. Sometimes after a few hours it would break for what felt like an hour, but might have only been thirty seconds. Sometimes she wondered if they turned it off for her to sleep, then when they decided she got enough started blaring it again. But other times she thought it was never off and her brain managed to tune it out for a little bit. 

Then the smell. It was rancid in the small cell. She didn’t know if it all came from her or if they were putting dead fish outside the door. As soon as Jo tried to decide something would break her thoughts. 

She missed the gruel too. Now once a day she got a piece of bread with a little Alpo and a dixie cup of water. At least she thought it was once a day. Jo gave up on trying to tell the time a while ago. She guessed it had been a week, but really it could have been twenty four hours or a month. The little bursts of sleep made it impossible to tell. 

Whoever dropped off her food only did it when she was asleep. Sometimes the door would open, but the hallway would always be completely black. A person would throw a bucket of water on her, as if that was supposed to be some form of bath. Sometimes they did it before she noticed the food, soaking her bread and knocking over the water cup. 

Still she did not ask for Negan, but the man began to plague her thoughts. Her first week here had been much better than this. The last few weeks were worlds better than this. She thought about how he was a decent card player, and the way he smiled with his entire face. Then she thought about bashing said face in with his beloved barb wired bat. It was almost as if Jo decided she would go crazy and die in here rather than give into him. That single moment of clarity ended as soon as the song kicked back on.

A few sleeps (days?) later suddenly the lights came on. This time they didn’t flicker on and off right away. They were definitely on. Jo shielded her eyes, it felt like they were being burnt out of her skull by the fluorescents. 

The sound of the door opening did not distract Jo from the pain in her eyes. Whoever came in grabbed Jo by the hair, close to the scalp and tugged her to her feet. They dragged her into the hall, where Jo kept stumbling forward, which never caused them to pause. 

She was brought into another room and thrown unceremoniously on the floor. Then a stream of ice cold water hit her and she let out a scream. Something landed in her lap and Jo blinked through the water and the light to focus on a toothbrush and toothpaste. Without being prompted she eagerly started scrubbing her mouth, no longer caring about the ice cold water. As soon as she spit out the first wad of paste the water turned off. She tried to scoop some off the floor to wash out her mouth, but was pretty much stuck. 

Whoever her handler was they grabbed her by the now wet hair again and dragged her out into the hallway. Jo reached up and grabbed their wrist and she slipped constantly on the floor or her soaking wet clothes. It did not bother them. She was brought into a room with one very bright light hanging in the center and dumped in a chair under it. Jo blinked multiple times trying to focus her vision, forcing the pain of the light to go away.

“How are you doing baby doll?” Negan’s voice came out of the darkness. “Let me help you out.”

The spotlight dimmed and the rest of the room lit up in a soft orange. Jo’s vision was able to focus much easier on the darker color. Negan wore a look of concern, not the smug look of victory she was expecting. 

“You look like shit.” He eyed her up and down. 

Jo was shaking from the cold. She glanced at him and then looked back at the floor, in the back of her head still hearing the constant music.

“I’ve got to admit, I’m both impressed and annoyed you haven’t asked for me yet.” Negan started circling her. 

“How long?” The sound of Jo’s voice sounded foreign to her, but it was laced with a hoarseness that came with screaming. Was she screaming at one point? Jo couldn’t remember. 

“We both know I can’t answer that. It would give you some level of control and we both know you only have control over one thing in this situation.” Negan grabbed a chair Jo hadn’t noticed and sat across from her.

Jo didn’t understand. She shook her head.

“You have control over when this ends.” Negan folded his hands and leaned closer towards her. “Just say the magic words and it’s over.”

“You have my complete devotion.” Jo lied, but in her head it sounded convincing.

“Perfect.” Negan smiled. “I’ll take you back upstairs, let you take a nice warm bubble bath, give you a book to read, and then you can sleep in that cozy bed.”

Jo let out a whimper. What he was saying sounded so nice.

“Unless of course, you’re lying to me.” Negan dipped his chin. “You’re not lying to me are you doll?”

Jo shook her head furiously.

“There is a way I can tell. See you’re not the first person I’ve given this treatment to, you probably won’t be the last because it’s so affective. Once it’s finished you will be no good to me as a doctor, but you will be a devout Negan worshiper. Your game of defiance was too much to take.” Negan reached out and brushed some of Jo’s wet hair behind her ear.

She tried her hardest not to flinch, but Jo turned her head. His touch was soft and gentle and she wanted to nuzzle his hand for the warmth, but the memory of what a monster he was came forward. Jo wouldn’t do it.

“So Jo, here is the situation. You get the bath, the bed, a new set of clothes, books to read, freedom around the sanctuary, and I get your utmost devotion.” Negan paused and there was no mistaking the wickedness in his eyes. “And I get to pop your cherry.”

Jo pulled further away from his hand. She wanted to jump up from the chair, but it had been so long since she sat in one it almost felt like she didn’t know how.

“That’s what I thought.” Negan pulled her hands away and crossed them over his chest. “I guess you need some more time to think on things.”

Jo looked up as he rose from the chair and walked around her to the door. 

“Wait!” Jo’s voice shook. “WAIT!” 

Negan stopped and turned around.

“I’ll blow you.” Jo couldn’t believe the words were coming out of her mouth. “I will suck your cock.”

“Wow.” Negan arched his back and whistled. “Hearing you say those words are hot enough to get me going.”

He walked back to his chair and sat down, spreading his thighs apart and staring at the ceiling. Jo didn’t know what to do. 

“Well, I’m waiting.” Negan started tapping his fingers against each other. 

Not allowing her brain enough time to process what it was doing Jo hurled herself forward onto her knees between his legs. She unbuttoned his jeans and saw his bulge straining against his boxers. With shaky hands she reached inside and pulled his length free.

Jo’s heart tightened as she wrapped her lips around him. The toothpaste residue made it hard to produce saliva, but she kept her mouth around his tip, slicking her tongue back and forth until enough accumulated in her mouth to slide him further in. She swallowed with each movement and he let out a groan. 

Once enough spit worked its way down his shaft Jo brought her hands up. She wrapped both first around the base and started to move them up and down in unison with her mouth. Hands were on her wrists yanking them away. 

“You promised me a blow job, not a hand job.” Negan looked down at her, pinning both of her wrists to his thighs. 

Jo realized she hadn’t even taken him out of her mouth, but before shame and pride overtook her she went back to the task at hand. She swallowed more, trying to take him further in. Then she started bobbing her head, trying her hardest to go lower each time. She wasn’t quite all the way there when she started to gag.

“Seems like you need some help baby doll.” 

Jo started to pull back when his hand was on the back of her head, forcing her down. She used her hands to brace herself on his thighs, but he brushed each of them off and continued to apply pressure to the back of her head. Jo knew she was no match for him and his cock plunged deeper. Her throat burned and she gagged as her head went all the way down.

“Fuck.” Negan moaned. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a good deep throat.”

Jo tried to breathe through her nose, but his dick was almost completely blocking her airway. Tears started running down her throat and she swallowed repeatedly, gulping him down as she gulped for air. Black spots started to form and suddenly he pulled her head back. She inhaled sharply, but before she could exhale her head was slammed down. 

Jo did not fight him as he continued to bob her head up and down, sometimes all the way. 

“Don’t forget to use the tongue baby doll.” Negan said between breaths. 

As if on autopilot Jo obliged his request. She started licking up and down the underside of his shaft while he used her mouth as a pleasure hole. 

“Don’t let a drop hit the ground.” Negan called out as he slammed her head down.

Jo’s gag reflex forced herself to swallow and Negan’s jizz went straight down her throat. She gasped for air as he pumped into her, giving her no choice but to force his seamen into her stomach. He let go of the back of her head, but Jo kept her mouth on him, moving back slowly and taking care to lick him clean as she pulled back.

Once she was finished she leaned back onto her heels. Jo would not let herself feel the shame. She did what she needed to do to get out of the room. It would be worth it to get that bath.

“Thank you very much sweetheart.” Negan gave her a little tap on the chin before standing up.

Jo rose on shaky feet and went to follow him. He got to the door and turned around, giving her a strange look.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He tilted his head.

“With you. A bath, a bed. Like you said.” Fear jumped in Jo’s throat.

“No, no, no.” Negan gave a little laugh. “You get those things when you let me fuck you.”

“But you said….”

“I didn’t say anything.” Negan put his hands on her shoulders. “I was on my merry way out here when you offered a blow job, didn’t even make a request in return. I am a fan of tit for tat my dear. Unfortunately you can’t make those sort of deals after the fact.”

Jo went to talk, but didn’t know what to say. Shame, humiliation, fear, and heart break flooded her senses. Negan responded by giving her a kiss on the forehead.

“You can always ask for me babydoll, if you’re ready to seal the deal.” He squeezed her shoulder before opening the door. “Someone will be by soon to collect you.”

The reaction was a few second too late. Jo lunged at the door as he shut it and twisted the lock. She started throwing fists against the metal and screaming profanities, knowing that he had another victory over her made her sob as she slid to the floor. 

All the lights went out and the music came on full blast. This time there was no doubt in Jo’s mind that she was screaming.  
~~~   
It was dusk. There were three walkers below Jo’s tree. They could probably smell of sense her, but none had looked up to find her yet. Her stomach grumbled and she wondered if they were as hungry as she was. She debated on calling out, but knew that would attract more of them. It was probably why the search party wasn’t calling her name either.

There was no doubt in her mind they sent one. She figured if Michonne and Rick talked they would have figured it out, but Jo wasn’t sure if that was five minutes after she ran over five hours. Daryl was a man of his word and likely left before she said she would be home, so him figuring it out was unlikely. 

From a distance Jo saw some trees rustling. She knew better than to get her hopes up, it was probably another walker coming to join his buddies. The rustling stopped and a person jumped out, slamming a knife into each of the walkers’ heads with ease. Jo’s stomach dropped when she saw who it was. 

“I’m up here.” Jo flung her legs over the branch and started the climb down. 

Carol reached up and grabbed Jo’s hips when she got close enough, guiding her to the ground. Jo tried not to make eye contact, expecting another speech. Arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a hug, Carol buried her face in Jo’s neck.

“I’m so sorry.” Carol pulled her head up. “I should have never said those things to you last night.”

Jo felt like she was in shock, the things Carol had said were far from a priority. She did not return the hug. When the woman pulled away Daryl was standing behind her. Jo locked eyes on him and then flung herself forward in a fit of rage. He spread his arms and she pelted his chest over and over again.

“How could you lie to me like that?” Jo threw a harder punch at his jaw. “He was alive? He was in Alexandria? HOW COULD YOU?”

Jo no longer cared about making noise to attract the walkers. Daryl did not move, her tiny fists did nothing to actually harm him. She continued to scream and punch, but then his arms were around her, pulling her tight against his chest. Jo tried to wiggle away, but her anger turned to sadness and exhaustion. She stopped struggling and collapsed in his arms.

“How could you?” She let out one more time before he dropped an arm and repositioned it under her knee. 

In a split second Jo was in the air, nuzzled against Daryl’s chest as he carried her out of the forest and back to Alexandria. Jo was too tired and hungry to struggle. She lost her fight a long time ago, and now Daryl was carrying her back to the monster who took it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in the same day! Happy Holidays!

Jo felt beaten and betrayed. She didn’t protest or say a single word as Daryl carried her through the woods. The only time she looked up was to take a drink of the water bottle he gave her. She heard other footsteps join them, but wouldn’t look up. She alternated between anger, shame, and embarrassment, but her ankle throbbed and her head ached. She was sure if she tried to walk on her own she would collapse and cause more of a problem for the group. 

She kept her head down at the sound of the gate opening and gripped onto Daryl’s vest tighter. If he was getting tired from carrying her he wasn’t showing it. The footsteps that walked with them trailed off. Someone other than Daryl opened the door to her home. She pinched her eyes shut as another stream of hot tears started to fall. When she first arrived back this place brought her a level of safety. One that she no longer felt. Jo would never feel safe again as long as Negan was alive. 

Daryl carried her up the stairs. She didn’t peak as he took her through her bedroom and into the bathroom. 

“I’m going to set you down on the counter.” He positioned her with ease. “Your legs are all scratched up. I think your ankle might be broken.”

“How could you?” Jo looked up at him.

Normally he hid his emotions, but tonight a frown was present and puppy dog eyes. The look of guilt. 

“I didn’t mean to lie. You assumed he was dead and I did not correct your mistake.” Daryl looked at the ground. 

“You made me trust you.” The words came out through gritted teeth. 

“You can trust me.” Daryl turned the shower on. “Do you need help? I can go get Carol or Michonne?”

Jo shook her head. She braced herself on the counter and pushed off, she turned away from Daryl and looked in the mirror. There were leaves and sticks in her hair. Her eyes were bloodshot with heavy dark bags underneath. There were tiny scrapes on her arms and she guessed her whole body. 

“There’s blood on the back of your shirt.” Daryl locked eyes with her in the mirror. “I can bandage it for you.”

“Get out.” Jo looked down at the sink. 

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Daryl sounded desperate.

“Get. Out.” Jo did not want to yell. 

Daryl gave a sigh and shut the door. Jo pulled her shirt off and turned around. She had pulled a few stitches along with the new scratches. She didn’t think she could reach them and would be damned if she let anyone else see them. 

The water ran off of her in a rust hue. She assumed it was a mix of dirt and blood. She scrubbed her skin hard, probably agitating the scratches more than helping them, but she wanted to get clean. Once she shut the water off she hobbled back out and grabbed a towel. Poking her head out she saw she was alone and dressed in comfy clothes. 

Daryl was waiting for her. Jo was sure of it. He probably had food or water. She assumed Rick was the other set of footsteps that followed them back. As far as Jo was concerned both of them could piss off. Even though her stomach growled, telling her she was hungry, Jo didn’t feel like eating. 

She flipped off the bedroom lights and laid down on the floor. As she shut her eyes she tried not to focus on the hell her life had become.  
~~~   
If Jo learned anything about Negan it was he lacked patience. It never occurred to her to call out for him. He would come on his own eventually. Jo was starting to have no concept of reality, it seemed like the music was getting louder and the room darker. She couldn’t focus on any one thought for longer than a few seconds at most. The one that kept cycling through the most was her hatred for Negan. Of that she was certain.

Jo had absolutely no idea how long it had been until she was brought in front of him again. She knew what to expect this time and brushed her teeth faster. Instead of the shock of the cold water she tried to drink as much of it as possible, not caring that it was covering her. She was tossed in the chair under the bright light again. 

“I hate seeing you this way angel.” Negan sounded like the devil.

“Fuck off.” Jo kept her eyes shut to avoid seeing his face.

“Alright.” The sound of footsteps going to the door were terrible.

Jo bit back the sob. She didn’t want him to leave, she wanted him to stay, to put a stop to this madness, to hold her, to love her. No. Jo bit her lip harder, that wasn’t her talking. Jo needed to stay strong. The lock clicked shut and the music came blaring with a vengeance. Jo sat in the chair and shook, certain she would die before she caved into him.   
~~~  
“I fuck up everything with that girl.” Rick ran his hands over his face. “Everything.”

“This one isn’t your fault.” Daryl paced at the bottom of the stairs, constantly glancing upwards. 

He looked at Rick and wondered if his own expression had the same amount of guilt. 

“I was going to kill him. I pulled him out of the truck, threw him on the ground and fired, but at the last second I flipped my wrist. Maybe I should go back over there and do it now.” Rick looked at Daryl for advice.

“That choice belongs to Jo.” Daryl shook his head. “Not killing him isn’t the fuck up. Where we both fucked up was not telling her he was alive. It shouldn’t have been such a shock.”

“If I would have told you last night, then you could have stopped her from coming over.” Rick sounded like he was talking to himself as he sat at the kitchen table.

“Well last night we were a little preoccupied over nothing.” Daryl scratched his face. “Because I’m a fucking idiot who didn’t look on the far side of the bed.”

He glanced up the stairs again. 

“It’s been over an hour. She’s not coming down.” Rick looked at whatever casserole creation was on the table. “Should we go up there?”

Daryl glanced at the stairs. He wanted to check on her, make sure her ankle wasn’t broken. But the fact that she was the most medically advanced in the town didn’t give him that excuse. He remembered the look in her eyes. It was worse than when she returned. There was so much pain. 

“I don’t know.” Daryl stopped pacing. 

As if on cue a blood curdling scream came from upstairs. Daryl’s heart raced and he jumped up the stairs, taking three steps at a time. The thud of Rick’s kitchen chair falling over sounded and Daryl knew he was right behind him. When they got to the top Daryl pushed Jo’s door open so hard it slammed into the wall cracking the plaster.

Rick hit the light switch and the bed was empty. Knowing where to go Daryl ran to the far side. Jo was sitting up hold her palm to her head. 

“Jo?” Daryl dropped to his knees.

She opened her eyes and looked confused. Then she glanced around the room and let out a sigh of relief. 

“It was so dark. I thought I was…” Jo paused to correct her breathing. “Nightmare.”

She bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling. The little scrapes didn’t look so bad now. Most of them faded away. Daryl worried about the ones on her back though. He wished she would have let him help her. 

“Why don’t you try sleeping in the bed?” Rick asked. “It might make you feel better.”

“No.” Jo sounded as exhausted as she looked. “I can’t sleep in a bed alone.”

“We will stay with you.” Rick held out a hand. 

Jo did not take it, but she did turn around and pull herself up on the mattress. She settled in the middle on top of the comforter.

“If either of you touches me, I’ll kill you.” Her voice was muffled into the pillow.

Daryl gave Rick a weird look. He shrugged and pointed towards the door. Daryl thought it was best if Rick left too he climbed in next to Jo, but kept about a foot of space between them. 

“I need you both.” Jo’s face was towards the door. “I don’t want him to hold me and if I wake up and don’t see another person I’ll flip out.”

The other two times they had shared a sleeping space Daryl was wrapped around Jo, there was no way she could have thought she was alone. Rick looked sorry and Daryl rolled his eyes. The light was flipped off and Rick laid down on the other side. 

Even though he couldn’t see her face, Daryl spent a long time looking at Jo, wondering how it could have gone so wrong. In the morning they would talk. Daryl would apologize and Jo would forgive him. She had to.   
~~~   
On the fourth time, at least Jo thought it was the fourth time, she was plopped in front of Negan she did not tell him to fuck off. 

“And how are we today babydoll?” Negan’s voice came out of the darkness.

A sob escaped Jo’s throat. She brought her hands up to her eyes and cried. The spotlight dimed and the dark orange hue took over the room. It felt like months had passed from the last time she was in here and saw this lighting. 

“Shhh…” Negan picked her up out of the chair and cradled her head to his chest. He sat back down placing her in his lap.

Jo didn’t try and push off of him. In face she did the opposite and buried her face in his neck and through her arms around him, savoring the human contact and lack of music. 

“I’ll take care of you.” Negan rubbed her back. “You don’t have to go back in there.”

Jo was exhausted, but also felt like she just slept for eight hours. Her chest heaved as she cried into her captor. He placed a kiss on her neck and then started creating a trail of them up her jaw line. She lifted her head off of him and looked at him with pleading eyes. Negan leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on her lips. He pulled back, but Jo grabbed onto his head and forced their lips together.

He let out a chuckle that she ignored as she deepened their kiss. Nothing was going through her mind other than the need to prove her devotion to him. She did not want to go back in that room. He brought his hand up to her wrist and gently pulled it down, breaking their kiss and pressing their forehead’s together.

“Are you ready to take me up on my offer?” Negan’s voice sounded sultry. “Say the words and I’ll take you upstairs, give you a nice warm bath, lay you on a big soft bed and give you the experience of your life. No tricks either, you won’t be able to take it back once we leave this room.”

A shudder worked it’s way through Jo. Sudden disgust at what she had just been doing. In a flash she pushed off of him and stood up with shaky legs.

“That’s a shame darling.” Negan made a tsk tsk noise as he stood up. 

“Wait.” Jo held up her arm. 

“A warm shower and fresh clothes?” Jo dropped to her knees. 

Negan looked like he was weighing his options.

“Please?” Jo brought her arms up, begging him.

“God you’re sexy when you’re on your knees.” He looked like a mountain as he stood in front of her. “I’m feeling generous, besides I could use a shower too.”

Negan pulled open the door and Jo rose to her feet. He waited until she walked in front of him and then grabbed her by the shoulder. He squeezed down.

“Don’t try anything funny doll. I’m sure you know better than that by now.” He led her through the hallways.

They were lit up with fluorescents that hurt her eyes. She had to keep them shut and rely on his arm to guide her. She let out a whimper when he turned her into the tiled room she had just left.

“Did you think I was going to take you upstairs?” Negan asked. “The only way that will happen is with me buried between your thighs.”

Every other time Jo was in here she was not aware enough to realize what was going on. They had been throwing so much water on her she felt like she was never dry. Sometimes in the dark she wasn’t sure if she was imagining being soaked or not. Now that she was a bit more aware it was obvious this was some sort of locker room. 

“Do you need help getting those clothes off?” Negan gave her a sideways grin.

Jo was not a naked person, but her clothing was so dirty she had debated on stripping in her cell. Negan turned on a wall of showers and across the streams started to undress. Jo watched as his shirt disappeared over his head. He was so trim, with a perfect V at his hip bones. 

“Joanna, if you keep staring like that you will make me blush.” Negan pushed his pants down and Jo diverted her attention.

In a quick minute they were both naked. She shielded herself with her arms but the room was filled with steam anyway.

“Come on in.” Negan waved. “The water feels great.”

Jo stepped under the stream and a whimper came to her throat. The warmth felt amazing and it seemed like years of filth were washing off of her. Hands touched her head and the eyes she hadn’t realized she had closed popped open. Negan stood in front of her, massaging her scalp with shampoo. He stood at least a foot taller than her and it was easy for him to look down.

Soap started to run out of her hair and Jo let out a whimper, scared the shower was going to end too soon. Negan picked up a sponge and applied some soap. He started scrubbing her back and Jo let out a moan with how good it felt. 

“Drop your arms.” His voice was so authoritative Jo did not hesitate. 

He brought the sponge to her chest and began massaging, letting the loofa linger on each nipple longer than necessary. Jo felt them harden, causing a reaction between her legs. Negan let out a small growl and pulled her so her back was pressed against his chest. 

“You know I just want to take care of you baby.” Negan’s voice was right next to her ear. He gave the lobe a lick and wrapped his other arm around her waist.

Jo wasn’t paying attention to him, she was too interested in what his hands were doing. The one carrying the sponge slid down her stomach and straight for her folds. It brushed against her clit and Jo gave a gasp, bringing both hands up for support on the wall. 

Negan’s second hand started teasing her nipples. They were already hard from the sponge, but he made sure to keep it that way. His lips came to her neck just as he dropped the sponge and plunged one of his fingers inside her. 

“You’re soaked.” He gave a chuckle. “Your body wants me, soon your mind will to.”

Jo went rigid.

“Don’t worry baby doll. You blew that chance today.” He started sliding the soapy finger in and out of her. “That doesn’t mean I won’t remind you what you’re missing.”

Negan slid his second hand down and pressed his fingers hard against her bundle of nerves. He started rubbing in a circle as his other hand’s finger slid in and out of her. Jo leaned forward, sure she was going to collapse and began panting. 

“That’s it baby.” Negan’s hard cock pressed against her leg. “Next time say yes and it will always be like this. Forever. I’ll take real good care of you.” 

God Jo wanted that. For a second she gave in and admitted that. The realization sent her into ecstasy and she felt her core explode as she came all over Negan’s hands. Her body shuddered with delight. Before she could recover Negan took his hands away, wrapped them around her waist and lifted her in the air, so his back was under the shower. He set her on her feet, but placed pressure on her shoulders, guiding her to her knees.

Jo did not hesitate and took his rock hard cock into her mouth. She started sucking and licking greedily. She kept her hands on his thighs and tried to swallow as much of him as possible. In a manner of seconds she felt him tighten and grunt. Jo swallowed hard, not wanting to lose a single drop. 

“Phew.” Negan looked down at her. “I haven’t lasted that short since I was sixteen.”

Jo let him fall from her mouth and stood up, feeling a little proud. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. The simple act of that kiss shattered everything. 

Jo backed away and looked at him with disgust. She went back to covering herself and her face flashed red with embarrassment. Negan rolled his eyes and went back to the shower. 

“You’re a heartless son of a bitch.” Jo spat out. “You don’t want to take care of me. You’re the one torturing me!”

“Tomato, Tomato,” Negan began to shampoo his hair. 

Jo realized she was in a new room and looked for any sort of weapon to attack him. 

“We were making such progress babydoll. Fight the need to regress.” He let the soap wash off of him. “If you manage to get a hit in at me, you will only make it worse for yourself.”

“I’m stronger than this.” Jo spotted a towel and grabbed it, wrapping it around herself. 

“Nobody is that strong.” Negan shut off the water. “Just give in, make it end.”

“Never. I will beat you.” Jo felt the flare up of fire in her chest. “It took you four tries to get this far. It will never happen again.”

“Four tries?” Negan blinked. “Exactly how long do you think you’ve been in that room?”

He looked interested in her response. Jo felt a tear well up and shook her head. God she hoped it was a long time, it felt like a long time. 

“I’m not about to tell you.” Negan wrapped another towel around his waist. “But the last three times you told me to fuck off, were all in the last five hours.”

Horror and terror spread through Jo and she felt like the wind was knocked out of her. She clutched her stomach and dropped to her knees. It felt like the first time she told him to fuck off was weeks ago. 

“I know baby doll. It’s shocking.” Negan set a pair of scrubs on the bench next to her. “That’s why you’re fighting a losing battle. Give in and I will take care of you. That is a promise.”

He placed a kiss on the top of her head and left the room. Jo grabbed the clothes and dressed as quickly as possible and sure enough just as she shimmed the pants up the door opened. A man grabbed her by the hair and dragged her down the hallways, tossing her back in the cell with the lights off and the blaring music. 

“Negan’s a liar. Negan’s a liar.” Jo repeated the phrase to herself. 

Five hours? That wasn’t possible, but the look when he said it rang truth. Jo bit her lip and let the tears flow, unsure what else to do to hold on.


	23. Chapter 23

When Jo’s eye fluttered open Rick’s face was cast in the early morning light. The sun wasn’t up yet, but it would be in a matter of minutes. Her entire body ached, particularly her ankle. She did a quick exam on herself in the tree and knew it wasn’t broken. She would limp for a few days and that would be all. 

 

Jo knew if she turned to the other side she would see a sleeping Daryl. That would not happen though. In no shape or form did Jo want to look at him. Even though Rick was the one keeping Negan it was Daryl keeping the secret that hurt her the most. 

 

She slipped down the bed as slowly as possible, hoping the movement did not wake either of them. As she hobbled to the door she bit back the urge to turn around. The image of both men waking up next to each other in a bed made her snicker a little. They were best friends, but she was fairly certain both on them were too macho to share a bed with another man. 

 

When Jo made it down the stairs she paused and stretched, her back particularly aching, before limping into the kitchen. She made a beeline for the coffee pot and started it up. There were no more tears left in her, but Jo felt like crying. She didn’t have a plan or any idea what to do. 

 

Running away would not fix anything. Staying here was too hard. Not only was Jo hurting, but her presence alone was hurting those she cared about. The sound of the coffee finishing broke her from her thoughts. She turned around and poured herself a cup. Her window faced the street and it was impossible not to stare at Rick’s house. To think about that creature living in the basement. Jo forced herself to turn away. She opened her eyes and let out a little scream, almost throwing the coffee all over herself.

 

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Daryl stood on the other side of the counter. He moved his eyes from Jo to the countertop. 

 

Jo was starting to think that she didn’t need to worry about making a plan. Her heart was going to give out soon between stress and sudden scares.

 

“Can we talk?” Daryl took a seat on one of the stools. 

 

He looked distressed. He wouldn’t make eye contact making it easy for Jo to study his face. There were bags under his eyes and his he looked slightly paler than normal. 

 

“I should have told you he was alive. You deserved to know that. He was at Hilltop, Rick moved him here two days ago. I had no idea, I swear. Nobody did, but Rick. He was going to tell me, but when we talked that day it was when I thought you ran away.”

 

“I’m not interested in excuses,” Jo cut him off. “I want to know why? Why didn't you tell me?”

 

“I’m a coward.” Daryl ran his hand over his face.

 

“We both know that’s a lie.” Jo rolled her eyes.

 

“It’s the truth. When it comes to you.” Daryl looked up at her, his eyes were intense. “You were already in so much pain, I didn’t want to be the one to make you hurt worse. I hoped that Rick killed him before you found out.” 

 

“Rick is going to kill him?” Jo didn’t understand why he hadn’t already.

 

“I tried.” Rick walked into the kitchen. “But I had some difficulties shooting an unarmed man who was tied up.”

 

“Give me a gun.” Jo wasn’t joking.

 

“It should be your decision.” Daryl looked at Jo. “But you don’t have to pull the trigger.”

 

“Before you decide Jo, I have to say I think he wants to die.” Rick grabbed a mug and poured a cup of coffee. “The man is constantly goading me into killing him.”

 

“He’s manipulating you.” Jo didn’t look at Rick. “Whatever you think about him is what he wants you to think. The man is probably the smartest person on the planet.”

 

Jo hated to admit that.

 

“I’m pretty decent at reading people.” Rick took a seat next to Daryl. “Negan is the type of man who would suffer more locked up than in the ground.”

 

“You’re not listening to me.” Jo hit the counter. “Whatever you’re thinking about him is what he wants you to think. Ignore all your instincts and do the opposite.”

 

Both men looked stunned. 

 

“Alright.” Rick nodded. “I’ll set an execution date.”

 

The word execution didn’t sit well with Jo. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

 

“I want to see him.” Even Jo was shocked those words left her mouth.

 

“That’s not a good idea.” Both Rick and Daryl spoke at the same time. “It’s been too soon, not good for your recovery.”

 

They each said separate things, but it all sounded the same to Jo. 

 

“Rick why are you bothering to ask my opinion?” Jo glared at him. “We all know you’re going to do whatever you think is right anyway.”

 

An uneasy silence settled over the kitchen. 

 

“If you want to see him you can, but as a favor to me can you wait?” Rick asked. 

 

“Why?” Jo didn’t even know why she wanted to see Negan, but that fact that Daryl and Rick didn’t want her to just made the urge greater.

 

“You have to admit you’re volatile.” Rick stood up. “You jumped a wall yesterday without any supplies or a weapon. We are lucky you survived.”

 

Jo looked down. She hated it when someone brought in logic. 

 

“Wait at least a week. If you’re calmed down enough then I’ll take you to him.” Rick started walking towards the door. “I have to check on Judith and Carl. Promise me you won’t run away today?”

 

Jo nodded. She hated that Rick was leaving with the upper hand. She put both hands on the counter and leaned forward, letting out a huge breath. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Daryl continued to look guilty. “I guess I’ll go back to packing.”

 

“Shut up.” Jo turned around and poured another mug, then she handed it to Daryl and took Rick’s stool. “We both know you’re not moving out.”

 

Daryl raised an eyebrow and moved on his chair to face Jo.

 

“Stop looking so guilty, it doesn’t suit you.” Jo narrowed her eyes on him. “But you should, feel guilty.”

 

“I do. I really really do.” Daryl took a sip of his drink. “Do you forgive me?”

 

Jo sighed and looked at her mug. 

 

“Rick is right. I am volatile. I can’t even keep up with myself.” Jo shook her head. “One minute I want to leave, the next I want to stay. This can’t be my life.”

 

Daryl reached out and grabbed her hand. At first Jo wanted to pull away, but then it felt nice, to see his giant fingers dwarf her fist. It gave her some strange comfort. 

 

“You’re being too hard on yourself.” Daryl squeezed. “Most people wouldn’t have survived what you’ve been through.”

 

Jo pinched her eyes shut as hot tears started to well.

 

“I thought I was all cried out.” Jo brought her free hand to wipe her eyes. “No more lying. You tell me the absolute truth. Good or bad.” 

 

“I swear.” Daryl’s eyes were on her, but Jo wouldn’t look over. “No secrets.”

 

“I lied too.” Jo looked up at him. “It got worse, if you knew the things I had done you wouldn’t look at me the way you do.”

 

“Nothing could make me look at you differently.” Daryl gave a small smile. “You can keep talking about what happened if you want. If it will make you feel better.”

 

“Where did I leave off?” Jo didn’t think she could look Daryl in the eye when she told the next part about her stay at the Sanctuary.

~~~ 

Five hours. Another sob worked its way through Jo. Five fucking hours. There was no way that was true. She lost too much weight to have only been down here a few days. Her mind continued to argue with itself, finally admitting in defeat she did not know. Everything was a loss to her.

 

Jo managed to fall asleep. As soon as it came it was gone when the song seemed like it blared longer or someone opened the door to throw food at her or water on her. She started looking forward to the water drops, trying as hard as possible to drink the excess. Every bone in her body hurt from the hard floor, making it easy to distract herself from the pain of her empty stomach.

 

Finally the door flung open and instead of water or food a hand grabbed her hair. She tried to keep pace, but didn’t even care about being pulled. Jo smiled, she was going in front of Negan. That meant a break from the music and the darkness. 

 

The familiar icy water of the shower hit her and the toothbrush and paste landed in her lap. She didn’t open her eyes, knowing the light would feel like her eyes were burning out of her skull. The minty flavor gave her some relief, but she wished for soap too. It felt like the last shower she had was months ago, but she couldn’t be certain it wasn’t just last night. 

 

When she spit out the paste the water turned off and the hand grabbed her hair again. Jo tried to keep up without slipping, but her eyes were shut tight. She assumed they neared the meeting room and the hand flung her forward. 

 

With some trepidation Jo opened her eyes to complete darkness. She braced her arms on the hard floor and blinked, not sensing another presence in the room. Then the music came back on and Jo’s heart raced. There would be no meeting. She flung herself towards the door and started pounding. She knew what Negan wanted, her to call out for him. Jo wanted to. She desperately wanted too, but instead she let herself fall to the floor and leaned against the door her body shaking from the cold and her sobs. She was living in the seventh level of hell. 

 

~~~ 

Jo lost count of how many times she was dragged to the showers, the tooth paste thrown in her lap, only to be tossed back in her cell. She stopped getting her hopes up of a meeting with the big man or any other human contact.

 

Once she tried to speak with the person dragging her, but received absolutely no response. A few times she tried to look at them, but they moved so quickly and her eyes couldn’t handle the light she wasn’t able to make out any features. Jo started to wish for death, getting sure she would starve or catch the flu before submitting to Negan. 

 

The handler flung her on the floor again, her tangled locks dripping icy water onto the concrete floor. Jo blinked a few times and noticed there was an orange hue to the room. It was larger than the cell she spent hours pacing around too. A few more blinks and she saw legs headed towards her. 

 

“Wow.” Negan’s voice sounded like silk. “You don’t look like you’re in too good of shape little girl.”

 

The familiar shaking came, Jo didn’t look up as he squatted in front of her. His hand gripped her chin and he tilted her head up, she shut her eyes in response. He let out a sigh and suddenly Jo was hauled to her feet. She gave no resistance as he set her in a chair. The lack of music was causing her ears to ring and the silence almost hurt more than the constant noise. Almost. 

 

“I’ve been waiting for you to request a meeting.” Negan walked behind her, his fingers brushed her hair and Jo couldn’t help but lean into them, enjoying the human contact more than she should. “Am I that repulsive you would rather keep living like a rat?”

 

Jo opened her mouth to speak, but her throat was so dry. It had been so long since she muttered a word the act felt foreign to her. Negan let go of her hair and walked towards a table. He handed Jo a bottle of water and she eagerly opened the cap and started chugging. Negan returned to her hair, separating the greasy strands with his fingers. 

 

“Thank you.” Jo wiped her mouth. 

 

“You’re welcome.” Negan continued finger combing. “Why no request?”

 

“I know what you want.” Jo kept her eyes ahead of her, trying her hardest not to cry, knowing she couldn’t afford to waste the hydration. 

 

“All of you.” Negan almost sounded sweet. “To take care of you. Make you feel as special as you are.”

 

Jo pressed her eyes closed. What he was offering sounded wonderful. She thought about being in a warm bed curled up next to him, it sounded like heaven. Then the realization of what that would entail caused her to shudder. Negan stopped playing with her hair and walked to the other side of the room. He dragged a chair over and set it right in front of her. Jo looked him in the eye for the first time in what felt like forever. He really was handsome, his jawline was strong with warm brown eyes. Her lips parted a little at the thought. 

 

“So how about it? I’ll carry you upstairs, give you a warm bath, nice hot meal, large bed, soft blanket, big pillow. All you have to do is say yes.” Negan reached out and tucked a strand behind her ear. 

 

Jo wanted to say yes. Her brain was screaming at her to say yes, but her brain was also fried from however long she had been in this hell hole. Her heart was in control and it was already making her head shake back and forth. Negan’s warm eyes flashed with anger. 

 

“You’re trying my patience.” He glared at her. 

 

“Just rape me.” Jo kept her features blank, not wanting to admit what she was saying. “I won’t put up a fight.” 

 

“But see, if I do that you haven’t truly submitted to me.” Negan shook his head. “I want to hear the word.”

 

“I’ll never say it. I will never say yes.” Jo felt like some other force had control of her body. As if the real Jo were trapped inside, trying to claw its way to the surface and throw herself at this beautiful man and end her suffering. 

 

“You will.” Negan stood up. “Everyone cracks. I’ll check back again soon. In the meantime if you have a change of heart you can call for me.”

 

He turned towards the door. Jo lurched forward grabbing his arm. He spun back to face her and she dropped to her knees.

 

“Please don’t go. Please.” Jo put her hands together and looked up at him, as if he were a god and she was a devoted follower. “Please. I’ll do anything else.”

 

“I’ve already had my fair share of hummers.” Negan reached down and cupped her face. “As much as I enjoy seeing you in this position our little song and dance is not making me happy. From here on out it’s all or nothing.”

 

Jo let out a cry. She choked it back and forced her eyes open, locking them with his. 

 

“What about anal?” Jo was too far gone to feel any disgust. “We’ve done that once before already right? I’ll do it again.”

 

Negan’s face transformed from playful to sad. He bent down so that his face was level with hers. His eyes examined her face and she tried her hardest to show how genuine she was. Right now she would do anything for a few minutes with another human, anything except what he wanted. 

 

“Most women work their way up to that.” Negan bit his lip. “It’s much easier to start with a straight fuck, then in time get comfortable with the ass.” 

 

He put his hands on Jo’s shoulders and sat her back in the chair. She kept eye contact with him and knew she looked like she was pleading, but wanted him to know how much she meant what she offered.

 

“It just occurred to me we may not be on the same page doll.” Negan sat back in his chair. “I’m not a one and done sort of man.”

 

Jo didn’t know what he was getting at.

 

“I want to make you one of my wives. Our agreement won’t just come with sex. I will put you above everyone else here. I’ll share a bed with you and a life. You could be a mother someday. You won’t have to worry about anything. You will always feel safe. I would die for you.” Negan looked genuine. 

 

“I know.” Jo assumed that was what he was offering. 

 

“Is it the sharing that bothers you?” Negan crossed his arms. “Because you would be my main focus for the first few months, by the time I start paying attention to the others you might like a break. Besides, you met some of them right? They’re good girls.”

 

“That’s not it.” Jo shook her head. She never thought that a polygamous relationship would not be the reason she was saying no. 

 

“Then what is it?” Negan leaned forward. “Be honest and tell me. Why won’t you have sex with me?” 

 

“It’s all that I have left.” Jo let out a sob.

 

“I don’t follow.” Negan reached around and rubbed her back, Jo moved in closer to him, wanting the feel of his hand.

 

All the times she turned Rick down came flashing forward. The memories slowly formed into turning Negan down. Why was Jo fighting it so bad? As if she were just exposed to extreme therapy the answer came flooding out.

 

“I’ve lost everything. My friends, my job, my home, my future. When the apocalypse happened I had to flee. I don’t have a single personal memento from my time before. Nothing, but I still have my…virtue. If I give that up I will be giving up myself. Who I used to be, who I am. There won’t be anything left.” 

 

Jo blurted out the answer without taking a single breath. She noticed her chest was moving up and down rapidly. She was staring at the floor and slowly lifted her chin. Negan looked studious as if he pulled into his own brain. 

 

“Interesting.” Negan pulled his hand away and leaned back in his chair. 

 

Jo stayed slumped forward. She felt some strange confidence come over her after finally admitting that. Then a laugh started to bubble, small at first, but it grew louder and louder. 

 

It didn’t matter if Negan or Rick were the sweetest man or the cruelest torturer. Jo’s sexual issues ran so deep that she would never give them up. Her stubbornness would not let her. Negan could torture her as long as he wanted and that wouldn’t change. Jo calmed down and caught her breath. She expected to look up and see Negan angry, but when she glanced up she saw the opposite. 

 

“That’s something I can work with doll.” He stood up and leaned forward, placing a kiss on her forehead. “Don’t worry, I’ll figure out a way for you to get passed this.”

 

Suddenly a wave of extreme exhaustion hit Jo. She slumped over, Negan grabbed her before she hit the floor. Instead of being lifted she was set down. 

 

“Rest here for a while.” 

 

Negan spoke a few more words, but Jo was out before he turned the lock on the door. The concrete and light in here felt more comfortable than her cell and Jo his REM in a matter of minutes. 

~~~ 

Daryl’s breathing was heavy. Jo studied him waiting for a response. She told him all about her time in the cells, including her offers of sexual favors and the time in the shower. Now he wouldn’t look at her, focusing on the countertop. Jo expected as much. What sort of person offers themselves up like that? Jo never blamed herself for what happened to her or what she had done, but that wasn’t so clear in others’ eyes. 

 

In a sudden movement Daryl shot up from his stool, knocking it to the ground. Instead of storming off or calling her a whore he wrapped his arms around her with such speed that her head bounced against his chest. Jo was shocked, but before she could pull away the feeling of safety she felt was too much. Jo brought her arms up around Daryl and squeezed him back, as if she couldn’t get close enough to him. 

 

He started to move one of his hands up and down her back. The closeness felt so good she didn’t even mind the friction it created against her stitches. 

 

“You’re right.” Daryl finally spoke. 

 

Jo did not make a move to look up at him. 

 

“The man deserves to die.” 

 

The words Jo spoken earlier sounded so confident on Daryl’s lips. His grip loosened and she pulled back. 

 

“Most people wouldn’t have lasted an hour under those conditions.” Daryl smoothed Jo’s hair back.

 

“Yeah.” Jo rolled her eyes. “I lasted five.”

 

“Jo I don’t know how much of your story is left.” Daryl looked serious as his hair fell in front of his face. “But based on your timeline. From when Negan threw you in that cell until Glenn carried you out was about three and a half months.”

 

She let out a sigh and shook her head. Time no longer mattered to her like it once did. With a step Jo moved out of Daryl’s arms. She went to the sink and stared out the window. 

 

“You really did a number on your back yesterday.” Daryl hadn’t moved from the island. “I felt the scratches through your shirt. Do you want me to take a look?”

 

“I wish I could say the story ended there.” Jo spun back around. “My sense of time never returned. There were only a few more big events that happened. Unfortunatley I have no clue if they took place over three days or three months.” 

 

The pity she expected to see on Daryl’s face was hiding behind his studied indifference. Jo dropped her gaze.

 

“I think I’ll save the rest for later.” She pushed off the counter and headed towards the stairs. “I need to talk to Rick.” 

 

“About?” Daryl followed her.

 

“Who else is still alive.” Jo didn’t turn around as she climbed the steps. “You can come if you want.”

 

Jo wasn’t going to monopolize Daryl’s time, but she had a feeling Rick would have a harder time lying if Daryl were around. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.


	24. Chapter 24

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Rick asked as he loaded another sandbag from a truck.

“I am.” Jo crossed her arms. 

 

Daryl was helping Rick with the bags, Jo desperately wanted to assist but knew there was no way she could lift one of those things and would just get in the way. 

 

“Maybe you’re focusing too much on the past.” Rick paused and wiped his forehead. “Why not worry about the future? Figure out what that means to you.”

 

“I can’t move forward without closure.” Jo popped her hip. “I would think you would want my input.”

 

Rick went back to lifting the bags. Nobody said anything for a few moments, but Jo wasn’t about to lose this fight.

 

“Besides, I am supposed to go back and see that doctor again anyway.” Jo kicked the ground. “If the Savior’s pictures are at Hilltop it would be a kill two birds with one stone situation.”

 

“Fine.” Rick did not stop his task. “We’ll go tomorrow morning, but Jo everyone has already been displaced. I don’t want to see you get more upset.”

 

Jo didn’t respond. It wasn’t worth pointing out that Rick should have involved her before the leaders of the communities decided to have their little summit. For the first time since her return Jo felt like she won a battle. That was not something she was about to screw up by arguing with Rick about her recovery.

 

“Thank you.” Jo turned to leave.

 

“Hey, wait up.” Daryl grabbed her arm. 

 

She spun to face him and he didn’t let go. She thought back to a few days when he refused to touch her and how grateful she was for the space. Now she wished he would slide his hand up her arm so she could tuck herself under his shoulder.

 

“Where are you going? What are your plans for the rest of the day?” He furrowed his brow. 

 

Jo glanced at the loading gig he was working on with Rick. It looked important and like he could use all the able bodies available. 

 

“I’m going to head to the clinic.” Jo pointed to the house. “Help out there for the day. Can you make us dinner?”

 

“I can try.” Daryl turned a shade of red. “I don’t think I’ll have the time to make a stew, that’s all I’m decent at.”

 

“I’m fine with chocolate and popcorn.” Jo gave a wink. 

 

She backed out of his grip and he let his arm fall. A slow smile spread across his face and Jo couldn’t help but mimic it back. She turned around and walked briskly, certain if she glanced over her shoulder Daryl would still be watching her. 

 

When she took the steps up into the clinic she glanced towards Rick’s house. The place that once felt like a second home now had a dark cloud looming above it. Jo knew she shouldn’t, but part of her was aching to see Negan. She didn’t know what she would say to him, or if she would not say anything and just kill him. But knowing he was alive made their business feel unfinished. 

 

The thought of breaking into the makeshift jail crossed her mind. Deciding not to go against her deal with Rick about waiting a week she opened the door to the clinic. After all, she was going to Hilltop tomorrow and did not want to jeopardize that. 

~~~ 

Jo’s shoulder ached. She rubbed her eyes. It had been the best sleep she’d had in as long as she could remember. There was no loud music, no splash of cold water, but the hard concrete still remained. She rolled forward and pushed herself up. Dwight stood in the corner of the room, his arms crossed over his chest, looking annoyed as ever.

 

“You awake finally?” He pushed himself off the wall and walked towards her. 

 

It was then Jo noticed the low lighting was still on. She wasn’t in pitch blackness. After blinking a few times she stood up. 

 

“Boss says you get a shower.” He turned and waved for her to follow. 

 

The lights in the hall were dim, for the first time Jo got a good look at her home that past whenever. It was definitely a basement. It looked like there were rooms lining both walls. She couldn’t begin to image what sort of factory this was pre apocalypse. Dwight stopped and Jo almost ran into him. 

 

“You got ten minutes or I come in after you.” He picked something up and set it in her hands. “Starting now.”

 

Jo looked down at the towel, change of clothes, and shower caddy. Her heart almost burst with appreciation. 

 

“Down to nine and a half.” Dwight lifted his wrist and tapped it. 

 

Not wanting to waste this gift Jo ran passed him into the shower room. She remembered the last time she was here with Negan and shame washed over her. Burying it as quickly as possible she turned the first showerhead on and began to strip. Once she was naked the steam was already filling the room.

 

Right now the only thing Jo cared about was getting clean. She washed herself, not knowing the next time she would get the chance. It felt like years of grime fell off of her. The warm water and soap felt unbelievable. She looked at what else was in the caddy and noticed a small pink razor. 

The image of slashing her wrists came to mind, but vanished just as fast. Instead she greedily started shaving her legs. Jo lived this long, suicide was not an option. The image of her dying and turning into a walker before enough people could take her out did bring her a little joy. She would have loved to take a bite out of Dwight. 

 

“Five minute warning. Yell back or I’m coming in.” His voice echoed across the stalls.

 

“I’m fine.” Jo returned the call, obviously they were taking precautions against zombie Jo. 

She was sad to turn the water off, but wanted to rub the lotion all over her body and apply the deodorant that she was provided. There was a small mirror, Jo wiped the steam away and was shocked by her reflection. 

 

Her skin looked so pale, her eyes hollow. She turned away and instead ran the hairbrush through the knots, wishing for the first time she had short hair. It would be much more practical in these times, but it was never something she had the urge to try. 

 

The clean clothes were a pair of scrubs. She pulled them on and they were two sizes too big. All she needed was a bracelet and she could pass as a perfect mental hospital patient. Part of her smiled at playing the role. Maybe she should let Negan think she was broken and that her mind was mush. She frowned, thinking that if that happened he would find some other use for her, one that did not matter if she gave consent to her body and not with him. 

 

“Alright, I’m coming in.” Dwight walked around the corner and into the room, his eyes ran up and down her frame. “You do clean up nice. Come on.”

 

He turned and Jo grabbed the caddy. He heard her movement and paused.

 

“Everything stays here.” He did not turn around. She debated on hiding the razor in the band of her pants. “Don’t’ do anything stupid. We know what is supposed to be there. If you take anything, like say a shitty plastic razor, we will know and you will be punished.”

 

The change in situation was happening too quickly, Jo didn’t have time to think but she knew she didn’t want a punishment. Reluctantly she left the shower caddy and followed Dwight into the hall. 

 

Her stomach started to turn as he walked her towards one of the cells. Then her heart started to race.

 

“Please.” Jo stopped and clutched her midsection. “Don’t put me back in there, please.”

 

“Relax.” Dwight unlocked a door and pushed it open. “You’re getting an upgrade.”

 

He stepped into the room first, Jo glanced down the hall and debated on making a run for it. 

 

“I’ll just chase you down and the boss will be mad.” 

 

Jo tuned her attention back to Dwight. Her lip started to quiver. Even if she were lucky enough to make it out of the basement someone would grab her upstairs. Even if she made it outside the gate looked impenetrable. Jo was trapped, she took a few steps forward and peaked into the new room. 

 

The dim lighting came from the ceiling. There was a small toilet in the corner. Real plumbing seemed like such a luxury. On the other side was a mattress just big enough for her with a flat pillow and felt blanket. Next to the faux bed was a bowl of gruel and glass of water, but that didn’t excite her nearly as much as the object to it’s left. A small paperback. Jo’s heart felt like it was about to burst with gratitude. 

 

“He’ll be down for a visit in a few hours.” Dwight waved his arm and Jo stepped into the room. 

 

She turned to thank him when he slammed the door shut and the lock echoed. There was no doubt this room was a shit hole, but compared to what Jo was used to it was the Taj Mahal. 

 

Without wasting a second Jo jumped to the bed. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders like it was a designer coat. The bland oatmeal seemed like steak and lobster as she gobbled it down, taking small sips of the huge glass of water. She ate faster than she planned, but she was eager to get to the book.

 

Of course it was a trashy romance printed in the eighties, but that didn’t matter. When she started the first page she felt like she was reading a literary masterpiece. 

 

Nothing would ruin the happiness Jo felt at the moment. There was no music, there was cushion under her and warmth over her, she had a full stomach, was clean, and got to settle in with a book. The thoughts about how fucked up this situation was tried to surface, but Jo wouldn’t let them. Instead she read her book and counted her blessings. 

~~~ 

 

Daryl had to bite the inside of his cheeks when Jo talked about killing herself. He understood why it crossed her mind, hell anyone would, but if she would have followed through he never would have forgiven himself. 

 

“What?” Jo picked up her glass of water from the coffee table.

 

“I didn’t say anything.” Daryl sat opposite her on the couch.

 

They both worked all day and then enjoyed a half way decent meal Daryl put together. Things almost felt normal, but of course the after dinner talk turned to Jo’s torture and Daryl was reminded their situation was far from normal. Not that he minded though. As long as she wanted to talk he would listen. 

 

“You’re looking at me funny.” Jo set her glass down.

 

“Sorry.” Daryl shook his head. “I wasn’t expecting the change. It sounds like he went easier on you, not harder.” 

 

“He’s unpredictable.” Jo pulled her legs up to her chest. “It was all a game to him. I can see that now, but at the time I was too distracted to see how he was setting up the pieces.”

 

Daryl couldn’t believe how small she looked balled up on the couch. He thought if he picked her up and set her in his lap she wouldn’t cover his entire torso. 

 

“What was happening in Alexandria then?” Jo asked.

 

“We were meeting with the other communities, trying to get an army ready with a battle plan.” Daryl cracked his knuckles. “And still trying to figure out the exact location of the Sanctuary. We found it by dumb luck, well, Carol was driving Carl around trying to get him to remember when they stumbled across it. It was off of a hidden road.” 

 

“What about you?” Jo let one leg drop. “Were you General Daryl?” 

 

“More like Private Dixon.” Daryl shook his head. “I’m better at taking orders than giving them.”

 

“We both know that’s not true.” Jo laughed.

 

Daryl noticed a sparkle in her eye and liked to think he was responsible for putting it there. He grinned at her and her cheeks blushed before she glanced down. 

 

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Daryl changed the subject.

 

“A little.” Jo dropped her other leg and leaned back on the couch. 

 

“What are you hoping to find?” Daryl hoped he got more of an explanation than closure.

 

“He wasn’t the only one who hurt me.” Jo took another gulp. “I want to make sure the others are dead or gone. I would like to know about Dr. Ross too.”

 

“The one who was a dick to you?” Daryl raised an eyebrow.

 

“He was my friend first.” Jo shook her head. “You don’t understand. Everyone was so scared of Negan they did whatever he said. I’m sure that Ross was a jerk because Negan made him be.”

 

“By that argument don’t you think the others that hurt you only did because Negan told them to?” Daryl didn’t want to play devil’s advocate as much as he wanted Jo not to get her hopes up.

 

“It’s different.” Jo focused on her glass of water. “You can give someone the silent treatment, or be rude out of fear. But you don’t shove your dick down an unwilling person’s throat, you don’t attack them, you don’t scar them for life.”

 

Daryl reached out and took her hand. She glanced up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. He softened his features, the last thing he meant was to upset her.

 

“Even Negan, as fucked up as he was, had some set of morals.” Jo swallowed.

 

Rather than replying Daryl nodded his head, knowing Jo was about to continue down the rabbit hole that had become her life. 

~~~ 

Dwight told her that Negan would visit soon, but she was certain several hours had passed. The book gave her some sense of time. She was on her third read through and hung on every word. It was more erotica than romance, about coeds in the sixties having a sexual awakening. The reason Jo was given this particular book was not lost on her, but she did not care. If it had been a VCR manual she would have been just as eager to read. 

 

Without the loud music her hearing felt more acute than ever. The sounds of pipes dripping or a toilet running in the distance could be picked up. When the heavy footsteps came down the hall Jo knew it was Negan. 

 

Between the music-less sleep, the warm private shower, and now the room upgrade Jo was more in her right mind than she had been in weeks. Their previous meeting felt like a blur to her. She still remembered everything, or at least through she did. Negan said he could work with her confession, but she wasn’t scared. After finishing her book the first time Jo promised herself she would behave as much as possible, particularly if that meant staying in this room, with this lighting, and the distraction of reading. 

 

Jo wanted to appear grateful. She closed the book and set it on the ground. She stood up and folded the blanket on her bed. Her hair dried in waves which she let drape in front of her shoulders. She even smoothed out her scrubs and clasped her hands in front of her, wanting to appear as appreciative as possible. 

 

The sound of the key slid into the lock and Jo smiled. Ready to give thanks. The door started opening and she spoke. 

 

“Thank you. I really appreciate the…” The smile on Jo’s face faded as her voice trailed off.

 

It wasn’t Negan. In fact, it was a stranger. The man looked huge, easily a foot taller than her. He wore a skin tight black t-shirt and the muscles on his arms were bulging. His eyes trailed up and down Jo’s frame and a wicked grin crossed his mouth. Outside of having a broken nose it looked like he had several black or missing teeth. Instinctively Jo backed up against the wall. 

 

“My my, Gerald told me you were a pretty one.” His massive frame took up the entire doorway. 

 

Jo glanced around her room and looked back to the man. She regretted not bringing the pink plastic razor. 

 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had something as pretty as you.” The man walked into the room. “Gerald tells me Negan gets you to purr like a little kitty.”

 

There was no denying what this man was here for. Jo knew Negan controlled everything. This was Negan’s solution. This beast of a man was going to rape her, then she wouldn’t be so hesitant to say yes to Negan. 

 

“Oh God.” She didn’t mean to say the word out loud.

 

“Thanks.” The man took a step closer to her. “But name is Joseph.” 

 

There was a small gap between the man and the door, Jo knew she had to run for it to stop this. It was the only way. She pushed herself off the wall and tried to slide under his outstretched arm and out the door. With the movement Jo let out a blood curdling scream. 

 

To her surprise it worked and she was in the doorway. She didn’t pause as she broke into a sprint. Her shirt caught around her throat and her scream was silenced with a gag. The man grabbed her by the cloth. Jo’s body was flung through the air, she grasped at nothing hoping she managed to hold onto the door frame. Instead she body smacked the wall with a thud. 

 

Before she could scream again his large hand was wrapped around her throat, hoisting her up in the air and closing off her air. She brought both hands to his massive one and tried to pry it off while kicking her feet, hoping to move herself upwards and release some tension on her throat. 

 

“You didn’t even let me finish girly.” The man spit as he spoke. “I was going to make you an offer. The fun way or the hard way. But you don’t deserve the fun way.”

 

With that the hand around her throat was released. She fell to her feet and leaned forward gasping for air. The movement was met with a backhand and Jo fell down to the mattress with black stars dancing in front of her vision. 

 

In a second the man was on top of her, trying to pull her pants down. Jo started to scream again and try to push him away. 

 

SMACK. Another slap to the face briefly stopped her struggles. 

 

“Shut up you stupid little bitch.” The man gripped both of her wrists in one hand and pinned them to the mattress. 

 

Jo turned her head, unable to believe her naivety. A few minutes ago she was thanking Negan for the bed, now he was having her raped on top of it by a stranger. Regret came forward, regret for not saying yes, regret for not sleeping with Rick, a man who actually cared about her. Seeing the man’s face reignited her spirit. 

 

The man was struggling to pull Jo’s pants down, she started to kick and a scream broke through her lips. 

 

“WHAT DID I SAY?” The man put his head close to her. “SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

 

Jo used the opportunity to slam her forehead into the man’s nose. A sickening crack filled the air, the move hurt Jo more than she expected and let her head fall back. 

 

“YOU FUCKING SLUT.” The man let go of her wrists and sat up, kneeling over her.

 

She saw his nose, barely did any damage. Jo tried to roll away, but even without his hands his massive body had her pinned to the mattress. 

 

“NOW I’LL SHOW YOU THE FUCKING HARD WAY.” The man pulled back a fist. 

 

Jo winced her eyes shut and braced herself, certain one blow from him could kill her. She tried her best to brace herself. A sickening scream filled the room. Another one followed. It took Jo a moment to realize it wasn’t coming from her. She opened her eyes to see a towering Negan. 

 

His face was splashed with blood and he was dragging the mystery man out the door. Jo froze on the mattress and watched in horror. Soon the only thing she could see was the man’s feet. 

“WE.” SMACK. “DO.” SMACK. “NOT.” SMACK. “HURT” SMACK. “WOMAN.”

 

Each smack came with a sickening crunch. Jo brought her hand up to her mouth to cover her screams. The man’s feet twitched with every bash. Jo heard the sound of a bat being tossed and closed her eyes, hoping the whole thing was over. 

 

“DWIGHT CLEAN THIS UP.” Negan yelled as he walked into the room.

 

The door was shut behind him. He didn’t say a word as he walked over to Jo. She pulled her knees to her chest, very confused and upset. He plopped down on the mattress next to her. With the back of his hand he wiped the blood away from his forehead before grabbing her and pulling her into his lap.

 

“Sorry about that doll.” He started to rub her back.

 

Jo was certain Negan sent the man, but then he just killed him. She had never been so wrong. No matter how bad he wanted her she wasn’t worth the death of a soldier. As her heart rate started to relax her brain tried to focus on more important things. She buried her head into his shirt and gripped onto him for dear life before starting to sob.

 

“Shhhh, it’s okay.” Negan continued to rub her. “I’m here now. You’re safe.”

 

He placed a little kiss on the top of her head. Jo tried to bury herself deeper into his grasp. At that moment certain he was the only person in the world who could save her.


	25. Chapter 25

“Have you calmed down?” Negan was still rubbing Jo’s back.

 

She realized how silly she was behaving, clinging to this man, and released her grip on his shirt. Her fists were so tight the fabric stuck up in little ridges where her hands had been. She wiped her eyes and nodded her head.

 

“I apologize for Joseph’s behavior.” He stuck his legs straight out in front of him, leaning against the wall. “Trust me when I say it has been corrected.”

 

Jo nodded, positioning herself so she was next to him with her legs jutted out as well. She assumed he found the position uncomfortable, but Jo thought the cushion under her ass was heaven. Negan left his hand on her thigh and stroked in slowly. There was nothing sexual in his gesture and for that she was grateful. 

 

“I came down here to cover your new situation.” Negan looked down at her. 

 

Jo turned to face him, even seated he had several inches on her and she had to crane her neck to meet his eyes. 

 

“Thank you.” Jo wasn’t sure if she was thanking him for the new room or for destroying her would-be rapist. 

 

Negan gave her a soft smile and nodded. She felt a strange rush of pride at the way he was looking at her. Jo turned her attention away, the logical part of herself was trying to come forward and she didn’t want to answer those questions. 

 

“I cannot trust you.” Negan sighed. “I wish I could sweetheart, but I cannot. You’re still on the other team. You know the only way you can prove your devotion to me.”

 

That would never happen, but Jo stayed quiet. 

 

“Obviously normal tactics will not help you see the light.” Negan had a strange way of speaking of torture. “So I’m going to treat you as I originally intended.” 

 

Jo thought about her first time at the Sanctuary. Back then the little room and the book seemed awful, now it felt like paradise. She felt a strange glow wash over her. Surviving alone on gruel with a book would be a fine way to live.

 

“Thank you.” Jo bit back a sob of happiness. 

 

“You’ll get a shower every couple of days, a new book every now and then. The lights will stay dim like this for you.” Negan pointed to the orange hue. “I can’t have someone turning them on and off and there’s no control panel in here.”

 

Jo nodded, still not seeing the downside. 

 

“I did not anticipate someone attacking you so soon.” Negan gave her thigh a squeeze.

 

“Soon?” Jo looked up at him with wide eyes. 

 

“I have a colony to run darling. If I’m not working on adjusting your views I cannot justify devoting much time to you. I already have several people who are jealous of the attention you’ve received.” Negan gave her a knowing look. “You’re just a regular prisoner now. The guards know the rules, they’re not allowed to harm you in any way, not without good reason and my approval. But sometimes the rules are broken.”

 

Jo bit her lip and looked away in fear. 

 

“When you’re willing to come to me I can guarantee your absolute safety, but while you’re a prisoner you are vulnerable.” Negan reached out and grabbed her chin, tilting it up towards him. “There is a guard down here at all times. They’re not supposed to speak to you, and you’re not to call for them unless it’s an emergency or you need to speak to me. Do you understand?”

Jo nodded.

 

“No speaking to other prisoners either.” Negan looked serious. “Don’t break the rules and you will do fine down here.” 

 

“What…what if someone attacks me again?” Jo wanted a weapon. 

 

“Then you fight and scream like hell. Your assailant will be dealt with.” Negan placed a kiss on her forehead. “Now I’d love to spend time with you, but duty calls.”

 

Negan started to stand up and Jo gripped on to his arm. He paused and looked at her. She wanted to beg him to stay or even worse, beg him to take her with. Instead she closed her eyes and nodded her head before releasing his arm. 

 

“You won’t see me again until you want to.” Negan stood all the way up. 

 

Jo pulled her legs to her chest and pushed her face into her knees. She bit down on her hand to stop herself from screaming yes. The door closed and Jo rolled over onto her side in a small ball. She wasn’t stupid, this had to be part of Negan’s plan to break her, but the flash of the thought vanished. He killed Joseph for her. His own man. 

 

Someone would attack her again, Jo had to remain on guard. The only way to tell in Negan was telling the truth was to wait for that to happen and see if he rescued her again. Then it would be obvious it was a set up. Jo prayed that it wasn’t, because right now she wanted a reason to say yes to him and the safety he provided.

~~~ 

The sun was up. Jo slowly opened her eyes. Daryl’s arm was wrapped firmly around her shoulders and she had his hand in hers. After she was done talking last night the sleeping arrangement wasn’t even mentioned. She brushed her teeth and came out to see Daryl sitting on the edge of her bed. Without speaking a word they climbed in and he held her. Jo didn’t move much while sleeping and apparently neither did Daryl, since they woke in the exact same position. 

 

She lightly lifted his arm and ducked out of his grasp. He let out a gruff and rolled onto his stomach while she slid off the bed. When she exited the bathroom he was still fast asleep. Jo tried not to make a noise as she headed downstairs. 

 

To her surprise the coffee pot was running. Then she spotted Rick at the fridge. He shut the door and turned to look at her, sticking his hands in his pockets. His fitted blue jeans and flannel shirt almost matched her outfit exactly.

 

“Should I go change?” Jo grabbed a mug and walked over to the pot.

 

“Don’t have the time.” Rick pulled the mug out of her hand and replaced it with a thermos. “We have to hit the road as soon as this is done.”

 

“Why so early?” Jo creased her brow.

 

“It’s almost ten.” Rick raised an eyebrow. “Forty-five minutes there, a few hours, forty-five minutes back. I don’t want to stay out after dark.”

 

“Shit.” Jo was not one to sleep in. “Guess I stayed up too late last night.”

 

A smile crept across her face, knowing the sleep was from being in Daryl’s arms. The coffee finished and Rick filled her mug. They turned towards the door and started walking. Jo threw on her sunglasses as they went outside.

 

Rick hopped down the porch steps and Jo hobbled after him. By the time she made it to the sidewalk he was a house in front of her. She tried to double up her steps before calling out to him.

 

“Don’t forget I have a bum ankle.” Her limp was noticeably down but running after Rick would likely agitate it. 

 

“Right.” He stopped and pinched the space between his eyes. “Sorry, I forgot. Want me to carry you?”

 

“No thanks.” Jo didn’t think that would do much to help her damsel in distress image. 

 

“Well we got to get to the gate and I’m in a hurry.” Rick turned around. “Jump on.”

Jo rolled her eyes, but Rick bent down and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her legs. A piggy back ride through town was at least a compromise. 

 

“Dun, dun, dun.” Rick started bouncing as he moved singing a horse racing song. 

 

Jo couldn’t help it and started to laugh as Rick bounced down the sidewalk. The simple act made her feel like a kid again, or at least like a kid should have felt. The nuns weren’t known for fun times and she never had a father figure to give her piggy backs. Jo smile faded at the realization. In a second she forced it back up, determined to live in the moment and not in the past. 

~~~ 

 

Rick had a random pickup truck ready for them. He helped Jo get into the passenger’s side even though she probably hadn’t needed it. They spent the first part of their trip in relative silence. It was times like these he missed the radio. A quick glance to Jo told him she was lost in her thoughts. He worried what those thoughts might be. 

 

“What’s going on with you and Daryl?” Rick tried to sound casual. 

 

Jo moved her head slowly towards him with a mouth of shock. 

 

“I was trying to make small talk and I’m bad at it.” Rick laughed. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

 

“You are bad at it.” Jo grinned. “And nothing is going on. We’re friends and roommates.” 

 

“When you got back I asked him to keep an eye on you.” Rick glanced over at Jo. “Now I realize how stupid that was.”

 

“You were having him watch me?” She looked taken aback.

 

“No.” Rick shook his head. “I asked him to, but it was pretty obvious to everyone but me that he would have done as much regardless of my request.”

 

“He never mentioned your request.” Jo went back to looking out the window.

 

“Because it makes me look like a dick.” Rick tapped the wheel. “I shouldn’t have asked him. I should have looked in on you myself. Of course you would have had to deal with two men fighting to be your confidant.” 

 

Jo didn’t respond and Rick realized he may have made it weird. Rather than change the subject he felt the need to get some things off his chest.

 

“You were gone a long time. Things changed. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you the first few days.” Rick let out a breath. “But I’m not sorry that Daryl was. He’s the best guy I know.”

 

“You’re right. A lot did change.” Jo’s eyes were on him. “I’m glad you moved on. I want to see you happy. You deserve it.”

 

“As do you.” Rick could see her sunglasses in his peripheral, but didn’t want to look. 

 

“We never would have worked out anyway.” Jo let out a laugh. “You need a straightforward woman, like Michonne. Before the kidnapping and torture I was still too complicated for you.”

 

Jo laughed, but Rick cringed at the T word. He still didn’t know what happened to her under Negan’s thumb and it was no longer his business. They went back to silence before Jo spoke again.

 

“I’m too complicated for anyone.” She put her elbow against the window. “Daryl knows we are just friends. I’m not leading him on if that’s what you think.”

 

“I didn’t think that.” Rick shook his head. “Just if you ever decided to be more than friends please don’t think I stand in your way.”

 

“Trust me Rick, I have more on my mind than romance or your feelings.” Jo sounded angry. 

 

“Forget I brought it up.” He turned down the road that would take them to Hilltop. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

 

Jo nodded.

 

“You’re going to the doctor first.” Rick missed phone calls. “It’s more important than looking at the pictures.”

 

“Fine.” Jo didn’t sound fine. 

 

Rick kept quiet the rest of the drive, wishing he could stop putting his foot in his mouth around Jo.

~~~ 

The gates of the neighbor community opened up and Rick drove the truck inside. Jo looked around. She was terrified to see the faces of Saviors who abused her, but instead didn’t recognize a soul of the bustling community. 

 

“I have to park by the big house, but I’ll walk you to the doctor.” Rick turned towards the mansion and put the truck in park. 

 

Jo knew the man meant well. But he was like everyone else, everyone except Daryl. He felt uncomfortable the moment she said kidnapped and tortured. Jo couldn’t bury it and pretend it didn’t happen. It was part of her. It would be forever. 

 

“Sorry for being so quiet.” Jo didn’t want Rick to worry about her. “I’m a little nervous.”

 

“No need to apologize.” They both opened their doors and got out.

 

Rick did not offer a piggy back ride and instead the two of them walked slowly through the area. Jo immediately recognized the building that served as the doctor’s office. When they made it to the door Jo stopped.

 

“I won’t sit with you during your appointment.” Rick lifted his hands. “But I want to make sure the doctor can see you before I head out on my business.”

 

“Fair enough.” Jo smiled and pushed open the door.

 

Rick must have been here more often than Jo thought. The gate opened right away for them and not a single person gave the outsiders a strange look. It was because Rick was a good man. As much as he annoyed her or pissed her off there was no denying that. The people of Hilltop had nothing to fear from him. 

 

Dr. Mulaf sat on a chair right in front of the door. He looked up from a crossword puzzle and smiled at Jo as he stood.

 

“Jo.” He held his hand out. “Nice to see you. I was beginning to think you wouldn’t want a follow up.”

 

“Well I’m here for other matters too.” Jo shook his hand.

 

“Rick, always a pleasure.” The doctor shook her companion’s hand as well. “What can I do for you?”

 

“Do you have the time to take a look at Jo?” Rick sounded awkward and Jo cringed.

 

“Absolutely.” The last time Jo was here she hadn’t paid much attention to the way the doctor looked. He was slightly younger than she thought, with a shaved head to hide the baldness. His cheeks were red and he was small for a man. “Come back in an hour?”

 

“Do you know where Paul is?” Rick asked. 

 

“Probably off somewhere trying to deny he’s the leader.” Dr. Mulaf started to walk back towards the rooms. “In other words no idea.”

 

Rick sighed and Jo waved goodbye as they split up. She followed the doctor into the back room. 

 

“I have to admit you look worlds better than when I saw you last.” He patted the bed and Jo took a seat. “It hasn’t even been that long. What, a week? Ten days?”

 

“I’m not sure.” Jo didn’t feel like counting the days. “Sounds about right.”

 

“Did you find someone to talk to about your experiences?” Dr. Mulaf asked as he washed his hands.

 

“Yes.” Jo took a seat on the bed. 

 

She thought about Daryl, when Rick said he asked him to watch her it didn’t surprise Jo. Rick’s next comment didn’t surprise her either. There was no way Daryl put up with her to please his friend. Jo wanted to talk to him about protecting Rick though. It wasn’t necessary. If Jo was going to think he was a jerk she would regardless of what information Daryl kept private. 

 

“Can you take off your sunglasses?” The doctor shut the blinds. 

 

Jo pulled them off and blinked. She tried not to look away as he examined her eyes. 

 

“I did some research on light’s effect of the eyes.” The doctor moved to the other. “There will be no permanent damage, just a light sensitivity for a while. Try to challenge yourself and don’t avoid the sun. We want to get that vitamin D up.”

 

He put down the instrument and Jo blinked a few times. 

 

“Most of it will be mental.” He went back over to his table. “So really push yourself.”

 

“I will.” Jo nodded. “Dr. Mulaf?”

 

“Greg.” He interrupted. “Call me Greg.”

 

“Greg. How has life been here since the Saviors were stopped?” Jo noticed the people who lived here looked happy. Everyone she encountered in Alexandria still had an air of miserableness around them. 

“Great. Wonderful. Well, as good as it can be given there are still Roamers walking around.” He spun back towards her. “Do you mind letting me take a look at your back?”

 

Jo nodded and spun. She took off the flannel shirt and then pulled the tank top up over her shoulders. With her injury she was lucky that her breasts were small enough not to require a bra. 

 

“It looked like you ripped some of them.” Greg made a hmpf noise. “But others are ready to come out earlier than expected. You mind laying on your stomach?”

 

Jo obliged as he went and got his tools. She kept her head to the side as he started to clean her back.

 

“You’re a nurse right?” Greg asked. “Do you need the this won’t hurt this will bit?”

 

“No.” Jo shook her head. “How many stitches are there?” 

 

“I don’t have the final number.” Greg was busy at work. “More than would make you comfortable. Have you been sleeping on your stomach?”

 

“Side, mainly.” Jo didn’t feel like adding that Daryl was pressed against her. 

 

“You must have done something to agitate these.” He continued removing some and redoing others. 

 

“Ran away, climbed a tree and hid in it for a few hours.” Jo gave a laugh.

 

“That will do it.” The doctor poked a needle into Jo and she winced. “Be honest. Are things going well?”

 

“As well as expected.” Jo thought that was the best answer she could give. “Tell me about yourself.”

Right now Jo wanted a distraction. She was always comfortable around other medical professionals.

 

“I was an OBGYN, first year in private practice. Delivering babies is about as awesome as it gets for doctors.” He continued his work. “When the plague hit I was off duty and not on call. I hid for a while, got out of Richmond. Ran into Jesus pretty soon after. One of Hilltop’s first residents.”

 

“Jesus?” Jo raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him.

 

“It’s a nickname for our leader Paul.” Greg smiled. “When you see him you’ll understand. He wasn’t always the leader and doesn’t want the mantle now, but there’s nobody else good enough.”

 

“What happened to your old leader?” Jo wasn’t sure she wanted the answer. 

 

“We’re on our third. The first two died.” Greg did not sound concerned. “Paul is a great man. He’s responsible for the creation of this place, even though he won’t admit it.”

 

“Sounds like you guys are doing well.” 

 

“My offer still stands.” Greg grabbed a pair of surgical scissors and started removing some stitches. “You can stay here instead of Alexandria.”

 

“Why would you offer that?” Jo was curious. “I mean, you don’t know me.”

 

“From what I’ve heard you’re a good person who survived a traumatic event.” Greg continued cutting. “That event doesn’t have to define you. The only people here who know what happened to you are myself and Paul, and all we know is you were a horrible man’s prisoner. If you relocate to Hilltop that event will not define you.”

 

Jo knew what he meant. The way the citizens of Alexandria cast their eyes down when she got near. The way that Carol yelled at her. The way that Michonne thought Jo had dibs on Rick. The way Rick was so awkward around her. As the thoughts ran across her head Jo found herself wondering why she was staying at Alexandria. Then Daryl’s face came to mind. He was her only friend there. He was helping her. She wasn’t ready to give that up, but once he knew everything would there be a reason to stay? She wasn’t sure.

 

“Does this offer have an expiration?” Jo asked.

 

“Nope.” Greg continued working on her back.

 

“Then I’ll think about it.” She shut her eyes, knowing very well that what the doctor offered was a very good deal.

~~~ 

 

Paul was laying down the charm on Jo. Rick tried to keep from rolling his eyes, but knew his Hilltop counterpart had a knack for making people comfortable. He wasn’t surprised Jo was not an exception. 

 

“Here is it.” Paul plopped the book down on the table. 

 

Jo’s eyes went wide when she looked at the tomb. She glanced at Rick for reassurance.

 

“All day there were about four hundred Saviors. Paul got photos of each one.” Rick’s suspicion this was a bad idea came to the forefront. 

 

“We determined that three hundred were harmless, more prisoner’s than not.” Paul reached over and grabbed Jo’s hand.

 

The small action made Rick’s anger flare. The two of them had just met. Rick expected Jo to flip out, but instead she nodded, not pulling away.

 

“That sounds about right.” Jo looked down. “It seemed like so many at the time, but I think there’s only about ten people I’m concerned about.”

 

“We don’t have photos of the people who died, there’s a good chance the ten you’re seeking are all dead.” Rick leaned closer to Jo. “We did banish nine people too, eight were offered places either at The Kingdom or here at Hilltop.”

 

“I wish I would have been consulted first.” Jo pulled her hand away from Paul’s. 

 

“The two men I offered peace will be banished at your word.” Paul flipped open the page. “Do you want to start with them?”

 

“No.” Jo reached out and paused his hand. “I want to look at all of them, without and prompting.”

 

“Very well.” Paul leaned back in his chair. 

 

Rick exchanged glances with him and both quieted as Jo flipped through the book. 

 

She took her time, studying every face. Rick was not surprised when she had no reaction to the faces. After all, only seventeen people were of concern to them. The other three hundred would have little or no importance to Jo.

 

“Most of these people are strangers.” She ran her hands over the face of a young woman. “They look so sad.”

 

“They were tired and scared.” Paul uncrossed his arms and leaned next to her. “They were not Negan’s men. They worked for points in an archaic system. They were starving.”

 

“What happened to them?” Jo looked to Paul.

 

“They stayed behind and created a new Sanctuary.” Rick answered. Jo’s attention switched to him and he appreciated it. “They want to be known as the Free Souls.”

 

“Do they know what happened to me?” Jo’s eyes narrowed.

“Your name never came up.” Rick raised a corner of his mouth trying to phrase his words right. “Since Negan formed that group you were not the only prisoner. A lot of these people fell into that category at one point. If they wouldn’t submit he’d turn them into walkers and chain them to the fence.”

 

Jo didn’t comment and instead turned her attention back to the photos. A few hours passed. Rick had to force Jo to eat something, making a compromise she would eat while she studied. Paul and Rick both answered her questions whenever possible, but for the most part she was quiet. They neared the end of the book and Rick started to get nervous.

 

The images of Paul’s two new member’s crossed the pages. Jo did not react to either photo but continued to study it like the others. 

 

“Do either of these men stand out to you?” Paul walked behind Jo and looked over her shoulder.

 

“These were Saviors? Negan’s men?” Jo glanced up at Paul who nodded. 

 

“Him.” Jo pointed to a bald man. “He was around a lot, but he never hurt me. Never paid me any attention at all.”

 

“Was he aware of what was happening to you?” Paul asked.

 

“I imagine on some level everyone was. Nobody lifted a finger to stop it, but I’m okay with indifference. It’s the active participation that bothers me.” Jo sounded so strong. 

 

She was making Rick proud. Whether or not she meant to he felt his respect for her grow. 

The page turned and in an instant Jo went pale. A tremor went through her. Rick stood up and put his hand over the photo. She looked up at Rick.

 

“He’s dead!” Her voice squeaked. 

 

Rick turned the book towards him and recognized the face of a man they banished. 

 

“We dropped him alone in the wilderness a few hundred miles from here.” Rick closed the book. “Are you alright?”

 

“I swear…I..” Jo looked up at him with confusion. 

 

In a split second the confusion turned to realization and then anger. Jo balled up a fist and released it. 

 

“I think you’ve looked at…”

 

“No.” Jo interrupted. “I need to finish.”

 

Rick was hesitant to hand her back the book, but Paul appeared on Jo’s side. With reluctance Rick placed the photos back in front of her hoping the worst was over. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the most exciting chapter, but we are nearing the end! Not sure how many chapters, but only about 10 scenes left (I try for 2-4 scenes a chapter)! Trying to make sure all loose ends are tied up. As always thank you soooo much for the kudos and feedback! They're the blood of this story :)


	26. Chapter 26

Jo was fuming. She was so angry her vision was splotches of black and red. So far she couldn’t say a single word without screaming it out loud. Everyone wanted to control her. It didn’t matter if their intentions were good or not. Jo was living in a gilded cage. 

 

“Talk to me Jo.” Rick’s voice was pleading. “I can’t help you if you don’t explain.”

 

“THOSE ARE BAD PEOPLE.” Jo didn’t mean to yell, but her anger was consuming.

 

“You’ve said that.” Rick turned the car down another road. “But I need more. What did they do to you?”

 

The images of her pain came flashing forward. Jo wrapped her arms around herself. 

 

“They don’t deserve to be living some normal, happy life.” She pressed her eyes shut. 

 

“But why?” Rick sounded desperate.

 

“My word isn’t good enough?” Jo felt her anger rise. “I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU.”

 

“It’s good enough for me, but those people are part of the Kingdom. If I go to Ezekiel I’ll need an explanation. He’s never met you.” 

 

“Tell me where this Kingdom is and I’ll go there and kill them myself.” Jo snapped back.

 

“Is what they did so bad they deserve to die?” Rick asked. “Because if people that treacherous are around Ezekiel deserves to know.” 

 

Jo rolled her eyes and looked out the window. Talking to Rick was like talking to a broken record. She shut her eyes and the image of those faces danced in front of her. When she saw them everything went white. It was like she was in the basement cell all over again, screaming, pleading for help that wouldn’t come.

 

Her lip quivered, but she bit it back. After her performance at Hilltop she wondered if her invitation was revoked. She went in a rage and tried to destroy the photos, as if that would have some effect on the people in them. Paul had to grab her while Rick took the book away. The feeling of Paul’s arms around her was not comforting, it just enraged her more. If he was a weaker man she would have clawed his eyes out. 

 

There were bruises forming on Jo’s arms. She could feel them from Paul’s tight grip. He shouldn’t have touched her like that. Of course if he hadn’t she would have destroyed the room and probably hurt herself. Maybe all the progress the doctor mentioned was a lie. Jo was still the same damaged girl.

 

“Please. If you give me something to tell Ezekiel. I don’t need specifics.” Rick’s voice carried a mix of guilt and inquisitiveness. 

 

“I should have been asked for input before they were invited anywhere.” Jo felt like a fool.

 

“I didn’t want to put you through that.” Rick turned again and Alexandria came into view.

 

“Well lot of good it did.” Jo shut her eyes, wanting the whole world to blow away.

~~~ 

Jo kept her head down and stormed her way to her house. The sun was setting and she pulled off her sunglasses. Even in the twilight she had to blink several times for her eyes to adjust. The doctor had wrapped her ankle and confirmed it was just a bad bruise, making her limp less noticeable. 

 

Rick wasn’t following her and Jo appreciated that. She needed to let off some steam, not be hounded with questions she wasn’t ready to answer. When her house came into view Jo doubled down on her speed, eager to get home. She flung open the door and went straight for the living room. Without missing a beat she went to the bookshelf and pulled out the massive copy of Canterbury Tales. She set it on the table and flipped open the cover, which was actually a lid.

 

Inside the hallowed out book was her collection of airplane shooters she had assembled over time. Jo didn’t bother looking what type of alcohol the first one was before cracking the cap and downing the liquid. The rum burned her throat as she chugged it. When the bottle was done Jo regretted not having a chaser. She winced as the booze settled uncomfortably in her stomach. 

 

The front door flung open and a concerned looking Daryl burst through.

 

“JO?” He walked into the house and didn’t notice her sitting in the front room. 

 

She smirked, debating on letting him search and realized for being such a good tracker in the woods his skills didn’t translate well to finding her in this house. 

 

“I’m right here.” 

 

Daryl spun towards her and a look of relief crossed his face. Then he looked at the book on the table and raised an eyebrow.

 

“I take it Hilltop didn’t go well?” He started to walk to her.

 

“Rick didn’t tell you?” Jo felt like lashing out. 

 

“I didn’t see him, saw the truck was back though.” Daryl took a seat on the couch. “What happened?”

 

“Are you being this nice to me because Rick told you to?” Jo grabbed a second bottle.

 

“Are you seriously asking me that?” Daryl snatched the shooter out of her hands. “Trust me, everything I do for you has nothing to do with Rick.”

 

Jo locked eyes with Daryl. He looked hurt, like he was trying to bury it and Jo felt the anger melt away. She let out a huge breath and ran her hands over her face. 

 

“No, Hilltop did not go well.” Jo pushed herself up from the couch and walked into the kitchen.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Daryl was right behind her. 

 

Jo grabbed two glasses and went to the fridge.

 

“What’s the point?” Jo pulled out some ice tea and filled each glass half way. “How much longer until we run out of this stuff? Can you even grow tea leaves in America?”

 

“The point is it might make you feel better.” 

 

Jo rolled her eyes as she picked up both glasses and walked back into the front room. She picked up two random shooters and dumber one in each glass.

 

“Here.” Jo handed the glass to Daryl. “I don’t want to drink alone.”

 

“Have you had any dinner?” Daryl hesitated before taking the glass.

 

“You’re not my father.” Jo laughed at the comment. 

 

“Alright.” Daryl took a seat on the couch. “If I’d known Canterbury Tales was this appealing I would have read it a long time ago.”

 

“I have little hiding spots all over.” Jo sipped on the drink and sat next to Daryl. “I know it’s not very communal of me, but nobody’s perfect.”

 

Daryl didn’t respond. Jo let out a sigh and took another gulp. 

 

“After that last conversation with…Neg…with him, I was living in constant fear. It didn’t matter that I had a book, or dim lighting, or a toilet. I would wake up every day with a jump, terrified I had let my guard down for a few hours.” Jo chugged the rest of her drink. “I could monitor the passing of time easier, but I still wasn’t sure. You would think after surviving what we had, living this long in a world where the dead are trying to eat you, it would be hard to scare a person.”

 

“It is.” Daryl reached for Jo’s empty glass but she scooped it up before he got to it. “That doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”

 

Jo cracked open another bottle and poured it into her empty glass. Daryl jumped up and ran to the kitchen, returning with the jug of iced tea. He added the mixer to Jo’s glass and she took another huge sip.

 

“What scared you so bad?” Daryl kept his voice low.

 

Tears started to well in Jo’s eyes. She looked at him and a shudder of shame, fear, weakness, and humiliation went through her. Jo pinched her eyes shut tight and shook her head. 

 

“It’s okay.” Daryl took her hand and squeezed. “It’s over. You’re safe here.”

 

“The people who hurt me are out there living life without any consequences.” Jo snapped back. “The one who hurt me the most is living in a cell across the street. How am I safe?”

 

“Negan is locked up. He can’t get to you.” Daryl moved closer to her. “Remember Rick’s deal. You wait a week, say the word and I will shoot him dead for you.”

 

Jo nodded her head and then leaned it against Daryl’s shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. Dipping her head made a wave of dizziness wash over Jo. She shut her eyes and focused on the warmth coming from Daryl. 

 

“Who else hurt you?” Daryl asked.

 

Jo opened her mouth, but slammed it shut right away and shook her head. 

 

“Two Saviors. They’re living at a place called the Kingdom.” Jo wiped her tears. 

 

“Did you tell Rick?” Daryl started to stroke her arm.

 

Jo nodded. She turned her cheek closer to Daryl, pressing her face against his chest. 

 

“I’m sure he’ll take care of it.” Daryl kept his voice low.

 

Jo was grateful Daryl didn’t pry with questions like Rick had, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t filled with them. She was certain Daryl was dying for an explanation, but right now Jo was the one with the questions and there was only one person with answers.   
“I’m sleepy.” Jo let out a yawn and cuddled up to Daryl’s chest. 

 

He let out a sigh and continued to rub her arm. She place a hand on his sternum and forced herself up. Jo wasn’t lying, between chugging alcohol and the emotional day she was ready for bed. 

 

“Will you sleep next to me?” Jo asked.

 

Daryl did not hesitate before nodding.

 

“I’ll be fine for a few hours.” She stood up from the couch. “Come up whenever you’re ready.”

 

Jo moved closer to Daryl and then stopped herself. A flash of embaressment came forward and she jumped up from the couch and headed to the stairs. Without even thinking she was leaning in to give him a kiss. 

 

It wouldn’t have been a sensual or deep one, more so a little good night peck, but that still was not what she wanted to convey. Daryl was her friend. Friends don’t kiss each other goodnight. 

 

Jo went straight to the bathroom and threw some water on her face. She shook her head, hoping he hadn’t noticed her slip up. She was buzzed, on the way to getting drunk and had a plan. The move meant nothing. Jo only wanted friendship, and even that was cutting it close. What she planned on doing tonight was not something friends did to one another.

~~~ 

Sleep did come for Jo, but it was light filled with memories replaying themselves as dreams. When Daryl came to bed she was awake, but tried to hide it. He climbed in next to her and put his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest. 

 

“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Daryl whispered as he secured his arm around her waist. 

 

Jo let out a little moan of appreciation. Daryl brought a sense of security with him. It would be easy to shut her eyes and fall into a heavy deep sleep she desperately needed. But Jo made up her mind and pinched her forearm to ensure she stayed awake. 

 

It didn’t take long for Daryl’s breathing to even out. She was certain her was asleep but decided to wait half an hour hoping he would hit REM. It was obvious the man was a heavy sleeper, Jo thought about sneaking out of his grip in the morning or the first time he pulled her down to the couch. It didn’t take much for her to wiggle down the bed and out of his arms. He barely moved and his chest continued to rise and fall in pattern.

 

While she wasn’t worried about sneaking out without waking Daryl that didn’t mean she wasn’t worried about him waking and finding her missing. History had shown he did not react well to her unexplained absences. Jo grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

 

Couldn’t sleep. Talking a walk to clear my head. Not leaving Alexandria. DON’T WORRY. <3 Jo.

 

She thought the heart was a nice touch. Rather than risk waking him Jo left the note on the island in the kitchen. She also flipped on the light above the kitchen sink before stepping out the front door.

 

The streets of Alexandria were dead, which was a little surprising. With the twenty four hour guard it seemed like there were always at least a handful up and moving around. Jo assumed security improved over the past several months making less and less guards required. 

 

Jo felt like she was moving on auto pilot. Some things hadn’t changed in the time Jo was gone and one of those things were locks. She was not surprised when Rick’s back door slid open. Several homes didn’t even have keys to their doors and the ones that did were used for more important things than people sleeping, like the armory, the pantry, or the clinic. 

 

Part of Jo was disappointed when she pulled open the drawer in the kitchen and saw the key to the basement. She hoped that Rick had realized how dangerous Negan was and decided to keep the key on him. Of course that would mean Rick feared someone letting Negan out and nobody in Alexandria was stupid enough to do that. 

 

In a manner of seconds Jo was back outside and turning the deadbolt to the basement door. Her hand was shaking, as if it were urging her to turn back and at least grab a knife. Jo knew this was her only chance, if she didn’t do it tonight she may never have the guts to again. The stairs creaked as she moved in the darkness. 

 

Jo held her breath as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She moved quickly to the back of the basement and pressed herself against the wall. There was only silence as she neared the area with Negan’s cage. It never crossed her mind that the man was likely sleeping. Jo thought about him with a pillow and blanket and it made her angry. Angry that he wasn’t left with a concrete floor, total darkness, a bucket, and blaring music. The urge to make his life hell came on like a rage and Jo flipped the light before turning the corner. 

 

The scowl of anger she wore faded as she turned into a look of shock. The man she expected to see fast asleep on the cot stood up straight. His long lean form looked stronger against the bars as his arms hung through to the other side. He gave her the same wicked grin that plagued her dreams and she couldn’t help but let out a whimper.

 

“Hello sweetheart.” His smile didn’t falter. “I was wondering when you would pay me a visit.”

 

~~~ 

Jo’s decision felt foolish. She wanted to turn and run, but willed herself to stay, telling herself to snap out of it. She rolled her shoulders back and walked in front of the man, taking a seat in the folding chair Rick had set out. 

 

“Don’t look so tense.” Negan stretched his arm out, making his fingertips go about six inches from her face. “I can’t reach you from here.”

 

Negan let his arm drop and moved away from the bars, taking a seat on his cot. 

 

“What brings you down here darling?” Negan crossed his arms.

 

“You deserve to die.” Jo’s voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere else. 

 

“I don’t disagree.” He uncrossed his arms and set his hands on his knees leaning forward. “Are you going to be the one to pull the trigger?”

 

“Maybe.” Jo lifted her chin.

 

Negan let out a low chuckle and shook his head.

 

“I don’t think so. You’re not a killer darling.” The smile dropped from his face. “Why are you really here? Did you miss me?”

 

“You tortured me, made my life hell.” Jo’s voice cracked. “Why would I miss you?”

 

“It was for your own good.” Negan scoffed. “I broke you, I was about to fix you when you’re shit head friends came knocking on our door. Tell me, how are you doing now? I bet you would be doing a hell of a lot better if we were still at the sanctuary.”

 

“You psycho piece of shit. You violated me, had me beaten, made me lose my mind, let them do…hurt me.” There were somethings Jo wasn’t ready to say out loud yet. “Jerry? That man who tried to rape me you killed? I know he’s still alive. You’re a liar. It was all a giant set up.”

 

“My darling Josette, you were so defiant. Unreasonably defiant. We had to come up with other methods to get you to break.” Negan spoke to her as if she were a rebellious teen.

 

“You’re nothing but a fraud, rapist, torturer, and a liar.” Jo wasn’t sure if saying these things out loud was helping her. 

 

“I was trying to make you the best version of yourself.” Negan shrugged. “You have so much spirit, so much fight, that was what made it difficult. If your lessons hadn’t been interrupted…”

 

“Lessons?” Jo interrupted him. “You were abusing me, brainwashing.”

 

“It’s just like the army sweetheart. Tear you down so I could build you up.” Negan showed no hint of sympathy. 

 

“You forget I was in the Army.” Jo glared daggers at him. “Don’t think for a second what you did to me was noble.”

 

“Believe what you want babydoll, but everything I did was for your own good.” Negan’s voice softened. “I care about you.”

 

This entire conversation Jo avoided tears, but hearing those words stung her heart. She looked away and tried to control her breathing. 

 

“Your life would be better if you were still with me.” Negan sounded gentle. “You finally submitted, you would have been my world. That nurse who saved those boys? That would have been you every day, all the time. I was trying to bring her out.”

 

“Stop lying to me.” Jo gritted her teeth. 

 

“I’m not lying.” Negan stood up and walked to the bars. “Does your boyfriend know you’re down here? Did you tell him?” 

 

Jo did not like how Negan was taking over the conversation. She needed to get back in control.

 

“He’s not your boyfriend anymore right? He moved on, gave up on you.” Negan put his face between two bars. “He doesn’t care about you, not like I do.”

 

“Rick thought I was dead because of you. He moved on because of you.” Jo regretted answering. 

 

“Only a fool would give up on a girl like you Johanna.” Negan gave that smile. “Josephine? Joelle? Jonathan?”

 

At the last guest Jo looked towards Negan with a strange look. He let out a little chuckle. 

 

“Admit nothing has changed.” He held up his arm. “Admit that you’re disappointed we are not together. Admit that life would have been great with me.”

 

Jo stood up from the chair. She looked at his hand and then let her eyes wander back to his face. He looked eager and relaxed. The tears Jo had dried up and she let a smirk cross her face. 

 

“You’re the cause of my problems. Not the solution.” She turned to leave. “And you’re nothing but a manipulative liar.”

 

There was a bang and Jo turned back towards him. He slammed the bars again. She was under his skin and it brought a tingle to hers. 

 

“Dammit Jo.” Negan pushed off the bars. “I broke you. If I wouldn’t of cared about you I would not have tried so hard to do it. I would have tossed you to my men, men like Jerry and Dwight. I am the only one who really cares about you, who has ever cared about you. Can’t you see that?”

 

“Nobody cares.” Jo shook her head. “Not about me. Goodbye Negan.”

 

“Stop!” Negan yelled. “I’ll put you back together. Wait and see. I’m the one who broke you, I’m the only one who can fix you.”

 

Jo didn’t listen to another word out of his mouth as she walked up the steps. She made sure to lock the back door and stick the key back in the drawer. If Negan was making noise the cell was below the garage, not allowing for the noise to travel enough to wake the Grimes family. 

 

With a blank face Jo walked back to her house. In a way Negan told the truth. If Alexandria had never attacked the saviors or if they had lost Jo would have completely submitted to Negan. She would not be dealing with her trauma, and would likely be happy. But Negan was wrong about one thing. If that happened she wouldn’t even be Jo. She may have been a shell of her former self, but pieces of her were still alive. Negan broke her, but it was up to her to fix herself. 

 

Maybe nobody cares, maybe Daryl does, maybe Rick does. It didn’t matter to Jo at this point. She still cared and to move on she would have to open up.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! Dark Chapter ahead

Even with Daryl wrapped around her Jo barely slept. She was able to crumble up the note and sneak back under his arm without a stir from him. Jealousy couldn’t help but poke it’s head up at how deep the man could sleep. If there were any elderly couples left alive she wondered if they still shared a bed out of fear one would pass during the night and bite the other. In a weird way it was almost romantic, ensuring that couples moved on to the other side together. Though Jo always prayed she would pass straight on and not spend a single moment as a walker.

“You were fidgety last night.” Daryl spoke into her shoulder. 

“I’m shocked you noticed.” Jo’s words carried a smile with them. 

“We should get you something to eat after your liquid dinner.” Daryl gave her a squeeze before sitting up in bed.

Jo turned to look at him as he rose, his arm muscles bulged under the white t-shirt. His back rippled as he stretched his arms over his head and Jo looked away, feeling like a gawker. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

 

Daryl beat her downstairs. There was a bowl of dry cereal sitting on the island for her. Jo wasn’t the slightest bit hungry. She had too much on her mind and didn’t want a distraction. 

“We don’t have any milk.” Daryl slid over a mug of coffee. “Rick’s plan is to expand the wall and try with some domesticated animals again.”

Jo knew she should care about the future of Alexandria, but right now it was hard to think that way. She was too focused on her own past. 

“I’m broken.” Jo wrapped her fingers around the mug. 

“Don’t say that.” Daryl narrowed his eyes.

“It’s true.” Jo looked up at him, there was no shame or defeat in her expression. “I want to take steps towards fixing myself. For that to happen I need to know the people who hurt me are being held responsible for their actions.”

“What are you saying Jo?” Daryl leaned against the island.

“I want to speak with you and Rick today.” Jo took a sip of coffee. “I want to finish my story. I want you to know everything.”

Daryl’s face went blank he gave a nod. Jo gave a quick smile and let it fade right away. Daryl didn’t say another word. They had some strange understanding between each other. Jo knew he would fill Rick in on the missing pieces and set up their conversation. She hoped it was important enough to make it onto Rick’s schedule today. There was a little regret about sneaking in to see Negan last night, but right now he was the only one she could talk to because he was the only one who knew everything. If Jo could just get the words out to Daryl and Rick she wouldn’t need to talk to Negan. A pang in her chest told her that was not true, that she was broken and would always be connected to the man responsible, but Jo wouldn’t believe that. Jo refused to believe that. 

~~~ 

It had been at least a week, Jo was fairly certain it was ten days, but with no window and absolutely no way of knowing if they were feeding her and letting her sleep on a schedule she could not be certain. She tried not to focus on the endless possibilities of how long it could have been. It was too depressing and Jo did not want to return to the cold buckets of water, pitch blackness, and blaring music. 

Whenever they let her take a shower there was a new book in her room upon her return. The guards changed out often enough that she started to think of them as a collective, when deep down she knew it wasn’t a they so much as a he. Negan was in complete control. 

Her first week at the Sanctuary felt like years ago. She remembered being tossed down here and thinking it wouldn’t be so bad. Now Jo realized she had no idea how good she’d had it in the beginning. It could get so much worse. A shiver ran down her spine because that fact hadn’t changed. However comfortable or appreciative she was of her flat mattress, tasteless gruel, and dime store romance did not change the fact that it could get so much worse. 

The anticipation and fear of Negan’s warning was starting to drive her more insane than the music had. Every faint noise in the background brought a pit of dread to her stomach. 

When you’re willing to come to me I can guarantee your absolute safety, but while you’re a prisoner you are vulnerable. 

Negan’s warning/offer ran through her head quite frequently. As soon as the idea of accepting started to creep in Jo would pick back up the book and try to read again. But soon the building would creek or footsteps would be heard and the fear would rise again. 

Sleep became near impossible. Jo knew this was when her attacker would come. She was certain of it, making her wake at the slightest sound or dream. It felt like she only slept when pure exhaustion took over and then she had no clue how many hours she got. Even then she would wake with a start sure that someone was coming for her. 

The book was in front of her face, but Jo couldn’t focus on the words. Footsteps were coming. Her heart beat increased, she fiddled with the corner of the mattress, certain that her fingernails were going to bleed again as she tried to force a hole in the vein hopes that she could get a spring out to use as a weapon. 

When the door came to open she brought her hand back up to the book, hoping that the person on the other side hadn’t noticed and she’d have to mattress taken away. When she saw it was Dwight there was a sense of relief. He was one of the repeat guards and Jo was fairly certain if he wanted to hurt her he would have already. 

“Come on.” He waved his hand. “Time to take a shower.”

Dwight always looked annoyed when he came for her, but this time he looked different. Like his annoyance was hiding something.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” He rose his lip in a sneer and shook his head. “Never mind. Come on, don’t make this difficult on me.”

Jo didn’t move. Something was off. Dwight didn’t want to take her to the shower. Her heart started to race. 

“You want to skip the shower? Sit in your own filth for the rest of the week?” Dwight crossed his arms. “Fine by me.”

In that moment Jo’s paranoia seemed stupid. The shower was a luxury and something to break up the monotony of her days, if it was even daylight. She jumped to her feet and kept her head down as she walked the now familiar path along the dim lit walls. The sound of music played in the background and a shiver went down her spine. There must be a new prisoner. 

“You get ten minutes.” Dwight leaned against the frame of the door.

Jo didn’t need the don’t do anything funny speech. If she hadn’t this far she wouldn’t at all, especially not to Dwight. She stripped off her clothes and started the water. One thing that was nice about the basement was its proximity to the water heater. In no time the steam was rising and Jo felt her sore muscles relax. 

The shampoo scrubbed out of her hair and Jo lathered up the rest of her body in double time. Something about Dwight’s demeanor made her want to hurry. She shut the water off before he even yelled for the halfway mark. 

The steam filled the room as Jo walked back over to the sink. She grabbed the comb from the caddy and started to work it through her tangles, which were not nearly as bad as they had been. She didn’t bother to wipe the steam away, not wanting to see the image of herself. 

There was a loud creak and Jo jumped. She heard the footsteps and clutched the comb tighter as if were a dagger powerful enough to fight off any attacker. Her body started to shake in anticipation of whoever was about to walk around the corner, wishing to God for a time machine to take Dwight up on his offer to avoid the shower. 

Steps echoed across the room and Jo’s eyes widened. When her would be attacker approached Jo let out a gasp. She leaned forward a little and brought her hand to her chest, almost hyperventilating to calm her nerves down.

“Oh Jo!” Melanie approached her with wide arms. 

When the other woman came to touch her Jo flinched away, but Melanie did not back down as she wrapped her arms around Jo forcing her into a hug. 

“It’s been so long.” Melanie started rubbing her back.

Jo had only met the other woman once, when she spent the afternoon with Negan’s wives. She was kind to Jo then, thanking her for saving the children from the gunshot wounds. Now the only one who was kind to her was Negan, and it was a fake kindness that Jo hadn’t felt in weeks. A sob worked its way through her body as she gradually raised her hands and gripped on to Negan’s wife like a lifeboat. 

“Shhhhh,” Melanie whispered in Jo’s ear. 

More footsteps sounded and Jo lifted her head, the fear returning.

“It’s alright.” Melanie looked Jo in the eye. “It’s just Sherry.”

Sure enough Negan’s other wife rounded the corner. Jo closed her eyes as relief came over her. 

“I bribed Dwight to give us some girl time.” Sherry walked over to them and pushed a strand of Jo’s hair behind her ear. “It looks like you could use a friend.” 

Jo looked back and forth between two of Negan’s wives. Both of their faces were filled with pity. Jo suddenly became aware of how vulnerable and weak she appeared. In response she backed away and tightened her towel. She brought her hands up and wiped the tears away from her eyes. 

Sherry and Melanie both felt so much larger than her right now. They were always taller, but Jo’s arm looked so thin next to them. It also didn’t help that they were in skirts with nice tops and their hair and makeup applied perfectly. Sherry turned her head to the side and pouted her lips. 

“How are you holding up?” She reached out and grabbed Jo’s hand. 

“Uh….” Jo’s eyes glanced all around the room. She wanted to pull away and beg the girls for help at the same time. “I’m still alive.”

“Yes.” A smile spread across Sherry’s face. “You are a survivor. I would not have lasted five minutes down here.”

Sherry dropped Jo’s hand and started to walk around the shower room. Jo glanced behind Melanie at the new stack of clothes set out for her. She didn’t want to be in a towel any longer. When Jo took a step forward Melanie moved to the right, blocking Jo. She looked up confused. It had been so long since Jo spoke to people her voice caught in her throat. Melanie looked down at her with concern and pity, forcing Jo to look away with a feeling of disgust for herself. 

“You’re way too thin.” Sherry was behind her. “And your skin is so pale, your hair is so clumpy. But even with the flaws you are still beautiful.”

The feeling of safety was starting to evaporate, but Sherry appeared next to Melanie again and there was no malice on her face. Jo shut her eyes and tried to force the paranoia away. 

“I understand why Negan wants her as a wife.” Melanie folded her arms. “She’s beautiful and intelligent.”

“Well not that intelligent.” Sherry gave a small laugh. “Or she would have said yes months ago instead of living in this dump, letting herself waste away.” 

Jo didn’t like where this conversation was going. She especially did not like the way they were talking about her as if she weren’t in the room. It felt like a movie high school, where the rich girls were picking on the poor girl. 

“Why won’t you say yes?” Sherry took a step closer. She reached out and cupped Jo’s cheek. “Are we really that bad? You would rather live like this then come be sisters with us?”

“He sent you down here didn’t he?” Jo heard the hoarseness in her voice. “To try and convince me?” 

Sherry looked disappointed as she let her hand drop. She started to circle Jo again as Melanie took a step forward. 

“Trust me when I say our darling husband has no clue we are down here.” Sherry’s voice carried in a sing-song fashion. 

“He would be pretty angry.” Melanie’s face fell. “You’re not going to tell him are you?”

Jo was quick to shake her head. In a weird way she was happy the two women came to see her. Even if she was unsure their motivation. The smile returned to Melanie’s face and she reached out and took both of Jo’s hands. 

“Unless, you want one of us to go and get him to tell him the good news?” Melanie squeezed Jo’s hands. “That you’re going to join us?”

On instinct Jo shook her head. She started to pull out of Melanie’s grip, but the other woman slid her hands up and locked down on both of Jo’s wrists. 

“Let go.” Jo started to pull away. 

She was met with Sherry’s hands on her shoulders. They squeezed down, making Jo too aware of her lack of control. She turned her head to try and get a look at Sherry, but was met with more pressure on her shoulder, trying to force her to her knees. 

“That really is a shame Jo.” There was no mistaking the change in Sherry’s tone. “See, one thing all the wives understand is the hierarchy and the respect we show each other in this polygamous situation.”

“Stop.” Jo tried to pull out of Melanie’s grip again, but felt a swift kick from Sherry to the back of her knee. 

She fell forward and let out a cry as her knee cap smacked against the tile floor. Her arms were now over her head, she looked up to see a wicked grin on Melanie’s face. 

“Your defiance has been distracting to our husband, and totally unfair to his other wives.” Sherry released her grip on Jo’s shoulders and Jo was met with a swift kick in the side.

Pain exploded and Jo tried to lean towards the injury only to have Melanie grip harder on her wrists.

“I say other wives, because like it or not, that’s what you are.” Sherry kicked Jo’s other side. “The second he wanted you there was no choice. You’ve played hard to get long enough. It’s time to join the team.”

Jo would have responded, but she was gasping for breath and was fairly certain that her shoulder was about to dislocate. She was unsure if her response would have been go to hell or go get Negan. She decided on the former when there was a clicking sound. Adrenaline flared and Jo struggled to get a look at Sherry, but Melanie repositioned her hands so that both arms were flat against her ears and pulled her forward. 

Jo was forced onto her knees with her arms stretched in front of her. The position was more than uncomfortable, but once Sherry started pulling the towel away Jo lost it. She struggled, ignoring the pain in the shoulder as her back was exposed. A giant scream came from her lungs, but Jo was unsure how audible it was. 

“I think you need a little reminder of who’s team you’re on.” Melanie relaxed the pull enough for Sherry to whisper in her ear. “The more you struggle the more damage will be done.”

With that Jo’s back exploded with pain. Sherry was sitting on her hips and Jo tried to buck her off, but the woman was too much bigger than her. When she switched her attention towards Melanie there was no way her hands were going anywhere, but still she pulled and screamed. The pain in her back grew worse and Jo let out sob after sob. It felt like Sherry was slicing away in deep random movements. This wasn’t a lesson, this was a death sentence. 

The pain was too much. Jo let out another scream that formed into a sob and let herself go limp. She couldn’t fight Melanie or Sherry. Hell, she couldn’t fight anyone. Both women realized the fight was gone. 

“Did she pass out?” Sherry asked.

“Didn’t take long if she did.” Melanie responded.

Both girls erupted in laughter and the pain returned to Jo’s back. It felt like she was being whipped with a hot iron. This was what her life had become, being mauled and laughed at by two women. The only one she had to blame was herself. 

“Jesus Christ Sherry hurry up.” Dwight stuck his head in. “With all that racket she made Negan’s going to get down here and then it will be all our asses.”

Negan. Hearing his name made Jo realize she was done. This had to end. He could make it stop. Before she could vocalize her decision the pain in her back intensified. Jo’s body shook as she fell into blackness.  
~~~ 

Neither Daryl nor Rick spoke when Jo finished talking. Both of them were staring at the ground. Jo brought her feet up to the couch and immediately put them on the ground. She turned away from them and lifted her shirt over her shoulders. 

“Dr. Ross did the best he could with the stitches.” Jo explained. “Then the doctor at Hilltop reapplied them. I have to go back next week to have the rest taken out.”

She noticed Daryl stand up and reposition himself right behind her. She could feel his hand hovering right over her skin, not touching, but taking in the damage. The idea of the touch was too much. Jo dropped her shirt and spun back around. There were tears brimming in Daryl’s eyes. Jo wasn’t crying. She glanced to Rick and saw that tears were already falling down his cheeks. 

“It itches more than hurts now.” Jo sat down and curled up into a ball on the couch. “I’m sure it looks worse than it is. Dr. Ross told me it was a plain old switchblade. It was more slicing than stabbing. I was never really in any grave danger.”

“Jo.” Daryl sat back down, he reached over and grabbed her hand. “Have you seen it?”

Jo shook her head. Then she glance back and forth between the two men. She didn’t like the way either of them were looking at her. Jo pulled her hand away from Daryl and tried to curl in more on herself.

“It’s not like there are a ton of mirror’s around.” Jo gave a small smile. “I’m not supposed to get it wet really, but I’ve touched some on the top and on the bottom. Like I said it will eventually just be a scar.”

Daryl looked worried as he glanced towards Rick. Rick nodded at Daryl and then stood up from the couch, turning away from them he walked to the far wall and leaned against it. Jo’s nerves flared. She moved her concentration to Daryl who was fighting his hardest to keep a straight face. His eyes danced all over her face and it felt like minutes were passing. She gave him a pleading look. 

“Jo.” He set his hand on her knee. “It is going to scar, but that’s all it will be. A random scar.”

“Always tell the truth right.” Jo could tell Daryl wasn’t done. 

He nodded before speaking again.

“The cuts, they make a shape.” Daryl brought his other hand up on her shoulder. 

Jo paid no attention to his touch and wanted him to finish. 

“The letter N.” Daryl could not hide the pity from his face that time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a tough one to write! Thank you for all the kudos/comments!


	28. Chapter 28

“Stay with me.” Daryl moved his hand under Jo’s chin and fixed his eyes on hers.

She looked dead inside, as if a light were slowly burning out that soon could not be reignited. Not knowing what to do Daryl moved his hands to her shoulders and shook her. He expected her to stand up and scream, to lash out, but instead she was going catatonic. 

“There are worse things in this life that can happen.” Daryl couldn’t think of many, especially to be done to oneself instead of those they loved. 

Her eyes started to focus again, almost igniting with anger. Daryl stopped shaking her and she lifted her arms, pushing his away as she shot up on the couch. She looked at him with disgust, but Daryl didn’t care. At least she was looking at him and not through him. 

Then her anger melted into a sadness. It only lasted a split second before she brought her hand to her mouth, turned and ran into the kitchen. Daryl rose to follow. 

“Give her some space,” Rick said.

Daryl almost forgot the other man was here. He was about to tell Rick to butt out when he noticed the tear streaks on Rick’s face. 

“We’re going to do something for her, right?” Daryl moved towards Rick. “You need to fix this.”

“I met those women. They were all slim and demure. Tricked us all.” Rick was nodding his head. “I’ll fix it. Jo deserves some justice and Ezekiel needs to know what sort of wolves are living amongst him.” 

The sound of Jo’s heaving stomach came into the room. She flipped on the kitchen sink and some of the water running drowned it out. 

“The sun is about to set.” Rick moved to the door. “Tell her I’m going to the Kingdom tomorrow alone, then I’ll speak with Ezekiel and figure out our next move. She will be included this time.”

Daryl nodded and took a step towards the kitchen.

“Wait.” Rick lunged and grabbed Daryl’s arm. “Tell her….tell her I’m sorry.”

Daryl nodded and Rick released his grip before heading out the door. He would let Rick deal with revenge or justice or whatever he wanted to call it, for now Daryl’s only concern was Jo’s immediate wellbeing. 

He walked into the kitchen and started by grabbing her hair, holding it at the base of her neck. She continued to wretch into the sink with her hands pinned on either side. Daryl had a feeling she wouldn’t appreciate a back rub at the moment and wouldn’t be able to hear any words of comfort over the water. 

After a few more minutes Jo stopped heaving. She slammed off the water and brought her head to the side, leaning against her forearm. Daryl smoothed her hair out and saw her eyes were shut. Without asking he scooped her up, cradling her against his chest. She let out a small moan and Daryl felt like his heart was breaking. 

“You’ll be alright.” Daryl carried her to the stairs and started to climb. 

He was concerned over how light she was. Her time back in Alexandria hadn’t amounted to much weight gain, if any. He shook his head, knowing there was no way she would eat tonight and most of her dinner just went down the garbage disposal. At least some of it was partially digested. If Rick had agreed to come over this morning there was no way she would have ate all day. 

They made it to her bed and Daryl set her down gently. She grabbed the pillow and curled into a ball, squeezing her eyes tight. Daryl went to the bathroom and grabbed a glass of water. He returned and set it on the night stand.

“How do you move on? How do you forget with a permanent reminder?” Jo was looking up at him with glassy eyes. 

She reached out and touched his back. He had a shirt on, but there was no doubt she knew what was under there. The scars from his father. 

“You don’t forget.” Daryl pulled off his shirt. He kept his eyes on her as her fingers tried to trace the scars. “But you do move on. It makes you stronger.”

“These were from your dad? Before the apocalypse.” Jo’s eyes moved to the scars.

Daryl was surprised she knew that. His face must have showed it. 

“You mentioned it to me once, at the prison. I saw them and you told me, and then you told me to mind my own business.” 

Daryl was taken back to that day. He was cleaning out an area for some project Rick wanted. Jo surprised him with water and she had a look of pity on her face. He never wanted anyone to look at him like that, especially not her. He couldn’t find the words then so he snapped at her. He wasn’t the same man anymore, he could tell her now. 

“This was too much.” Jo closed her eyes again. “I don’t feel beaten, I feel branded.” 

Daryl didn’t know how to respond to that because she was right. At least the strokes on his back were random. Jo must have sensed his unease. She rolled over on her side and curled in more on herself.

“Will you shut off the light?” Jo asked. 

Daryl was not the least bit tired, but there was no way he would leave her alone. Not after tonight. He shut off the switch and came back to the bed. Jo didn’t protest when he lay down next to her and he felt her body relax when he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her next to his chest. 

“It will alright.” He whispered, unsure if she heard him. 

His head hit the pillow and he realized he would rather lie here in the dark holding Jo than be anywhere else on the planet.   
~~~ 

The guilt over what happened to Jo and the need for redemption were overwhelming to Daryl. He wasn’t sure if he ever fell asleep, but a few times over the night he felt Jo try and wiggle away from him. Each time he responded with a tighter grip and a mumbled reassurance. 

Sleep was brimming when Jo started to move again. Rather than stop her this time Daryl let her go, reminding himself the only reason he was holding her was for her comfort, not his. To his surprise she didn’t roll away, instead she shimmied downward and out of his grasp. He assumed she was going to the bathroom and shut his eyes, waiting for her return. 

He almost drifted off to sleep when the sound of the front door opening made his eyes fly open and feet pop off the bed. He grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and put it on as he raced down the steps. He cursed himself for falling asleep. Jo was fragile enough as it is, but neither he nor Rick had done enough to comfort her after her confession tonight. Daryl hadn’t even bothered to mention Rick’s visiting the Kingdom to her. Visions of Jo jumping the fence and racing into the trees came to mind and Daryl almost jumped down the stairs. 

A light in the kitchen made him pause. His breathing evened out as he read the note. 

Couldn’t sleep. Needed a walk. Not leaving Alexandria. Don’t worry. <3 Jo.

Daryl sighed and felt momentarily relief. Something about the note rang false. Jo wondering the streets alone at two in the morning didn’t make sense. She was an adult, capable of making her own decisions though. Daryl worried he hadn’t opened himself up enough to her tonight and she was so vulnerable. It wasn’t in him to not chase after her. He opened the front door and in the moonlight saw a figure in front of Rick’s. He broke into a small jog to catch up when Jo cut across Rick’s lawn to the back of the house. 

It dawned on him the figure was moving awful quick to be Jo taking a late night stroll. Two things came to mind, either Jo was secretly meeting up with Rick at night and neither wanted to tell him or that figure wasn’t Jo at all. The threat of the Saviors was too recent mixed with the thought of Judith in the house, helpless with her family asleep. Daryl sprinted across the street and rounded Rick’s home the same path as the figure. 

To his surprise the back door to the basement was ajar. His fear flared with knowledge of who was being housed down there. He debated on going back for a gun, certain a Savior broke in and was ready to free their leader, but the knowledge that Jo was out here on the loose told him he didn’t have the time. 

Deciding it was best to move slowly to keep the element of surprise he crept down the steps. 

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep away from me.” Negan’s voice boomed across the walls. “But I will admit I’m flattered you came back so soon.” 

“Just shut-up.” Jo’s voice had a shake to it. 

Daryl’s heart rose in his chest and he froze. What was Jo doing down here? Should he stop her? Get her to safety? She shouldn’t be putting herself through this. 

“I need to ask you some questions.” The shake was disappearing. 

There were too many conflicting arguments going on in Daryl’s head. Why was Jo down here before? When? Why did she not tell him? Even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do, Daryl couldn’t think of a better option so he hung in the shadows and waited until he was certain she needed him.  
~~~   
“Ask away darling.” Negan didn’t get up from his cot this time. “I’m an open book to you.”

“They know everything now.” Jo crossed her arms. “About what you did to me.” 

“Everything?” Negan raised an eyebrow and gave his wicked grin. “You’re full of surprises my love.”

“Don’t call me that.” Jo took a breath. “You knew what was carved in my back.” 

To her surprise Negan’s grin vanished. He stood up and walked closer to the bars. His face looked heavy with sorrow and he shook his head.

“That shouldn’t have happened. I do apologize.” 

“Apologize? You…you initiated that attack on me. It was planned.” Jo knew that now, but the memory of Dwight’s warning to the girls gave her some doubt. 

“Once you peaked my interest I tried several methods to get you to break.” Negan walked across the bars. “I was polite, I tried to show you what you were missing, then I went to my normal prisoner bit. Once that didn’t work I needed a new attempt. I was supposed to be your hero.”

“Hero?” Jo scoffed. “What sort of hero let’s their….whatever…get maimed?” 

“I told the girls to rough you up a little bit.” Negan didn’t make eye contact with Jo. “A little bit. The Doc seemed to think you were more adept to psychological persuasion. I expected some shoving and teasing. NOTHING MORE.”

“Dr. Ross knew?” Jo squinted her eyes. 

“Would you believe me if I said this whole thing was his idea? He wanted to test out Stockholm syndrome on you, said it had never been studied before.” Negan shook his head. “I heard the coward ran away, so I’m sure he got his.” 

Jo closed her eyes and bit back another feeling of betrayal. She shook her head, it didn’t matter. Negan was trying to get her off track again. She came to ask about the women. 

“You’re lying.” She opened her eyes again. “You told them to carve an N into me like I was some sort of jack-o-lantern.” 

“I plan on loving you for a long time, I would never want to see you disfigured in any way shape or form.” Negan leaned through the bars. “I promise. I was going to punish them as soon as you were seen to.”

“Punish?” Jo rolled her eyes. “If what you’re saying is true you would have thrown them out that day.” 

“Once Dwight came and got me I was angry. I stayed with you. You became my number one priority. I had them locked in their rooms.” Negan’s face went cold. “Whoever is harmed should give out the sentence. If you wanted them killed I would have done it without a second thought.”

Jo didn’t want to believe him, but she did. A small sob escaped her lips. Negan was going to kill those women for scaring her and Rick let them go and live a peaceful existence at a safe haven. 

“Baby, I would give anything to hold you.” Negan reached his arms through the bars. “Even if this metal is in the way come here, let me hug you, tell you everything is going to be alright.”

Part of Jo wanted to run to him, but a larger part of her wanted to stay still. She glared at him with tear streaked eyes.

“Don’t.” She held up a finger. “If I got close enough to you I’d be dead. You would snap my neck or hold me hostage to get out.”

“We both know that’s not true.” Negan pushed off the bars and started pacing. “I love you babydoll and you are my biggest regret being trapped behind these bars.”

Jo tilted her head to the side, unsure of what he was saying.

“We were so close to starting the fun side of your transformation. You would have felt love and a life you never knew possible. The people who take the longest to crack and built back up to be the best. We were interrupted when you were at the base of the mountain. If I had even one more week with you…”

“Shut-up.” Jo let a tear fall. “You just said you wanted to Stockholm syndrome me.”

“That was the doctor.” Negan shook his head. “All I wanted was to show you the best version of you. Not change your fundamental nature, unleash it.” 

“I can’t listen to your lies any longer.” Jo started to walk away.

“Nobody will ever love you the way I do.” Negan called. 

Jo knew she should keep walking, but she wanted to hear him out, unsure if it was for entertainment value or because she was just curious, but she did not turn to face him.

“I broke you, yes I did, but you were taken away from me before I could fix you.” Negan did have a way with words. “You’re a sexual creature and you hide from it, only I can bring that out of you. You’re an intelligent medic without confidence, only I can bring that out of you. You will make a fantastic mother one day, but only I am the one with enough guts to get you to take the first step. Admit it, for the rest of your life you will never let a man touch you, not the way I have. Trust me when I say none of the pansies that live here are man enough for you.”

“You’re right.” Jo spun back around. “Because the people here are good. They’re not rapists. I’d rather die alone than let you touch me again.”

“We both know that’s a lie.” Negan gave a soft smile. “It might take some time to accept, but you know what I am saying is true. I am the only one who can put you back together.”

“Wake up Negan.” Jo smirked. “You’re a prisoner here. If Rick doesn’t kill you you will die alone in this cell.”

“It might take some time, years even, but eventually I will get out of here.” Negan smirked back. “And then we can finish what we started. I bet the idea of that gives you a secret thrill baby girl. You don’t have to admit it to me, but you can’t hide it from yourself.”

“You’re just a prisoner here.” Jo didn’t know why she didn’t walk away, why she couldn’t.

“And you? You’re not a prisoner here too? Can you leave whenever you like? Do you have friends or do people avoid you? Isn’t that why you sneak down here to see me, because you can only get away from your warden at night?” 

“I was a prisoner at your sanctuary. Here, here I’m a home.” 

“Keep telling yourself that.” Negan shook his head. “In this new world we are all prisoners.”

“You’re a bad liar. Just a king who fell from his thrown.” Jo wanted to win this conversation.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it was to keep those people fed and in clothes and in line? How many of them wanted my head? How hard I had to train my men? Earn their loyalty? I knew something like this was waiting me.” Negan ran his hands through his hair. “Every night you were in that cell I thought about going down there, grabbing you, taking all the supplies and driving off to some abandon house near the sea.” 

Jo parted her lips, but didn’t speak. 

“Being the king means a heavy crown love.” He walked to the far corner of the cell. “God when we used to eat dinner together and play cards after, I looked forward to that every day. I would get giddy thinking about spending time with you. You were the only one there who didn’t want anything from me. You are so clever and smart and modest. You drive me wild.”

“I hated you.” Jo wasn’t sure if she was saying it to Negan or herself.

A huge, genuine smile spread across his face. 

“Past tense.” Negan let out a sigh and nodded. “You’re already starting to come around.”

“I need to leave.” The shake returned to her voice. 

“Tomorrow night? Same time?” Negan asked.

“No.” Jo’s heart raced. “No, I won’t be back for a while.” 

“It’s alright. I’ll be waiting.” Negan sat down on the cot. “Why not tell me your name? Just throw me a bone.”

Jo’s mind was clouded. He was manipulating her, she knew it, but why did her heart hurt? She shook her head and started to walk away.

“Please? I’ll tell you mine.” He leaned back on the cot.

“I don’t care what your name is.” She started to walk away. “My name is Jo.”

She heard Negan call for her, but didn’t turn back around as she raced up the stairs. Her hand shook as she locked the door and snuck the key back inside Rick’s. The air was crisp as Jo walked home. Negan’s words were trying to run through her head while she tried to force them out. There was no way what he said was true. She did hate him. 

Jo wished she could confide in someone and get a fresh perspective, but there was nobody to tell. If she told Daryl he would just say that Negan was manipulating her and tell Rick. Then she couldn’t sneak down there again. Was that such a bad idea? Maybe it would be better that way. 

It was an easier thought to focus on than the alternative: that Negan was one hundred percent correct. Jo didn’t want to be alone and after what he had put her through there was no way she would let another man touch her. The thought was too depressing so Jo buried it and walked back into her house. 

She crumpled up the note and turned the kitchen light off before going to the bedroom. In true Daryl form he was passed on in the same position she left him. Somehow snuggling up to him didn’t seem right, so Jo climbed into the far side of the bed and tried to block out her thoughts and pray for sleep.  
~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot of action in this chapter, just trying to set up the finale :o!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last night I read through what was posted and somehow I forgot to post a scene. I added it this morning, it's the start of chapter 20 (where Daryl think's Jo is missing, but actually never left the room). Not necessary for the story at this point, but might have helped some earlier stuff make sense! Sorry about that!

Jo felt every bump as they drove down the gravel road. She looked to Rick whose eyes were glued to the road. Daryl sat in the back of the truck, not that he would have added to the conversation. Jo thought about how quiet he had been towards her the past two days. Then again there was no way to know if it was him being quiet or Jo being withdrawn. There was an uncomfortable feeling in the air since she showed her scars to Rick and Daryl. Rick was never much for hiding the pity he felt, and Daryl seemed angrier than normal. 

Jo knew she was deflecting. It was easier to analyze her friends than to think about what waited ahead of them. 

“We’re almost there.” Rick spoke for the first time the entire drive. 

“Horses.” Jo mumbled.

“What?” Rick looked confused.

“Sorry.” Jo looked out the window. “Soon cars won’t work at all and everyone will depend on horses to get around. How long would it take to get here by horse?” 

“Well.” Rick let out a heavy breath. “Thirty five miles per day on a horse, figure the roads to The Kingdom are about fifteen miles, I would guess four-six hours depending on how good of a rider you are.”

“You were a rider.” Jo looked up at him. 

He gave a nod. 

“Why does fifteen miles feel so far away?” Jo felt like pre end of days fifteen miles would have been nothing.

“Perspective.” Rick sped up as a walker crawled out of onto the road. 

Jo glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Daryl fire an arrow into the undead’s eye, putting the thing out of its misery. 

They turned down a long dirt road. It always amazed Jo that this once used to be a bustling area and how quickly nature started to reclaim what human’s stole. She shook her head, maybe it never was bustling, maybe they were always secret hideouts among the populous. Jo had no idea. 

When they arrived at the gates Rick didn’t even have to stop before they were opened. There were more buildings here than Hilltop, and it looked like slightly more people too. Based on the communities she had seen the Saviors were far and away the largest and her guess was Alexandria was the smallest. Rick pulled into a parking spot and shut the car off.

“Is this a school?” Jo asked. 

“What gave it away?” Rick smiled before jumping out of the truck.

Daryl was already on the ground and walking next to Rick by the time Jo got down. She stayed about five feet behind them and realized she could probably slip away without either noticing. Not that she wanted to at the moment, but it was a first in a while. A man stood on the steps to greet them. Rick shook his hand and then the immediately kept walking.

The men made small talk and Jo looked in the different classrooms as they walked by. All in all setting up in a school was a clever idea. She was sure the place came with a decent amount of supplies and it would be easy for rearing the community’s children. She passed a science lab and her heart sank. It was unlikely anyone was researching a cure. Now it was about survival more than anything else. 

They arrived at the school’s auditorium and their escort opened the doors, on the stage was a man seated in a throne. Rick warned her the man was more theatrical than most. 

“Good morning my Alexandrian friends.” Ezekiel stood. “This must be the unbreakable Miss Jo.” 

He held out open arms as he walked down the steps. Jo knew he meant it as a compliment, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

“You are more beautiful than your colleagues described.” 

Jo really didn’t want a hug, but the man did not stop moving. Rick and Daryl got out of the way and Jo found herself in the embrace of a stranger. Like most men he was very fit. He had huge dreadlocks that were starting to grey, more from stress than age Jo imagined. She gave him a light pat on the back and he released her. 

“I believe the two of us have much to discuss.” He started walking out of the auditorium, back the way they came. “Your friends will wait here for you.”

“Ezekiel...,” Rick started.

“KING Ezekiel,” their escort interrupted. 

Jo looked at Rick and couldn’t help but smirk. 

“King Ezekiel,” Rick continued. “This is not what we discussed.”

“Isn’t it?” Ezekiel stopped. “Two of my people have wronged one of yours. She seeks retribution. You requested she take part in deciding the punishment.”

It made Jo feel warm inside that Rick wanted her opinion on this. 

“Take part, along with myself.” Rick explained.

The warmth melted away. Rick was a control freak, there was no doubt about that. Negan was going to let her decide the sole punishment. 

“Have these women wronged you?” Ezekiel asked.

“Not directly.” 

“Then you will wait here.” Ezekiel turned. “Come along Miss Jo.” 

Jo shrugged and waved goodbye at a very annoyed looking Rick and an indifferent Daryl. 

She walked through the halls with Ezekiel and the escort. She noticed whenever they passed someone the person got excited and smiled. It was almost the polar opposite to the Savior’s response to Negan. People here were honored to see their leader, not terrified. Jo preferred the treatment of Rick or Jesus, where the leader was one of the people not some worshiped deity. 

They opened the door to an empty classroom and Jo followed Ezekiel inside. The escort followed as well, but waited by the door instead of having a seat in one of the chairs set out. 

“This was a reading room at one point.” Ezekiel’s voice no longer sounded so theatrical. “Now I find it’s an easy place to have a discussion.”

Suddenly Jo didn’t think this was such a good idea. She didn’t like being alone in a room with two strange men. 

“You’re uncomfortable?” Ezekiel asked. “I can have your men brought here if you prefer, but I thought we might speak more freely without them.”

Jo closed her eyes and nodded. 

“Rick tells me you’ve survived more than most, but did not come out unscathed. That two women I welcomed hurt you in a very violent and permanent manner.” Ezekiel looked concerned. “They have not been members here even a week, but I vouched for them. So far neither has been a problem. Had I been aware of their past they would not have received an invitation and would have been exiled. Dropping either of these two women off alone in the middle of nowhere with no supplies is the exact same as a death sentence.”

Even if they were given a weapon and dropped together it would still be a death sentence. Jo remembered the girly bedrooms and all the dresses. Neither of these women knew the first thing about survival. 

“Is that what they deserve?” Ezekiel asked. 

“Maybe.” Jo glared at Ezekiel with honest eyes, because it was the best answer she could think of. 

He nodded his head.

“I don’t want to make you relive any horrors, but have you thought about the possibility they were acting on orders?” Ezekiel put his hands on his thighs.

“I believe they were told to mess with me, I think the manner in which they did so was their own creation.” Jo felt like the man’s way of speaking was rubbing off on her. “Have you asked them those questions?”

“After Rick showed up and informed me I had them sequestered.” Ezekiel looked sad. “Their stories did not match. I can question them again if you like.”

“Just tell me what they said.” Jo shook her head.

“Melanie says she had no clue Sherry was going to take it that far. Sherry says Negan made her do it.” Ezekiel did not mix words.

Jo’s breath hitched at hearing their names. The memory of the scene flashing in front of her eyes. Melanie’s grip on her wrists, her laughing as Sherry cut her. She was an active participant who in no way seemed shocked at her counterpart’s behavior.

“They’re both lying.” Jo flinched. “I want…”

“Yes?” Ezekiel urged her to continue. 

Jo closed her eyes and took a minute to collect herself. She was about to request Daryl and Rick, but she didn’t know if they would approve of her suggestion. A face flashed in front of her eyes, one she knew would like her creative idea.

“I was forced with a choice. These women hurt me in order to make me choose the side their leader wanted. I have painful stitches covering a large section of my body.” Jo gulped. “I want to give them a choice in return. One that I believe is much fairer than I received.” 

~~~ 

“This isn’t right.” Rick paced around the stage. “What do you think is happening?”

Daryl shrugged. 

“What’s going on with you man?” Rick ran his fingers through his hair. “Two days ago you didn’t want to let Jo out of your sight, and now you don’t mind that a woman who has just been tortured is doling out sentences?”

“Jo is not broken. Treating her like she is only reinforces that idea in her head.” Daryl looked at Rick. “Whomever is harmed should give out the sentence.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Rick asked. “Jo’s in a violent state, she has revenge on her mind. She’s never killed a living thing before. What if Ezekiel hands her a gun and she pulls the trigger? How will that help her recovery?”

Before Daryl could respond the door to the auditorium opened. Ezekiel’s man walked down to meet them. 

“She said you could watch if you want.” He turned around and both Rick and Daryl followed.

Rick was obviously concerned about what he was about to see, but Daryl had bigger issues. He wished he never overheard the conversation between Jo and Negan. It bothered him on too many levels. Jo shouldn’t have been speaking to him in the first place, but it almost sounded like she wanted advice from the man. The tone in her voice said more than the actual words she spoke. There was affection there. 

Daryl didn’t understand it. The man had done terrible things to her and she was aware of it, but Negan had turned himself into her coping mechanism and Daryl wasn’t sure what to do to turn it off. The one thing he knew he had to stop was treating Jo so delicately. That behavior was probably driving her to visit Negan. 

He was so deep in thought he didn’t realize they had stopped. They were behind a two-way mirror that was like a closet between two rooms. On one side was a pretty girl handcuffed to a chair in front of a table. Two empty seats were on the other side. Daryl turned around to see the exact same set up.

“What the hell sort of high school is this?” Rick asked.

“They ran a preschool. The high schoolers took the class and worked directly with the children. This is where the teachers used to observe. We moved all the toys to another area.” The escort explained.

Daryl looked around the rooms and noticed the abc wallpaper and other telltale signs. He never went to public school and had no clue what the curriculum would have been. The door to one of the rooms opened and Ezekiel walked in followed by Jo. A lump started to form in Daryl’s throat. 

“Melanie, I believe you know our guest.” Ezekiel held out a chair for Jo, but she did not sit down.

“It was all Sherry I swear.” Melanie started crying. “I had no clue what she was going to do.”

“Please stop crying.” Ezekiel used a reassuring voice. “We are just going to have a little conversation.” 

Melanie wiped her eyes and took a few deep breaths. 

“If what you’re saying is true, why did you not try and stop Sherry?” Ezekiel asked. “In fact, my friend tells me you were laughing and squeezing her wrists tighter as she struggled.”

“You don’t understand what it was like to be a wife. We were all under Negan’s thumb and then there was a hierarchy. If I went against Sherry I would have risked being kicked out and having to work for points.” 

“So you would rather assist in carving up a human being than have to work for a living?” Ezekiel asked. 

Melanie went silent for a moment. 

“I’m really sorry Jo.” 

Daryl watched as Jo turned and stormed out of the classroom. He ran for the door and pulled it open, catching her in the hallway. She let out a sob and he held her up, doing the exact opposite as he promised himself he would. Her body shook and Daryl held her tight. 

“I can’t do this.” Jo looked up at him. “I thought I could, but she said my name. She shouldn’t get to say my name.”

Daryl wanted to scoop Jo up and take her out of this place, promising her she would never have to return, but that would only reinforce her notion of self-deprecation. Instead he grabbed her by the shoulders and held her straight up, looking her in the eye. 

“You’re stronger than either one of these women.” Daryl gave her a little shake. “I don’t know what you decided they deserve, but you should be there when it happens. You can do this.”

Jo’s brow furrowed and her face started to relax. She nodded her head a few times, took some breaths and dried her tears. Daryl let go of her shoulders and waited in the hallway while she walked back in the room. Daryl returned to his spot.

“You should have pulled her out of there.” Rick crossed his arms.

“She can handle it.” Daryl stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to look relaxed.

“We don’t even know what it is.” 

Daryl ignored Rick and looked back in the room. 

“You are not immune from your past. Nobody is. I gave our guest the option of having you exiled. We would blindfold you, drive you a hundred miles away from here and drop you off with nothing but the clothing on your back.” Ezekiel spoke with certainty. “However she has decided to give you a choice. Much like the one your former husband placed on her.”

The girl Melanie’s eyes went wide with fear. Daryl didn’t know the king of The Kingdom well, but had a hard time believing the choice would involve as much sexual sacrifice as Jo faced. Jo did not say a word, but leaned towards the table and set down a scalpel.

Melanie looked down and then up at Jo and next to Ezekiel. 

“I don’t understand.” 

Neither did Daryl.

“You used your hands to hold another person down while they were maimed. It is only fair your hands bare the same marking.” Ezekiel crossed his arms.

“You’re going to let her cut my hands?” Melanie sounded stunned. “What sort of place is this? Jo you’re…”

“DO NOT SAY MY NAME.” Jo smacked the table. 

The scalpel jumped and landed back with a clink. Melanie responded with a gulp and went silent. 

“On one hand you will carve the letter N into your palm and on the other the backside. Every time you look at them you will remember what you did to me.” Jo finally took a seat. 

“You want me to do it to myself?” Melanie avoided eye contact. 

“If you try and use the blade on anyone but yourself there are people behind the glass with guns drawn.” Ezekiel stood up and undid the woman’s handcuffs.

“Please, I’ve only known you for a short while. You’re kind, you have a reputation of peace.” Melanie pleaded. 

“My ideology has shifted since getting out from under the thumb of your former husband.” Ezekiel took a seat. “Count yourself lucky we’re not asking for your forehead.”

“Deep enough to scar.” Jo crossed her arms. 

Melanie looked at both of them and picked up the scalpel. She shut her eyes and drove the blade into the back of her hand. 

Rick turned away, but Daryl kept his eyes on Jo as she watched the woman slice her skin. Jo did not look like someone who was getting retribution or someone who was getting justice. Instead she looked deep in thought. His biggest concern was who she was thinking of.   
~~~   
The three of them walked back to the truck in silence. Seeing the two women and how easily both of them willingly cut themselves did not bring her any joy. She was thinking Ezekiel had been right, she should have requested a mark on the forehead. 

“I have to admit, I was worried, first that you were going to kill them, then that you couldn’t handle seeing them, and then that you wouldn’t be able to follow through.” Of course Rick was the first one to talk. “But you did it.”

“You don’t have a problem with my choice of justice?” Jo had a hard time believing Rick would be on board with such a medieval practice. 

“We don’t live in a civilized society any longer.” Rick stopped. “What were you supposed to do? Have Ezekiel lock them up for a month and then do community service?”

Jo rose the corner of her mouth. Rick leaned down and gave her a hug. She thought about what Ezekiel had said about changing since Negan’s rule. It seemed like everyone had changed since that man was in charge. Maybe he had pulled the veil from everyone’s eyes. 

“You drive.” Rick tossed Daryl the keys and jumped in the bed of the truck.

There was no doubt in Jo’s mind that given the opportunity either Sherry or Melanie would kill her given the chance. Before they would have killed her on Negan’s command, but being so protected left them naïve to the way things worked now. Maybe have some scars would toughen them up. Jo climbed in the passenger’s seat and shut the door. Daryl got behind the wheel and the truck started up, taking them back to Alexandria. 

“Do you think I’m a monster now?” Jo asked as the gates shut behind them. 

“No.” Daryl was distant. 

Something changed. Jo wasn’t sure what the catalyst was, but the last two days were not just her imagination. He was treating her differently, being more stand offish. She didn’t mind. The timing couldn’t have been better. There was no way to know if he wanted to hear the end of her story, but Jo knew she wanted to tell it, have some closure. Without being prompted she started right in.   
~~~   
Jo’s eyes started to open and she became too well aware of how stiff her body was. Before she opened her eyes all the way the memory of the shower came on like lightening and adrenaline flooded her body. She tried to push herself up and someone immediately put their hand on her shoulder.

“Shhhh, relax.” Negan’s face appeared in front of her. “You’re safe. You’re in the med ward.”

Jo’s heart was thumping and her eyes ran all over his face, trying to figure out what was happening.

“You were attacked in the shower, by Sherry and Melanie.” Negan stroked Jo’s hair.

She let out a whimper and a tear ran down her cheek. 

“The doctor stitched you up and gave you some pain medication.” Negan raised a glass of water with a straw. “Take a drink.”

The water tasted like heaven. Jo took gulp after gulp, downing the entire glass. Negan leaned forward and gave her a kiss on her forehead. 

“I never meant for this to happen to you.” There were signs of worry in Negan’s eyes. 

“No more.” Jo squinted her eyes shut. 

“What?” His tone carried a sharpness. 

“Yes.” Jo blinked her eyes open. “Please make it stop. Yes.”

“Yes what?” His hazel eyes looked like they doubled in size. 

“Yes I’ll be with you in every way.” Jo meant it too. “Yes. I’m yours.”

He shut his eyes and let out a huge breath while a smile grew on his face. He grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips. Then he dropped to his knees so he remained eye level with Jo and brought his hand to the back of her head. He pulled her forward and placed a gentle peck on her lips. She returned it and then he pressed their foreheads together, placing their noses side by side.

“I am going to make you so happy.” He went in for another quick kiss, this one harder. “This is the best decision of your life.” 

He stood back up again and brought her hand with him, giving it another kiss before letting go. 

“I’ll be right back babydoll. You stay right here.” 

Jo smiled at his joke. She never thought she would say yes, not with the music, not with the cold showers, not with any of it. Sure she had fantasized about it, but then a sick feeling came to her stomach. Now that she actually said the word she wasn’t sure what the big fuss was about. She felt great. Almost happy. Negan would protect her and he would take care of her. The past weeks now seemed silly. 

She brought her arms underneath her and pushed up on the gurney. Sure enough she was in the medical ward. She wore a typical patient’s gown. There were bruises on her wrists and random ones on her legs. She could feel some on her sides too. A glance at her shoulder showed taped gauze that she was certain covered her entire back.

Whatever pain pills they gave her were fantastic though. She couldn’t feel a thing. There were voices behind her, Jo was sure it was Dr. Ross and Negan talking, but she wasn’t interested enough to listen. There was a warm feeling flooding her body. This was all over and she was grateful. She put her hands next to her and stood up. There was a wobble to her legs, but she eased her weight onto them and soon they were steady enough. She took one step forward and almost fell, but crashed into Negan.

“Woah, take it easy baby girl.” 

Jo closed her eyes and nuzzled into him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. There he was, waiting to catch her. She took such joy out of that fact. There were truths trying to claw their way into her brain, but she wouldn’t let them. Nothing would take away this happiness from her. She deserved it. 

“I wanted to see the damage.” Jo looked up at him, feeling so small in his arms. 

He grinned down at her and leaned in for a kiss. She went up on her tippy toes and returned it. His mouth parted and she mimicked his action. His tongue slid next to hers and started to roll. She returned the action and felt her body tingle with his affections. He closed his mouth and she let out a small moan. His lips pressed shut and he wore a pleased look, making her blush with pride. 

“You wanted to test your limits, like you always do.” Negan gave a wink. 

Jo gave a small laugh and smile. He really did know her well. In one movement he bent down and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to distribute her weight for him.

“We will have to work on getting some meat back on these bones.” 

“Whatever you say.” At this point Jo meant that. She would do whatever he said. 

“You’ve made me a very happy man.” Negan backed up into the doors and they went into the hall. 

There were a few people who dropped to kneel. Jo felt exposed in the hospital dress and tried to move closer to her lover. 

“Nobody can see anything.” He gave a chuckle. “Just a man very happy to be carrying his new bride.”

“What happens now?” Jo didn’t quite know what a wedding in the Sanctuary meant. 

“I know I promised you a warm bath and a hot meal, but Doc says no bath with those stitches. A shower is fine though. Is that alright?” 

Jo nodded.

“Two weeks until they come out. I am a man on my word. If you want we can wait two weeks, spend some time together upstairs until you’re healed.” 

“No.” Jo dropped an arm and grabbed his chin as he walked.

His eyes went from mischievous to proud as they looked at her. Then he bent his neck and gave her another quick kiss. She tried to open her mouth and coax his tongue out, but he lightly pulled away causing her to whimper. 

“I am all about your eagerness, but tonight is special. Something both of us will remember forever.” 

Jo gave in and let herself go and the results so far were phenomenal. She could feel the wetness pooling between her legs, something that never gave without a feeling of shame before. She could not wait to have all of him. They got to his floor and he backed up into the room.

This place held a new sense of wonderment. Jo never fully appreciated it before, but now she realized it was the safest, happiest place in the world. Negan gently set her down on her feet. Jo wobbled a little, but had much better footing than before. In the corner near the bar was a table with a candle lit. Negan’s huge smile made hers even bigger. 

“Shall we?” He took her hand and walked her over to the table. 

Jo’s mouth immediately started to water. There was creamy chicken, a piece of beef, steamed vegetables, and mashed potatoes set on each plate. Her stomach growled and turned at the same time. She took a seat and reached for the fork. Negan reached out and put his hand on top of hers. 

“The last thing we want is you getting sick.” He raised his eyebrows and Jo looked away sheepishly. “The Doc says you need to take small bites, drink lots of water, and eat slowly.”

Negan pulled his hand away and picked up his utensil. It was difficult to do as he instructed. Jo wanted him, she realized it was not in the sense of getting this over with, but that she actually wanted him. She rubbed her thighs together thinking about him. 

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?” Negan tilted his head. 

“Please. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to take a bath. I just want you. Now.” 

Negan tilted his head and ran his tongue over his teeth. 

“I want you to enjoy tonight…”

“Please.” Jo interrupted. “I realize how stupid I have been. I want you, know I need, to know what it feels like to have you inside me. Please.” 

“After dinner I thought you would take a long hot shower and get all dressed up for me.” He rested his hand in his chin.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll do it later, but please I feel like if I go five more minutes without knowing what you feel like I’ll…”

Before Jo could finish Negan jumped out of his seat and was right next to her. He grabbed the sides of her face and smashed his lips to hers. Neither of them wasted any time opening their mouths and letting their tongues dance against each other. Jo wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he hoisted her in the air. She brought her legs around his hips and wound herself tight against him. 

He did not break their hungry kiss as he carried her towards the bedroom. She started bucking her hips against his jeans and he let out a primal growl. 

“Fuck it.” He stopped in front of the couches and continued devouring Jo’s mouth. 

With a few quick pulls of the strings on the back of her gown the hospital garb fell to the floor. Jo grabbed the bottom of his shirt and yanked it over his head while he undid the belt on his pants. He pulled them off along with his underwear in one swoop, ducking down at the same time. While his hands yanked his clothes off his mouth attached to Jo’s nipple. He gave a small bite and she arched her neck back as his tongue danced on the hardening bud. Jo never felt more uninhibited in her entire life. 

Nothing mattered but him. Nothing mattered but Negan and she was about to take all the pleasure he could offer. A hand slid up the inside of her leg and stopped at the apex of her thighs. A finger danced outside her entrance and then glided up to her clit lightly applying pressure. She gasped and tried to grind down on it.

“You are ready.” Negan’s voice was breathy as he stood back up. 

Jo tried to move closer to him, but he backed up and grabbed her hands. She let her eyes dance over his lean, cut body and felt herself dampen even more. It looked like he was sculpted just for her. He sat down on the couch and pulled her closer. She wasn’t sure what he wanted, then he grabbed the back of her thighs and spread them apart, making her straddle him on the cushions. 

He guided her hips until she was hovering just above him. He sat upright and she pressed herself against him. 

“Alright baby, show me you love me.” He gave her another hard kiss and Jo returned the passion.

Then he pulled away and set his hands on her hips, forcing her down. His hint was all she needed to understand. Frustration flashed across her face, followed with worry. 

“It’s alright.” He gave her another kiss. “I’m not forcing you into anything. All you have to do is lower yourself down and give yourself to me completely. Then I will take over.”

Jo bit her lip and looked away. He grabbed her chin and redirected her attention.

“Stay with me.” He gave her another quick kiss, biting her lip in the process. “You can do this.”

Jo wanted to. She wanted to more than anything. There was nothing stopping her. She dropped her hips until he was right against her, practically inside. She moaned again and looked at him for help, wishing he would apply pressure to her hips. 

“You’re in control here. It’s all you.” His tongue ran across his bottom lip giving Jo another surge of neediness.

She kept her eyes locked to him and felt his head nudge inside. She stopped and gasped. He was barely in her and it felt so more larger than her fingers. 

“Good girl.” He didn’t move at all. “You’re doing great.”

Jo was breathing heavy, but motivated by his words lowered herself further. A splitting pain came and she had to stop. 

“You are so tight.” Negan cradled her cheek and gave her another kiss. “It will only hurt like this the first time. I promise.”

Jo nodded and let him sink in further. His eyes rolled back momentarily and she almost pulled herself up. He snapped his head forward and put his hand on her hip, stopping her.

“Sorry, you have no fucking clue how good you feel.” He lifted his hand. “I won’t look away again. You’re almost half way there baby doll.”

Jo was trying to let herself adjust before she pushed herself further. 

“Take your time. You are such a good girl.” There was sweat starting to form on his forehead. 

Jo knew she was delating the inevitable. She knew it would be best to impale herself all the way. She looked at him with questioning eyes and as if they were on the same page he answered.

“The sooner you take it all the sooner I take over.” His eyes flashed with passionate rage.

Jo took a few heavy breaths and nodded. Just as she readied herself the door to the back of the room flung open. 

“Boss you gotta come quick.”

Jo jumped off of Negan and ducked on the floor. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Negan stood up, not covering himself. “Get the fuck out.”

“It’s bad. It’s an emergency bad.” 

They continued to talk and Jo grabbed Negan’s shirt pulling it over her head. It hit mid thigh, but she pulled her legs up and hugged them. Angry at the person for ruining her moment. 

“What could be such a big fucking emergency that you had to interrupt me NOW?” Negan yelled. “GET THE FUCK OUT. YOU’RE LUCKY I DON’T GET LUCILLE AND BASH YOUR BRAINS IN.”

“We’re being attacked.” The messenger said. “They’re bombing us. All the walkers on the fence were let loose inside the Sanctuary. The guards are dead.” 

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” Negan reached down and grabbed his pants. 

Jo looked up at him. The passion being replaced by fear. 

“I will be right back Jo.” He leaned in front of her and grabbed the back of her head placing a hard kiss. “Then we will finish what we started. I promise.”

He walked over to his room and came back out with a t-shirt and his baseball bat. Jo peaked over the couch and watched. Her chest was filled with worry. Bombing? Attacking? If something happened to him she would die. Negan was her life.

~~~ 

“A few minutes later one of his lackeys came and got me. Dragged me back to the cells because it was safer down there.” Jo looked out the window in a daze. “About fifteen hours later Glenn came and got me. At least they told me fifteen, maybe longer. Who knows?”

It was silent for a while. Daryl finally knew the entire truth. For the first time it felt like Jo finally knew the truth as well. 

“None of that was your fault. He brainwashed you. You aren’t broken. You’re recovering.” Daryl gripped the steering wheel. 

“No. I am broken.” Jo looked at his angry face and white knuckles. 

“You’re getting better every day. I see it.” 

“It’s time I quit lying to myself.” Jo’s voice carried no emotion. “This whole time I believed I was so upset because of the things he had done to me, because of what he put me through. But that’s a lie. I’m upset because I miss him. I need him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are still two chapters to go!


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update! I felt a little guilty about where I left it off, so decided to work through the night.
> 
> Trigger warning!

“That is a crazy thing to say.” Daryl wanted to pull the car over and shake some sense back into Jo. “He tortured you. You only think that because that’s what he wants you to think. Master manipulator remember?”

“I know.” Jo was staring out the window. “I didn’t say I loved him or I wanted him. Everything I feel is forced, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.”

 

“You’re not making any sense.” Daryl tried his hardest to keep his eyes on the road. 

“I can’t stay here.” Jo didn’t look at him. “I can’t go to Hilltop or the Kingdom or anywhere that he has infected like he’s infected me.” 

 

“So what are you going to do then? Huh? You going to break him out of jail and run away with him?” Daryl was having flashbacks to Negan and Jo’s conversation. 

 

“What?” Jo snapped her head towards him. “No.” 

“You just said you needed him.” Daryl was on the cusp of admitting his eavesdropping, but decided against it. 

“I’ll never heal.” Jo sighed. “But the temptation with him around is too great. If I stay eventually I will turn to him, turn into what he made me completely. I need to get as far away as possible while there is still time left.”

“I offered it once before, I will follow you anywhere.” Daryl knew how weak he sounded.

“No.” Jo shook her head. “You have a life in Alexandria. You have a life with friends and family.”

“You’re my top priority.” Daryl snapped back. “Besides. You won’t last out there on your own. Someone like Negan or worse will scoop you up. It’s not safe for…”

“Broken women?” Jo looked up at him. “I can never be what you want me to be. We could spend years talking, sleeping in the same bed, and the second you kiss me I will shut down. He did this to me, made it worse than it was before.”

They drove in silence. Daryl knew Jo took his offer as a profession of his love for her, but he had his own demons too. He couldn’t admit what he felt, what he was holding on to for her. Even if he did it would leave him heartbroken because she would not be able to return the sentiments.

“When are you leaving?” Daryl finally asked. 

“I’m going to talk to Rick when we get back. I would like to leave tonight, but knowing him he will make me wait until the morning.” Jo propped her elbow up and looked out the window. “I’m going to tell him I’m heading to Hilltop.”

“Rick won’t let you leave.” Daryl knew as soon as he said the words they were false. He might have played it cool but he was not a fan of what just happened at the Kingdom. 

Jo must have felt the same way because she did not respond. It didn’t matter though. Daryl knew what he had to do to keep her. Nothing was going to get in his way.  
~~~  
There was a deep numbness inside Jo. It came with the acceptance that Negan had been right. The idea of being with him sickened her, the idea of how devoted she felt, even if it only lasted a few hours make her disgusted with herself. But those feelings were still there. She could bury them, but they would never go away. It was sad. She was sad. Her life was sad. 

It must have been obvious if Daryl asked if she was going to break him out of prison. She hoped he understood that was why she had to leave. If she stayed that would happen, or worse, Negan would manipulate Rick into letting him out and then he would be there non-stop. 

When they pulled into Alexandria the sadness pinged. Jo wasn’t certain if it was because Negan was so close or because she finally accepted that her old life was never possible. She imagined laughing with Michonne, hugging Carol, babysitting for Maggie. The things she fantasized about while being in captivity. That was all they would ever be. Fantasies. Daryl turned off the car. Jo opened the door when he grabbed her arm.

“Wait.” 

She turned to him, halfway out of the truck.

“Don’t let this be goodbye for us. Come back to the house after you talk to Rick.”

“Daryl you have to accept this.” Jo reached over and gave him a huge hug. “You won’t be able to convince me to stay. I think it would be easier if I slept somewhere else.”

“I accept it.” He did not hide the sadness in his face. “I won’t be there tonight. Get one last sleep in your bed, pack up your stuff.”

“Promise you won’t be there?” Jo started to tear up. “You’re not one for goodbyes and it would only make this harder.”

Daryl brought both hands up to Jo’s face. He pulled her forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She did not pull away and he did not try to push it further. After a few seconds he moved his arms into a hug and rested his head on her shoulder, squeezing her tight. Jo let a tear fall and moved closer to him, returning his embrace. 

“I won’t forget you.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek before letting her go. “I won’t say the words either.” 

Jo wasn’t sure if he meant goodbye or I love you. It didn’t matter though. She pulled away and tried her hardest to give him a smile as she slid out of the truck. There was no way she was looking back as she chased after Rick. This was the right thing for everyone, especially Daryl. One goodbye down, one to go. 

“Rick wait up.” Jo sped walked towards him.

“It looked like you and Daryl were conversing...I didn’t want to intrude.” Rick brought his arm up and scratched his back. “You know you didn’t wear your sunglasses today.”

“Huh, I hadn’t really thought about it, but you’re right.” Jo got next to him and they continued walking. “I’ve made a decision.”

“Oh yeah?” Rick looked down at her.

“I think it’s for the best if I move to the Hilltop colony, for a few months at least.” Jo kept her eyes straight ahead, not wanting Rick to see her lie. “Paul offered me a spot, and it’s too hard here. There are too many memories.”

“Daryl leaving with you?” 

“Wow.” Jo laughed. “Jealous?” 

“My ex-girlfriend moving away with my best friend, I’m only human.” Rick laughed.

“No.” Jo dropped the smile. “I can never be who he needs. I want him to stay here.”

“He agreed?” Rick looked shocked. 

“Yeah.” Jo did not anticipate this conversation. 

“I can’t imagine he was too happy about that.” Rick stuck his hands in his pockets. 

“Enough about Daryl.” Jo wanted her goodbye with Rick. “Do I have your blessing?”

“I’m going to miss you.” Rick’s eyes were on her. “Even though you’ll only be a colony away right?”

Jo didn’t respond. Rick was like a human lie detector test when he felt like it. 

“I wish you would reconsider. We need a good medic.” 

“I’m no good to anyone right now. I need some time to myself.” Jo told a half truth. 

“Jo, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you needed.” They continued the walk up to Rick’s porch. “Lord knows I tried and failed miserably. I hope that wherever you end up it’s happiness. You deserve much more than this world has to offer.” 

“When I first met you I thought you were an idiot.” Jo locked eyes with him. “Your wife was sleeping with you best friend and you didn’t care. Now I realize you just have a way of knowing whats important.”

“Well when I first met you I was convinced you were a deaf mute.” Rick smiled back down at her. “I don’t even think I knew your name until after we left the Greene’s farm.” 

“I’ve never been much of a talker.” Jo glanced at her house. “Can I take a car and some supplies?”

“Take whatever you need. Alexandria owes you more than anyone.” Rick leaned down and gave her a hug. “Please, watch out for yourself and take at least one gun.”

“Thank you Rick.” Jo bit back the tears as they broke their hug. “Goodbye.”

Jo turned to leave. Certain that Carl or Michonne with Judith would walk out and her reserve would farther.

“When are you planning on leaving?” Rick called.

Another question Jo was hoping to avoid. She looked back. 

“Now?” She scrunched her face.

“How about sunup?” Rick pointed to the sky. “Otherwise I will have to walk you place to place and explain to Carol why you can take whatever you want from the pantry and Eugene why you get a gun and Tara why you get a car and Maggie why you get clothes and Rosita why…”

“Sun up is fine.” Jo shook her head. “But no visitors tonight. Daryl said he would find someplace else to stay.”

“Alright.” Rick nodded. “You can say goodbye on your own terms tomorrow.”  
“Thank you.” She gave him a genuine smile. 

“I’ll miss you and I wish you would stay.” Rick’s smile faded. “But I understand.”

Jo gave a nod and turned away. Right now she was thankful for the numbness that settled in here core or else there was no way she would be able to go through with her plan. She heard the door to Rick’s house shut and prayed she made it through the night without returning there to say goodbye to one more person.  
~~~  
The setting sun filled the house with an eerie glow. Jo didn’t like how quiet it was. Since arriving at Alexandria she had several roommates. People came in and needed a place, moved out because they found a significant other, or more times than most, they died. It was how she inherited the master suite. 

“Daryl?” Jo yelled. 

There was no response. She knew she should take a sleeping pill and get to bed, but instead she wanted to say goodbye to her home. She started in the kitchen and opened every cabinet, looking at the plates and glasses she used constantly along with the weird kitchen items only the rich who bought the house would have used. Who needed an electric eggbeater made out of silver? 

Next she hit up the front room and pulled out two of her favorite books. These would come with her on to her next life. She eyed the hallowed out one with the liquor bottles but decided to leave it for Daryl. Booze was not a priority. 

Once that was finished she moved on to the family room that still had the missing television. She sat on the couch and remembered the morning Daryl grabbed her. It was the first time she had any solid sleep in forever. As she stood up she envisioned their intertwining forms, then ran her hand through them as they vanished into oblivion. 

By the time she made it to the dinning room she had to turn on the light. Memories of eating with Rick and laughing over her pepper salad made her smile. She made sure to shut off the light before heading to the stairs. 

Her hand traced the railing as she walked to the top. Much like the basement, Jo never went in any of the spare rooms so she didn’t feel the need to revisit them. Before she walked into her bedroom she paused and glanced towards Daryl’s room. Her feet went on autopilot. She didn’t turn on the light as she took a seat on his bed. Dropping to her side she grabbed his pillow and breathed in his scent. It brought a sense of comfort that she didn’t expect and debated on setting aside the pillow case. She sat up and started to pull it off, but then stopped herself. If she wanted to start over it had to be completely.

There would be no reminders of her old life. No books, no dishes, no smells, no Daryl. Before the tears could fall Jo straightened her back. There would also be no Negan. She needed to focus on that. With some hesitation Jo stood up from the bed and left Daryl’s room, practically slamming the door behind her. 

She made it into her room and ran her hand along the comforter she had missed so much, thinking about the bed beneath it. All those nights on the floor or flat mattress she fantasized about this bed, but that fantasy was ruined too since she couldn’t even bring herself to sleep in it. 

Jo walked towards the bathroom and flipped on the light. She stared at herself in the giant mirror and studied her face. Parts of her were coming back. She looked more like herself now than she had in months. 

“This is the right decision.” Jo gave herself a meek smile. 

She moved on to the tub, it was a whirlpool that she never used. Memories of Negan’s bath promise made her pull her hand away. She would probably never take another bath as long as she lived. A shower on the other hand sounded very nice at the moment. She flipped on the water and walked back out to the mirror. 

There was no way of knowing when the next warm shower would be so Jo didn’t mind being selfish and letting the water heat up. She carefully pulled off her shirt and turned around. There it was, the giant N on her back. Some stitches were still in place. She ran her hands as awkwardly as possible, making sure she could remove them herself when the time came. For once luck was on her side and none were out of reach. 

The water was warm enough by now. Jo stepped out of her jeans and walked into the shower, shutting the door behind her. She leaned into the stream and soaked her hair first. Taking her time to clean her tresses. Next she soaped up a loofa and tried not to scrub as much as let the soap melt into her skin. She took time shaving too, thinking to herself if she had a wax kit she would have done her entire body. In a way it felt like she was shedding her old self and washing the past away.

Images of Rick came to mind, some sad with red tear stained eyes and others with his crystal blues smiling without a care in the world. Then she thought of Daryl, the man who always scared her a little, who she thought hated her at first, but then came to be her confidant. For once her mind blocked out the right memories and let her focus on the two men who actually cared about her. She felt a moment of bliss. 

The door to the shower opened and Jo’s trip down memory lane vanished. She snapped her head forward to see a very naked man in front of her. A little yelp came out of her throat and then she immediately snapped her arms over her chest and between her legs. 

“What are you doing here?” Jo didn’t pause before screaming the next line and trying to shield herself. “GET OUT.”

“I won’t let you leave.” 

Daryl darted forward and practically threw her against the wall as he let his body pin hers against the shower wall. His mouth was on hers in a second kissing hard against her lips. Jo struggled to move her head to the side but he brought his hands up to each cheek, making it impossible to move. 

She moved her arms, trying to press against his chest and move him away, but he was too strong. He used the opportunity to move his legs between hers, making kicking not an option. Jo tried to push him off and turn her head, but she was helpless. Her heart started to race and the need to fight was unbearable. With only one option left she opened her mouth and bit down on his lip as hard as possible. The taste of copper filled her mouth and he pulled away, placing his forehead against hers, the shower head beaming down on him. 

“I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you.” Daryl put more weight against her, crushing her arms against her breasts and put his mouth against hers again, still trying to force hers open. 

The water created too much friction. His hand slid down and Jo turned her head. He used it as an opportunity to start kissing her neck.

 

“Daryl stop.” Jo tried to push him away. “This isn’t funny.”

He used the opportunity to grab her wrists in one of his hands and hold them above her head. He slid his free hand between them and down her stomach. Jo started to throw her body like crazy, hoping for a slip again. It was useless though his hand easily made it to her cunt and started petting. The roughness of his fingertips mixed with the water felt better than Jo wanted to admit. She couldn’t help but relax for a second and he found her clit and let his finger run circles over it. 

“What are you doing?” Jo didn’t understand.

“I’m giving you what you need.” With the one sentence Daryl moved his hand to a cupping position and slid his middle finger inside her.

Jo felt his hard cock against her thigh and the realization of what was happening hit her. She let out a scream. Daryl used this as an opportunity to stick his tongue in her mouth. She was about to bite down again, but the pressure on her wrists increased and she stopped herself. As his tongue explored her mouth she struggled to turn her head away, refusing to give in. 

His finger was moving in and out of her and his tongue continued to coax hers into action. She felt the palm of his hand against her clit and couldn’t help herself as she let out a moan. Daryl took this is a sign of submission and eased up his efforts. 

Again the fact of how wrong this was came to Jo’s mind and she renewed her struggles. Daryl broke away from her mouth and returned to her neck, but his hand never stopped. 

“Please stop.” Jo was so confused. She could feel a reaction in her core as juices started to form around his finger.

“We can play this game as long as we need to.” Daryl paused to take a few heavy breaths. “But you love me just as much as I love you.”

“Love you?” Jo tried to buck him off, but in only encouraged him to add another finger. 

She didn’t like the way her body was betraying her again. The shower, the steam, the fingers. It was too much like Negan. She felt a cry make it’s way to her lips. As if Daryl could read her mind he turned off the water. 

Jo pushed him off and went for the door, but his hands were around her waist and he turned her around throwing her over his shoulder. Her ass was in the air and her head was by his lower back.

“I don’t understand.” She started to punch at him. “Let me down.”

He walked out to her bedroom and tossed her on the bed. She went to roll away but his powerful hands rested on her thighs. His hair was wet and slicked back and his eyes bore into hers. There was so much power in his face she stopped her struggles as her chest heaved up and down with heavy breaths. 

“We have waited long enough. I’m taking you tonight.” 

“You’re scaring me.” Jo hoped if she would relax Daryl would turn back into his old self. “Let’s pause and talk about this.”

Instead he let his hands slide up her thighs to her stomach he grabbed each of her breasts in his giant palms and started kneeling them. Jo glanced down and saw his red cock and let out another whimper. It was much bigger than any she had seen before. She tried to ignore the muscles in his arms as they bulged and the perfection that was his solid stomach. He let his hands pluck at her nipples and Jo involuntarily flipped her head back. 

His hands disappeared and she looked forward. One was on her waist, pinning her to the bed, the other was around the base of his dick, lining himself up with her wet hole. Another rush of fear came and she tried to back up. 

“Emma stop. I don’t want this to hurt more than it has to.” Daryl looked at her with kind loving eyes and she froze.

It was the first time she had heard her own name in as long as she could remember. Her mouth hung open in shock and her struggles stopped. He didn’t look away as he started to slide in. There wasn’t much of a burn at first, but soon it felt like her body was doing everything it could to keep him out.

“Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.” He moved on top of her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. 

He was breathing as heavy as she was. Tears started to fall from her eyes in a mix of pain and confusion. His lips were on her face kissing them away. 

“I’m all the way in.” Daryl said between kisses. “Let me know when you’re adjusted.”

She let her hands run down his arms and took a few breaths, then she looked at him and nodded furiously. His mouth landed on hers and this time she didn’t try and push his tongue away. In fact she met it eagerly. Little moans and winces came as he started to move, but it didn’t hurt for the most part. 

Soon she started moving her hips to meet his. The tension in her legs went out and she ran her hands down his back, never wanting his mouth to part from hers. There was no build up, there was no coil forming. He continued to rock into her and all of a sudden Emma’s body was filled with nothing but pleasure. Daryl continued to move in and out sending more blasts of an indescribable feeling through her. She felt him contract inside her and then the feeling stopped being so indescribable. It was obviously love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guessing half of you are really happy and half of you are very angry. This is pretty much the pendulum chapter. I really didn't want to wait to post. Happy or sad, I hope you enjoyed :)


	31. Chapter 31

People were screaming in the hallway. It made it impossible to sleep and Emma brought her pillow over her head in frustration. She recently moved to Atlanta for her first civilian job and all she could afford was an apartment in the college district. After the first month it had been tempting to dip into her savings but Emma wanted to use that towards a house, not a more luxurious apartment so she put up with the drunk college kids. 

Tonight the partying was over the top and Emma was debating on calling the police. She knew she was being a buzzkill. She had quit her job earlier that week and didn’t start her new one for a few more days. She hoped the bump in pay would be enough to move out of this place. Not wanting to seem like the old person in the building she decided to go out and ask them to politely quiet down.

When she got to her front door she noticed that the screaming didn’t sound like partying and wondered in a neighbor was watching a horror film too loud. She grabbed the handle and opened the door. What she saw defied logic.

The hallways looked like the battlefield. There were multiple people screaming and others attacking them. Emma switched into nurse mode and went to the first attack. She shoved them off of their victim and saw her neighbor, a nice young man coughing up blood and trying to hold his stomach inside his body. He couldn’t speak and Emma didn’t have the expertise to help him.

“I’m going to call an ambulance.” Emma looked at him. “Hold on.”

Then she was hit from behind and rolled on her back to see the attacker coming after her. It was the young man’s roommate, only his skin was extra pale and eyes icy blue. His skin was cold too, but he snapped his teeth down at her and noticed the smeared blood all over his face and tongue. The initial victim started to convulse and then died. 

Emma positioned herself with some leverage and started punching her attacker in the head. Eventually she applied enough force he rolled off and she jumped to her feet. A quick glance of the hallway showed people in similar states. Emma found herself wondering what sort of drugs these people were on. 

A hand reached out and grabbed her ankle. Emma looked as the original victim now had the same crazy features and no longer cared about his innards falling out as he tried to snap at her leg. She gave a powerful kick to his head and then fell backwards into her apartment door. At least three other residents neared her with hungry looks on their faces. 

She went back into her apartment and slammed the door. Immediately there was banging on the other side and she flipped the lock. Her cell phone was on the charger in the kitchen. She ran to call 911, but saw there was no service. The banging on her door was getting louder and with the cheap construction she didn’t have much time. 

“What the fuck is going on?” She asked nobody. 

Her eyes went to the bedroom where she pulled on her shoes. There was a gun in the closet she hadn’t used since her discharge and she debated on grabbing it, but figured as soon as she got out of the apartment she would be safe and didn’t want to get arrested for violating conceal and carry laws. She cursed herself for not getting a permit.

Another loud bang sounded on the door and she heard a crack. In a split second she was back in the main apartment. She opened the back door and climbed over the balcony. It was only one story up and the drop to the ground was nothing. 

Campus police were probably the closest and she decided to head towards them. After only a few steps she realized she should have taken the gun. There were the sounds of people screaming and gunfire coming from every direction. She noticed other people running in random directions and a few of the dead looking ones walking after them. 

An explosion sounded and she turned towards the city to see a giant explosion go off. Someone ran into her, a hysterical young coed. Emma grabbed the girl by the shoulders and shook her.

“What is happening?” Emma noticed there was blood on the girl’s face and arms. 

“Run.” The girl pushed Emma off and took off at full speed toward the city.

Emma turned and chased after her only to see another explosion go off. She had been in a warzone to know you don’t run towards explosions unless you’re ready to fight. In her pajama shorts and tank top she was far from prepared. She turned on her heels and started sprinting in the opposite direction, away from the city and towards the country. 

She ran passed people begging for help, cannibals taking bites of people as they screamed, even a group of soldiers marching in line with a tank. Emma was farmiliar enough with protocol that if they saw her she would likely be sent to some evacuation area closer to the warzone. She ran along the bushes escaping their eyes. 

The image of her neighbor reanimating and grabbing her ankle sent chills down her spine. Emma didn’t understand what was happening. Without a job she hadn’t left her apartment for a week and now her choice of binge watching television shows over the news seemed poor. Still, from what she had seen so far it made more sense to get to less populated areas than an overrun evacuation zone. 

The sun was starting to rise, but Emma wouldn’t stop running. She could still hear explosions in the background, but was more interested in keeping her wits about her in case one of those things jumped out of the bushes. She ran closer towards the road and noticed that the abandoned cars had vanished, but still she ran. 

Now the sun was higher and sweat was pouring out of Emma. Her pace was more of a jog, but she would not stop and rest. She was certain that her lungs and heart would give out before her feet came to a stop, but she would rather die that way than be lunch for one of those things. 

There was movement up ahead and Emma readied to run around it, when she noticed it was a civilian. An older man in a Hawaiian print shirt. He stepped out in front of Emma and waved his hands. She wanted to run passed him, but instead collapsed forward into his arms. He seemed as shocked by her actions as she was and stumbled backwards. 

“Woah, woah.” He started to lower to the ground.

Emma was panting, her legs shaking and weak. 

“It’s alright.” The man rubbed her sweaty back. “You’re alright.”

Emma gripped onto his shirt and struggled for breath. She had no clue where she was, but was certain she just ran her first marathon or possibly further. 

“We have a camp, not too far from here.” The man started to rise. “Let me take you there. Get you some water.”

Water. The word made Emma wheeze. She eagerly nodded her head. He started to walk and Emma’s legs felt like bricks as she moved with him, putting her weight on his body. He wasn’t strong enough and they teetered a little as they walked.

“I’m Dale.” He tried to hold her up. “What’s your name?” 

“Ju…Ju…Ju…” Emma was trying to say just tell me what is happening, but her fear and exhaustion were making it impossible. 

“Jo.” Dale smiled. “That’s a pretty name for a pretty girl.”

Emma wanted to laugh. She shook her head. 

“Come on, I know times are tough but let an old man give a compliment.” They continued to walk through the woods. “We’re really not that far.”

Emma didn’t want to talk. Her lungs were on fire. The man continued to rattle away, but Emma wasn’t listening. They came through a clearing finally and she saw what he meant by camp. There was already a little community forming here. She saw the pond and let go of Dale, practically dragging herself to the water. 

“Dale, what the hell is this?” A man with dark hair came forward.

“Saw her running. She needed help.” 

Emma was trying to slurp down as much water as possible. A woman a little older than her came over and handed her a bottle. Emma sat on her knees and chugged the water. Other people from the community walked over towards her. Most of them looked normal. 

“Her name is Jo.” Dale bent down and put a hand on her back. “Just because the world is going to shit, doesn’t mean I’m not going to help the people who are left.”

“Emma.” She had her breath back. “My name is Emma.”

“You can’t bring in every stray you find.” The dark haired man looked angry. “This is only a temporary solution. She doesn’t have shit with her. Where is she going to stay?”

“Relax Shane.” The woman put her hand on his arm. “She’s not a threat.” 

“She’s another mouth to feed Lori.” Shane 

Emma glanced around and noticed everyone’s eyes were on Shane. He must have been the leader of this group and it was far less than welcoming. 

“Jo can stay with me.” Dale pointed to an RV. “We’ll make room for her.”

Emma debated on correcting him with her name, but didn’t see a point. If Shane was the leader she wouldn’t be around for long anyway. Right now she wanted water, food, sleep, and to find out what the hell was going on in Atlanta. Once that was done she would be on her way. 

~~~   
“I remember watching you.” Daryl tightened his arm around Emma. “You were a wreck, but hell you were strong. When I found out you went thirty miles on foot I was even more impressed.”

They were under the sheet. Daryl on his back with Emma’s head on his chest. Their legs intertwined with each other. She was curled up towards him and he had his arms around her. Daryl could not imagine a perfect position. 

“I thought your brother was scary looking.” Emma smiled. “If I wasn’t so freaked out about what happened back at my apartment I probably would have been impressed with your arms. I noticed them a few days later and thought I was lucky you were on my team.”

“Dale named you Jo.” Daryl smiled. “I heard you clear as day say ‘my name is Emma’. But by the time I spoke to you Jo was established so I let it go. For a while I wondered if I heard it wrong.” 

“In the beginning the only one who spoke to anyone was Dale. Everyone else was too scared, focusing on survival, trying to wrap our heads around the situation.” Emma shook her head. “If Rick hadn’t shown up and taken over I would’ve left by the week’s end.”

“Shane wasn’t a leader. I think a lot of people would have.” Daryl started to slide his thumb down Emma’s arm. 

“You’re a leader.” Emma snuggled closer to him. “You could have dethroned Shane.”

“I’m more of a backup than the original, that’s the way I prefer it.” Daryl thought about the different men he had seen take charge over the past few years. He knew he could do better than a lot of them, but that didn’t mean he wanted to. 

“Are you sore?” Daryl knew it was better to get this conversation out of the way so they could move on. 

“A little.” Emma shrugged against him. “How did you know that would work?”

“I didn’t.” Daryl was not thrilled with how their first time played out. “I heard you. Talking with him.”

Emma stiffened under his arm. 

“It was a mistake. I wasn’t following you.” Daryl sighed. “He said that he was the only one who could fix you, finish what he started. You needed to know that was not true. I thought once we were finished there was a fifty percent chance you would hate me and leave angry, but at least you wouldn’t be hung up on what Negan did to you.”

“I’d be hung up on what you did to me?” Emma laughed.

Daryl reached down and tilted her chin up. He placed a soft kiss on her lips and she didn’t pull away. 

“All I wanted was to show you that you are not broken. That you can enjoy sex and don’t have anything to fear when it’s with the right person.” Daryl tucked a hair behind her ear. 

Emma dropped her head against his chest and squeezed him tighter. God, he got lucky. 

“So you don’t hate me?” He closed his eyes and held his breath, waiting for the answer.

“No.” She started to tear up. “Actually, the opposite.”

Emma curled up even tighter towards him and he pulled her as close as possible. 

“Don’t make a habit of that.” Emma relaxed again.

Daryl wasn’t sure what she meant. She must have noticed his change because she cranked her neck and looked up at him.

“Not the sex. I’m down with that being a habit, but next time I say stop…”

“I will never put you in a position where you have to stay stop again.” Daryl leaned down and pressed his lips hard against hers. 

She pulled away and lowered her head. He wasn’t expecting a second time this evening, knowing she would need some time to rest. 

“Also, you came inside me.” Emma didn’t look up.

“I did.” 

“Why?” She started tracing the outline of his abs. 

“Because nothing in the world would make me happier than you carrying my child.” 

Once Daryl said the words he noticed goosebumps form on Emma’s arms. He smiled at the sight and the fact that she didn’t object to his wishes. 

“What happens now?” Emma asked.

“Now, we go to sleep.” Daryl reached over and turned off the light. “Because we have a long day ahead of us.” 

Daryl didn’t move positions and Emma snuggled against him. He didn’t even attempt to fall asleep until her breathing evened out. He hoped his actions had shown her one thing. She was not broken and it was him who needed her. 

~~~   
When Jo awoke in the morning she was still on top of Daryl, wrapped up in his arms, their naked bodies intertwined. He was fast asleep, his face looking a little happier than normal. She smiled, wondering if it was because of her. 

The previous night was…unexpected. There was no doubt she knew it was wrong, but she did not care. Social norms went by the wayside long ago and if Daryl hadn’t of pushed her she likely would have died still being hung up on her treatment from Negan, never being able to move on from it. Now it felt like she had a future. One with a decent man who knew what she needed when she was too blind to see it.

Hearing Daryl say Emma was surreal. Jo stopped thinking of that as her name a long time ago. She adapted with the new world and embraced Jo, leaving Emma behind with all her other belongings and mementos. It was almost like they were two different people in her mind. She didn’t know if she could go back to being Emma, she wasn’t sure she wanted to either. 

“I can tell you’re awake.” Daryl moved his shoulders underneath her. 

Jo lifted her head and looked at him again. His hair was slicked back away from his face and his eyes were a brighter blue than normal. He rolled onto his side and Jo did the same, their faces inches apart. 

“Are you alright?” Daryl grabbed her hand and brought it up to his mouth, giving her fingers a small kiss. 

Jo nodded her head. 

“You look sad.” Daryl’s eyes flashed with worry.

“I still want to leave.” Jo blinked away tears. “And I know it’s wrong, and selfish, and greedy, but I don’t care. I want you to come with me.”

A huge smile spread across Daryl’s face. He moved closer to Jo, rolling her on her back and climbing on top of her. His arms looks so powerful by the side of her face. 

“Even if you tried to leave without me, I would follow you around like a lost puppy.” Daryl leaned down and licked her neck. 

Jo laughed. Daryl started to sniff her neck making a tickling sensation go through her body. She started to squirm under him as she giggled. He eventually nipped her neck and pulled away. 

“We could head west if you want, a whole new region, a whole new life?” Daryl let the sheet fall on her as he sat up. 

She sat up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her breasts to his back. There was no doubt that the next time they made love it would be her who initiated it. Jo thought right now there were more pressing matters on their plate. 

“I have a better idea.” Jo placed her head on Daryl’s back. 

“I’m all ears.” 

She wasn’t sure if he would call her crazy or not, but after everything that happened she couldn’t think of a more perfect solution.   
~~~   
“Seriously?” Rick looked shocked as he stared down at the kitchen table. 

“I don’t expect you to understand.” Jo fiddled with her thumbs. “I had to see him. It’s not like you hid the keys.”

“I didn’t think I had to from MY OWN PEOPLE.” Rick glared down at her.

“Relax man. It’s done.” Daryl reached out and grabbed Jo’s hand. “There’s no sense in getting worked up.”

Rick paced away and ran his hand over his face. Jo had a feeling this would make saying goodbye a little easier between him and Daryl. 

“If you want to go down there again I’m going with you.” Rick pointed to himself.

“No.” Jo rose from the table. She did not drop Daryl’s hand. “You’re not.”

Rick glanced at their intertwined fingers then back up at them. His anger seemed to break and a smile formed across his face. Then he gave a small laugh and shook his head. 

“About time I guess?” There was a hint of sadness in his voice.

Jo moved forward and gave Rick a hug. 

“The two of you have somethings to talk about up here.” She moved away. “I could have came and stole the key. I’m telling you this as a courtesy.”

“I’m supposed to thank you for not stealing from me?” Rick raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t steal. I borrowed.” Jo gave a half smile. “I need a senses of final closure. Please.”

Rick looked to Daryl, annoying Jo, but she would put up with the man-to-man crap if it meant she got her goodbye. Rick walked over to drawer and pulled out the key. 

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” He pressed it into Jo’s hand.

“Me too.” She sighed. 

“Five minutes.” Daryl said. 

Jo turned to face him and he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. She nodded her head and squeezed his hand before walking out the backdoor. 

As she unlocked the basement there was a noticeable difference in her actions. Her hand didn’t shake, her heart didn’t race. She had a sense of control back. Her feet echoed across the cement and she kept her head high as she walked back to Negan’s cell.

“Good morning Doll.” He stood up from his cot. “This isn’t your normal visiting hour.”

“I’m not here to visit.” Jo sounded calm. “I’m here to say goodbye.”

“Right.” Negan laughed. “We’ve been over this before.”

“You were wrong. I don’t need you to fix me.” Jo leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. 

“Look at you little miss confidence.” Negan draped his arms between bars. “I like it. It’s sexy.” 

“I don’t think you’re a complete liar. In some warped way there are feelings in that black heart of yours.” Jo watched as her narrowed his eyes. “That’s why I wanted to see you one last time.”

“You’ll be back.” Negan shook his head. “Even if you want to, you won’t be able to stay away. I’m inside your head. I’ll always be there. The only way to escape it is to give into me or kill me. Let’s face it darling, you’re not a killer.”

“She’s not.” Daryl stepped out from the shadows with a gun aimed at Negan’s head. “But I am.”

Jo smiled as Negan raised his hands and walked away from the bars. She was proud for catching him off-guard. 

“The only reason you’re fucking breathing is because this woman won’t let me kill you.” Daryl cocked the gun. “And trust me when I say I would love to end your miserable existence.”

“What the fuck is this?” Negan tilted his head.

Jo had spent enough time with the man to let her know he was scared. She walked forward and placed her hand on Daryl’s arm lowering the gun. Daryl turned his face towards hers and Jo grabbed his cheeks, pulling him in for a deep kiss. 

“You were boyfriend number one that night.” Negan sounded too close. 

Jo broke away from Daryl and turned to smile at Negan. He looked utterly confused and she loved it, making her grin even larger. She grabbed Daryl’s hand and they started to walk away. Jo paused and looked over her shoulder.

“Goodbye Negan.” She brought her free hand up and waved her fingers. 

“Wait.” Negan went to the bars. “Were you ever even with Rick?” 

Jo shrugged and turned back around. Negan liked all things control and this one small seed of doubt would mess with him more than the average person. 

“JO GET BACK HERE.” Negan yelled. 

She paused again and glanced back over her other shoulder. 

“That’s not my name.” She winked at him before turning away and continuing her exit. 

“WE’RE NOT FINISHED YET!” Negan smacked the bars. “GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW.”

The sounds of his curses and complaints fell on deaf ears. Jo and Daryl climbed to the top of the steps without paying him a lick of attention. When they made it outside a chill went through Jo and she shook her hands out. 

“Are you okay?” Daryl didn’t move to touch her. 

“I’m great.” She meant it too. There was definite relief. “You entered a little early.”

“Got nervous thinking about you being down there alone with him.” Daryl shrugged. “Besides, we have a lot of work ahead of us today.”

“Oh yeah?” Jo went to Daryl’s side and he put his arm around her shoulders. “Rick onboard?” 

“Lucked out. He thinks it’s a great idea.” Daryl smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head. 

She knew what Negan said was right. No matter where she went it was unlikely a day would pass without thinking of the man, but nothing would change that. Jo was confident that the memories she would make with Daryl would eventually outweigh all the bad the man in the cage had put her through. That was something worth living for.

~~~ 

The goodbyes were non-existent and the drive was shorter than Jo remembered. Of course it occurred to her she had never been conscious on the previous occasions. 

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” Daryl asked. “We can turn around and head back to Alexandria, or make a pit stop at Hilltop.” 

“I want this. I do.” Jo stared out the window.

The Sanctuary was never a happy looking place, with the walkers tied to posts and the smokestacks in the background, but today it looked more silver than grey. Jo wondered if the people who stayed were trying to scrub the venom from its walls.

They pulled up to the gate. There was nobody at the tower to open it. Jo noticed it wasn’t even locked.

“I think you can drive forward and it will open on its own.” She pointed to the crack. 

Daryl nudged the truck forward and sure enough they drove right into the yard. A few people were outside and most gave them shocked looks. She saw two people run behind them to shut the gate. It was obvious nobody clicked the lock. When Daryl got to the front he shut off the car.

Jo didn’t wait for him to ask before she jumped out the side. She expected more security than this. Not a soul was there to greet them. One of the people who closed the gate after them jogged over. It was a middle aged woman, not one she recognized. 

“Can I help you?” The woman paused for a breath. 

“Do you know who I am?” Jo wanted to be as upfront as possible.

“No.” The woman shook her head. “Why are you here?”

“I was one of Negan’s prisoners.” There were a lot of faces around the Sanctuary, but Jo assumed hers stood out. 

“Negan’s gone.” The woman raised her hands defensively. “He had a lot of prisoners. If you came for retribution there isn’t any.”

“Retribution?” Daryl mumbled. 

Jo realized the Sanctuary was doing worse than they thought. 

“We came to help.” Jo opened the back of the pick up truck.

The bed was filled with plants, some clothing, canned goods, and even a duffle of medical supplies. The woman’s eyes went wide and she reached for a tomato. 

“I know you had a pretty good garden going, but I wasn’t sure if it was effected by the war.” Jo handed the woman the pot. “There are what, about three hundred of you or so?”

“Some left to scavenge and haven’t came back. Others just left. We’re at about half that number.” The woman smiled at the plant. “I remember you now. You were the doctor, who saved those boy’s lives. You disappeared. We thought he killed you.”

“Kept me prisoner in his dungeon.” Jo gave a half smile. 

“Could we talk to whoever is in charge?” Daryl asked. 

“There isn’t any one.” The woman shook her head.

Jo glanced at the yard and saw mostly women and children. The handful of men looked tired and on the older side. Not strong enough to be Saviors. There were tears in the woman’s eyes as she looked at the plant. All of these people here were abused by Negan and his followers. A sense of comradery shook Jo to her core and tears welled in her eyes. This was not the impression she wanted to make and she turned away. 

“Would there be a way to call a meeting? Gather everyone who is still here around?” Daryl asked. 

“Sure.” The woman said. “What should I tell them it’s about?”

“Tell them it’s about picking this place back up and becoming active on the trading routes.” Daryl was taking the lead now and Jo was grateful. 

“Really?” The woman sounded like she was crying now. 

“Please.” Daryl responded.

The woman ran off and Daryl turned his attention back to Jo. He wrapped his arms around her in a huge hug and rubbed her back. 

“What happened to you was awful.” Daryl whispered. “What happened to these people was awful. All we can do now is work towards the future.” 

Jo closed her eyes and willed the tears away. 

“It’s going to be a lot of work.” She glanced towards the unlocked gate. 

They were lucky the yard wasn’t filled with walkers or a more dangerous type of human than Negan. In this world Jo didn’t doubt there were worse. 

“We’ll have to start with crews and get an inventory of what needs to be done. I’ll work on security and you can lead the supplies.” Daryl started walking Jo towards the entrance. “Who do you want to be here?”

“What do you mean?” Jo looked up at him.

“Are you Jo or are you Emma?” His blue eyes twinkled down at her. 

She stopped walking and grabbed both of his hands. 

“Emma died with the rest of the world.” Jo smiled. “I’m Jo. I’ll always be Jo. To everyone but you.”

She went up on her tippy toes and placed a kiss hard against Daryl’s lips. He brought his arms around her back and pulled her in tighter. She felt more connected to Daryl than she ever had anyone in her entire life. The differences between Emma and Jo were vast in some ways. It felt like a long time ago she let Emma die and nobody cared. Now that part of her was born again and she relished in the fact that Daryl cares. So with a head held high Jo gripped his hand and walked into the Sanctuary, ready to let both of her sides shine.   
~~~ 

Epilogue 

The space was almost too large for the amount of people left. The Free Souls were so used to being worked to the bone that most of them had sat around and done nothing since Negan’s demise. Jo couldn’t blame them. The first three days were rough, but things were starting to come together. Not a single person objected to Jo and Daryl’s leadership. 

They had chosen a room on the third floor, where Negan’s Saviors lived. Most of the residents of the Sanctuary now resided there. Multiple people encouraged Daryl and Jo to move to Negan’s floor, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. Right now it was more important to be among the people than above them. 

The hot water was turned back on, but by the time Jo took her shower it was mainly tepid. She didn’t mind going last though. The other Free Souls deserved it more. Now that she finally had some of the grime off of her ideas of other delights started to filter into her mind. 

She arrived at her and Daryl’s room to see him lying across the bed flipping through some mechanic’s guide. His hair was wet and hanging in front of his eyes. Jo made sure the door was shut behind her as she climbed into bed next to him. She ran her hand through his hair, moving it back so she got a good look at his gorgeous face. 

He lifted his eyes to look at hers and he propped up higher on one of his elbows and folded the book away. 

“Did you have a good day?” He smiled at her. 

Jo didn’t respond. Instead she darted forward, placing her lips hard against his as she rolled him onto his back. His tongue felt so soft and gentle as it danced along hers. She had never felt so much love through such a simple act before and she wanted more. 

Her knees straddled him and she forced herself upright, peeling off her top in the process. Her wet wavy hair fell behind her shoulders. Daryl’s eyes studied her chest and then he sat up, pulling his own shirt off. Once it was out of the way he wrapped his arms around her and brought his lips to her chest. His tongue flickered across her nipple, turning it into a pebble and making her arch her back in appreciation. His teeth gently glided back and forth teasing her sensitive spot before he moved to the other. 

As he repeated the process Jo let out a moan. Right now she wished he had two mouths since the first bud was already missing his presence. She brought her hands up and started running them through his wet locks. He used this as an opportunity to push her pants down. Not wanting to break away, but needing to feel more skin Jo got off the bed and stripped the rest of the way. Daryl did the same, all the while never taking his eyes off of her. 

She did not get in the same position and instead crawled over towards him. He moved back to his side and Jo went straight for his mouth. There was more passion to the kiss this time as Daryl brought his hand up and cupped her face. She went as close to him as possible, enjoying the way that his cock felt resting against her thigh. 

There was no need to waste any more time. Jo had already done that long enough. She grabbed on to his shoulders and rolled onto her back, spreading her legs as Daryl rolled on top of her. His arms were on either side of her head. He pulled away from their kiss and pressed his forehead to hers. 

“Are you sure?” Daryl’s eyes with heavy with lust. 

Jo bent her knees and reached down between them. She grabbed a hold of Daryl’s cock and lined it up with her entrance. She let go and placed her hands on his ass and pushed him inside of her. He still felt huge and Jo arched her back as he slid in all the way. 

He started kissing her neck and rolling his hips. His pelvic bone was brushing against her clit, driving her wild. She started to rock with him, wanting him to pick up the pace. He nipped at her neck and a coo escaped her mouth. 

Then he started moving faster. Instead of lightly touching Jo’s clit his pelvic bone started slamming against it causing her bundle of nerves to build with pleasure. He was touching all Jo’s spots in just the right way and she started to pant in response. Her walls clamped down on Daryl when she couldn’t take anymore and an earthquake of pleasure shook her body. Daryl grunted and again filled Jo with his cum. 

They both laid panting in each other’s arms. Daryl brushed his hair back and pressed his lips hard to Jo’s. They stayed like that for a few moments until Daryl’s erection faded and he slipped out of her. Then he moved to his back and Jo cuddled up in her spot on his chest. 

“I love you.” Daryl lazily stroked her arm. 

Jo smiled as she drifted off to sleep. Her final thoughts of how lucky she was. Even with all the bad things that happened there was still good in the world. She was helping people who desperately needed it and lying in bed with a man who desperately needed her. Life was good, even with all the bad. 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to EVERYONE who read this! I'm so sad it's come to an end, but this was actually my NaNo Wrimo project and it's February! It really is an honor to get to communicate with TWD fans and feel like a part of the world for a little while. I'll be back to write again someday soon, but probably not an "epic" like this again for awhile. Thank you again!!! XOXO


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